Not to be confused with the Season 5 episode of a similar name. Just an excuse for me to practice writing Monica and Chandler kissing. Enjoy!
Monica stares mindlessly at the coffee table, twisting her new jewelry round and around her ring finger, no easy task given the massive diamond adorning the ring. She's so shocked by the events of the afternoon that she might have sat there forever if not for the very noisy entrance of her two friends.
"Wait. So why did that burned up guy ask Juliette Binoche to kill him, again?" Chandler asks, clearly continuing an ongoing conversation between the two. Monica vaguely recalls them discussing plans to see The English Patient at the local theater earlier in the day.
"God, Chandler. I can't recap the entire movie for you. Maybe next time, try not to fall asleep twenty minutes in," Rachel replies aggrieved.
"Oh please. I wasn't sleeping the whole time," he counters. "And those seats at Cinema Village are really comfortable," he adds defensively when it becomes obvious that Rachel isn't buying his lie. "C'mon, please? I just want to know what happened with that Almasy guy and the blond chick."
"Well, she was married to Mr. Darcy, himself, so, you know, probably nothing."
"Wait. Probably nothing?" Chandler replies with sudden understanding. "You don't know either, do you? Oh my god. You fell asleep too!"
"No!" Rachel argues unconvincingly.
"Yes you did," he rejoins pointing accusingly at her. "You totally did."
"Okay fine. Fine! You got me, Sherlock. It was two and a half hours long," she reminds him, sounding physically pained by the extended duration of the film. "Of course I fell asleep too!"
"Okay, that settles it," Chandler announces with authority, popping off the lid to a can of Yoo-hoo he's taken from the fridge. "We cannot go to the movies together anymore. We just wasted, like ten bucks. Oh hey Mon," he adds, noticing for the first time, Monica's presence in the living room.
"Mon, honey? What is it?" Rachel adds now, noting how distressed her roommate appears.
"Pete proposed," Monica announces. She's tries to feign the excitement she thinks she should be feeling in her pronouncement but her voice just ends up sounding squeaky and terrified.
"What?" Chandler blurts out, coming round to join her in the living room. His shocked face probably matches the expression she's been wearing for hours now.
"Oh my God. This is amazing!" Rachel coos, joining her on the couch and eagerly snatching at her left hand. A moment later, once Rachel's taken in the small continent that is the stone on Monica's ring, she adds in a reverent whisper, "This is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. Can I wear it?"
"Rachel!" Monica and Chandler admonish in stereo.
"Just for a second," Rachel pouts. She sounds a little remorseful for her outburst but still hasn't released Monica's hand.
"Well congratulations. When's the big day?" Chandler finally offers, seemingly having got over his shock at Monica's announcement.
When she doesn't answer her two friends exchange a concerned look before Rachel carefully asks, "Monica? Are you okay? This is a good thing, right? You're happy?"
"Yes, of course," Monica trills, overcompensating for the enthusiasm of becoming Mrs. Pete Becker she doesn't feel. "Pete's great. He's great. It's just…"
"Just what?" Chandler prods gently.
"It's nothing." Monica deflects not at all sure what it is that's got her so shaken by the prospect of marrying her very eligible and caring boyfriend.
"It doesn't sound like nothing," Rachel pushes.
"You know you can tell us anything, Monica," Chandler adds, worried blue eyes boring into her own. "We're your friends. We won't judge you."
"Right, just don't fall asleep at the movies or he'll go all Perry Mason on your ass," Rachel adds with a smirk.
"Perry Mason was the defense attorney, Rach," Chandler corrects, seemingly happy to continue their banter from before. "Did you even watch that show?"
"Guys? Hello?" Monica interrupts in frustration. "Kind of in a crisis here," she reminds them, brandishing her hand in the space in front of her. The diamond on her engagement ring catches the light of the lamp on the side table sending a rainbow of light across the back of the couch. The all stare transfixed for a moment, the reality of Monica's situation finally taking hold.
"Of course, sweetie. Sorry. We're here for you," Rachel reassures as both she and Chandler turn their full attention back to their friend.
"So are you having some reservations?" Chandler asks cautiously. "About marriage? About Pete?"
"No!" Monica retorts angrily, before adding more quietly, "I mean, I don't know, maybe."
"What is it, Mon? What' wrong," Rachel asks gently.
"Pete's so nice," Monica begins, inwardly kicking herself for the poverty of the adjective she's chosen to describe the man she very may well spend the rest of her life with, "…and kind and even handsome I think," she adds, throwing in some more lackluster words, hoping to make up with quantity what her vocabulary lacks in quality. "I'm just worried that there's no spark, you know?" She admits quietly.
"That's the worst," Rachel comforts knowingly.
"Is it though?" Monica counters, getting at last to the conundrum that's been eating at her all afternoon. "I mean you and Ross were all sparks and look where that got you," she reminds her friend. "And you and Janice," she adds gesturing to Chandler.
"Ugh. Let's not bring her into this analogy," Chandler requests seemingly physically uncomfortable with the mention of his on again off again girlfriend.
"When I said yes, we kissed, you know?" Monica continues. "And it just felt so..." She trails off here, molding her face into an expression of bored distaste, rather than try to explain in words how numb and conflicted Pete's kisses had left her.
"But you know, maybe that's to be expected," Chandler jumps in now. "I mean you just got engaged. That's huge! Maybe you were just, I don't know, in shock or something. I wouldn't go by just that kiss alone."
"Chandler's right," Rachel agrees, giving Chandler a nod of approval. "I mean think of all the great kisses you've shared."
"Well…" Monica interjects hoping her friends won't make her admit in so many words that none of Pete's kisses have done much for her.
"No!" Rachel exclaims, eyes widening in shock.
"I mean they've been fine. Nice even," Monica defends, trying to diminish the guilt she's feeling. "I just don't know if they've been forever nice, you know? Am I a horrible person?" She finishes looking at them both pleadingly.
"Of course not." Rachel assures her as Chandler adds his own, "No!"
They sit in silence for a moment, Monica resorting back to the numb shock that's been assailing her since Pete got down on one knee, before Chandler brings them all back to the present, pronouncing excitedly, "You know what we need to do?"
"What?" Monica asks.
"Make a list."
"You have got to be kidding me." Rachel spits in disgust.
"What?" Chandler counters in confusion.
"A list? A goddamn list? Chandler have you learned nothing from Ross and me?" Rachel reminds him.
"A list wasn't the right thing for you and Ross," he appeases eagerly, clearly unnerved by Rachel's continuing anger of his role in the demise of her relationship with Monica's brother. "I get that now. But for Monica? She's a list master! We could even use your little labeling do-dad."
"My label maker?" Monica asks hopefully sounding happy for the first time since their conversation has begun.
Rachel must notice the change in her friend as well because she relents at last. "Okay, so what's this list going be then?"
"We're going to do a little kiss analysis," Chandler announces with a flourish feeling quite proud of his idea.
"Kiss analysis?" Rachel echoes, sounding doubtful.
"Exactly. We need to be scientific about this. We need to determine exactly how Pete stacks up to all of Monica's other kisses. What's good, what's missing, you know. Make sure he's forever kissing material."
"A pros and cons list," Monica clarifies, warming to the idea.
"Exactly!" Chandler confirms before noticing an exasperated Rachel, "But different," he appeases.
"Whatever, it's fine. I'm over it," Rachel claims, unconvincingly. "Alright, enlighten us Dr. Ruth. Just what is Monica looking for in these kisses?"