Prologue:
I leaned my head back against the wall of the bathroom. To my right sat an ashtray full of still slightly burning cigarettes. To my left sat half a bottle of Jack. Neither seemed to take away the memories of the nightmare that had woken me up.
It had been three years, I should be over it all. I just couldn't forget it. The things I had done in the name of freedom. There was a darkness in my soul that would never be clean. My ledger was covered in red that could never be wiped away.
I had known what I was signing up for. I'd read the reports and seen all the videos. Story after story, I was told of the horrors. Nothing seemed to faze me. None of it scared me away. I still signed that piece of paper that gave my life away. The person that I had once been was cleaned away from every record. I simply didn't exist anymore. A ghost among society. No name, no country, no family, and no ties.
There was once a time I kept reminding myself what my name was, hoping to hold on to a bit of the person I had once been. Everything in my old life was fuzzy, as if the memories didn't belong to me. I can remember perfectly signing the forms, giving away my life. What I can't remember is the name that I had signed on those papers. I don't remember who I once was. Then again, I think that was the goal of the program- for me to become someone else entirely.
Three years ago I had escaped from it. I couldn't handle it any longer. The things that I had done, the things they had ordered me to do...those haunted me. I had to get away from it all, in hopes of escaping the nightmares. That's what I did, I got away. It didn't get rid of the nightmares though. No, they seemed to follow me where ever I went.
Reaching into the medicine cabinet, I grabbed the bottle of pills. Five or six, I don't know the real number of how many I swallowed. A large gulp of Jack followed the pills down my throat.
Sleep, passing out, it's all the same.