Title: Stratusfaction Guaranteed!

Author: Kaykyaka

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K

Characters: Trish Stratus, John Cena, Maria

Summary: Trish Stratus teaches John Cena how to wrestle.

RAW, March 2006:

"Cena calm down, you're freaking out!"

"You heard him, he said "You happen to not be a very good wrestler" The Game was laughing at me Maria, The Game!"

"Yeah I know who he is,"

"I suck, I might as well quit, I'll hand over the belt and call it a day. See ya!"

"Will you sit down,"

"Maria, I need you to be honest with me—"

"You suck, you can't wrestle to save your life,"

"Okay, thanks,"

"It's okay don't worry about it,"

"I'll see ya,"

"John I think I can help you,"

"Okay, tell all the fans to stop booing me,"

"No that would require some kind of hypnosis, what I'm talking about is a total re-adjustment,"

"But it's almost WrestleMania, there just isn't the time,"

"I guarantee that this teacher will have you locking wrists and tossing hips before then,"

"Really? Who is he?"

"Not he Cena, she,"

"Right, very funny. Later,"

"Very well, you leave me no choice: CENA SUCKS! CENA SUCKS! CENA SUCKS!"

"Alright alright, who is she?"

"Go to the gym early tomorrow morning, she'll be waiting for you,"

"Okay but this better work,"

"Have I ever steered you wrong?"

"You gave me directions to a gay club last week, Randy still won't talk to me,"

"Just be there disco queen,"

Early next morning:

"Hello?"

"I've been expecting you Cena,"

"You have?"

"Yeah, a guy can only suck for so long. And to think it took a promo from one of the world's best wrestlers to finally make you see what the fans are complaining about,"

"Am I that bad?"

"No, you're just not that good,"

"So I guess all is lost?"

"Do not despair my Reebok wearing friend, you couldn't possibly get any worse,"

"How inspiring, who are you?"

"I am the seven time women's champion, I am two time Babe of the Year, I am---"

"Trish Stratus!"

"And I am gonna make you wipe the floor with The Game at WrestleMania 22,"

"Okay are you nuts? I could squeeze the life outta you,"

"G'head, give me your best shot,"

"Whoa!"

"Unsettling isn't it?"

"How did you do that?"

"Cena do you want to kick Triple H's butt at WrestleMania or not?"

"Yes Sir, I mean, ma'am,"

"Call me Trish, oh and before we get started, you must promise that you won't breathe a word of this to anyone,"

"Why?"

"Vince would go nuts, I nearly got caught helping a guy out last year,"

"Really? Who?"

"Well let's put it this way, there ain't no stoppin' him now,"

"Man oh man, who blabbed?"

"His momma who else?"

"Hmmm, haven't seen her around since the Royal Rumble,"

"And you won't ever again, so do we have a deal?"

"Deal, where do we start?"

"Female anatomy 101: my eyes are up here,"

"Oops, sorry,"

Backstage after WrestleMania:

"I won, I won, I can't believe I won!"

"Cena, that was incredible!"

"Thanks Shawn,"

"Yeah man I can't believe that was you out there,"

"Thanks Rey, you the man!"

"No you the man, good job,"

"Congratulations all round sugar daddy,"

"Oh Trish, I'm sorry about your match,"

"Ah don't be, someone had to put Mickie over, I was happy to do it,"

"You're very generous,"

"And you are a very talented wrestler,"

"And you said it without laughing,"

"I could tell you felt really good out there,"

"Hey good job,"

"Thanks Trips,"

"Let's see how you do when I go up against you again – at Backlash,"

"At Backlash?"

"What's wrong, nervous that tonight was just a fluke and by tomorrow night everyone's gonna remember that---"

"Don't say it!"

"What's it to you Stratus?"

"It's nothing to me, just don't rain on his parade okay?"

"You're right – enjoy your victory Cena, I'm just a little shocked someone could go from being so bad to so good in a matter a days,"

"I was always that good, I just needed someone to bring it out,"

"Who?"

"Trips he's obvious talking about you, you've never had a bad match, except that one Royal Rumble against Scott Steiner,"

"That wasn't my fault!"

"Dude I never said it was, cheer up it's WrestleMania!"

"Man I thought he'd never leave – ow what was that for?"

"You nearly blew my cover!"

"Well I just think---"

"Well don't just think, you don't know what Vince'll do to me if he finds out I've been helping wrestlers win matches again,"

"Again? Trish how long have you been doing this?"

"It was December 9, the air was hot in San Diego and I couldn't calm Chris Jericho down . . . "

"Trish I did it, I became the first ever Undisputed Champion and it's all because of you!"

"No Jericho it wasn't because of me you just needed someone to believe in you, now calm down before somebody hears you---"

"I don't care if the whole world knows, Trish you helped me to become the first ever Undisputed Champion and for that I am eternally grateful,"

"Tell me that's not Vince McMahon standing angrily by the door staring a black hole into my brain?"

Ever since then, Vince has banned me from helping guys win their matches and Chris never regained the WWE Title,"

"Oh man that can't happen to me, I can't hold onto this without you Trish I just can't!"

"Yes you can Cena! Don't you see what happened? Jericho told himself the same thing and he ended up doubting his own God-given abilities. Don't make the same mistake, all you have to do is believe in yourself!"

"No Trish, all I had to do was find you and I have and I'm not letting you go!"

"Technically you didn't find me, Maria just couldn't stand to see you suffer and she came to me for help, otherwise this would never have happened,"

"But it did happen and when I find Maria I'm gonna give her a big kiss on the lips!"

"To express your solemn gratitude?"

"No because she's so freakin' hot!"

"I've gotta get out of this, but how?"

WWE Backlash, Sunday April 30th 2006:

"Trish what happened out there, it looked like you broke your arm?"

"Sure did!"

"But you're smiling, I'm confused,"

"Trish-Trish, we need to go over my match again – what's wrong with your arm?"

"I broke it,"

"You what!"

"'Fraid I won't be able to go over the match with you, oh well,"

"Trish quit messing around!"

"I'm not look – ow!"

"You mean it's really broken?"

"Uh-huh,"

"So I'm on my own?"

"Uh-huh,"

"But I'm facing two of the most toughest guys in the WWE for my Championship?"

"And I'll be cheering you on all the way through,"

"But I can't win without you!"

"Yes you can, I'm sorry Cena but I won't let what happened to Jericho happen to you, all you have to do is believe in yourself and I promise you'll win. Now go get 'em!"

After the WWE Championship match:

"Well whad'ya know, Cena beat two of the toughest guys in the WWE,"

"Yep and he did it all by himself – uh-oh look out Johnny!"

"Man that had to hurt!"

"Well you didn't think The Game was gonna let him get away with another victory without getting out the old sledgehammer did you?"

"Well the guy needed you to help him beat Trips the first time, how good of a Champ can he be?"

"All that matters is that he believes in himself again at least he will when he comes to, and I'm free,"

"Trish Stratus, can I see you in my locker room please?"

"Sure thing Trips, gees Maria what do you think he wants?"

"Oh I think you're about to help out another misguided soul,"

"Oh I don't think so – ow!"

"Trish what are you doing, you're gonna make it worse!"

"Yep I'm gonna milk this injury like a cow until people start believing in themselves again – now pick up that sledgehammer!"

"Okay but the last time I wielded one of these I put my Dad in the hospital for three months,"

"Batter up!"