This fic is dedicated to blackteaplease, in honour of a slightly crazy late night msn conversation. Hope you like it!
It was almost nine am when Arthur finally stumbled out of his room, white faced. Merlin was on the couch watching some crappy talk show, but he turned around as Arthur entered the room.
"You finished yet? Can I read it now? I can't believe we were stupid enough to only order one copy!" he said.
Arthur didn't answer, but made his way over to his lover, turning the other man over onto his front. He then moved his hand down his body, frantically searching for something. Once he found it, he squeezed Merlin's left buttock tightly, before proceeding to kiss and caress it like he never had before.
Merlin tried to turn around to look at Arthur. "What on earth are you doing, Arthur?" he asked, "not that I'm complaining, of course! But it is a little strange…"
"Not. Saggy," muttered Arthur in between the kisses, "They said it was saggy. It's not. It's perfect." Arthur seemed calmer than before, but still a little distressed.
"What are you talking about, Arthur? Who said my bum was saggy?" questioned Merlin.
"Them. Her," replied Arthur, standing up and rushing out of the room quickly to retrieve the book he had just been reading. "It says here 'Merlin's saggy left buttock.' She's a liar."
Merlin let out a chuckle at that. Arthur was rather cute at times, especially where Merlin was concerned. One thing did confuse him though. "How did you manage to finish the whole book then? If this distracted you so much?"
Arthur let his head fall into his hands. "I don't know. I don't think I got what was going on after that point. I think I need to reread it," he said, grabbing the book once more.
"No way," replied Merlin, "I haven't even read it once yet! You'll have to wait until I'm finished." And with that he pranced off to his room with the book.
"Merlin, please? You know how much I love those books," pleaded Arthur.
"Nope. And it'll only be six hours anyway! I read way faster than you."
"Not bloody fast enough!" muttered Arthur.
"It's not my fault you're so obsessed with my arse, Arthur," said Merlin, and with once shake of the offending body part, he closed the door behind him.
Arthur just glared.
Don't you feel sorry for Arthur? No Merlin and no Harry Potter either! Luckily for him (and you!) there will be a sequel! Another short crackfic thing on a similar theme, but with Merlin taking revenge. I would write it now, but it's 1.30am and I'm tired. Hope you enjoy!
Also, I just noticed that the quote 'Merlin's most saggy left buttock' doesn't actually appear in the novel. It's just our imagination filling in! The actual quote is 'Merlin's saggy left-' and then Mrs Weasley cuts off Ron. Oh well, this works with the story so you can all just cope :P We all knew what it really meant anyway!
Please review!