Total Drama Pahkitew Safari

Disclaimer: I own jack squat. Fresh Toons owns Total Drama.

Also, special thanks to What'dIMiss for without her this story would've died in my head.

other thanks to the beta reader Kitsune Of Darkness for going through these chapters and cleaning them up.

Total Drama Pahkitew Safari Ch. 1

There is a shot of the island covered in dense forest and rolling hills. A big bear is mauling a red shirt. It looks up from its future meal to wave at the camera. The camera then spans and drops into a clearing near the beach showing a large warehouse just standing amongst the trees. Out pops a figure. wearing khaki pants and a blue top with five o'clock shadow and a mega phone looped onto his pants buckle.

"Yo! Welcome back to Pahkitew island! I'm your host, Chris McLean!"

"And I'm your host, Blaineley Stacy Andrews o'Halleran". Blaineley called, jumping into Chris's shot with a big grin plastered on her face.

"And I'm Don!" Don states, stepping into his rightful place in front of her. "I'm contractually obligated to work with these fossils."

"Uh uh, oh no! Who you callin' a fossil, little man?! Graaa!" Blaineley screeches.

"Ahhhhhh!" Don screamed in fright, cowering away from her as she thumped against his form with punches that didn't hurt as bad as he thought they would.

"Annnyway..." Chris starts again, ignoring the scuffle going on behind him with a scowl that quickly turns to his trademark smile. "As you can all see, I, Chris Mclean, have been told I have to have these two, because this is the BIGGEST! SEASON! EVAH! All 84 contestants throughout the series and a spinoff, competing in a free for all competition for one million dollars! There are no teams, however alliances and grouping up is allowed. The majority of the contestants will probably go it alone, after all- why share a million bucks?" Chris laughed evilly, rubbing his hands together in a sinister manner.

"But how come were all being paid in a single share?!" Don interrupts from underneath Blaineley, visibly confused.

"Ahh, but you see, Donnyboy, that's where you're wrong! The host that eliminates the most contestants gets paid, the other two will be sent packing."

"What do you mean by eliminating, McLean?" Blaineley asked, standing on top of Don. smiling at the camera and digging her heel into Dons back while pulling his arm.

"We'll eliminate three contestants per episode. One of us will host each episode, and the one to eliminate the most contestants by the end of the season will win the paycheck." Chris retorted calmly.

"Yes, but how do we eliminate the contestants if there are no teams, therefore no eliminations? Don questioned, wincing under Blaineleys heel. He was trying to smile at the camera and failing miserably.

"You'll see when we get there." Chris said, smiling oddly and avoiding the subject further. "Let's meet our contestants! Now, you'll have to be quiet. The staff tranquilized them and took them from their homes, they don't even know they're here!" Chris snickered, walking up to the large warehouse.

"Um... Isn't that a lawsuit waiting to happen, Chris?" Blaineley inquired with slight concern.

"Well... yeah, that's why we made amendments to their contracts after Courtney sued the first time. We can do as we please within three years of them signing, and since it's only been two we are well within our legal rights." Chris remarked with an annoyed sneer.

"Just checking. I want to keep my money when I win, after all." Blaineley giggled, thinking of all the things she could buy with so much cash.

"Enough exposition, let's meet the contestants! Since were a tad short on time, we'll just go through the names alphabetically:

Alejandro the arch villain, Amy the better twin, Anne Maria the Jersey Shore reject, B the silent genius, Beardo the human soundboard, Beth the farm girl, Brick the cadet, Bridgette the surfer girl, Brody the surfer dude, Cameron the bubble boy, Carrie the nice girl(friend), Chet the annoying brother, Cody the geek, Courtney the bit- I mean the type A, Crimson the creepy goth, DJ the brick house with a heart, Dakota the mutant, Dave the germaphobe, Dawn the moon child, Devin the ignorant (boy)friend, Duncan the jailbird, Dwayne the dad, Ella the fairytale princess, Ellody the smart one squared, Emma the law student, Ennui the scary goth, Eva the iron woman , Ezekiel the home schooled, Geoff the party guy, Gerry the tennis guy, Gwen the original goth, Harold the uber nerd, the queen of mean Heather, Izzy the crazy girl, Jacques the king of bronze, Jasmine the Amazonian, Jay the frail twin, Jen the fashion blogger, Jo the jockette, Josse the queen of bronze, Junior the youngest, Justin the model, Katie the wonder twin, Kelly the yummy mummy, Laurie the violent pacifist, Leonard the wizard, Leshawna the sister with tude, Lightning the overachiever, Lindsay the bombshell, Lorenzo the irritating brother, Macarthur the bad cop, Mary the smart one, Max the evil genius, Mickey the weak twin, Mike Mr. Personality, Miles the tree hugger, Noah the bookworm, Owen nicest guy in the room, Pete the old news, Rock the rocker, Rodney the hopeless romantic, Ryan the lovin hulk, Sadie the other wonder twin, Sam the gamer, Samey the 2nd born, Sanders the good cop, Scarlett the ultimate baddie, Scott the scheming hick, Shawn the zombie survivalist, Sierra the stalker, Sky the gymnast, Spud the sloth, Staci the blather mouth, Stephanie, Sugar the pageant reject, Tammy, Taylor, Tom Mr. Fez, Topher the host wannabe, Trent Mr. Nine, Tyler the joke- I mean jock, and last but not least, Zoey Ms. Scary when Mad.

"Alright! Now that the cast has been introduced, I think its time they woke up and started things off." Chris unhooks his mega phone from the back of his pants and shouts into it.

"WAKE UP, CONTESTANTS! IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER DRAMATIC SEASON OF TOTAL DRAMA!"

With a jolt, most of the cast woke up or were in various forms of wakefulness.

"Mclean?! What the hell... Where am I?! Someone better give me some answers before I start cracking skulls!" Eva yelled at the top of her lungs.

"My thoughts exactly! Where are we, Chris!? Answer now, or my lawyers will end you!" Sneered Courtney.

"Mama! Where's mama?!" Sniffled DJ.

"What the… When'd I get out of the joint?" Duncan rubbed his eyes and looked around.

"Enough with the questions! Jeez! Okay, first of all, welcome and welcome back to Pahkitew. Secondly shhussh!" Chris held a finger up to his lips.

"That doesn't answer my question, Chris! Why am I here and why is that savage here? He should be rotting in a cell somewhere far from here!" Courtney demanded, pointing at Duncan.

"Pfft, whatever princess… Seriously though, how am I out? I thought you had it out for me, McLean, ever since I burned your little "cottage" to the ground?" Duncan asked quizzically.

"I said SHUT IT!" Chris exclaimed loudly, capturing everyone's attention. "Yes I still have it out for you, jailbird, your popularity is all that made me bail you out of prison."

"Oh, leave them be, Chris. Just tell them the rules and be done with it." Blaineley huffed, finally letting Don up.

"Hmph! Fine! Contestants, listen up! As you can see, there are a lot of you this season, so there going to be a few rule changes:

"Number 1, there will be no teams. There are no rules about banding together unofficially, buuut you'll probably have to share the prize money, so that won't be fun. Number two, you have the right to eliminate your competition. I'll explain how in a minute. Number three, 15 of you will be allowed to leave the island, however so long as you're still on or within 5 nautical miles from the island, you are still in the competition. Number 4, the hosts are allowed to eliminate up to 3 contestants per episode with paintball guns if they so choose- excluding this opening episode and the finale. Side note, there are a few gun caches throughout Pahkitew. Also, the local wildlife will try to eliminate you from the competition, so if you see either the host of the episode or an animal, assume they want to eliminate you. Any questions?"

"How do I get off the island?!" Courtney demanded.

"There are a variety of boats and aircraft scattered throughout the island, but you have to pilot yourself out. There a few "Don boxes" that will tell you where to find a safer way off or allow you to do a challenge to get a free ride off AND win a consolation prize of 5,000 dollars!" Don explained. "But most of the escape craft are protected by something, and the "Don Challenges" can be joined by anyone willing to participate."

"Sooo, we're allowed to shoot each other with paintballs to eliminate the competition, is that right?" Beth queried, looking at Alejandro and Heather.

"Don't even think about it, pig face!" Heather jeered.

"What are we going to eat?!" Owen cried loudly.

"How would an animal eliminate one of us?" They can't vote." Sadie questioned.

"Who said anything about voting? And about the eating part, there are a variety of fruits, nuts, and berries throughout the island. Though with the artificial weather, we could make that harder or easier. As for shooting, by all means, Beth, eliminate them by any possible means." Blaineley cleared up, smirking madly.

A number of contestants looked around, wondering who to go after first if they found a paintball gun. Many were glaring at Heather and Alejandro.

"The competition starts tomorrow, correct?" Alejandro implored, seemingly nervous.

"Yep! You guys are confined to these quarters until then. We don't want anyone to have an unfair advantage now, do we?" Chris leered maniacally.

The lavatories are to the right for the boys and the left for the girls just outside of the building. No funny business, there are kids present and a lot of eyes." Don said.

At this, the three hosts left the building, heading for a large yacht parked next to the dock across a small path from the warehouse..

As soon as the doors swung shut, the cast went to talking amongst themselves.

"Su-weet! Another season with my best pals an' gals!" Owen chuckled, amused by their predicament. "Geoff, how's it been hangin? Trent, how are you? Wow, I haven't seen you guys in forever, uhuhuh!" They sat in a huddle in the corner, away from most of the chaos in the center of the rather large room.

"Not bad, my man. Me and Bridgette have been doin' righteously. Between me, you, and her, after me and Brody won the Ridonculous Race, I bought her that board shack she's always wanted with my cut." Geoff' smile grew a mile wide. "You should've seen her! It was absolute bliss. She wouldn't stop crying, I was afraid I goofed up, but then she hugged me so hard I almost couldn't breathe."

"Dude, you've got it made now! I've been back into the dating game since my little episode wayback when and I've actually found someone myself. It's awesome: no drama, she's very supportive and she's stupidly pretty." Trent told the small group, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Oooh, can we see a pic of her?! Man oh man, I'm glad you found someone new." Owen said with a sad look in his eyes.

"Uhh... yeah, sure, just let me fetch my wallet here…" Trent fished around in his pockets for a minute before pulling out a beat up brown leather wallet. "Okay, here she is." He showed to the guys a picture girl with a blue blouse, long brown hair, and brilliant green eyes.

"Whoo, she is pretty." Cody admitted, walking into the conversation with Sierra tagging along behind him.

"Omg! Is that your new flame?! Squeeek! I gotta go find some reception to post about this! Back in a minute, Codykins!" Sierra squealed, running off so fast no one even saw where she went.

"Sheesh! Is she really like that all the time?" Trent asked, shooting a pitying glance up at Cody.

"Yeah, kinda. I thought I made my intentions clear, she just won't give up." Cody sighed disappointedly and sat down with the others. "So how about you, Owen? Any new girls catch your eye?" He thought for a second. "How about that Kitty character? She seemed to like you."

"Naw, Kitty's just a friend. Don't get me wrong, I've been looking, it's just… girls have always kinda avoided me. I guess they don't like big guys." Owen stated dejectedly.

"Well, that's not cool, dude, you're totally like a calzone. Soft and chewy on the outside and made of good stuff on the inside. It's not the look or size that should matter, you're great all around." Geoff placated Owen, patting his shoulder with a friendly smile etched onto his features.

"Pahahahha! Oh, puhlease! It's a miracle fatass got the crazy girl to fall for him, and even she dropped him! He's so pathetic and disgusting." Heather tossed her hair and glanced at Alejandro, signaling him to enter his own insults.

"Agreed, mi amor, this cerdo gordo doesn't have anything of true value to offer anybody, romantically or otherwise." Alejandro replied, a look of absolute disdain covering his handsome features..

There was a moment of silence as Geoff glared daggers at Alejandro. "Hey, Al, if I see you on the field, I'm gonna beat you into the ground." Geoff shot back, anger shining in his eyes.

Al and Heather stared at him in confusion. Then it hit Alejandro.

He smiled." Oh, you're talking about the kiss." Heather glowered at him for his casual mention of being a womanizer. "It's been two years, get over it! I have, and look at me and my beautiful girlfriend! This is something fat ass here won't ever have- someone to love and cherish."

"Lay off you two, don't you have better things to do than pick on people?" Noah questioned, coming up to the group with his arm around Emma and Kitty beside her.

"Yeah, go on! Shoo!" Kitty added.

"Beat it." Emma remarked.

Seeing as they were seriously outnumbered, Alejandro and Heather skulked off to find help and strategize for the coming weeks.

"Thanks, guys, you really know how to make a guy feel loved. Not that kind of loved, but the... y'know kinda loved." Owen facepaled at his awkwardness.

The group laughed (except Noah and Emma who just smiled) and started to really chat for fun, but on the inside Owen couldn't let Al's conversation with Geoff get out of his head and he glanced at Noah happy with Emma. He looked all around him and in one way or another Al was right. Everyone should cherish their loves and he'll be happy for them. Owen smiled sadly and continued talking to his friends.

"Ugh! Those losers and that fat pig! What do I care?" Heather thought. "Enough, back to business, brain!"

"Look, we're going to win this stupid game, but we need help. You get those bimbo twins on our side and I'll talk to momma's girl and the cougar." Heather verbalized to Al as the twosome plotted their victory.

"As you say, mi amor, though I do not think we should expect much from those twins, they seem to be trying to kill each other… I believe I should intervene." Al stalked off towards Amy and Samey, who were indeed having a spat that looked like it was getting a little out of hand.

"Hmph! Good! Now…. Hi! I'm Heather! It's, like, so nice to meet you!" Heather plastered a fake smile on her face and forced herself to not vomit at the false cheerfulness coming out of her mouth.

"Hi! I'm Kelly, and this is my daughter, Taylor. Say hi, Taylor!" Kelly elbowed her daughter, an edge to her voice that suggested stress.

"Ugh! Fine, mom! Hi, I'm Taylor, what do you want?!"

"Why, I simply want to help you ladies out! I have, in fact, won one of these games and am far more experienced in dealing with these losers." Heather said, poorly concealed pride in her voice.

"And why should we accept this help?" Taylor nearly shouted, losing her patience.

"Because you won't get anywhere with how you played the game. If you want to win, you'll follow me… and join my alliance and we'll split the money."

"Oh, yeah we will!" Taylor was cut off by her mother. "We'll help you, Heather. We want to win, isn't that right, Taylor?!" Kelly strained, her smile not covering that her eyes were betraying her true emotions. She seemed a little fed up with Taylor's act.

"Yes, mother!" Taylor agreed with a sigh of disappointment.

"Great! All you have to do is follow me to my boyfriend and everything will be settled!" Heather told the pair, triumphantly waving for them to come with her.

"You dumb clone! Who do you think you are speaking to me like that, Samey!" Amy hissed in annoyance at her younger sibling.

"I am not your clone, you stupid cow! I am my own person now AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Samey screamed out in rage.

Shawn and Jasmine were holding Samey and Amy back. barely keeping them from trading blows in the crowded room.

"I'LL CALL YOU WHAT I WANT! YOU'RE FAT, UGLY, RETARDED, WORTHLESS, GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! AHHHHHHHH!" Amy screams at the top of her lungs, trying and failing to break out of Jasmine's monster grip.

"Shawn, get Sammy away from her!" Jasmine shouted, pulling Amy further from Sammy.

"I know! Jeez, women are scarier than zombies sometimes…" Shawn muttered under his breath, visibly struggling to drag Sammy away.

"YOU DON'T DESERVE THE SATISFACTION OF BEING CALLED MY SISTER, SAMEY! YOU ARE A MISTAKE! MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE ME MORE! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN EUTHANIZED, YOU WORTHLESS TRAMP!"

"SHUT UP!" Sammy answered and started crying.

"Shawn, get Sammy away from here NOW!"

"Uh, right! Sure thing! Come on, Sammy!" Shawn said softly, loosening his grip on her, but not quite letting go. She followed without a word.

"Now you listen and you listen good, Amy. If I see you come within 20 feet of Sammy," Jasmine tightens her hold on Amy's left arm and yanks her right elbow to the center of her spine. "I will shatter every joint in your body and leave you crippled for life. Do you understand me!?" Amy whimpered and nodded, pain wracking her nerves. "Good. Now, get out of my sight." Jasmine shoved Amy to the ground and wandered off to find Shawn and Sammy.

"Excuse me, senorita, I couldn't help but see your plight. Would you like my assistance?" Alejandro walked up and offered his hand down to Amy.

"Yes, please." Amy sniffled, taking his hand.

"If I may be so bold, what was that all about?" Alejandro pried, his most seductive smirk shining brightly.

"My stupid clone, Samey, said I don't treat her right, that I treat her the same way I treat all trash." Amy confided in him, sounding superior. "Then that stupid giant and the zombie freak got involved and made everything worse!"

"I understand Ms… I'm sorry, I don't seem to know your name."

"Oh, um... my name is Amy."

"Amy... A name as lovely as your own complexion." Alejandro smiled, his charming ways coming out without much bidding. "Would you like to get back at those freaks for making you feel like less than your obvious worth? Amy, how would you like-"

"Yes, yes, yes! I would love to join an alliance with you!" Amy squealed, interrupting Al with her own excitement.

"Excellent! Please, follow me. We have much to discuss." Alejandro led the way with the wickedest of smiles on his face.

Sammy limply followed shawn to a corner of the warehouse where he gently sat her down. Jasmine wasn't too far behind, but she kept her eye on that weird guy who was talking to the mean twin.

"Why can't she respect me?" Sammy whined. "I'm a good sister!" She pulled her legs up to her chest and curled into a ball. Shawn could almost see her underwear, but didn't raise his concern.

"I'm not the person you should ask." Shawn said, sitting down in front of her to cover her from unwanted attention. "I don't have any siblings."

Sammy dried her eyes. "Do you think she's right?" Sammy asked. She turned her face to Shawn's and looking him pleadingly in the eyes.

"No, I don't think so." Shawn said rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"And I know so." Jasmine grinned, sitting beside Sammy. "You are a smart girl and pretty to boot, Sammy."

"Then why are you my only real friend, Jazz?" Sammy began to cry again. "Why can't I make any friends without Amy ruining my life?!"

"Well... I'm your friend." Shawn spoke tentatively. Sammy continued crying.

"It's not the same! You guys don't live near me and can't help me when I'm alone with her! It's not fair!" Shawn and Jasmine exchanged silent glances.

"YOU THERE! WITH THE HEADDRESS! YES YOU! COME TO ME... AND YOUR CLONE TOO!" Max called out to another set of twins.

"Um, okay, um... Hi, I'm Mickey and this is Jay." The one with the headdress said, treading carefully with the tiny human.

"Uh, hi. It's nice to meet you. Max, right?" Jay asked.

"Yes, I am Max, the EVIL GENIUS! I would like to offer you the choice of becoming my minions to achieve victory in this little game, do you accept?"

"Can we have a minute to talk to each other about it before we answer?" Mickey requested.

"You may confer, but be quick! I have many things to do before my conquest may commence." Max said too loud, walking a little ways away to give them some privacy.

"Okay, Jay, do we take his help or do we walk away?" Mickey asked in a hushed tone.

"Do we want to be associated with a guy that claims he's evil?" Jay said. The discussion continued for a few more minutes before Max came back over.

"Well?"

"Max, we've decided not to take your offer."

"FOOLS! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU REFUSED ME!" He screamed, stomping away.

"I think we dodged a bullet there, huh, jay?" Mickey chuckled.

"I guess... But he's right, we need an alliance if we want to get further in this game." Jay sighed.

"How about one of those guys?" Mickey pointed at a gathering of 5 individuals sitting down at a table somewhat to the right of the center of the room. Mickey recognized two of them as Stephanie and Ryan. The other three seemed to be the athletic type and were in the middle of an arm wrestling competition.

"You can do it, Ryan! Kick her butt!" Stephanie jeered out from behind Ryan. Ryan was having difficulty pushing Eva's arm down at all. She honestly looked turned off as she slammed his arm down.

"Boring! Any of you weaklings wanna try again?!" She glared down at the competition in front of her. Jo had given her a run for her money- not that Eva would ever admit it- but Eva won all the same. The only one of them that actually made Eva sweat- again, not going to admit it- was Lightning. They were all rubbing their arms in annoyance.

"I didn't think so. Pay up!"

Begrudgingly, Ryan put down his protein bar, Jo put down a packet of electrolyte water flavor, and Lightning put down his own protein bar. "Thanks, chumps."

A scrawny pair of kids made their way over to the table cautiously. "Um... excuse me, but are any of you guys looking for members of an alliance?" Eva, Lightning, and Jo looked down at the two little twerps and began to laugh uproariously.

"Ahahahahah, oh man that's sha funny! You two think you can keep up with the Lightning? Sha right!"

Stephanie and Ryan glanced at the two uncomfortable kids. "Sorry guys, but we're not interested right now." Stephanie stated gently.

"Oh... Alright." The kid with the headdress said quietly, trying to hide from their amused looks as the two of them walked away from the group, wondering if they should have accepted Max's proposal.

"Who were those stick figures?" Jo inquired, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Who knows, who cares?" Lightning changed the subject. "You up for another round, dude?" He asked Jo.

"I'm not a guy, you twit!" Jo exclaimed, pushing him over.

"Hey, Dakota, how are you feeling about this new competition? Are you comfortable? "'Cause if not we can find one of those "Don Boxes" and leave after the competition has started." Sam told her placatingly, not really in the mood to make a huge scene if she got angry.

"It's fine, Sam. I feel good even if I am a ten foot tall mutant and most everyone is avoiding us because of me." Dakota said with a sad smile.

"Hey! Don't talk bad about yourself! You're not just an awesome mutant, you're an awesome person and we don't need anyone's help." Sam said with a loving grin.

"Aww, thanks Sam! You are just the sweetest boyfriend I've ever had!" Dakota giggled. They sit down and cuddle in one of the unoccupied corners..

"Yo girl! It's me, da Zeke. I've gots a cool idea: you, me, and an alliance. How 'bout it, girl? Yous in or is yous out, ehh?" Ezekiel asked with his… Zeke charm.

"Uh uh, no way, Freakazoid! You cost me a million bucks wit dat stunt you pulled wit dat diamond, so bug off!" Anne Maria told him off, pulling out jet hair spray and blasting Zeke full in the face. After some spitting and odd sounds, he scampered off and was lost in the sea of other contestants.

"Aw, I'm sure he didn't mean for you to get eliminated, Anne maria. He seems... nice? In his own weird way." Zoey said.

"Yeah, whateva. Hey, Mr. Personality, make room for Vito! I wants some luvin!" Anne Maria scoffed, then pleaded with Mike.

"Yo mike, man lemme out I wanna see Anne Maria!" Vito begged pathetically.

"No, Vito, we can share the body amongst ourselves, but not with others." The original retorted.

"Butchoo get the skinny girl! What about the rest of us?!"

"I don't care about something like that! I want my time in the body and I want to have fun."

"You whippersnappers and your disco and freaky love triangle! Why I oughta-" Chester starts.

"Ve can discuss zis later, were being looked at funilly!" Svetlana interrupts.

"Mike? Mike, are you okay?" Zoey asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Huh? Oh, yeah just thinking to myself." He gave her a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, well who cares?! I wanna to talk to Vito, so Red go away sos I can get my man ouda dis imposta." Anne Maria started towards Mike, irritated.

"Oh no!" Mike whimpered.

"No, I will not go away! Please stop this and leave us alone!" Zoey said, her fierce nature bubbling under her calm and collected surface, ready to explode out at any time.

"Or what?" Anne Maria replied, poking Zoey in the chest..

"ENOUGH! Jeez, if it makes you two stop fighting... Fine, I'll let Vito out! No PDA!"

"Got it Vito!? No kissing or touching in any way shape or form." Mike rolled his eyes.

"Alright bro, no fun stuff! Just lemme see my girl!" Vito pleaded.

"If he gets body time, I want some too!"

"Later! I swear we need a schedule…"

Zoey stared as Mike took off his shirt and Vito popped into where her boyfriend had been. "I thought it was just you now, Mike." Zoey whispered, upset, watching her boyfriend's body talk to another girl

"Something doesn't feel right… The aura here… It's not the same as it was back then… It feels more sinister, colder… There are many people here, but a few feel... wrong? Like they're not truly people… I must flee! Something terrible is coming… I cannot save them... Goodbye everyone, I hope to see you all again someday!" Dawn disappears out the door and into the shadows outside.

"Like, wasn't there a girl there, Taylor?" Lindsay asked, looking at a dark corner with a quizzical expression maring her beautiful face.

"Of course not, Lindsay, I think I would've noticed a- oof!" Tyler said, tripping on a speck of dirt.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay Tyler!?" Lindsay got sidetracked, forgetting about the girl to dote on Tyler.

"Simpletons! All them! What was Chris thinking, letting me back on this marvel of technology?" Scarlet sounded very impressed at the host's lack of brain power. "No matter, if I can get myself into the control room, I could destroy all of my would-be competition. The island itself is more of a prize than anything Chris could possibly come up with, and any one that gets in my way is finished! Revenge will soon be mine! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Umm... Hey, Ennui and Crimson, right?" Gwen asked, attempting friendliness with the other cold, distant contestants.

"Hmm, yeah, and you're Gwen the thief, right?" Crimson replied, an invisible edge to her voice.

"Hey, she tried to change him and they were apart! Anyway, that doesn't matter now, neither of us have him, the immature prick." Gwen stated, annoyance already fighting to emerge from her with some other choice words that she didn't think would help her case.

"Typical preppy logic. Blame others so you can feel better about yourself." Ennui showed no emotion (as for flipping usual), but if he did, there would definitely be a smirk on his face.

"That's rich coming from a couple of wannabes like you two! I'm the preppy one!? I'm naturally pale and I actually dyed my hair, I'm not made of wigs and make up!" Gwen let her anger be known, there was no more hiding it from the pair in front of her. She could stand for a lot, but not being called a prep.

"Mph, so you think hair and makeup make the goth who they are? Unlike you, we learned who we really are, and it doesn't matter the color of our skin or our hair, we are goth and nothing will change that, Gwen."

"Yeah, well, whatever. I'm done talking to you fakes." Gwen flipped them the bird as she stepped back and turned away, making her way through the crowd to find someone that wasn't as irritating as those wannabes.

"If she tries anything, I'll break both of you." Crimson said simply.

"Grr! How am I supposed to update my blog if I can't get any reception! I thought we were in Canada but nooo! How is Trent's new flame supposed to get recognition if I don't- ack!" Sierra ranted before tripping over someone. "Hey! Watch it! Can't you see I'm busy pitying myself here geez n…

"OMG! You're Dave, the guy who got rejected by Sky! Oh, I wish you two had gotten together, but the only ship name is Dy, so I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"Wahaha! Please stop saying that!" Dave cried, apparently in the middle of his own self pity session.

"Hey! Hey, it's okay! Look, I know what you're going through." Sierra sat with him.

"Y-you do?" Dave asked meekly, a little afraid of this crazy person who was now intent on giving him advice.

"Well, yeah! I mean, I faun over Cody every time I see him and he's keeps rejecting me, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying! I will make him mine, but I have to respect his wishes or I'll lose him forever." Sierra explained.

"At least you have a chance with Cody, Sky is only interested in playing the game." Dave said, choking up a little.

"Listen to me! Your fans are counting on you to win Sky over, do you want to let them down?"

"It's not that easy! I don't have your determination to get the one you love, and if I tried stalking her, that would make things worse for me!"

"You just have to be yourself, the Dave from before all this drama started. Let that part through and you're sure to win her over!"

"Alright! Geez! I'll... I'll try." He tried to smile.

"Good! Go get her, tiger." Sierra patted his thigh and got up again, disappearing into the throng of people once more.

Dave was about to get up as well, but decided he'd do it when his nerves were back under his control.

Courtney was furious, glaring at anyone that came within 6 feet of her.

"First came those stupid rocker slackers... "Just wanna say hi!" Tch! More like pretentious losers trying to get to me! Grr! I need to get off this stupid island and pay Chris back for all these years of humiliation, but who I can count on to help!?"

"Um, hey, Courtney." A girl with blonde hair was standing not four feet in front of her.

"What do you want, Bridgette?!"

Bridgette was taken aback. "I wanted to see how you were doing. It's been awhile since we've… talked."

"And why would I want to talk to a traitor?!" Courtney called.

"Wh… I-.I'm not… I've never hurt you." Bridgette said, looking confused and hurt.

"No, you haven't, but you hurt Geoff the same way that pig hurt me! Go away!" Courtney spat, a seething cauldron of rage.

"We've gotten past that. I love Geoff and no one else. I made a mistake, I payed for it, and now we're happy." Bridgette explained, heat rising in her voice.

"Bully for you, but that doesn't change the fact you're no better than that jerk, Duncan!" Courtney moved to a dark corner to brood.

Bridgette couldn't help but feel a sting in her gut. "She's just angry at the whole situation. There's nothing wrong with my relationship, and I most certainly am not as bad as Duncan!"

"Yo brah, just watched the lil shindig there and came over to see if my best friends girl was okay?" Bridgette noticed Brody behind her.

Bridgette looked over at him, red in the cheeks. "Brody?"

"Yeah, brah?"

"You're Geoff's friend, do you know if he's still upset at me for … you know?" Bridgette asked, concerned, looking to Brody for guidance. "I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel now…" She thought.

Brody stared at her for a moment. "I've known Geoff since forever, and I know that he doesn't hold grudges… often. He has nothing against you, but he's still po-ed at that Al guy." He sighed. "I'm still ticked as well to be honest, but I know you made a mistake and I know you love Geoff and Geoff loves you, so please don't hurt my bro like that again, 'kay?" Brody offered Bridgette his hand to lead her towards the laughter that was emanating from Geoff's group, not noticing Owen's sad eyes or Geoff's tenseness. She was just happy to see him happy.

"Dad, are you okay? You seem kinda weird- well, weider than usual anyway." Junior questioned.

"It's fine. Everything is fine! We've just been kidnapped by a sadist, a scary woman, and Don, and nobody is surprised or upset except that Courtney girl and the delinquent. Why is that?" Dwayne asked, utterly baffled by the circumstances which had brought everyone together.

"We've all gotten used to it?"

"But how?! Half of the people here have only been on one season! I figured there would be panic, but no! Everyone is getting along fine and dandy, like being drugged and dragged away from your home is the most natural thing in the world!"

"If we just go with it, maybe we can win and finally get rid of that tattoo on your chin." Junior said, disgust evident in his tone.

"You're right, Junior, it's just... I don't want you being hurt, or to expect to be taken from home! What if I hadn't been taken with you?! I'd be scared, your mother would go ballistic! I honestly don't know what I'd do if something happens to you." Dwayne started panicking.

"It's gonna be okay, dad. I'm fine, we're all friends! Besides, nothing bad is gonna happen on national television." Junior tried to console his father.

"I… Okay, Junior, I'll take your advice and "roll with it", son." Dwayne said, feeling as if he were being coerced.

"Ugh! Dad, never say that again, okay?" Junior dry heaved at his father's attempt at being hip.

"Ha! Okay, kiddo! C'mon, let's scout out the competition." Dwayne laughed, keeping a careful eye on his son.

They walked around, observing everyone: the arm wrestling group, a group that was laughing hysterically, that Kelly bit- I mean woman that gave Dwayne a death glare as he passed by. They saw what looked like a purple haired dwarf talk to those police cadets and promptly run away. Dwayne saw (and immediately clapped hands over his sons eyes) a pair of teenagers making out profusely. He noticed a pair of guys that looked somewhat downtrodden.

"Hey there, could you guys watch my son I… Mmm... have to break something up before it goes any further." Dwayne asked the pair.

"Sure, Mr. D, we can watch Junior while you take care of that." Rock said, looking past Dwayne to catch another glimpse.

"Nooice." Spud was watching the two go at it before a "Tyler, not now! Wait till we're married!" rang out and Dwayne excused himself.

"So… I know what my dad didn't want me to see, but how bad is it?" Junior inquired, knowing full well not to turn around or he'd face his father's minor ire and his mother's hurricane of pain.

"Oh, its natural, lil dude. One day you'll find a girl for yourself- or a dude, I don't judge- and beg, bribe, and barter to even come close to the magic that were seeing… Of course, I've never gotten that far myself, so what do I know? Anyway, I've got my GameGuy, wanna play "Bass Legends"? You gotta put your fingers on those buttons and flick the screen with the stylus."

"Okay, that sounds cool… What's my dad doing?"

Rock glanced over Junior's shoulder. "It looks like he got the pair to separate. The guy in red looks kinda annoyed and his girl is absolutely scarlet. I can't tell if its embarrassment or what?"

"Aw man, it was just getting good!" Spud voiced, sounding disappointed.

"So why don't you guys have girlfriends? Are you two… ya know?" Junior quietly waited for an answer.

"Gay?! Oh no no no!" Rock sputtered out. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but… well, girls are just way to big a responsibility. And a drain."

"And dangerous." Spud added.

"That too. You always gotta be on your toes with lady types, man. I mean, look around and you can see in the average high school, you have to know where you stand and where the mine fields are. It's just not worth the trouble, so me and Spud made a pact when we got into high school to always be stag."

"That doesn't mean looking isn't allowed." Spud included.

"That's true. Word of advice, lil dude, be careful. You don't want to get your heart broken. Your dad got lucky, he's still with your mom." Rock finished.

"I guess so. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind if I ever want to go "stag"." Junior scratched the back of his head, still slightly confused by the odd duo.

"Thanks for watching Junior. What did you guys do while I was… mmm… busy?" Dwayne queried, walking up to the threesome.

Zeke was washing the hairspray off of his face. "Stupid game! Stupid life! I oughta just leave and go home, eh?" He said to himself in the mirror. "NO! I'm gonna make them all pay for all the shit I've been put through… My life is ruined. My family needs the money for my stupid mistakes!" Tears flowed freely as he put his clenched fist against the cool glass. "But I can't win alone and everyone hates me…"

"Not everyone." Came a voice from a darkened corner where one light bulb had burned out.

Zeke hastily wiped away his tears so he wouldn't embarrass himself further and turned his attention to the inky blob. "What?"

"What if I told you that I can help you make all of your enemies pay: Chris, Eva… all those that have slandered you and forced you to make your silly attempt at being cool, only to become even more hated? There is, however, a catch. You have to help me win."

Zeke couldn't believe anyone was talking to him, but they were right. He had no doubt that this person could help him get his rightful revenge.

"I'll sweeten the pot. In exchange for your service, I'll eliminate one person of your choosing." The voice cooed.

Zeke's mind went through a maelstrom of names until he arrived at one. Over the years, she's been known as one of the kindest, most understanding members of Total Drama… She never gave him a chance…

"I want Bridgette gone. I don't care how you do it. She doesn't deserve to be here!"

The person stepped out of the shadows and smiled. "By any means necessary… deal."

"There you go, people! The drama is already boiling! You can cut the tension in the air with a butter knife! Will Courtney leave the island and sue the pants off of me and the producers, or will she fail like the last time and the time before? Will Duncan go as far as he did in AllStars, or will he fall flat? Can Dwayne keep his son safe from every inconvenience? Who knows?! This has been Chris McLean, Blaineley, and Don as we present to you TOTAL...DRAMA...PAHKITEW…SAFARI! Chris out!

"Oh this is gonna be the best season ever!"

A/N: If you guys see anything wrong with the grammar and/or spelling, please don't shy away from telling me. Also, if you have anything to say, hit the review button (it's just below). Flames or criticism is welcome!