Warnings: Incest, AU (completely and utterly AU), crack!fic. None of this is meant to be taken seriously.
Word Count: 1359
Thanks to: Dobby's Reincarnation for helping with the plot and Pam, Zoey, and Allie for helping edit the fic. :)
So... I hope you can enjoy this piece of insanity I turned out. :)
"You mustn't tell her," Rodolphus says urgently against his brother's lips. "She can't hear a word of it."
"But Rod," his brother murmurs back, "She needs to know. She must know that your childish lust for her is gone, that you've moved on to better than her."
And for a few minutes, neither one can get a word in until Rodolphus finally pulls away, with a final gasp of "Not a word."
-.-.-
"Bellatrix," Rabastan murmurs, lingering on the last syllable. His voice is dark and smooth like a spilt bottle of ink, and a shiver runs through the cloaked woman across the room.
"What is it, Rabastan?" she asks coolly. Her dark curls shield her face from her in-law's view.
"Your husband," he says, sounding unsure of how to continue. "He- well..." He looks at the her hopefully, as if prodding her to urge him on.
But Bellatrix isn't in any sort of a rush; she examines her nails uninterestedly and rolls her eyes. "Well?" she sighs pointedly after a few minutes of silence. "Go on, now, tell me what my husband wrecked this time." Her dark eyes narrow as she glares at him across the room. "What, Rabastan?" she says cruelly after he still doesn't speak. "Are you afraid?" And after another minute of silence, "OH, JUST TELL ME, YOU FOOL!"
"Rodolphus," he finally gasps, "He- he's having an affair. With someone else." He expects her to be angry, to leap up and grab him by the chest and demand to know who it is. To his surprise, though, she does none of this. Instead, she laughs.
"Rodolphus, have an affair with another woman?" she says, a smirk on her lips. "He wouldn't have the courage. He's always been something for me to play with, you know that; something that won't run away no matter how many times I do. He's mine, Rabastan. Who in the world would he choose to run off with?"
And Rabastan's hands are shaking as he turns to this woman, his brother - lover - 's wife, and says, "Me."
For a few moments, there is silence, until Bellatrix sees the fear and honesty in his eyes and leaps to her feet. "YOU?" she shrieks, her dark curls flying up. "You- HIS BROTHER- dare to take him from me? You dare to take him AND NOT EVEN TELL ME? How long has this been going on?" HOW LONG?"
"N-not too long, I assure you," he insists. "Only since October or so-"
"Three months," she says coldly. "Three months, and not a word about it to me. You know what? Take him!" she spits. "It's not like it makes a difference to me. He was nothing but a toy. I could easily find better!" Her voice is getting higher and higher in pitch, and Rabastan hears the jealously that she's unwilling to admit is there.
"Go on, then," he taunts her. "If you can find better, why don't you?"
Tearing across the room, she clenches her fist and punches him in the jaw before Apparating out just as quickly. Rabastan is sure he hears her whisper "Just you wait," as she disappears, but maybe he's imagining it. He's never quite sure, anymore.
-.-.-
"You didn't." Rodolphus' face is contorted with fury. "I begged you, Rab! Why did you have to tell her?"
"I don't know," Rabastan sighed, running his tongue across his teeth, "but she's moved on. Now we don't have to worry about her anymore." He wraps his arms around his brother and pulls him close. "Now it's just you and me against the rest of 'em, right?"
And as much as Rodolphus wants to stay angry at his brother, he can't. "Yeah," he replies, grinning. "Just you and me."
-.-.-
"My Lord," she sighs, her dark eyes wide with reverence.
"Bellatrix," he says quietly, his narrow eyes fixated on her. "You've barely stepped foot in this building for weeks. Is there a reason for this?"
"No, My Lord, I just... forgot. I promise it will never happen again."
"I don't do second chances," he says coldly. "Another week like this, and I may have to replace you. It won't be difficult, not at all."
"My Lord, never!" she cries. "Please forgive me, please!" She falls to her knees and stares up at him. "It was simply-"
"SILENCE!" he bellows, flicking his wand at her and causing her babbling to stop. "Not yet, Bellatrix. Not yet. For now, you are still the most faithful, and I advise you to keep it that way."
"Of course, My Lord."
"Mmhm. Come now, Bellatrix. It's time."
Looking shocked, Bellatrix jumps to her feet. Trying not to appear too eager, she follows him into the back of the building until they are in a room of pitch black. He slams the door, and places one of his long, white fingers under her chin.
"Begin."
-.-.-
"Rabastan," Rodolphus says softly, "how much do you know on the topic of Muggle illness?"
"Muggle illness?" Rabastan chuckles. "Hardly anything. Why would I? You know that we're immune to their little diseases. Why do you ask?"
"W-we're not immune to all of them," he croaks. "I've got something to tell you, Rab. I have cancer."
Rabastan stares blankly at him for a moment, utterly confused. "Cancer?"
"It's a Muggle disease. There are many types of it, and... some are really bad. Like the type I have. Rab... They told me I only have a few more months to live."
"NO!" His voice cracks on the word as he throws himself at his brother, suddenly teary-eyed. "You can't do that to me, Rod! You can't leave me!"
"I'm sorry," he mumbles, a tear falling from his eye. He kisses Rabastan softly. "I'm sorry."
-.-.-
"Bellatrix?" Rodolphus looks afraid as he approaches his wife for the first time since Rabastan broke the news to her about his infidelity. (It wasn't as if he was her first priority, anyhow, he thought bitterly.)
"Rodolphus," she snaps from the couch. She's lying on her stomach, and her face is contorted with pain.
"I have cancer," he says bluntly. He figures he may as well be blunt with her. He knows it's not as if she'll really care. "I'm probably going to die within the next few months. I thought you should know."
For a minute, Bellatrix looks sickened, and suddenly, she vomits all over the floor.
"Rodolphus," she croaks, ignoring the fact that he had just told her he was on the verge of death, "I have some news for you, too. I think I'm pregnant." Rodolphus looks dumbfounded for a moment, before she finishes, "With the Dark Lord's baby."
-.-.-
"My Lord," she says nervously, digging her nails into her palm. "Last time I was here, the occasion on which... Yes, well, My Lord, I... I think I'm pregnant."
He stares at her for a moment, his eyes getting narrower and narrower each second.
"And I was assuming you know some sort of spell to reverse it-"
"Get out."
"Or perhaps a potion or something," she adds desperately.
"I said GET OUT!" he screams, pointing at the door. This is the last time she sees him for nine months.
-.-.-
On July 17th, 1980, Rodolphus Lestrange dies of cancer. His brother sobs for two weeks straight, until,
On July 31st, 1980, Rabastan Lestrange is found dead on the floor of his house, his wand against his head.
Bellatrix is not made aware of this second death, as simply hours before, she had given birth to a boy with a tuft of black hair and almond shaped eyes. She names him Harry. This is the day she sees Voldemort again, the day he tells her to leave this baby on the Potters' doorstep, and that he'll make sure it all works out.
This is the last time Harry sees Voldemort for over a year, until the day he kills the people Harry thought were his parents. He never learns the truth.
For some reason, they say he has his mother's eyes.