"Hey… Are you ever afraid that when you wake up you'll be somewhere else?" I turned my head to look at Dipper as he lay there in the dark with me. It had been another long day of exploring and even though I wanted to sleep, I couldn't. I couldn't sleep after everything that happened and when I knew what was waiting for me in my dreams. Always waiting and always watching.
"No, not really. Why?" He was looking at me with examining eyes. I didn't want to tell him why. Or rather I couldn't. He would try to do something about it if I did. That's always what he did, it was in his nature. I tried hard not to look away or give him a tell. He would notice if I did.
"I am. Sometimes." I paused, slowly making eye contact. "I'm afraid I won't be with you when I wake up."
He cracked a smile and gently pushed my shoulder, making me laugh a little. I curled myself into his chest and put an arm over him. This was how it had to be, how it would always have to be. I could live with that, too, as long as I could stay like this. Nothing was better than lying next to him, not even a restful sleep.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, tired of trying to fight off sleep and tired of trying to cover up all of my concerns and fears. I felt him put a hand on my head and move his fingers through my hair. It was comforting, warm. It was enough to make me feel relaxed enough to fall asleep, even when he was waiting for me.
[-/o\-]
It was the same closet I always dreamt of with the same objects and boxes it always held. It was dark, always dark, and a little bit humid from summer air. The string that turned the light on and off hung down from the fixture. I would have turned it on but the dark, despite hiding everything I was afraid of, was better than the light.
"Still lying to him, are you? I thought you were better than that, doll." My entire body tensed and I pushed myself close to a wall. I was waiting for him but that didn't change anything. His voice was terrifying like it always was and knowing he could see me so clearly, that he knew everything that I did, was unnerving. What scared me the most, though, was that this was how he was going to open this.
I felt him next to me and tried not to pay attention to him. He wasn't in his usual form tonight. I could handle him when he was a triangle, he couldn't affect me when he was a triangle, but he wasn't. He took one of his millions of human forms. I turned my head away, not wanting to see. I couldn't take this right now. Not him, not the temptation of the closet that came even in my dreams, and most definitely not what he was going to do.
He moved an arm behind me and pulled me in close. I could feel his cheek pressing against my head, his chest against my shoulder. This position, usually comfortable and welcoming, made me want to vomit. I didn't want to be close to him. Not now, not tonight. I didn't want to be close anyone but Dipper and here he was, in my dreams, ruining it. He tilted his head and I could feel his open eye watching me closely, like every move was important.
"I thought you humans valued honesty in your relationships. Looks like was wrong." I cringed and struggled against him. He kept me trapped close to him, tightening his grip on me and, if anything, bringing me closer. Tears pricked my eyes but I held them back. I refused to let him make me cry like this. He would never let it go if he did.
"We do. But I can't let him deal with you again. You're dangerous."
"Aw, stop it before you make me blush. You know I can't take compliments well." I pushed my elbow into his stomach and waiting for him to loosen up. The moment he did, I moved out of his grip and turned to face him.
The dark only made him look more ominous. His eye glowed with its golden color and pierced the dark. If I took any cues from his face, I could say I didn't hurt him. He had a Cheshire Cat's grin spread over his face. He wore his usual suit, coattails and all, in its yellow color. The only thing new was the eyepatch. I'd never seen him with it before and, to be honest, it was an improvement. I couldn't see that horrible eye anymore. I never wanted to see it or what it implied every again.
"It wasn't a compliment, Bill. It's the truth."
"You know what that is? Surprise, surprise." A growl made its way out of my throat and I started to fumble around in the dark. The closet always had a door, I just never used it, and if it meant not being in such closed quarters with him, I would be willing to risk seeing the outside of my mindscape.
Or I would have if he didn't stop me. His arms were around my waist as he spun me back around, away from where the door would have been. A shiver was sent through my body and my eyes closed tight. Stop touching me stop touching me stop touching me please stop touching me!
"You're not going anywhere, doll. You're stuck with me until you wake up. You know that by now." I shifted and squirmed, wanting away from him. No, stop using that voice. Stop sounding like him. Stop it! I lifted my legs from the floor and kicked at the air and back behind me, hoping to make a connection. It never happened. He had me set on a stack of boxes and against a wall before I could even graze him.
He leaned in closer than I would have liked, close enough to make me move back closer to the wall. My hands gripped tightly onto the box's edges as I turned my head. I could feel his breath as he leaned in towards my ear.
"Why are you so afraid? You know who I am, you know 'the truth'," he pulled a hand away from the wall to make air quotes, as if I couldn't hear it in his voice, "so why pretend you're afraid of me? I know better, you know that."
"Shut up… Just shut up! I don't believe you and I never will. You're not him, no matter what you say, no matter what fake proof you show me, I will never believe you! He would never turn out like you have. Not in a million years, not under any circumstances. He's better than you… He's better than a demon." Bill let out a bark of laughter that made me flinch. He was loud, but it sounded so much like him, like that laugh he gave when we had campfires and told ridiculous ghost stories we knew better than to believe. I bit my lip hard. I couldn't think about that now. I would only cry if I thought of that.
"No need to cry, doll. I won't hurt you. Not physically." He slipped his free hand under my chin, turning my head to face him. He was looking me directly in the eye. The grin was gone, replaced by something gentler, something unfitting. I felt something warm and wet slip down my cheek. It took me a minute to register that I was crying, something I didn't want.
His thumb brushed over my cheek and wiped the tear away. Part of me wanted to lean into his hand, let him give me the fake comfort he was offering after hurting me, but I couldn't stand that part. The part that accepted whatever this was that we had. I hated it so much, so much I wanted to destroy it. And then he pulled away.
"You just won't trust me, will you?" For a second, I thought he sounded hurt. Like I had somehow made an injury by refusing to accept him. The notion was erased by his laughter. "So you do have some brains in you! I'm amazed, doll. I was so sure all humans were dumb and then you do that. You're amazing."
I frowned and glared up at him. I didn't want to ever hear that from him. I'd rather he never spoke to me like that ever again. "Shut up. Go away."
"If that's what you really want. I'll be back tomorrow. Try to get some restful sleep, doll. Wouldn't want you passing out, now would we?" And like that he was gone, and I was alone. I let out a relieved sigh and slipped off the boxes, finding my corner and curling up in it.
I hate him. I hate him so much. Why can't he just leave me alone…? Tears came back, ones I willingly let out. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed it, I needed the stress relief. When they came out, I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. And like so many times before I stayed there, keeping my legs close to my chest, until I woke up again and put on a brave and happy face.