Warning: Very triggering content, mainly of self-harm. If you have triggers of that nature, then I advise you NOT read this story.
Regina barely feels it when she presses a knife to her arm. She pushes harder, and then even harder still, only to find that there is nothing for her to feel.
How can there be, when she isn't human?
One might disagree, at one point she would have herself, but she knows better now. She's a monster, and monsters don't feel. Not love, not pain, nothing.
The evil queen. That's who she is. Regina is but a long gone memory of a person she once was, before the transformation.
She presses the knife to her skin again, harder this time, a twisted grin appearing on her face as she watches the scarlet blood pool on her arm. Beautiful.
She squeezes her arm, trying to get even more of it to come out, and indeed, it starts forms streaks of the crimson liquid, down her arm. It starts to dry right before it starts to drip off.
She makes another cut, this time a quick, sharp, swipe right down her arm.
Regina nearly laughs at it all. They all run after the monster, when all the while, the monster is saving them the effort of killing her.
She's doing it to herself.
Perhaps not all at once, but slowly yet surely, each cut brings her closer to her own demise. Every time she presses the knife to her skin and finds that sweet, sweet, relief, she's contributing to her own slow death.
Not that anyone else would ever know, no, she hid it well, healing it with her magic over and over, only to repeat again.
Because that's what monsters deserve. Pain, and agony. Well... Self destruction seemed like a nice route to achieve her ends.
She doesn't mind though. Hardly, there's a reason why she continues to do it. Because the pain is the only thing that makes her real, that keeps her alive. Because without it, she has no feeling, no emotion, nothing.
Only bitter loneliness and remembrance of who she used to be.
There's a knock on the door, and Regina doesn't even bother healing her arm this time. Like anyone would care. On the off chance that it's Henry she can make an excuse, say that she had an accident.
He wouldn't question it.
She opens it, noticing a small creek in the hinges and making a note to have them oiled again.
It's Emma.
"Hello miss Swan" she says, her voice a dull, static, monotone. It's not like the other woman, no, the only woman for she can't be a woman, that would make her human, something she was beyond all certainty, not.
"Hi Regina, wait what's wrong with your arm" Emma says, her voice immediately filled with concern.
"Oh, it's nothing. I've done worse" Regina says, continuing in her monotone. As if the concern is really for her, after all. She just wants to make sure it won't affect Henry. That's all.
"You've done worse-Regina, you did this to yourself" Emma says, clearly about to have an outburst, but in an impressive show of both skill and experience, managing to restrain herself.
"Yes, why" Regina asks, not seeing any problem with it at all. Really, if it weren't for Henry, she'd be confused as to why Emma was even caring.
"Why, Regina, this isn't okay" Emma says, her voice nearly a shout but not quite. Still trying to keep a bit of restraint, Regina notes. But why? Why would she even need to? It wasn't like she actually cared, was it?
"On the contrary. Seeing as this is the first time you, or anyone else, has noticed this particular activity of mine, I'd say that it's perfectly acceptable" Regina replies, her tone shifting slightly this time, to a simple, matter-of-fact one. Because that's all this is. So long as she continues to heal herself, so they can still feel a bit of satisfaction at being the ones to slay the ferocious beast, there is no problem, right?
Emma looks at her, disbelief evident on her face, in the are you serious kind of way. "And how the hell were we supposed to do that? It isn't like you make a habit of walking around with blood dripping off your arm onto the ground."
Regina looks down and indeed, the blood is dripping onto the stairs, staining them with ruby tones in little pools that spread themselves out until that can't be spread out anymore. "You weren't, but seeing as I thought it wouldn't matter anyways, I didn't bother healing them this time" she says, the words coming out slowly and deliberately, as she doesn't want to repeat them.
"You're kidding me, right? Of course it matters, why the hell wouldn't it" Emma asks, her emotions starting to manifest themselves a bit more, and Regina swears that she can see Emma counting to ten in an attempt to keep her cool.
"Because you're the hero, and I'm the villain, the monster. There's no reason for you to care, it won't change anything anyways. I'll still be evil, and you'll still be good. I'm just saving you the trouble of having to do it yourself" Regina says, rather sound in her logic. "Now, on the off chance that someone happens to walk by, I'd rather this conversation continued inside if you don't mind."
Once they're seated and Regina quickly uses her magic to send the knife to the kitchen, they continue. "You've got to stop it Regina."
"And why should I? To give you and the rest of your group of perfect people the satisfaction of doing it yourself? Of knowing that you did a good deed today just because you're the hero and it's your job? I don't think so. I don't need nor want your pity Miss Swan" she says, because she knows that's what it is. Pity. Because she couldn't possibly actually care.
"It isn't pity, it's concern. Hurting yourself, is... Well, it's pretty sick and twisted, and if you won't do it for me, then do it for Henry, because honestly, it isn't healthy Regina" Emma says simply, in that blatant, candid way she says things so often. Certainly not the most eloquent way of doing things, but it was oddly so much better than anything she would have heard from anyone else.
"I'm a monster, the evil queen. I've hurt so many people, I'm the reason that you didn't grow up with your parents, so how can you bring yourself to care" Regina finally asks her, after having paused for several seconds to figure out how to say it.
"Because even though I do get pissed at you for what you did every now and then...I remember that I've messed up too, and that you're not as bad as anyone, yourself included thinks" Emma says, taking a deep breathe before adding "you're not a monster, Regina. Or the evil queen or any other name that you've been called. You're Regina."
Regina softly repeats those words to herself, not a monster. Maybe, just maybe, she really is better than she's been giving herself credit for, Emma certainly thinks so at least.
And maybe for now, that's enough.
She vows to herself to quit, no matter what it takes.
This has been another oneshot from my sick and twisted mind. Hopefully I didn't mentally scar anyone with just how incredibly angsty that was. If I did, I sincerely apologize.
If you haven't guessed already, I do not and never will own Once Upon A Time, Regina Mills, or Emma Swan, much as I'd like to. Review anyways if you enjoyed, or review telling me what I did wrong if it was horrible.
Based on the song Monster by Skillet.