AN: This is my second ever written story so I hope you like it! Any suggestions,questions, etc. are welcome! Please review or PM what you think. :)

This story is a lot darker than my other story, it's inspired by the movie 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower', and my personal experiences. WARNING for depressive stuff, self-harm, and maybe language.

Harry was sitting in his dorm on his bed, he had the curtains closed and just wanted to be alone. A few hours earlier he had returned form the maze that was the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. He had returned with a dead friend is his arms. Cedric was dead. This one sentence just kept repeating in his head.

The dead of Cedric was not the only shock of that evening/night though. Voldemort was back, he had seen Peter Pettigrew and his defence against the dark arts teacher was a dead-eater. Harry really didn't know what he should do now or how to react on all this.

He had been awake the whole rest of the night, not being able to sleep. In his mind images of a dead Cedric and the return of Voldemort kept playing. He also realized how angry he was at Dumbledore. Why had Dumbledore not helped him, like the other headmasters had done with their candidate?

As he kept asking himself this and a hundred more questions while lying in his bed, outside the morning sun rose from the darkness, signing the start of the day after.

OOOOOOOOOO

In the girls dormitory Hermione was wide awake as well. After she had witnessed Harry coming back from the maze with the dead body of Cedric she hadn't see her friend anymore. She was worried sick, not only because of the fact that Voldemort was back and Cedric was dead, but also about Harry and how he was dealing with all this. After all, he had been in the middle of it.

She was also thinking about the rumours that were going round, that professor Moody was not Mad-Eye Moody but a death-eater who had used polyjuice-potion.

Slowly she saw the sun coming up and was wondering what the day would bring. 'Well at least it can't be worse than last night.' She thought to herself. But little did she know.

OOOOOOOOOO

After a few hours Harry heard the rest of the room come to live. He heard most of the other guys going down, probably to get breakfast in the Great Hall. Harry however had not heard his friend leave yet, so he assumed Ron would be waiting for him.

'I'm really not in the mood for talking right now,' Harry thought to himself so he decided to act as if he was still asleep.

"Harry, are you awake?" Ron's voice asked from the bed next to him.

Harry didn't answer and tried to make some snoring noises to prove he was still asleep. The snoring noises however didn't really sound convincing so he was kind of surprised when he heard Ron leaving the room.

Now that Harry was alone, he threw the sheets of him and sat up right against the wall behind him. Before he knew what was going on he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He tried to stop crying but he just couldn't. He put his head in his hands ad stated sobbing uncontrollable.

Harry stayed in this position for at least an hour before the tears finally stopped. He got out of his bed and put on some fresh clothes. He walked down to common room and ignored the fact that everybody stopped talking and was staring at him, as he walked out of the portrait. His head didn't really know where his feet were taking him but soon he was outside.

Without even thinking he walked over the Hogwarts grounds, and made his way to the great lake. Quickly he walked to his favourite spot behind a few bushes and sat down on a rock. 'At least nobody can see me here,' he said to himself.

OOOOOOOOOO

Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall on her own. Everybody else already had finished breakfast before she even was out of her bed. When professor McGonagall had seen her walk in to the Great Hall she quickly had ordered a few house-elves to arrange some breakfast for her.

Hermione tried to eat some of the fruits that the elves had placed in front of her, but she simply couldn't eat. She felt sick in her stomach and knew if she would eat anything, it wouldn't stay inside her very long. Instead of eating she took small sips from her cup of tea.

She had heard the people in the common room talk about Harry and heard that they had seen him leave the Gryffindor tower but she wasn't really surprised to not see him here. She knew Harry would get a lot of unwanted attention the coming weeks and she felt so bad for him.

'Why does all this stuff always happen to him,' she asked herself while staring at the wood of the table in front of her.

Although she was the only student in the Great Hall by now, she could feel the eyes of professor McGonagall and Dumbledore stinging in her back. She quickly stood up from her place and left the hall. She really wanted to find Harry, she knew he would need somebody right now, even though he didn't want it.

OOOOOOOOOO

Harry was staring at the bushes in front of him and felt extremely tired. He knew he had to sleep but every time he had tried, images of last night appeared in his 'dreams'. Again he was sitting with his head in his hands and again he felt tears trickling down his face.

'Stop crying,' he said to himself out loud. 'STOP CRYING!'

Again he started sobbing. He hated this feeling so much, the overwhelming feeling when it all is just too much.

'Why always me, please tell me why,' he said to himself between the sobs. A question that he would repeat so many times the next few days.

Harry knew that his friends were probably looking for him by now, especially Hermione. She was always the one who was worried so much about Harry. He couldn't really describe how much she meant to him. Not only was she his best friend, she was like a friend, sister, mother and teacher all in one person.

Of course there was Ron as well, but he never was really worried about Harry, as long as they could talk about Quidditch and play chess. Ron most of the time failed to notice how Harry was feeling. Hermione however, always knew how he felt, even if he didn't know himself.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Hermione decided to start looking for Harry and was going through all the places where he might could be in her head.

She walked to the Astronomy tower to see if he was there but he wasn't. Hermione checked dozens of classrooms and all the secret passages she knew, before trying her luck outside.

After being an hour outside, Hermione went back inside. She had checked the Quidditch pitch and the locker-rooms, had been to Hagrid to check if Harry was there and then had just walked over the Hogwarts grounds in the hope to find him.

As she walked in the common room she spotted Ron sitting in a chair, chatting with Dean and Seamus.

"Hey Ron, do you know if Harry's up in his bed?" Hermione asked when she stood next to the red haired boy.

Ron shook his head. "I don't even think he is the tower at this moment," Ron said. "He probably wants to be alone right now," he added.

Hermione just nodded and walked out of the portrait again. Just as she was thinking about giving up her search, an idea came to her mind.

"Dobby?" she whispered after she had entered an empty classroom.

A second of silence was followed by a soft 'pop' noise when dobby appeared.

"How can Dobby help you mistress Granger?" Dobby squeaked with his high voice.

"Dobby can you find out where Harry is?" Hermione asked. "I really need to know where he is, I guess you heard what happened yesterday?"

Dobby nodded and looked much more sad now. "Oh yes mistress Granger, Dobby has heard," he said with his ears hanging down. "I know where Harry Potter sir is."

Dobby started describing the place that Harry was at the moment. After he was finished Hermione gave the little house-elf a quick hug, much to his excitement, before she raced out of the classroom.

OOOOOOOOOO

Harry finally managed to stop his tears. He sat with his back against an old oak tree and was making circles in the ground with the back of his wand.

'Why am I even here, why am I even still alive?' he asked himself. 'Being dead would be so much easier to be honest, now I have all this shit going on.'

Before Harry could stop himself he had taken a small, sharp-edged stone in his hand and had pulled the sleeve of his robe up. He could feel tears in his eyes again as he began to scratch over his lower arm with the stone.

Tears rolling down his face, Harry started to put more and more pressure on the stone in his hand. Just as he saw a few trickles of blood appearing on his arm he heard branches breaking behind him. Within a second he had dropped the stone, rolled down his sleeve and had his wand in his hand.

Just as he wanted to shout some of the nastiest spells he knew, Hermione appeared between two of the lower bushes.

'Of course she came here, she always knows where to find me,' Harry sad to himself before lowering his wand. He sat back down against the tree.

OOOOOOOOOO

Without saying a word, Hermione dropped next to him. She didn't say a word, she just wanted to let Harry know she was here for him. She always would be there for him.

Every few minutes she looked at her friend, struggling with the silence between them. She was always somebody who had talked about everything, but now she had no clue what to say. She saw that Harry looked extremely tired.

She also noticed that every time he seemed to fall asleep, he would almost jump up as if he was scared.

After a few hours she could no longer take it and took his hand. She felt him almost pull back, something he would never do, but after a second or two he accepted her hand in his. Together they sat in silence again, but lost in their own thoughts, but also both thinking about the same.

OOOOOOOOOO

"Harry I think we better go back inside," he heard Hermione saying with a small voice. "It's almost midnight."

Harry didn't reply to her but he slowly got up from his place under the tree, his hand never leaving the one of Hermione. He could feel the cuts he had made earlier on his other arm and quickly put that hand in the pocket of his robes.

Still without saying a word he helped Hermione stand up with the hand that was holding her.

'Even in his darkest times, he is still so sweet,' Hermione thought to herself after Harry helped her up.

Harry and Hermione walked extremely slow due to their body's being very sore. They had sat by the lake almost the entire day.

OOOOOOOOOO

When they entered the Gryffindor tower Harry and Hermione were both very glad to see that everybody already went to sleep. Even Ron, Hermione noticed with a kind of sad feeling.

Instead of going to their dorms Harry and Hermione sat down on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

"You don't want to sleep either?" Hermione asked with a small voice.

Harry shook his head. "I don't think I ever want to sleep again," Harry whispered and noticed how dry his mouth was. It was the first time he spoke since the evening before.

"Oh Harry," Hermione whispered and sat a bit closer to him. So close that her leg was pressed against his but she didn't care. "Do you mind if I stay up with you?" Hermione asked.

For the first time today Harry looked Hermione right in the eyes. After a few moments of silence he slowly shook his head. He then turned his attention back to the fire.

After another hour or two Harry could see Hermione struggling with staying awake.

"You should go to sleep 'mione," Harry whispered after he had seen the dark circles underneath her eyes.

Hermione quickly shook her head. "I'm not leaving you Harry," she said quickly while giving Harry's hand a little squeeze.

"Well then just sleep here," Harry said. "The couch here is big enough and you really need some sleep.

After a few seconds of staring at him, Hermione nodded her head and pulled her legs up on the couch, curling herself up like a cat.

With a small flick of his wand, Harry made a sheet appear out of nowhere and gently threw it over her. He could see half a smile appear on her face for a second, before it turned back to the serious expression.

After a few minutes Hermione closed her eyes. That didn't mean she was asleep though, she couldn't sleep, her mind was way too busy processing everything.

After what seemed like ages Harry was convinced his friend was asleep next to him on the couch. Finally he felt safe enough to let his emotions out once again. Silently the tears made their way down his cheeks and after short while he was sobbing softly.

It seemed there were enough tears inside Harry to fill a whole ocean. Minutes later he was still sobbing. He tried his best to keep the sobs as quiet as possible, trying not to disturb Hermione's sleep, but little did he know that she wasn't even sleeping at all.

When Hermione heard the soft noises coming from Harry she opened her eyes a fraction of a millimetre, just enough to see him. There she could see him, sitting there crying and sobbing. It was just too much for her and within seconds she felt her own tears on her own cheeks.

Harry looked up with a shocked expression when he heard a noise coming from Hermione. When he looked at her he could see the tears and realized she had woken up.

In an instinct, Harry forgot his own tears for a second. His had went from Hermione's hand to her cheeks and quietly wiped her tears from her skin with his fingers. Hermione opened her eyes and sat upright on the couch.

Hermione had felt a small feeling of relief when she felt Harry's fingers on her cheeks. For a second she had feared he would be angry when he realized she had seen him crying. But on the other hand it was Harry, and it was very unlikely for him to be angry with her.

Every few seconds a tear made its way down over her face, and every time Harry gently wiped them away with his finger.

After a while she felt herself almost falling asleep again. She really had to focus a hundred percent to keep her eyes open at this moment.

"It's alright 'mione, you can go to sleep," she heard Harry whisper after he brushed yet another tear away. "I'm here, I'm staying here."

She slowly nodded and just let her head fall down, only to fall on the softness of Harry's leg. For a second she thought about moving but then she felt his hand gently going through her hair, so she knew she could stay right where she was.

Harry for his part felt himself calm down as he was playing with Hermione's hair. He still couldn't sleep but for the first time today he felt calm and safe.