Shikamaru sighed and sipped his sake, wondering if he was going to regret this later.
Weddings were such a drag.
Sure, the actual wedding part was easy. Walk this many steps, say I do and then it's over. It was the whole reception and spending each other's lives together that was going to be a total drag.
And to top it off, he and Temari would have to spend the first couple weeks in Suna "sorting things out" (translation: getting the Kazekage to pry his sandy little mitts off of his big sister).
Shikamaru was nesting at the bar at the reception, drinking and sinking into a deeper and deeper existential depression.
"Been looking for you." Kankerou plopped down next to him with a smirk. Shikamaru looked up at him with his trademark, narrow-eyed scowl.
"'S that so?" He slurred. He had long ago lost count of how many drinks he had had. His tongue felt thick and weird in his mouth when attempting to speak, and this only made his scowl deepen.
Kankerou smirked. This bum wasn't going to last a second in Suna. "Yeah. Gotta come and congratulate my new brother-in-law for taming my harpy of a sister."
Shikamaru sneered. "It's only cool when I call her that." He belched quietly.
Kankerou's smirk seemed to take on a mischievous light. "Oh yeah? Well, me 'n Gaara wanted to give you a little welcome present to Suna."
Shikamaru's eyes seemed to defy space and matter by somehow narrowing more. "Ya don't say..." He felt like he should feel suspicious, should be coming up with a strategy or some plan, but his mind felt muddled by the sake and he felt it was too much of a drag to take Kankerou's words at anything more than face value. He carefully got off the bar stool. It appeared that it had gotten a lot more unstable since he had first sat on it. And he had to wonder why the room seemed so fuzzy...
Kankerou took his arm and led him outside.
"He came out willingly?" Gaara said as Kankerou towed an extremely shitfaced Shikamaru from the festivities.
"Kid's stupid drunk man." Kankerou replied chuckling. Gaara smirked a little in response.
"...That would explain why gravity's all messed up right now..." Shikamaru grumbled.
Gaara came closer, looking Shikamaru in the eye. He still had to look up, being as short as he was (a very delicate subject that Lee always had to comfort him on). "How pathetic, that my sister, a powerful and beautiful kunoichi who has helped in protecting my village, should have to submit to a slacker like you."
"Hey, if anybody's submitting in the relationship, it is so me. Your sister has a lot of imaginative ways for using head bands, dude." Shikamaru slurred.
Gaara and Kankerou's faces contorted with horror. "I think I'm going to wash my ears out with bleach now..." Kankerou squeaked. Gaara slowly nodded.
Shikamaru snorted, but his victory was cut short when he saw sand begin to crawl towards him.
His face paled. "You're not gonna kill me, are you?"
Gaara gave a slow, menacing chuckle. "Of course not. My sister would skin us alive if we did anything as drastic as that."
Shikamaru felt sort of relieved, but the sand was still coming and he felt himself sinking into the ground. Suddenly he felt much more sober. He desperately tried to think his way out, but he was already mid-thigh in sand.
"You don't think Temari is gonna kick your asses for this?" Maybe bluffing would work.
Kankerou grinned. "She'll yell, but nothing more." Gaara was snickering as he let the sand slowly take Shikamaru down. "Make him dance, Kankerou." Kankerou snickered. "With pleasure, little brother."
Shikamaru saw blue threads of light being attached to his person, and his arms were suddenly doing the wave. "C'mon, guys, this isn't funny!"
Gaara, meanwhile, was slapping the knee of his wine colored coat in laughter while Kankerou leaned on his back for support while trying to remember how to breathe after laughing so hard.
After a few moments, the dancing and sinking stopped, and Shikamaru was buried up to his neck in sand. "You bastards." Was all he could think to say.
Gaara smirked down at him. Shikamaru figured this would be a serious ego stroke for the short ex-jinchuuriki. "Observe my new technique: sand humiliation." He and Kankerou snickered as they high-fived and strode back to the wedding reception.
"Seeya around, pineapple head!" Kankerou called. Shikamaru growled in frustration and struggled against the sand. But he already knew it was a waste of energy.
Temari came out after an immeasurable amount of time had passed. Shikamaru had dozed off, his head slumped on the ground. Temari nudged him awake with her foot.
"Wake up, lazy bones. It's your knight in shining armor, come to save the day." She smirked down at him.
Shikamaru blearily opened his eyes to Temari with a sulking pair of sand nins (one of which was a certain short, eyebrowless kazekage). Both had red hand prints on their right cheeks. Shikamaru couldn't help but smirk back up at her.