The Disc. October 31st. And it's rainy

It was a stormy night in the Ramtops in late October. October 31st to be precise. Rain dropped down the mountainside, wind howled and it was cold and slippery. None of this bothered Granny Weatherwax, the greatest Witch of her time, at least so she said and she should know! as she pulled up her black skirts and made her way to a sheltered spot behind some rocks. She was old, one might say in her Sixties at least so it would appear, though her precise age was never said. Though she did fiddle about with a small mobile phone that she held in her hand. She put it to her ear, shook it and sighed. 'Bloody thing is on the blink again, it'll never catch on!' thought she as she struggled to replace it in her pocket(1).

Granny sighed, she did find technical matters a pain sometimes. She sat down, fiddled skillfully with some sticks and lit a fire to make a cup of tea, just the ticket for such a night. She looked on as the smoke lifted up into the sky and blew away upon the mountain. Granny flicked her black dress in the cold and wondered what had happened to her fellow Witches. Two of them should have been here by now and they were late, though Witches in principle were never late!

In front of her she heard a noise. It was a skeleton that moved and walked in the night in front of her. It pointed a ghostly finger in her direction and laughed manically, though why skeletons do that is hard to fathom. 'Wet evening, isn't it?' said Granny totally unbothered, she been a top-witch, saw Death all the time and such and Anthrompicwhateveritwas held no fears for her(2) she was totally safe.

EVENING GRANNY, HAVING A NICE CUPPA?'

'I will be, but forget it, you're not getting any!' snapped the Witch.

THERES NO NEED TO BE LIKE THAT! sniffed Death who then vanished on business.

'Strange though, death coming like that, he doesn't normally come around here!' Granny mused.

'Must be one of them potents!' said a cheerful voice behind her. 'Bloody wet isn't it!'

Granny didn't even need to turn around to see a friend and fellow with, Nanny Ogg(3) a Witch of similar age to her, block out the moonlight and dash rainwater over her hat much to her annoyance. 'Glytha, do mind my hat will you, it's rather against my current position to have rainwater dripping all over it!' she snapped, making her point by brushing the water of her hat onto the fire with sizzled.

'Oh, sorry I'm sure,' chuckled Nanny who took out a piece of pork, offered some to Granny and then took some ale from her clock and offered Granny but Granny refused the alcohol.

'Strong ale is a deceiver to the soul!' said the third witch, the younger one of the coven.

'You won't be wanting any either then!' laughed Nanny who in one gulp then drank the lot. A beast yowled on her shoulder, one of the most terrible creatures ever born on the Disc that creatures from miles around avoided. Worse than Dragons, Demons, Warlocks, Werewolves or any other type of nightly creatures that people liked to dress up as on Halloween. Her cat Greebo. Nanny smiled and patted it's head.

'Many are the strange potents that have been seen this evening!' the younger Witch, Magrat, screached with all her might as the other two sighed. 'Ghostly sights flew over the village, the chains rattled 3 times in unison, the river turned red with fire, a 3-headed dog ran through the high street and the headless man wandered outside of the Inn!' Magrat was a bit disappointed with the reaction of the other two.

'What is that it, then?' sighed Nanny.

'Not as many as last year, is it?' yawned Granny. The reaction of the other two was understandable as it happened, potents were seen in the Ramtops all the time, and not just as a reaction to people having too much of the famous Ramtop scrumble(4) so Magrat's revelations were not going to alarm the other two any. Magrat sighed and eat a bit of one of Nanny's biscuits which at least tasted good.

'I like last years' one with the Black Stallion,' said Nanny. 'I even saw it myself. A great bit black stallion it was, in the dead of night, galloping about in a dramatic fashion and breathing fire. A bit of a strange addition that was. However, the most interesting thing about this beast, was that between it's legs it had a really great big and extending...'

'That's quite enough of that!(5)' snapped Granny. 'Besides, that was the last challenge!'

'Sorry, I'm sure!' Nanny sniffed.

'There was one interesting thing, however. A genuine Warlock came to the village Inn. Of course, he was disguised, A Soul Eater even. Aren't too popular and they are rather rare. But he was spotted, firstly because he had rather more gold than is usually seen around here, and a patron, Mr.N saw a Warlock's globe hidden very carefully under his jacket.

Soul-Eaters were desciples of a particularly nasty Dark Lord cult. This involved someone cutting themselves, devoting totally loyalty to this Dark Lord which while increasing their own power to the extend that they could dominate their will over others, this did involve the said Dark Lord having the ability to control their own soul if it was in the Lord's interests(6) As this Dark Lord cult claimed lordship over the whole Disc, had been involved in countless of nasty incidents, and had the belief that child sacrifices, the younger the better! invoked the power of their Master, one can't wonder if they were treated with great suspicion by everyone else!

'Curious. If hes a Soul-eater, I bet he's up to no good. Did he say what he was doing?'

'A little, Granny. He said he was going up to the old mountain-range of Scarlack. That's haunted land isn't it?'

'You mean more haunted than usual. And it has some strange powers that none know of. I can't even claim myself to know of all of them. I'm only a humble witch after all!' said Granny been deliberately unconvincing with the 'Humble,' part. If there was one thing Granny couldn't do very well, it was false modesty. Nanny was good enough to scoff at that.

In fact, above Nanny's head there was a sight to chill the blood. A large, deadly eight-legged furry, black creature was dangling from a rock. It was about the size of a man's head.(7) It curled up it's front legs and was about to pounce at Nanny were it might very well have given her a nasty nip which could have had her in bed ill for weeks.

The demonic creature pounced. Then with a crunch, Greebo's furry paw landed upon it and Greebo bite the spiders body in half and eat it slowly in the corner. Tasty things, spiders for cats! But Granny said, thoughtfully, 'Soul-eaters, however! I think we should just check to see what they are doing, if we can! How far away is Scarlack?'

'Not too far, we can get there quickly on broomstick. I think we should check. Soul-eaters! That's our kind of job to deal with!' said Nanny, standing up and putting out the fire a little and moving up onto her broomstick. The others did the same and the 3 witches soared of into the night-sky above the mountain. The broomsticks silhouetted against the moon and stars of the Disc.

On the way, Granny looked down and could see some nightime activity. 'Some Dwarves down there!' said she.

Nanny gave a little grin, 'Really, I know something about Dwarves!'

'And what is that?' asked Granny in some desparation.

'One in seven are Happy!'(6.5) There was some stony silence from Granny and Magrat.

Flying a Broomstick could be cold at times, especially in the Ramtops when the night wind was howling. It might look dramatic a Witch riding on a broomstick in the night-sky, but it wasn't so easy to try. Anyway, Nanny happened to be the fastest flyer on this occasion, though this might have been something to do with her new broomstick, a Faruil 2000(8). One of the fastest new designs.

So, Nanny was a little ahead when she arrived at Scarlack. She did consider waiting for the others, but then she saw a sight down below. A figure in a grey clock with a metal mask with sharp, pointy, bloody, teeth pointing a stick at the sky and seemingly mumbling incarnations. This looked a bit warlock like. She thought about taking him out, but then she remembered that perhaps gaining information was more important.

Granny was normally better at this type of thing, but she wasn't here, so Nanny landed quietly behind a boulder and subtly performed a mind-reading spell. She stood in a trance, arms at her side and for a while was oblivious to the outside world as she read the Warlock's mind, as Greebo yowled and scampered of onto the mountainside. He could look after himself anywhere. It was in this state, that Granny and Magrat caught up with her and landed their broomsticks behind her.

'A beer please!' said Nanny a bit shakily.

'Ah, you need a beer to help with the trying time you have just had!' suggested Magrat.

'Nope, I just fancy a beer!'(9) said Nanny.

'Well, enough of this, what did you find out?' asked Granny as the Warlock had disappeared somewhere.

'Interesting stuff. It appears that they are trying to conjure a long distance oblivion spell. With the intention of destroying any magical users in a certain area. Were I'm not totally sure, I did get it, but I'm not sure I understood the place. Something about UU? Something University, not sure what that means and some place I haven't heard of!'

'An oblivion spell! Long range as well. Tricky and dangerous, they are!'

'What's one of those, Granny?' asked Magrat, the younger one of the coven.

'Well, an oblivion spell basically summons up forces to deal with and destroy all users of magic or those with magic abilities in a certain area. It can be deadly to Magicians yet harmless to non-magic users. Unless those magicians are fitted with a disarming spell, which if the attack is sudden I very much doubt they are. This is very serious and much be stopped. Which I, or rather, we, can do Nanny are you sure you didn't get the target?'

'Something about Apple-mumble? Apple crumble, perhaps?'

'Strange time to be taking about pudding!' muttered Magrat.

Nanny clicked her fingers,'No it wasn't I believe it was Ankky something? Ankh-Morpork, that was it! Wherever the heck that is! I've never heard of it. It does have to be said that Nanny's knowledge of geography was a bit limited although precise in her location. Though she might even have been there once! But Nanny had been to many places.

'Ankh-Morpork, you daft baggage, the largest city on the Delta plains. And the University must have been the Unseen University,' Granny questioned Nanny a bit more and found out what Nanny had discovered and summarized a little more. 'So, the Soul-eaters are planning to send an Oblivion spell to Ankh-Morpork. With the intention of causing widespread death to the Wizards there. Oh, except a few that have been immunized to this. Strange. You say Lord Rust has been mentioned? I've heard of him A major Ankh-Morporkian aristocrat. I shall definitely inform Vetinari of this. Not to trust that man, even if he can't find direct evidence.(10)

'Lets find all these Soul-eaters and blast 'em!' cried Nanny subtly.

'The problem is finding them. There scattered. I suggest we wait here for a while and see if they come back. This is the focusing point of the Oblivion spell. Not an easy one to do, so I'm guessing it will take all of them. Then we can destroy the focusing point and them as well. We strike too soon, we could scare them of and they might use it again away from us!' The 3 witches crouched in the shadows of the mountain boulders. Magrat sighed and had to brush of some spiders and rats and cobwebs.

After a short time, actually, the warlocks in their gray robes returned. They started chanting, a blue light glowed in their circle and Magrat could feel waves of power vibrating in the night-air. But the witches moved closer together and Granny and Nanny created a countering spell of their own. They could see a circle of stones with ghostly spirits from the dungeon dimensions, possibly, been summoned in their power. Some were screaming in tortured pain.

This was a dangerous and evil thing to muck about with as any Witch knew, in particular some as powerful as Granny and she was the best there was. Together, the Witches attacked and blasted the Soul-Eaters with rays of fire. The fight didn't last long. The Soul-eaters were no match for the Witches and they were soon destroyed. Only Magrat had been on her hat which had fallen, disrupting her hair.

There had been an impressive amount of explosions, banging and fire. But Guy Fawkes night is next week!

But as Nanny smiled grimly, Magrat looked at the smouldering circle. 'Er, ladies!'

'Yes!'

'This Oblivion spell seems to be still switched on!'

Granny moved quickly to look. This was true. Now this is a bit complex, but basically a small rocket loaded with magic had been fired already and was on it's way to Ankh-Morpork. It was travelling at a deadly speed and in fact would be there in some minutes. Once it landed on the UU it would launch magic waves, deadly to all Wizards in the nearby area. Even those that didn't spell it properly. Though Rincewind might have survived.

'Can we recall it?'

'I can't reach it, but I can use a counter-spell to catch it and disable the thing. However it is way ahead. It is touch and go as to weather I can reach it in time!' hastily, but accurately the 3 created the counter-spell and Granny had to use part of her broomstick to carry it and chase after the rocket. It raced of at speeds well above the normal safety rates and which Granny could not possibly use normally. (11)

Through the many miles of the Disc, the dregs of Granny's broomstick chased the Soul-eaters rocket. It was touch and go as Granny had said. The Soul-eaters rocket had just reached the walls of Ankh-Morpork. It was just entering the city and only seconds from the UU. When Granny's broomstick hit the rocket, destroying it's magic and causing to fall, harmlessly, upon the Citys streets.

Such was what Granny had seen. Later she received a thank you note from Ridicully the Wizards cheif who had said that the drebs of the boulder had been found and investigated and it was seen what had happened. The 3 witches had become quite heroines amongst some in the Wizards circle, but many had no idea what had happened. But this was later.

At the time, Granny, Nanny and Magrat congratulated themselves on a job well done. 'Well, a few loose ends, but we'll worry about those later! For now, I hear there is a Halloween party at the Sticks in Lancre. We can get back there in an hour and have a few ales, I could do with!' Granny and Magrat agreed although Granny would need help with her damaged broomstick.

Nanny stood up, she adjusted her black Witches robe, her pointy hat. Her nose did point out and her eyes gleamed. She for her own investigations, picked up one of the Soul-eaters globes which glowed hauntingly. Cobwebs were hanging of her hat. To complete the picture, Greebo jumped onto her shoulder and yowled. 'I just hope we can find a fancy dress costume!' said she(12).

THE END

1) This was not a modern style mobile phone. In fact it was one of those eighties/nineties ones that were twice the size of your hand and, well not very mobile. And it didn't have the greatest of receptions. But it could do text messaging and access to the clacks, the Disc version of the internet. Although Granny's had surprisingly just broken. This device had worked better than most for her up to now, Granny could suffer a bit from techno fear at times!

2) I realize this is probably not funny to those that know the Discworld series. But I am hoping that one or two that haven't read it will also read this and they might raise a dry smile!

3) Yes, Nanny Ogg! Not an OC but the little amount of stories she features some of you may think so

4) If one drinks too much Scrumble, potents are the least of your worries.

5) Nanny was about to say stirrup. At least, that's what she told me!

6) Do those Soul-eaters remind anyone of anything? All right, they might be ever so teeny-similar to the Death-eaters from Harry Potter. Still, as in my view JKR ripped of the Discworld in many of her tales I mean Hogwarts is similar to the Unseen University in many aspects, and lets not get started on Wyred Sisters shall we? I don't mind doing the opposite.

7) This is written for Halloween, remember!

6.5) Forgotten about this one! Someone told me that joke in the pub only this week!

8) I think I'm doing the ripping of Harry Potter thing again.

9) I'm not suggesting Nanny Ogg is a lush or anything!

10) I suppose that some readers of a more inquisitive or geeky nature, might well think that such a sudden and accurate piece of thinking from Granny is really a bit too much. Well... I confess that I am in true Shakespeare fashion rather telescoping events here for their dramatic effect. In fact, these events took place over a number of days, but I think it's more entertaining this way!

11)Another point is that I'm not totally sure were in the Discworld timeline this tale is set. It seems to be a few years before the current tales in the series, Granny been reasonably hale and Magrat still a young witch ets. So any reader can simply imagine what a Lord Rust run Ankh-Morpork with any Wizards under his strict control would have been like!

12) Nanny was joking! (13)

13) Probably!