Song Inspiration: Keaton Henson – Sweetheart, What Have You Done To Us
A/N: I put my music on shuffle, this song came on and I had to write to it. The lyrics of the song don't necessarily go with what's written in the story, but it definitely goes with what I felt when I was writing the fic.
Notes:
AU-ish
I think it takes place after The Last Jedi
Pairings:
Kylo Ren x Finn
Disclaimer: With the way my bank account looks currently shows how much I am not getting paid for this.
Music Shuffle Drabbles
Kylo Ren/Finn
He feels as though his heart may be wretched from its place in his chest. So many emotions float through him that he doesn't even know what to say, what to do.
They haven't seen each other in three years. Finn's been able to avoid him for three whole years.
But they're here again, looking at each other, and the emotions he'd kept so carefully bottled up are rising to the surface and he wants to scream and shout. He wants to grab his lightsaber and destroy everything in his path. But he also wants to fall to his knees and weep.
Three years.
"You left!" Kylo shouts, fists clenched, the anger boiling. His saber is so close, he can almost feel it, feel his fingers wrapped around it. "You left me."
"I had to go," Finn whispers, his own anger drawing away. Kylo doesn't want it to go away, never wants it to go away. If Finn is angry then he can be angry and maybe they can fight this out, and maybe it'll come out better than last time.
Kylo feels sick just remembering what had happened, how he'd hurt this man, someone he'd claimed to love.
"l'd never hurt you," he'd whispered to Finn during nights together, back when Finn had been a 'trooper, when he'd been FN-2187 and not Finn the Resistance fighter, wearing another man's jacket.
Kylo's anger boils because that's the only thing that'll keep him from losing it completely.
"I couldn't do it, Ben," Finn says, his voice strained, still quiet. "I had to go. It was the only way. I wouldn't have survived anything else and we both know it."
Kylo wants to deny it, wants to pretend that that isn't true. But he knows, knows that Finn would've been sent for recondition, maybe even worse, been killed. There was no place in the Order for those that questioned, that hesitated. And Finn had done so epically.
"Come with me," Finn says. "You can still get out of here."
Kylo wants to laugh, he wants to scream, he wants to destroy and shake and stomp.
There is no way out for him, not now. He's too far gone, done too much to ever be able to turn back.
"Ben— –"
"Ben is dead," Kylo says. "Ben died the moment you left."
Finn opens his mouth, to say something, but Kylo doesn't let him. He pulls his saber, finally. He doesn't ignite it though, just holds it in his hand, tightly.
"Leave, eight-seven, while you still can."
"Ben— –"
"There is nothing left for you here. You cannot save me from this."
"Please."
"There is nothing here for you to save."
And then he ignites it, swings it elegantly, watches as Finn falls back, eyes wide—afraid—and he shuts it out.
If it takes fear to save this beautiful soul, keep him from the darkness that consumes Kylo, then so be it.
"If you return, Finn, I will not hesitate to end you." And then he swings his saber again, pointing it at the man on the floor. "Do not come back here."
He feels it, for just a second, the purest taste of Light he's felt in many years. He almost buckles, almost breaks, but he keeps up, pushes the darkness further out, blocking the soft seakings of the light.
"Goodbye, FN-2187."
And he turns and walks away, leaving behind the man he loves with the purest and brightest light.
Because he has to.
There is no place for someone like Finn in his life. There will never be a place like for Finn.
END!
I wanted to go on, I wanted to write more! I cheated like a pro and I am not ashamed of it! This was becoming a full fic instead of a drabble so I had to stop. It feels awkward where I stopped but I also like where I stopped it. I think I'm going to write another Finlo fic because I love them and I WILL NOT BE SHAMED! (But seriously, please don't shame my love for this hella problematic ship!)
Anyway, yerp, I'm definitely going to write another one, maybe longer, maybe have it be a few chapters.. yeah, that's what I'll do.
(",)