This wasn't how she pictured her wedding day.
She pictured her wedding day in the spring, maybe early summer, with the perfect temperature and the sun shining on the small crowd gathered outdoors for the wedding. She pictured her wedding day on a beautiful beach with the waves nipping at their feet and the sound of the ocean in the background. She tried not to think about it back then, knowing fortune didn't usually turn the wheel the way she wanted it to, but for a few months it seemed safe to dream. SD-6 was gone, her life was settling down, and she woke every morning to the man she knew she wanted to be with. Every now and then she looked at him and saw their future, at least the way she imagined it to be. Sometimes when he looked at her, she thought she saw the same dreams in his eyes.
But she had been right all along. Life never went the way she planned, the way she wanted, the way she dreamed. She should have known something so close to perfection could never last, not in her life. She woke up one day and it was over. No warning, no time to prepare, and most importantly, no desire to see it go. If they started fighting, if they couldn't make it work, if he had just done something wrong, maybe she wouldn't have been so devastated. But he didn't want it to end any more than she did. They each had everything torn to pieces in a matter of seconds.
So instead of her summer wedding on a peaceful beach, she was getting married on a cool November afternoon in a small, rather plain, but lovely church. The flowers she picked were perfect for the setting, and just beyond the door to her dressing room sat a sanctuary full of kind faces with warm wishes. Her father would walk her down the aisle, her husband's parents would be watching proudly, and any other woman would probably think this was a dream come true.
But her dreams never looked like this.
It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Alex; she did. When he asked, she accepted immediately, and she didn't even think about the fact that it wasn't Vaughn until the next day. She took that as a sign she was moving on. She was ready for her life to continue, even if it wasn't the one she intended on living. This one would be just fine. She started dating him right after she and Vaughn officially put an end to their relationship, and every day they were together, she felt a little closer to feeling okay.
"Syd, what are you doing here?" Vaughn asked, glancing behind him to make sure Lauren wasn't around while he slipped out to the front porch.
"We need to talk," she said quietly.
"Can it wait?" he asked hopefully. "Tomorrow morning. We'll get coffee," he suggested.
"No, it can't wait," she said sadly. "I can't wait."
"What are you talking about?" he asked nervously.
"Vaughn, you know what I'm talking about," she sighed. "We've tried this, but you're not leaving her. Not now. Not anytime soon. I can't do that. I can't meet you and talk to you and kiss you wondering how long before you either decide to leave her or leave me. You know me better than that."
"Syd, please," he begged. "Don't do this. Just give me a little longer. It all happened so fast. I need time to-"
"I can't give you time, Vaughn," she shook her head sesriously.
"Syd, I can't just-"
"I know," she nodded sadly. "So I'm moving on. I'm putting all this behind me. I turned in my resignation from the CIA just a few hours ago. I'm done looking for revenge. So I guess this is goodbye."
She did move on after that. She found a new job teaching at a private school and started dating Alex, the friend of one of her fellow teachers she met at a party. While she told herself she couldn't get serious with someone so soon after ending her relationship with Vaughn, things just progressed quickly and naturally with Alex. After six months they moved in together, after a year he proposed. She loved him, loved being with him, and loved coming home at night to him. So she said yes, and today she was getting married. It wasn't disappointment that plagued her; it was the knowledge that this day would be so incredibly different if she didn't disappear. As much as she loved Alex, he wasn't the groom she pictured. He made her happy, but her life would never be what she planned now that Vaughn was gone.
Sighing ruefully, she looked into the mirror and reapplied her lipstick and checked her hair. Her friends from work offered to help her get ready, but she couldn't bring herself to let them take the place always reserved for Francie. Instead, she got ready alone. She tugged nervously on the strap of her dress and adjusted the fit, trying to make sure everything was perfect. Just as she put the finishing touches on, someone knocked on the door. "Come in," she called absentmindedly, still focusing on her reflection in the mirror.
And then she saw him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, spinning on her heel in surprise. "Close the door," she ordered, worried someone would see him here.
"Sorry," he apologised quietly. "I had to come."
"Vaughn, you can't do that," she shook her head. "You can't just show up here. I'm getting married today. To someone else."
"I know. I had to," he repeated. "Syd, come here," he requested, reaching for her hand and guiding her to a chair. "I know...I know I made my decision. I know I don't have any right to be here, but you know I still love you."
"Please, not today," she whispered, praying she could contain the tears before they ruined her makeup.
"I'm not here to try to stop you or make you unhappy, Syd. I just need to make sure you're okay. I need to make sure you're going to be happy. I let you go, and I know I can't change that now, but I can't let you marry him if he's not the best one for you," he explained quietly.
"He's not the best one," she whispered. "But I don't have that option anymore."
"Sydney..."
"What are you trying to do here?" she asked in anguish. "Do you want me to doubt my decision? Do you want me to change my mind so I can go back to waiting for you?"
"No, no, Syd," he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you. It was wrong of me to ask you to wait. You're doing the right thing. I just want to make sure you're going to be okay."
"He's not you," she whispered. "It was supposed to be you."
"I wanted that, too, Sydney," he anwered quietly.
"But it didn't work. We tried, and it didn't work. Not because we didn't try hard enough or because we did something wrong...it wasn't our fault. It just happened this way. Please, I just want to be happy today."
"I want that, too. I just need to know. Is he going to protect you? I know I never could, but will he?" he implored. "Is he going to do everything to make you happy?"
"Yes, Vaughn," she nodded.
He bit his lip and looked towards the small window. "Does he know you?" he asked softly.
"Not like you," she admitted quietly. "But enough. And he loves me."
"But not like me," he added sadly.
"No," she whispered. "Not like you. But it's enough. The way you feel about Lauren, the way you feel about your life with her...that's how I feel about Alex. I'll be happy, Vaughn, so don't worry about that. I don't blame you for anything."
He nodded, but she could tell he still wanted to say something. From the look on his face, she knew it wasn't something she wanted to hear. "I wish I had listened to you," he finally blurted. "I wish I really listened when you told me you couldn't wait. I should have realised then I would always regret letting you walk away. No," he shook his head. "No, I did know I would always regret it. I guess I just didn't think it would end like this."
"How did you think it would end?" she asked softly. "I wasn't bluffing, Vaughn. I wasn't there to force your hand."
"I know," he nodded painfully. "It's just hard to picture you with someone else."
"But I am with someone else, and I'm marrying him today. This is what we decided. You're a good man. You're a loyal man. You couldn't leave her just because I came back. I'm okay with this, Vaughn, and I'm not mad at you. I just think it's time for us both to move on."
"Okay," he whispered in agreement. "I guess..."
"Don't say it," she shook her head.
He nodded and stood, hesitating for a few seconds as he took in the sight of her in her wedding dress. Silently, he placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed the top of her hair. She could only stare at the floor, trying to ward off the tears as he let go and walked out of the room, out of the church, out of her life.
TBC