Golden Rod
by Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on "Scrooge's Nose Knows Gold" in US # 399 and elsewhere. And on "Magic Greenstalk" in Ducktales Magazine, Spring 1990.
" A mountain of gold? We're looking for a mountain of gold?" Launchpad asked.
"That's right. There have been rumors of one in this area for quite some time. At last, I think I figured out exactly where it is." Mr. McDuck replied.
"You'd think a mountain of gold be easy to see, easy to find!" Launchpad said.
"There are a lot of mountains in this area. The rocks on them are dusty and cause a red "fog" in this area. The red dirt gets over everything! If the gold was covered in red dirt like all the other mountains in this area..." Mr. McDuck began.
"There would be no way to tell which mountain is gold. Especially since this area isn't exactly Grand Central Station. Not many people here." Launchpad finished.
Then Launchpad spotted something: "Look over there Mr. McDee!" Launchpad yelled excited.
"The mountain of gold! But..." Mr. McDuck said.
"All I see is the reflection of it in that lake! Where's the mountain itself?" Launchpad asked.
"Don't tell me my mountain of gold is naught but a mirage?" Mr. McDuck moaned.
"No, it's a reflection...but where's it reflecting from?" Launchpad asked. "Mr. McDee...you see that cave straight ahead?"
"What about it?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"What if the reflection is of something inside the cave? That would explain why we only see the reflection." Launchpad suggested.
"A stalagmite! Or a stalactite, since reflections are often upside down." Mr. McDuck mused.
"That would be a good deal smaller than a whole mountain, I'm afraid." Launchpad lamented.
"The whole of the mountain that cave is in could be rich in gold! And high carat in lesser quantity is worth more than lesser carat gold in greater quantity." Mr. McDuck muttered. 'Let's check out that cave, shall we?"
So Launchpad landed the plane near the cave. After Mr. McDuck's usual screaming about non-existent crashes that Launchpad joked off, Launchpad got the equipment out of the cargo bin.
Our heroes leaded towards the cave and entered it.
"It can not have been a true stalagmite I saw. Stalagmites are formed of dripping rock, usually limestone. Gold may be a soft metal, but it does not drip." Mr. McDuck lectured.
"Well, whatever it is...there it is!" Launchpad said.
And he pointed to a mound that seemed to be solid gold.
Mr. McDuck rushed towards it...only to start sneezing like mad. Launchpad followed and started sneezing, too.
"Flowers! It's not gold, it's only flowers that look like gold! Even smell like gold! Except they make me sneeze!" Mr. McDuck sputtered between sneezes.
"Me, too! Maybe we should scram?" Launchpad asked.
But before they could do anything, they were surrounded by bees. TALKING bees.
"Intruders! Honey stealers!" the bees buzzed.
"No! We're not! We didn't!" Mr. McDuck TRIED to explain, but he was too busy sneezing.
"Better give them a bit of honey so we can question them! We won't get anything sensible out of them until they eaten a little bit of our honey!" Head Bee said.
"Here, eat this! Then we will take you to our Queen for questioning." Head Bee said.
Our heroes ate the honey and stop sneezing.
"Thanks. How come you guys can TALK? I heard of spelling bees but not TALKING bees." Launchpad asked.
"The flowers that grow only in these caves have nectar that greatly increases our IQ quotient. Thanks to them we can speak." Head Bee explained.
"Interesting. Is there anything you bees need? Perhaps we can trade for nectar or for honey?" Mr. McDuck offered.
"You human creatures steal honey from bees!" Head Bee buzzed.
"We also make the hives those bees live in and grow the flowers they harvest. Isn't taking some of their honey just like charging them rent? Making them pay for food?" Launchpad asked.
"You'd take the honey whether you owned the hives or not! Whether you "owned" the flowers or not! But those bees are dumb animals, so they don't mind or care.
But perhaps the Queen will trade with you. This cave is an uncomfortable place to live! But the flowers only grow here, so we're stuck here!" Head Bee said.
And he took them to the Queen Bee. (1)
"Your majesty, here are the intruders!" Head Bee said.
"Why have you trespassed on our hive?" Queen Bee asked.
"We didn't know it was a hive! We were looking for gold and thought your flowers were gold!" Mr. McDuck replied. "But perhaps we can trade with you? Is there anything you would like in exchange for honey, nectar and a few flowers?"
"This cave is uncomfortable for us. It's too dark, it's too damp, it's too cold! But the flowers only grow here, so we're stuck here!" Queen Bee replied.
"I can arrange for an extension to be built in front of the cave. To your specifications. It will be dry, warm and lighted. By solar panels, I think." Mr. McDuck offered.
"In exchange for honey, nectar and some flowers?' Queen Bee inquired.
"Why not? The extension will block off access to your cave. You won't have to worry about intruders any more." Mr. McDuck replied. "And I can put in honey combs that will permit you to make more honey out of less nectar. You will have more honey than you can use."
"Hmmm. Perhaps we can do business. But why should we do business with you and not another human?" Queen Bee asked.
"You can TRUST Mr. McDee not to cheat you! Other humans might try to cheat you!" Launchpad interjected.
But there was a complication. It turned out FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD owned the land there.
"Great! Now I've have to pay Flintheart three arms and two legs for the land! And that IF he doesn't find out about those flowers and their nectar! If they have a similair effect on people as they do with these bees, I could sell them for a fortune!" Mr. McDuck groused.
"Let me see that map a minute. According to this, Flintheart owns the land in front of the cave. Not the cave itself, not even the little bit you'd build the extension on." Launchpad said, after examining the map of the area Mr. McDuck carried.
"What good does THAT do? I still need to get the supplies here! I'll need to build an access road! And clear a place for you to land your plane! Right on land Flintheart owns!" Mr. McDuck snapped.
"Not if you go thur the back way. This is a cave. It goes deep into this mountain. YOU own the land on the other side of the mountain. If there if a cave entrance on the other end of the mountain, you could bring the supplies to your land and cart it thur the mountain." Launchpad said.
"I could drill or blast an entrance on the other side if there isn't one! I might even build the extension on the opposite side, it's the SOUTHEAST side of the mountain, which is better for solar energy anyway. (2)Mr. McDuck mused.
Mr. McDuck spoke to the bees. There was another entrance on the opposite side of the mountain.
"That one is more troublesome to us than this. It's bigger and the wind comes from that direction most of the time. the wind blows rain and cold air into the cave making colder and damper than it might otherwise be! But at least no intruders come thur it, so we didn't mention it before. Besides, we assumed nothing could be done about it." Queen Bee said.
"Then I'll build the extension on that side and close off this side." Mr. McDuck said, pleased. Mr. McDuck bought the land the mountain was on, including the little bit he'd need to close off the other side.
And he cleared the land so Launchpad could land the plane. If you call a rock strewed field with tree stumps and small bushes clear. A runway it was NOT.
Soon Launchpad was air-ferrying supplies to the southeast entrance. Some were carried thur the mountain and were used to close off the northwest entrance.
But Flintheart Glomgold soon found out about Mr. McDuck closing off an cave entrance right next to land Flintheart owned. About Mr. McDuck buying that mountain and flying supplies to a cave entrance in that mountain. Especially since Flinty didn't own the air space and Launchpad flew right over Flintheart's land. (3)
Flintheart sent the Beagle Boys to snoop around and find out what Mr. McDee was up to. The Bees complained to Launchpad about "humans" trespassing on their land. Launchpad gave them a transmitting radio so Launchpad could warn them the Beagles were around or they could warn Launchpad.
The Bees, with Launchpad's blessing, had great "fun" stinging the Beagles whenever they came snooping around. Or else Launchpad (wearing a gas mask) dumped a little of the pollen from the golden flowers on the Beagles, which REALLY caused them to sneeze like crazy, dogs having sensitive noses.
Then Launchpad sowed a field with seeds, making sure the Beagles saw him doing so. Since the Beagles couldn't get close to the cave, they were quick to assume that whatever Launchpad was planting was what Mr. McDuck hoped to make money off of. Especially since you need bees to help cultivate certain crops.
The Beagles reported to Flintheart. At Flintheart's direction, the Beagles stole the plants just before they could come into bloom. The Beagles also took everything ELSE in the field: the stumps, rocks and bushes, just in case Launchpad was trying to trick them by planting those seeds.
When Mr. McDuck came to check up on Launchpad, he found the Beagles had cleared a runway for Launchpad without knowing that what they were doing. The field, once full of tree stumps, small bushes and little rocks was now bare and clear.
"What's going on here?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"I just arranged for a proper runway, that's all" Launchpad shrugged.
"Hmpf. The Scientists have studied the flowers and honey. So far, they have no effect on anything but bees. Maybe in 50 or 100 years, they'll find a way to apply the effect to people. BUT the honey IS unusually delicious! It tastes like no other honey. " Mr. McDuck said.
"So you're making money here, anyway." Launchpad said pleased.
"True. Is that one of my golden flowers you're wearing in your hat?" Mr. McDuck said, seeing a bit of yellow and green stuck in Launchpad's aviator cap.
"Nope. It's a shamrock.(4) I know you're Scottish, not Irish, Mr. McDuck. But Happy Saint Patty's day, anyway." Launchpad replied.
The End.
(1) Five minute pause for JLA jokes. Look up Queen Bee(comics) in Wikipedia,if you are deprived child with no idea of whom I speak.
(2) How should I know? I would THINK so.
(3) Maybe Launchpad shouldn't of done that, but he couldn't resist. It was the equivalent of sticking his tongue out at Flinty.
(4) That's what Launchpad planted. Launchpad was tempted to plant Golden Rod, but he was afraid the Beagles would recognize it even before it bloomed. Besides, Launchpad doesn't have a mean bone in his body. There's a difference between a tiny bit of pollen and a whole field of golden rod. One served the Beagles right, the other would be going too far.