Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gundam Wing and anything having to do with it, I don't own Footlocker or anything from it hehe, I don't own any hotel chains or the song "Macho Man" (not that I'd want to in the first place. . .), and if there's anything else in here in question, I probably don't own it. So please, don't sue this sorry writer. . .--
Mission: Unacceptable. . .
Chapter 1: Scene One
With a joyful and mischievous grin, Duo Maxwell ran into school, or at least his school for the moment, and found his friend Heero slowly walking down an empty corridor, making his way to class in his usual morbid state. He threw his arm around Heero's neck and said cheerfully, "Hey, Heero! Guess where I've just been?"
"The Principal's office?" Heero responded wryly.
"No," Duo mumbled something about being there earlier before continuing, "I was just in our room getting some homework for today and I found a new mission email!"
"Oh? Are you going to go away now? Far away? Hopefully on a suicide mission?"
"No! Hey, can I say anything without you picking on me?"
"No."
"(sigh) Fine. Anyway, we've been assigned to a secret operation in the Sanc Kingdom!"
"We? You're kidding."
"Nope, it was sent to you and me! Isn't that great?"
"Just peachy…" Heero walked faster after tossing Duo's arm away, turning a corner and heading straight for his class.
"Well, see ya after class!" Duo yelled to Heero's back, not quite able to hear Heero's response. He broke into a run and headed for his own class, just noticing he was late.
Scene Two
"Ah, there you are! I thought you weren't gonna come!" Duo said in his usual perkiness. Heero didn't respond as he walked across the room and looked down at the packed duffel bag on Duo's bottom bunk.
"Where are you going, on vacation?" Heero sarcastically remarked in a dry manner. Duo turned to face him and said, "No, smarty-pants. If you'll read the email it says we'll be on this mission for quite a while…three weeks to be precise."
"What? I don't have time to. . ." Duo pointed to the screen and said, "You don't have a choice." Heero walked to the computer and sat down, staring at the screen while quickly reading the message. Meanwhile, Duo climbed onto the edge of his bed and reached up to Heero's bunk, grabbing a duffel off the bed and tossing it to the floor. Heero looked at it, then at Duo.
"I already packed for you! Don't worry, your precious spandex shorts are in there, I wouldn't make you go around without em." Duo said with a wink, running for the bathroom when Heero started to stand up. With a snort, Heero crouched down next to the bag and rummaged through it to see what Duo had "attempted" to pack him. His eyes widened as he pulled out a ball gown and exclaimed, "Duo, what the heck!"
"Huh?" Duo peeked out of the bathroom for a second and then laughed after seeing the sleek blue dress in Heero's hands.
"What's so funny, you baka!" Heero yelled, about ready to pummel his braided accomplice.
"I guess you didn't read that part in the mission. You're my date on Friday night to Relena's celebration ball!"
"WHAT!" Heero jumped to his feet and looked for his gun, about ready to shoot Duo's head clean off.
"Woah, before you go trying to murder me to get out of the mission, read what it says!" Duo tried to convince him it wasn't his idea, though the dress was. Heero ran over to the computer and read the message, cursing as he finished the entire thing.
"I am NOT going to be a GIRL!" Heero said indignantly, almost smoking from the ears and burning with embarrassment at being ordered to cross-dress for a mission.
"It wasn't my idea, they picked you!"
"Why not someone like Quatre, he looks pretty enough to pass as a girl! Or why not you! You have the body for it." Heero said with narrowed eyes.
"Hey, don't make fun of my figure! At least I have one. . ." Duo said sarcastically.
"I don't care! I'm not going to be a girl."
"You don't have a choice! You have to dress up as a girl for this one night and it'll be over! Relena will be there and if you're the guy, she'll talk to you and you know. . .the whole mission will go down the toilet. Besides, I think you would make a very pretty girl, just a little blush and lipstick and you'll be all set! Wait. . .have you already been trying on some stuff?" Duo said, poking Heero's flush cheeks. Heero stared coldly at Duo as he said, "If you want to keep that finger, I suggest you stop poking me." Duo immediately stopped and scratched his head in uneasiness.
"Hehe, well, I'm just gonna. . .uh. . .go finish packing!" He ran off and Heero sighed.
"Why don't they make you the girl, you're packing like one! Man, why do you need this many clothes! All I ever bring is a spare outfit and maybe some essentials. . ."
"These ARE essentials! I'm doing more out in the open work on this mission while you do the behind the scenes work. I'm doing what I'm good at and you're doing what you're good at."
"Gee, I thought all you were good at doing was being a pain and getting stuck in the principal's office enough times that they know you by name."
"HEY! They call me Mr. Maxwell. . .not counting the secretary who calls me little Duo. . .and the nose-picking kid who calls me Lewxam. . .dumb girl. . ." Duo muttered to himself as he went about his rummaging for more clean pairs of underwear without much luck.
"Hmph. . ." Heero sighed and leaned against the bed, looking at the computer and saying, "I'd rather go on a stakeout with Chang. . ."
Scene Three
"Come on, we'll miss the jet, Heero!" Duo yelled over the sounds of the engines starting up. Heero caught up to Duo and they boarded the jet, taking seats just feet from the door. Duo packed away their luggage and took his seat, sighing and stretching as he said, "Ah, get ready for a long ride! Did you bring anything to do while we're traveling?"
"Yeah, it's called sleep. Wake me when we get there." Heero said, closing his eyes and drifting off into a shallow sleep. Duo frowned and thought to himself, Darn it, now I'll have to sit here all alone. . .there's got to be something to do. He looked around and then up at the overhead buttons. He grinned slightly and reached up when suddenly, a soft voice said, "Unless you want a mask to fall into your lap, I suggest you don't press that button." He looked over into the aisle to see an extremely attractive, young, well-built flight attendant staring down at him. He put on his winning smile and said, "Well, I might just need it, you're so beautiful you're taking my breath away!" She giggled and Heero moaned at his companion's bad pick up line.
He better not use that lame airplane line. . .
Heero thought to himself."So, what's a girl like you doing on an airplane like this?"
Nevermind. . .
Duo continued to hit on the flight attendants till the jet landed in the Sanc Kingdom, Relena's home and base of operation for her peacemaking and treaties. Heero hurried off the jet as Duo lagged behind and said his farewells to the girls.
"Be careful on your way back, some guys aren't as nice as me!" Duo said with a wink and blown kiss. The jet echoed with giggles and Heero muttered to himself, "Get off the plane, Duo, before your ego gets too big to fit through the doorway. . ."
"Hey Heero, wait up! Do you even know where you're going?" Duo said as he caught up to his nauseated partner.
"Well, as long as you're not there, I don't really care where I go. . ."
"Would you stop being so crabby! It wasn't my idea to come here, ya know! Hey, you can always file a complaint." Duo winked.
"Right. I think there was something in that air that you breathed in while the flighty attendants demonstrated on you how to use the air masks."
"Hey, they're not flighty! You're just jealous that they were talking to me and not you."
"Right, like, I really wanted to like have such a totally intelligent conversation with those like totally dumb blondes!" Heero mocked the girls on the plane with accurate airheadedness. Duo frowned at him and said, "They didn't talk like that."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I confused you for them. My mistake." Heero jeered. Duo reached to tackle Heero as he ran for the road to flag down a taxi. He missed and fell flat on his face, getting up quickly to shout an insult at Heero. Heero ignored him as he got a taxi and started loading his bag in the trunk. Duo shot across the runway to get to the taxi before Heero left without him.
Scene Four
"I'm checking in with my friend here, I believe we have a reservation under the name Maxwell?" Duo said to the clerk at the check-in desk of a hotel near the airport. The clerk handed him the room key, saying, "Here's your key, sir, enjoy the honeymoon suite, Mr. Maxwell."
"WHAT!" Heero exclaimed.
"Thank you!" Duo said quickly and snatched the key, running for the elevator, hoping Heero wouldn't get in with him. But a hot wind began to blow on his neck and seemed to block out the light. Duo swallowed hard and thought to himself, This is going to be a long three weeks. . .
"Duo. . .why the HECK do we have a honeymoon suite!" Heero hissed on the back of Duo's neck.
"Maybe there was a little mix up or maybe they're booked up solid! Who knows. Ah, the elevator!" He jumped in and desperately pushed the close button but it was slow to responding as Heero walked in, bringing his bad attitude with him. Duo sighed and prayed the elevator would move faster. Finally, they reached their room and opened the door. The sight inside caused Duo to drop his bag, and his jaw.
"Holy-" Duo exclaimed.
"Duo, this is. . .well, scary, but. . .I can't sleep here! There's. . .heart-shaped everything in this room. . ." Heero said as he entered the room and examined its contents. Duo entered as well and headed for the bathroom.
"And it has a bath tube shaped like a giant wine glass! And leopard print towels. . .oh my gosh. . .the toilet's even heart-shaped. . ." Heero walked over to the king-sized bed and said in a controlled voice, "Duo, this bed is. . .pink. . .and. . .ruffley. . ." He sat on it and felt like he had sat down on a pool.
"Ooo, water bed. . ." Duo commented as he peeked around the corner at Heero floating on the bed.
"Ugh, this is a NIGHTMARE! I'm stuck in this FREAK room with you for three weeks!" Heero screamed and then shoved his face into one of the silky pillows on the bed, muffling his crude exclamations.
"Hey, look at the bright side, at least we have normal lights in the room!" Duo said as he crossed the room to the door to turn off the lights. The lights slowly dimmed on and off.
"Um. . .okay, so they dim, is that really that unusual?" Duo said, trying to make the situation not look so bad. Then he found 'the other' switch. Rainbow lights flashed on and off like a disco and a mirror ball came out of the ceiling while "Macho Man" played in the background. Both boys stared in horrified silence for a second until Duo flipped the switch again and the lights and music went away with the disco ball. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes as they just blankly stared across the room in no particular direction, scared out of their minds by the room.
"Um. . ." Duo tried to think of something to say.
"Shutup. . .just shutup." Heero said in exhausted anger.
Scene Five
"Heero, hurry up! The party starts at 7:30 and we can't be late!" Duo yelled from the bedroom, trying to tie his bow tie while putting his shoes on.
"I'm not wearing this dress, it's. . .too revealing. . ." Heero shouted back.
"Oh don't be modest! I'm sure you look hot in it!" There was a silence for a bit and Duo knew Heero was burning a hole through the wall in Duo's direction. He sighed and said, "Just come out and let me see how bad it is." Finally, the door cracked open and Heero walked out in the dress and high heels. Duo's jaw dropped and he said, "WOAH! Heero, this is a side of you I didn't know existed. . .if you weren't a guy-"
"But I am, and these aren't mine!" Heero said, pointing to his chest.
"Well, you needed something to give you a feminine attribute, to finish off the look!" Duo tried to rationalize his friend's situation but didn't seem to be helping. Heero glared at Duo and sighed, saying as he readjusted himself, "Well, what if something happens and they get messed up. . ."
"Go to the powder room, all the women do that when they need to fix something! Just be discreet about it." Duo said, trying to cheer Heero up. Duo fumbled more with his bow until Heero walked over to him and swatted his hands away, quickly tying the bow and saying, "Haven't you ever tied one of these before?"
"Well, yes, but this one was being extra difficult. . ." Duo commented, "Aren't you gonna put on some makeup?"
"What! No way, I put on the dress and heels. . .AND the bra, I'm NOT putting on makeup!" Heero exclaimed.
"But people will recognize you as a boy in a dress! You need something to soften your features. . ."
"What's wrong with my features." Heero growled.
"Well, your skin's just too rough for a girl, you need to soften it up a bit with some powder and blush. . .and maybe a little eyeliner and mascara to bring out your eyes."
"I like them where they are, thank you very much."
"Very funny, come on I'll help you with the makeup." Duo said, pushing Heero toward the bathroom.
"What? Since when do you know how to put on makeup!"
"Just trust me on this one. . . I won't make it look like army paint." Heero tried to make another snide comment back at him but got shoved into the bathroom instead.
Scene Six
"Welcome to our grand celebration, Duo, I'm glad you could come!" Relena said cheerfully, welcoming her guests into the ballroom with her usual graciousness.
"Oh, the pleasure's all mine! I'd like to introduce my date for tonight, Anita Mann, she's a bit shy but a fun gal to be with at parties!" Duo said with a laugh. Heero grumbled to himself at his new name, trying not to make eye contact with Relena, for fear she'd recognize him and think him a freak forever.
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Miss Mann, I hope you will enjoy the ball!" Relena said sweetly.
"She will, don't worry!" Duo said, grabbing Heero's hand and pulling him into the room. They slowed down and Heero pulled his hand away, saying in a soft voice, "Don't touch me."
"Heero, you're my date, you have to act like it or our cover will be blown!" Duo whispered back, looking about nervously as people were beginning to stare. Heero noticed it too and sighed, accepting defeat and approaching Duo. He allowed him to link his arm with his and they descended the stairs together.
I feel like a complete fool! Why me. . .
Heero thought to himself as girls glanced at him and whispered amongst themselves."They're just saying your dress is beautiful, don't worry so much." Duo whispered to Heero. Heero looked over at his company and Duo smiled in a jolly way, looking confident and carefree. He couldn't help but grin as he said, "But it doesn't compliment my figure at all. . ." they reached the bottom of the stairs and Duo whispered, "Alright, you act like you're mingling and get a look at the room."
"And what are you going to do?" Heero whispered back.
"Get us some punch, of course! What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let my date go thirsty?" Duo said with a wink.
"you're taking this whole date thing too serious, Duo. . ." Heero commented. Duo ignored the comment and went off to find the refreshment table. Left alone, Heero began to slowly wander the room and examine it in its entirety.
"Hey there, pretty lady, what are you doing unescorted at such a fancy ball?" Heero spun around and came face to face with Trowa Barton. Surprised, Heero just stared at him and blinked. Trowa smiled and put his hand around Heero's waist, taking his hand and saying, "Care to dance?" Heero didn't want to make a scene so he went along with Trowa, allowing him to lead him across the dance floor in a waltz. As they danced around the room, Trowa whispered, "So, what's say you and me forget the party and head back to my place, I can show you a real good time."
"You're joking, right?" Heero said in a low whisper.
"Hmm. . ." Trowa got closer to Heero and said in a lower whisper, "Maybe. . .Heero." He knew that the makeup and garb didn't fool Trowa, he's smarter than that. Subtly, Heero wrapped his arms around Trowa's neck and got close, close enough to have a conversation in whispers with him.
"What are you doing here?" Heero asked calmly, keeping an eye out for Duo in case he came back too soon.
"Looking for someone, and you?"
"I'm. . .undercover."
"I can see that. . .and might I add that you make a very attractive drag queen." Trowa grinned wryly.
"Very funny." Trowa stopped dancing and looked up suddenly, staring across the room at someone. He gently detached Heero's arms from around his neck and said, "Excuse me, I see my objective standing alone by the exit. Can we finish our dance later?" Trowa joked a little in his seriousness.
"How about we don't and say we did." Heero said, bowing for show and smiling out of sarcasm. Trowa bowed in return and left to go after the mysterious person. Heero acted like nothing was amiss as he exited the dance floor and returned to his position by the stairs. He found Duo walking up a few feet away with the drinks.
"There you are, where'd you go?" Duo said as he approached, handing Heero a drink. Heero took the small punch cup and said in his softest girl voice, "I was dancing with an old friend." Duo grinned and said, "Oh? Who might that be?"
"Let's talk later. Right now we have an objective to accomplish, right? Or am I wrong?"
"Mmm. . .aren't we allowed just the tiniest bit of fun?"
"You're not the one wearing the tight dress, and these boobs are killing me. . ."Heero said, fighting the urge to rearrange himself in front of everyone. Duo stifled a laugh as he smiled and said, "Let's go to the balcony, I hear the view is just wonderful tonight." As they walked together across the floor, Heero said in a girly voice, "Oh Duo, I would love to see it with yoooouuuu. . ."
"Now you're mocking me."
"Whaaat, little old meee? But I'm, like, not trying to. . .giggle."
"Haha, very funny. You just can't let that drop can you?"
"But I like thought you liked airheads!"
"sigh You're gonna make this hell for both of us, aren't you?"
"Well, gee, I don't know. . ."
Scene Seven
As the party slowed down to about 30 guests still happily chatting, Duo and Heero kept an eye on one guest in particular that they were assigned to watch for the three-week mission. Finally, the guest started up the stairs to leave.
"He's heading out." Heero whispered. Duo turned his attention to him and said, "Darling, it's getting late. I think it's best if we head home before midnight comes."
"Oh yes, that's a good idea." Heero said, allowing Duo to take his arm and lead him toward the stairs, "And if you call me darling again, you'll find that bow of yours somewhere you don't want it."
"Now now, no need to get violent. . .just doing a bit of roleplay. . ."
"Whatever." Heero muttered something else but Duo couldn't quite make it out. As they ascended the stairs, Relena walked over and said, "Leaving so soon, Duo? I was hoping to talk to you a bit and catch up."
"Oh, well, Anita was feeling a bit tired from the wonderful night she had, I didn't want to keep her up any longer." Duo said, patting Heero's hand. Heero held back a growl as he said, "Yes, it is quite past my bedtime. . .thank you for the lovely evening, Miss Peacecraft."
"I'm just glad I could make your night a pleasant one." Relena said with a smile. Heero bowed and said, "Goodnight, ma'am." Relena seemed a bit surprised by his formality and bowed in return. Duo kissed Relena's hand and said, "Goodnight, Relena, I hope to see you again soon. Do sleep well."
"Thank you, I will. Goodnight." They walked toward the front doors and Heero said, "That was a bit much."
"And your little curtsy wasn't? What was all that! 'goodnight, ma'am', I mean, really. . ."
"Sorry, I learned it from watching Relena."
"You do watch her a lot. . ."
"And what was that suppose to mean?"
"Mmm. . .I don't know. . ." Duo said, rolling his eyes toward the sky, "Clear night tonight, full moon and everything. If you weren't a guy, I'd say this was a perfect date. . ."
"You're changing the subject."
"Look, there's a waiting taxi, let's catch it before someone else does."
"We're talking later. . ." Heero said, perturbed by his sudden subject change.
Scene Eight
"Ah, that was a fun party, did you see Milliardo dancing the tango with Noin! Man, that was funny!" Duo laughed, throwing his tie onto the dresser by the bed and removing his jacket. Heero headed straight for the bathroom and said over his shoulder, "Duo, grab me a pair of pants. . ." Duo saluted Heero sarcastically behind his back and went over to the bag to find something for him. As Heero undressed, he said through the closed bathroom door, "So, about tonight. . .what was the whole hand kiss about? If you were trying to make me jealous then it didn't work."
"Oh? You're the one who just brought it up again, I never had any sort of intention to make you jealous. Were you?"
"I said I wasn't. . ."
"Right. . ."
"Where are those pants!" Duo jumped up and strode across the room, knocking on the door and saying, "Here, your highness." The door fiercely cracked open and a hand snatched the pants and disappeared back inside the quickly shut door. Duo shrugged and walked back over to the bed, sitting down and bobbing around a little before reaching down to take off his shoes. Finally, the door opened and Heero came out, de-makeuped and looking like a guy again. Duo looked up and smiled, then went back to untying his shoe. Heero frowned and said, "What was that for?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing." Heero didn't believe him. He laid the dress on his bag and sat on the edge of the bed, rustling his hair a bit to return it to its messy form. He sighed and fell back into the waves of the mattress, letting its rhythm sway him to a calm, sleepy state. Duo looked back at him, smiling again. He started to unbutton his shirt when a voice said, "Duo?" He looked back again and said, "Yeah?"
"Weren't you uncomfortable at all tonight?"
"Mmm. . .not really. I was a bit concerned about you, though."
"Huh? Why?" Heero sounded surprised, since he was.
"Well, you had to walk around in those heels all night long, that couldn't have been too comfortable." Heero stayed quiet for a minute and Duo continued. Getting up, Duo took his shirt off and said, "And that bra, I'm sure, wasn't at all easy to wear! Especially with Relena there and all, seeing you like that, even if she didn't know it was you."
"What does that have to do with her?" Duo looked at Heero and said, "I'm going to be honest with you. I think you have a crush on Relena and you just don't want anyone to know and come off as a softy. I, honestly, don't see that as making you soft, it's nice that you like someone. It shows that you're not a heartless robot bent on completing your 'objectives' in life and knocking down anyone that gets in your way. You're a human, like the rest of us, capable of being human. I mean, I think you're entitled to a little bit of humanity, after all you did to save it!"
"Duo. . ."
"Hey man, you don't have to say anything. I won't tell anyone about your little secret, I promise. And you know I won't cause. . ."
"'You may run and hide but you never tell a lie'." Duo grinned and said, "Yeah. Hey, I never thought you listened to me. . ."
"I figure I might as well since if I don't, you'll just end up telling me again later. Just trying to cut down on the repeated info, that's all. . ."
"Right." Duo walked toward the bathroom after tossing down his shirt. Stopping at the door, he paused for a second before turning and saying, "Heero, you're a good friend." He went in and shut the door, ending the discussion. Heero was set back by that last comment, and thought about it as he wormed his way completely onto the bed and curled up, dosing off to a restful, deep sleep.