Chapter 1: Awaken

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or the characters.

I wanted to step away from SasuNaru for a bit. I've been watching allot of Saiyuki lately and have played a very interesting game called Heavy Rain for PS3. I stayed up all night and beat it in only 10 hours. I got the good ending thank god. Anyway, this fic is VERY loosely based off the game and some of its details. Allot of it is my own so there is no copy right or something like that . . . Anyway, I hope you like it.

R&R PLZ!

Chapter one: 2:44 a.m.

His head and his arm ached as he stared out across the ocean of cement and metal. People screamed from either surprise or fright, gathering in crowds around him. Footsteps pounded the pavement as he clutched the weight held against his chest. Something was moist . . . Wet and coating his arms and legs. He glanced down and at first had no idea what he was holding. He held a human body but it seemed . . . Misshapen and torn. It took him a few moments to recognize the shape of a small child. A boy no older than ten or eleven. He had a hard time recognizing the face, lost in a blur of disfiguration and blood. It took him even longer to know he had been holding the child as his blood seeped into his clothing.

Why was he holding him? Why was he bleeding?

The sense of fear or sorrow didn't even register to his mind. He sat like that as the people around him continued to yell. He barely heard crying somewhere until he realized it was coming from his own mouth. Another person was crying too, screaming as she reached toward him in a mass of limbs and tears. He could only copy her sadness as her eyes burned and died. He looked back down at the small being and finally felt overwhelming sadness.

He woke up.

His eyes seemed to pop open as a thunder crash resonated from outside. His eyes scanned the room as nothing but the sound of his breathing filled the room. He sat up carefully from his lying position on the large leather couch. The cable had gone out and he saw nothing but static hissing back at him. He reached out and grabbed the remote, turning off the sound. The rest of his studio apartment was cloaked in a slight darkness, coated only in the lights from the streets. Rain pounded his large scenic windows as the noise of the city inhabited the outside. He blinked and rubbed his head, noticing he was still wearing his glasses. He ran piano fingers through dark chocolate hair as his green eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room.

Cho Hakkai Gonou sat up and winced as his neck cracked. He looked at the clock above the microwave on his far wall and sighed.

2:44 a.m.

He rubbed his neck as the numbers slowly switched to the next minute. He felt wide awake but tinged with extreme fatigue. He stood on shaky legs, his work pants still clothing his lanky form. He walked sock footed over to the windows and stared down at the city and the minuscule number of cars. Some bar goers were heading home and tucking themselves into their jackets against the rain and wind. It fell heavily, making the city seem dark and eerie. Hakkai backed up and gently put his forehead on the window, letting the cold seep into his hot skin. His mind wandered back to his dream and he clenched his eyes shut. Things like this had been happening to him for quite a while lately. He backed up from the windows and walked across his carpeted floor. Approaching his bathroom on the other side of the studio he entered it, leaving the door open. It was a large room with a walled shower and clawed tub on the other side. He passed the sink and checked his face in the mirror. He sighed as he pulled his wife beater over his head and let his pants drop to the floor. He entered his wall shower and turned on the water. He jumped as the coldness hit his face and relaxed a moment later when it turned to warmth. Closing his eyes he watched the steam rise and collect around him.

And now . . . He would be up for the rest of the night.

The next day found Hakkai sitting with his therapist in her small cozy office. Rain pounded her skylight window as she greeted him and brewed her coffee. He never considered himself very sociable but even loners needed someone to talk to. He dragged himself from his quite apartment and made a call to his usual person. She was a nice woman, very educated and that was half the reason he liked to talk to her. She asked more of the meaning of things much more than how he felt about them. Hakkai had realized how he has frustrated his last shrink by feeling nothing most of the time and simply wanting an explanation more so than an emotional stand point.

He took the coffee that was offered and sat on the comfortable lounge chair. He watched her walk to her seat and grabs a notepad. She sat elegantly which gave off a sense of professionalism.

"I'm sorry you came in the rain, I could have talked with you over the phone," she smiled. Hakkai looked up from his coffee into her auburn eyes. He smiled despite himself and motioned to the window.

"Its all right, rain never really bothered me," he answered. It was the taxi ride that always made him anxious, fast-moving vehicles made him nervous.

"So I take it, you were up again all night? Another bad dream?" she asked lightly, still looking at the window. That was another thing he liked about her, she never made too much eye contact. He grew nervous with people staring at him for long periods of time.

"Yes, this time though it was rather violent more so than strange," he said. She nodded and crossed her legs over her tan slacks. Hakkai couldn't help but notice how her color scheme always matched her eyes.

"Do you think it's the dreams that cause you to lack sleep or environmental?" she asked, scratching her pen across her pad. Hakkai thought that over.

"I'm not sure; it feels more like I was never meant to have sleep. I suppose . . . Sleep just never needed me," he answered. He hoped he didn't sound too poetic. She hummed and tilted her head turning toward him.

"How long have you been sleep deprived?" she asked softly.

"Years possibly, but I never had dreams to accompany them. Half of it was just natural lacking," he said, sipping his coffee. Even now he could feel the pull of tiredness. He was awake but at the same time felt like he was dragging a large weight around that was attached to his eyelids.

"Since childhood?" she questioned.

"Well . . . It was minor but it got worse since my sister passed. It could be out of habit. I constantly stayed awake all night for her when she was hospitalized. My last doctor commented that it could be part of some trauma or I can't unfix myself from a routine," he explained. She scribbled something down and tapped her pen against the pad.

"Out of the seven-day average week, how many are successful for a full night? Relatively at least eight or six hours?" she asked. Hakkai set down his coffee and got comfortable. He stretched across the lounge couch and stared at her nice cream-colored ceiling.

"I get maybe one or two nights of full sleep. Those are the night though that I don't dream . . . I have a sleep aid but it doesn't help. I've tried changing my routine several ways. I go jogging or change eating habits, stay up later or get up earlier. Hot showers to my treadmill, typing for long hours, pacing, changing the temperature in my apartment, music or nature sound albums . . . Nothing helps," he answered softly. It was quite for a moment, nothing but the sound of her writing on her pad.

"Lets talk about the dreams, you said they weren't usually so violent?" she said, uncrossing her legs and scratching her chin. Hakkai closed his eyes and listened to the rain.

"I think someone was dying in my arms. It was a child . . . A boy no older than ten or so. I was sitting on the pavement and held him as he bled to death. People all around me were screaming, especially a woman, I think it was the boy's mother. I didn't feel and sorrow until before the instant I woke up. I don't know how it all came to be . . . But I feel like I tried to do something for him and failed. Usually the dreams I have are large cases of de ja vue and I often see them through my regular day. Whether something is, someone says or numbers I hear or read. On occasion it's a conversation or action I do," he whispered. The therapist made another throat noise and set down her pad on her side table. She leaned back laced her fingers together as she closed her eyes.

"Forgive me for asking and feel free to avoid the question but . . . Tell me how your sex life has been?" she asked. Hakkai knotted his brows but felt a bubble of surprise enter him. He opened his eyes and actually sat up on the couch. He hadn't thought about sex in so long he completely eliminated it from his life.

"Not since . . . There was one girl before my sister passed, a girlfriend. We were only intimate once but that was eight years ago. We broke up because her father didn't like me, said I was creepy. That was when I lost my virginity though so . . . I'm afraid sex in my life has been set on the back burner," he answered honestly. He looked up to see his therapist smiling at him.

"One change you haven't made is intimacy. Sex is a release for both mental and unknown stress we are or are not aware of. I believe this change may open you up to both relationships and work off any extra energy you might have. I'm not asking you to be reckless but, a possible occasion of intimacy may change your mind set and help you relax," she offered.

Hakkai thought it over but felt a lump of apprehension settle in his gut. It was a change, but one he would have to consider. He didn't see himself as very sexually active and he had never responded to touch or the innuendo's people flew at him as he passed local strip clubs. He settled back down against the lounge and looked at her.

"I'll . . . Think about it. Thank you for your time," he said. She smiled and unlaced her fingers.

"You're welcome, see you next time and stay dry," she said kindly.

The next few hours for him flew as he returned home and got ready for work. He wore his heavy rain jacket and read the paper as he stood on the subway. People around him coughed and sneezed as he covered his mouth and squeezed passed them to exit the train. He entered the street and took a right past the hot dog stand. He walked up the large stone steps of the busy building and flashed his I.D. card to the person behind the employees' desk farther into the building.

"Hey, morning Kai'," the guard smiled, letting him through the gate. Hakkai smiled at him and nodded his head.

"Good morning Jeremy," he said kindly.

Jeremy continued to smile at him as he passed and walked down another hallway. People passed him in flurries and groups as he hugged the wall to let them pass. People called to each other from room to room as papers were handed and phones range. He wondered briefly what was going on but concentrated on his own task. He went to the mail room as part of his routine and went to the large crate in the corner labeled for the file room. He picked up the box and frowned at the weight of it. He opened it and sighed as stacks of messy coffee stained reports awaited to be filed. Hakkai worked as a filing clerk in the local down town precincts. It was his job to fetch, file or report evidence or needed case work. He picked up the box and almost ran into someone coming into the mail room.

"Oh, sorry Hakkai, I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning," Jien smiled, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. Hakkai blinked at the larger man as he noticed Jien's tie was almost undone and there was a cigarette burn near his collar. Hakkai caught his box and smiled at the dark-haired male.

"It's quite all right, it seems everyone is in a bit of a rush as well," he said. Jien noticed the box he had and frowned at how Hakkai was trying to lug it around.

"Here let me carry that, it looks heavy," he said, taking it from him. Hakkai sighed and rubbed his sore arms.

"Thank you, I hate to bother you but would you mind just following me to the basement with it?" he asked. Jien smiled and gave him a small wink.

"Of course, let these strong-arms take you anywhere you want to go," he smiled. Hakkai held back a bubble of laughter and just rolled his eyes. Unconsciously though he felt his face heat up.

"Very well," he replied, walking out of the mail room. They held a light conversation as they walked toward the basement door. A woman suddenly ran up to them and addressed Jien, her blouse wrinkled and her hair coming out of its ponytail.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I need Jien back. The chief is on her way and we still need to make out reports," Jien's partner, Yaone replied. Hakkai took his box back and looked toward Jien.

"It's all right, thank you for this much," he said. Jien smiled in apology.

"No prob, sorry to run but I gotta go," he said.

Hakkai watched as the two went down the hall and disappeared into some offices. Hakkai took his box and walked to the basement door, unlocking it and going down the narrow stairs. His job was small and in tight spaces but it was important none the less. He was good at it and often remembered every bit of paper work he had ever filed. He walked down the stairs and walked up to his desk at the end. The place had concrete floors and shelves upon shelves of books and evidence bagged and collecting dust. He set the box on his desk and removed his coat, setting it on the hooks near the bathroom. He heard a sudden knocking on his security door and turned. He smiled at the other and hit the button on his desk near his phone. Commissioner Kougaiji smiled at him as he walked through the door. It had been a few days since Hakkai had seen his childhood friend. His long red hair was still the same along with his sharp gaze and lightly browned skin. He wore a long black trench that swept his ankles as he walked. His grey suit was slightly damp around the shoulders as his shoes made slightly wet foot prints on the floor. Hakkai gave a small inward chuckle when he saw Kou loosen his tie almost down to his mid chest and leaving it that way.

"Sorry it's been so long, I had a case in the next county," he said, walking up and leaning against Hakkai's desk. The brown haired male smiled and shook his head.

"It's all right; it's only been a few days. You know . . . You don't have to take so much time to see me," he said back.

"Visiting you enables me for some form of intelligent conversation. If I stay in a room with another detective for one minute longer I might do something I regret," Kou's deep voice mumbled out. Hakkai laughed and opened his large box of files. The brown haired male reached up and rubbed his sore sleep deprived eyes. He felt a gaze on him and saw Kou's narrowed eyes inspecting him. The other came forward and invaded his personal space. Hakkai was used to the behavior and didn't move or flinch as Kou ran his thumb under the semi noticeable bags under his eyes. Hakkai closed his eyes as he felt Kou press the skin and cup his chin gently.

"The dreams again?" Kou asked in a slightly concerned voice. Hakkai stepped back and continued to empty his box.

"Yes, but it was the first one in a while so it's all right. I saw my therapist and decided to think some things over. I'll be fine in a couple of days," he said right away. Kou's concern was appreciated as much as it was aggravating. Kou made a sound but crossed his arms.

"You should stay with me and my sister again in India. She likes it when you visit and you always seem to sleep well up there," he offered. Hakkai mulled the offer over; sleeping up there was very nice.

"Maybe this summer, let your sister finish her semester first," Hakkai smiled.

"Seriously Kai, I'm starting to get really nervous, you're so pale," he commented. Hakkai smile became a little strained. It was true that extreme lack of sleep had been known to cause death or permanent health problems.

"It'll be all right, I'm making a few changes for myself, if they don't work I'll go straight back to my doctor. I promise all right? So please don't worry about it," he answered. Kou seemed a little satisfied as he took a step back from the desk. He fixed his tie back up to his neck and ran fingers through his long and semi wet hair.

"I have to get back but let's grab lunch," he said, gaze completely serious and business like. Hakkai smiled lightly and knew grabbing lunch meant he had to be there. Kou wasn't one for offers so much as he expected the person invited to show. It was also his small way of knowing that Hakkai was at least eating once and a while around him. Hakkai had seen the small gestures of concern from lunch invites to offering him dishes of food someone else had given him but claimed he didn't like.

Hakkai nodded at his long time friend.

"All right, but something light," he said in confirmation. Kou smiled his rough smile and waved as he turned toward the security door.

"See you at two," he said.

TBC