i wrote this on a sort of silly whim

but i personally thought it was pretty amusing

disclaimer: dont own

Pregnancy

First Month

"Neji?" TenTen called, staring down at her stomach as she absentmindedly twirled a kunai in one hand and held a destroyed piece of plastic in the other. "I think I might be pregnant."

Choking, Neji stared at his wife for a few seconds before asking slowly, "How do you know?" His voice was cautious as he crept forward to place a hand on her shoulder and take the kunai from her hand. Remembering how dangerous Sakura and Temari and even Hinata had been when they were pregnant made him fear for his life.

"Hmm?" she murmured, "Oh. I bought a pregnancy test and it said yes but I got so upset that I destroyed it."

"…..Oh."

Second Month

TenTen brushed her fingers along the barely noticeable bump on her belly, "Sakura," she mumbled through a bite of ice cream, "Am I supposed to be showing this much?"

"Uh, you might be having twins?" Sakura suggested, licking away at her own ice cream. "I'm not really sure. To be perfectly honest with you, Hinata's better to go to if we're talking of children and pregnancies and whatnot. She knows a lot more about it."

"You've just been through it more because you and Sasuke are at it like rabbits. Don't you ever get tired?"

"TENTEN!"

Third Month

"Neji," TenTen whispered poking him on the side.

Resisting the urge to groan Neji rolled over. "What's the matter, TenTen?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible. "Does your back ache again?"

A small pout sprung on TenTen's lips as she whispered, "No, but I'm having cravings again."

"Again?" he asked a little exasperated. Slowly, he got up and began pulling on his clothes, "What do you want to eat?" His voice was silky smooth and surprisingly nice for a husband that had to get up at two am for the last three weeks just to get his wife food.

"Cup ramen."

Blinking, Neji tried to process what she had just said. "Cup ramen."

"Uh huh."

"Just that?" he asked curiously, remembering the random and often gross cravings that Sakura and Hinata and Ino had had; Temari's had been pretty standard but he found out that she ate strange food on a regular basis anyway. "Only cup ramen?"

"And asparagus with chocolate….. and chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate…. Do you think ramen will taste bad with chocolate?" TenTen asked cutely, a small pout growing on her lips as she thought, "Would that be okay?"

Resisting the urge to puke at the thought of ramen with chocolate, Neji nodded patiently, dropped a kiss on her forehead, and walked out the door to fold to the whim of his beautiful wife.

Fourth Month

"Who eats ramen with chocolate?" Naruto asked through a disgusting mouthful of ramen. There was a fascinated, fearful sort of disgust on his face, the same expression that had crossed the rest of his friends that Neji had recently asked. "I mean, Hinata tried to cook fruit into our ramen once, but chocolate?"

"Fruit?"

"Yeah, she had a fruit obsession during her first month," Naruto quickly explained, grabbing his Hokage hat and getting up from his seat, "And I need to go, there's a whole bunch of paperwork I need to finish before Hinata forgives me and lets me off the couch."

"Hinata-sama kicked you into the couch?" Neji asked a little incredulously. He couldn't see quiet, meek Hinata doing such a thing to Naruto who she had admired for forever.

"Yeah, she's even using Daisuke against me, which is unfair."

"She's…. that confident?"

"Ohhhhh yeah!" Naruto said cheerfully, "Jeez, at our honeymoon—"

Slapping his money on the table, Neji quickly left Ichiraku.

Fifth Month

"I feet fat…" TenTen whined, wrapping her hands around her now ample stomach. "Like really fat…." she whined again as she ate another scoopful of ice cream.

"You're not fat," Neji reminded her patiently since the last three hours that she had started whining, "You are, however, pregnant."

"So I'm fat."

"No."

"Yes."

"TenTen, you are pregnant with our child. Fat does not belong anywhere near a wonder like that." To Neji's own surprise, he hadn't snapped. On the other hand, he could now understand why Hiashi-sama had told him to get ready for gray hairs.

"That's soooooo cool," TenTen suddenly crooned, rubbing her hand on her stomach, "Did you hear that? Your father's a sweet talker, just like you're gonna be when you grow up, Hizashi," she said cheerfully. "Isn't Daddy sweet?"

"Wait, Hizashi?" Neji asked in bewilderment.

TenTen's smile was blissful, "Well of course, silly, what else would we name him?"

Sixth Month

"Hizashi," Neji murmured, sounding like a lovesick idiot, "She wants to name him Hizashi….."

Shikamaru let out a sigh and resisted the urge to rip out hi ponytail, glancing at his wife, Temari, who was bouncing their son on her hip. Temari gave him a helpless shrug. This Neji was worse than the time when he had been "the Friend", the one that both sides of the relationship came to whine about how the other didn't like them.

"I can't believe it…."

"Neji, get a hold of yourself!" Shikamaru snapped at his fellow ANBU captain, "You sound like a lovesick fool." Shikamaru had found through experience that Neji usually responded best to blunt, direct demands.

"But she's naming him—"

"I get it!"

"Isn't that—"

"Yes! I know!"

Letting out a small sigh, Neji continued to stare at birds in flight, his expression practically dreamy. "Um," Temari interrupted hesitantly, looking like she was regretting what she said already, "You should, uh. Probably leave before TenTen and, uh, Hizashi get upset."

"Hizashi….." Neji mumbled, walking away in a sort of dazed manner, "She's calling him Hizashi…."

Seventh Month

"SHUT UP!" TenTen shrieked hurling a vase at Naruto's head. Instantly, he ducked, wincing as the glass shattered on the wall behind him. "THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY THAT NEJI'S DOING A FUCKING MISSION WHEN I'M FUCKING FAT AND OBESE AND PREGNANTTTTTTT!"

"R-R-R-Right, of course!" Naruto stammered, glancing to his wife for help, "Um, O-O-Of course N-N-Neji won't go on that m-mission, r-r-r-r-right Neji?"

"TenTen, calm down," Neji said soothingly, wrapping his arm securely around her to restrain her arms as well as hug her, "I'm not going on a mission until our child is at least a month old, I'm not going to leave you alone, it's okay."

Soothed, TenTen straightened and gaze Naruto a sweet, dangerous, scary as hell smile, "Of course that's what's gonna happen, right Hokage?" she crooned before she turned around and walked back into the bedroom.

"I don't know how you deal with her, Neji," Naruto mumbled, fear in his eyes and tone as he took Hinata's hand and slowly began backing away from the apartment like it was poison, "She's like a scary demon, you know?"

"TenTen's beautiful," Neji said calmly, gesturing Naruto away, "And I'm going to be off duty for two months."

"WHA—! But Neji!" The only response Naruto got was the door slammed in his face. "Damn!"

Eighth Month

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OH FUCK!" TenTen screeched as her body practically seemed to ripple as the pain ripped through her. "FUCK! NEJI I SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCKING CASTRATE YOU WITH A RUSTY KUNAI WHEN I GET HOME!" she screamed.

Neji turned his frightened gaze on Tsunade-sama as TenTen's grip crushed the bones of his hand, "Tsu-Tsunade-sama?" he whispered hesitantly, "Is this normal?"

"Yep," she answered shortly, "Oh! PUSH, TENTEN! PUSH! Come on, now, I'm seeing the things head, PUSH!"

After another maybe ten minutes of swearing and hand crushing and pushing and cursing and screaming, TenTen was unconscious with a baby in her arms and Neji was nursing a broken hand with Tsunade-sama's assistance.

"Are pregnancies always this bad?" he whispered quietly, glancing at his now peaceful wife.

Laughing, Tsunade-sama gently tightened the bandage. "You should have heard Sakura when she was giving birth, Sasuke was both scared and felt guilty because of all the things she reminded him of while in pain. He kept buying her little presents for five months straight." Tying the knot, Tsunade-sama offered him a smile, "Don't worry, the first is generally the worst."

"N….. Neji," murmured a sleepy voice.

Instantly attentive, Neji grasped TenTen's hand with his good one, "TenTen," he breathed, "Hizashi's right there."

A small laugh escaped TenTen and she gave him a sleep, but sheepish, grin, "I didn't mean what I screamed, I think….." she mumbled before she drifted off to sleep.

Neji let out a little groan and collapsed into the chair. "She thinks? What's that supposed to mean?"

poor neji

i ADORE torturing him

its SUCH an amusing passtime

thanks for reading

please review!

(if you want me to do other couples review that for me but i wont do it if i dont like that couple)