Hey Im Lucy Heartfillia age 17, i have anxiety and depression disorders and im suicidal, Would you still love me?
There we go the same thing i've written on 17 ripped up papers, i laid in my bed and traced over the scars and cuts on my arms, why i started you may ask, well when i started loving natsu, i wanted to be skinny perfect, and the messaged reached my inner demons, so the little demon lucy inside my head fed me thoughts that i Belived "your not skinny enough" "your not pretty enough" "he's too good for you" i gave into it all from simple workouts and diets went to not eating and scars, many scars. "natsu won't like a girl with scars" "your body is worthless" "is that another scar" "might as well cut more, ya know ease the pain" I gave into it all, and i still do, i went on missions but when i'd get home i would force myself to puke, the word food scared me. The blade comforted me, every inch of me, the thought and feeling eased my whole body, and i would pass out from loss of blood in my bathroom floor half of the time, woke up hair matted with blood. I got up and went to the computer to get on facebook to look at more workout sites. The models so pretty, tan, perfect. i wanted my blade again, so i reached into my hoodie pocket and pulled one out, the sharp look mad me happy, i slid it across my wrist feeling blood pour out, it felt nice and long. and i did it again and again till i began feeling dizzy. I got up and jumped in the shower to wash off the blood, after i was done i put on a white sweat shirt over my black boy short underwear and white bra.I laid in m bed and fell asleep thinking about the team natsu mission tomorrow, but the worst part, i cant cut and i have to eat food for a week.
The next morning...
"lucy, wakey wakey..."
"hmm goh ouf"
"lucy your talkin gibbresh now wake up or erza will kill you."
"oh yea the mission." i got up completely forgetting i was in my underware and brushed off happys smart remark, "so add that to more cuts for next week", "oh and quit eating, you are starting to look fat again."
I grabbed a pair of jeans and a pink long sleeve, with a white jacket. i put on my black boots and left my hair down. I walked out and grabbed my keys and whip.
"Come on guys, Lets go so erza doesnt kill us, and maybe we can stop for strawberry pancakes!"
"AYE SIR!"
I threw on a fake smile and ran out of my apartment after natsu and happy, laughing and giggling.
1 week later...
"so guys why didnt lucy do anything?" i felt my heart crack at that fact. "hmmm now weak well 5 more cuts add that to the never ending list..."
"happy lucy helped more than you think she did."
"gosh i was kidding."
"yea natsu its okay."
"see lucy gets it!"
"well its still not something to joke about happy."
"really natsu its okay."
"fine..."
"lucy you've gotten lighter lately."
"oh well um... i guess luck."
"well lucy i can carry you more since your lighter."
"good to know happy, well im gonna head home, im out tonight."
"okay lucy see ya tomorrow!"
"i walked home and started thinking about the blade, a week worth of cutting in one night, and not to mention a week of puking in one night too. I made it to my house and went to the bathroom i started with puking fist, placing two fingers in the back of my mouth i push down and gag myself, i began dry heaving and once i was done i took the blade from my sink and began running it down my wrist letting all the pain from this week fill my thoughts, it felt good to not cry but to let my wrist take the pain. I decided to go up to the roof no idea why but now i was standing on the edge both arms bloody only in a tanktop and black shorts, everywhere i walked blood trailed, i felt like an out of place mistfit, so i put one foot over the edge till i felt two arms around my torso and a voice comfort me.
"please dont."
Cliffy hmmmhahahahaha, hope you liked it!