Memories
By: Stupiak Kitty
A/N: Because the song Amaoto by Ono Daisuke inspired me, this story was born. I told you, I'm fond of heart-breaking stories.
Some of the scenes were inspired from the song's lyrics. It made me cry. So if you want dramatic effect, please listen to the song.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basuke, the song, the image cover, and the Korsakoff's syndrome.
Warning for drama. And some made-up symptoms of the said syndrome. Don't worry, there's no character death. It's just…sad.
FOREWORD
People always ask me why do I have to spend my time with a person who only considered me as his slave, ordering and pushing me around.
Well, I have a definite answer to that.
Because it was my choice.
He was cold. He was proud. He was eccentric. He was arrogant.
That was what they thought he was.
I personally find it wrong.
Beyond those attitudes, I found a caring side. He was shy, really. It's hard to believe that, I know. There was no way a proud and cocky man like him would show embarrassment, especially when his belief in his own abilities is over the top.
If confidence was helium, he might have been blown away.
In the surface, he was reserved. Whenever his beloved horoscopes or an important person was involved, he was close to panic.
He never cared for anyone, but whenever he saw someone in need – an advice for instance – he would try his best to help in his most subtle and unique way.
He was intelligent. He was fast to grasp things, quick to analyze everything. But in reality, he was dense. Too dense.
He was selfish. He always put his self on top priority first before anything else.
But if I told you that he was selfless and generous, would you believe me?
I think not.
He reminds me of a crab. His exterior was hard, unbreakable.
Inside of him, however, he was gentle and soft.
He was a living contradiction, I tell you.
Despite that, I have learned to accept his overall.
Because he had accepted me as well.
Fate had led us to each other – na no da yo.
Heh. I know Shin-chan will say that.
05-03 (mm—dd)
Today was a typical day.
As usual, I had to pull Shin-chan on the way home. You have no idea how heavy he was. It was like pulling two sacks of rice - no, I think it was more than twenty. Just look how muscular and tall that weird guy is!
Even if that was the case, I still pulled him.
Heh. Perhaps Shin-chan was just trying to make my legs stronger. You know how tsundere he is.
So we spent the time with the usual comfortable silence, though I don't particularly call it silence by hearing the audible sip of his shiruko from time to time.
Before we could reach his house, however, Shin-chan said those unusual words.
"Takao. Turn left and head straight to the nearest bay."
For a moment, my only reaction was to gawk at him. I had the urge to say 'Nearest bay, my ass!'
It only meant I had to pedal thrice the length of my daily pedaling.
I tried asking him, of course. But his only response was an audible sip of his shiruko.
Scoff. As if I had a choice to oppose.
Terrible man, do you not agree?
When we got there, I was already panting to the point where I could almost feel my head spinning and on the verge of fainting.
I asked him why when my breathing went normal. Again, his response was a solid blank.
When he walked a few meters away, choosing a particular spot and sat on the darkening sand because of the sunset, I almost broke into laughter. It was strange to see Shin-chan doing that.
On second thought, Shin-chan was normally strange so what do you expect?
Instead of throwing numerous amounts of confused questions, I followed suit.
We stayed there in silence, enjoying the breathtaking view of the setting sun before us. It was moments later when he offered his hands - the one with bandages.
I looked at him, questioning. I frowned when he gestured on my hands. My head tilted with confusion more.
What I didn't expect was his actions.
I remained motionless, so he tugged my hands in a not so gentle way — the Shin-chan way, if I were to name it — and interlaced our fingers himself. I could still remember how I forgot to close my mouth in momentary shock, and the way my cheeks burned.
Especially when I heard him say…
"You wanted to do this for a long time. Am I not wrong? Hmph. Do not act as if you dislike this."
"I'd exerted too much effort researching an accurate spot to do this without the people's scrutinizing stare."
"That research had directed me to this bay, so you are not allowed to have complaints. Unlike you, I always do everything with all of my power."
I think my heart just died at that time. And it's because of the nonstop fluttering and the wild beating of my heart.
If I were to pedal several kilometers and my reward was to hold Shin-chan's hands like that, then I'm willing to do that every day!
I want to hold his hands forever, and feel Shin-chan's warmth beside me.
This is heaven.
11-21
Today is my birthday. But Shin-chan seems to forgot that. I never told him anything, just gave him the cold shoulder. I tried hard not to scoff and show my tongue to him when he asked.
"What the hell is wrong with you today, Takao?!"
Well, Shin-chan, maybe today is my birthday and you were unable to remember that special day for me.
I went home without pulling him.
I'm pissed off.
I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.
11-22
I can't express how happy I am today.
Well, it's true that I cried myself to sleep yester night because of Shin-chan's idiocy.
Yes, it's official — Midorima Shintarou is a dense and weird bastard. I have no idea why am I attracted with that dense bastard in the first place. How can I put up with him every day, I don't have the slightest idea.
Oh, I'm not going to delete the 'bastard' lest he sees my journal one of these days.
Shin-chan, if you were to read this, then you should know how mean you were yesterday.
Heh. Shin-chan, reading this? I highly doubt that. There's no way I would allow him to touch my private journal.
No freaking way!
But since he did something uncharacteristic of him today, I forgive Shin-chan.
It all happened on a cold rainy late afternoon. No, I think it's on the verge of sunset. Gray and violet were already painting the sky, I could still remember. Or maybe because the weather is kind of sour today.
All of the classes were now done.
Of all the days that I had to forget to bring my umbrella, this was the worse timing. The pitter-patter of rain grew stronger with each beat of my heart.
Obviously, I can't use the rickshaw, more to the fact that Shin-chan and I were still not on speaking terms. I didn't see him anywhere so I supposed he went home by himself.
On the other hand, I tried waiting for the rain to stop — or just make it endurable to walk through. In my case, I think I might run all the way home if the rain will never stop.
Minutes of waiting, it was still consistent.
So it was decided. I penetrated the heavy droplets of rain, bringing my hands up to protect my head and avoided the little poodles of water as I run.
Then I heard him.
"Takao!" He said.
I promise you, I will never get tired of hearing him growl my name like a caress — a sweet chocolate syrup on my eardrums.
Yes, I found his growl arousing.
And yes, Shin-chan's weirdness is contagious.
When I looked around, I saw him, his usual scowl visible on his face. He was carrying that black umbrella — it was too large for a single person, I noted.
He was glaring at me – more like chiding me with that perfect scowl of his. Since I'm as stubborn as him, I ignored him.
He called me again, and since I'm really stubborn, I continued on walking through the rain.
What halted me was the strong grip on my arms. I perfectly know that familiar touch so I whirled around just to snap at him, but I didn't expect him to say…
"You fool! Are you trying to catch a cold!? Here, use this!"
Did he just thrust the umbrella onto my arms? Yes he did.
Then he walked away, making him drench by the rain with just a mere second.
Quite happy that he offered his own umbrella just for me, I rushed toward him, moving the large umbrella higher to save Shin-chan's already wet green hair.
I almost smiled when he did that usual gesture on his glasses.
"Shin-chan, let's share this. It's too big if I'm going to use this alone." was my words.
He looked away, and I clearly know why. He was hiding his flustered face. He was embarrassed, I'm sure.
Sigh. My Shin-chan is a true blood tsundere. But that's what I liked about him the most. Wink.
With a soft voice – almost a mumble actually, he answered.
"Fine. Let's use it together."
Shin-chan snatched the umbrella and continued walking like it was nothing but a rainy normal day. And just like that, our small fight was completely forgotten.
As it turned out, he never had forgotten my birthday.
He actually intended of surprising me. However, instead of accomplishing his plan, it failed.
And it was all because of my tantrums and pride.
Teehee~
He gave me a necklace with a little scorpion pendant dangling. That was the lucky item of Scorpios, he explained — a pendant of your own zodiac sign. I accepted it, since he told me it was supposed to be my lucky item and his gift on my birthday.
Oh. Did I mention that he forced me to come along with him, bathe and stay the night?
Heh. I just did.
12-25
He kissed me. Shin-chan kissed me.
We had spent the Christmas time on the same bay that we always visit every so often. Whenever we went there, I had the privilege of holding Shin-chan's hands as long as I want.
We consumed our time there, chatting, playing word games on the sand.
Heh. Sometimes I do that. No, not that. I mean me groping and teasing him. As always, he would smack me on the head. Chiding me about how those things were meant for secluded and private place alone.
Shin-chan is too conservative for his own good.
But most of the times, we just sat there, watching the sun being engulfed by the vast sea until all that was left was the contour of the moon reflecting on the water.
On that Christmas Eve, with the stars and the trees and the sand as a witness, he kissed me.
He rarely does that whenever we are outside.
It was the best Christmas Eve for me.
05-03
It's been a year since I had started writing on this journal. Shin-chan and I are still together, and we're still going strong. Did you know that we went to Hokkaido last February just to search for that Ainu charm?
And yes, it was for his precious lucky item.
Heh. Shin-chan is too extreme sometimes. (If not always)
Recently, I find myself quickly forgetting things. Like the time when I forgot where I just put my textbook, or other trivial things such as combs, toothbrush, and headbands.
Perhaps it was the memory gap.
05-17
Hello Journal. Recently, I always find myself dazing off. Then suddenly I forgot the reason why am I there - what was I doing on that certain place again.
Stress, perhaps.
Our exams will start around next week, and the basketball practice has been making our every morning a living hell. I bet that was it.
I laughed at Shin-chan who was too worried for me. (He never admit it though)
I mean, it's normal for a person to forget, right?
07-07
As I walk around the hospital, I spotted a child playing alone on the infirmary's public garden. I approached her, asking why she was there, all alone.
"My momma is sick. Papa and I are visiting her today." She said, grinning.
"Where's your papa?" I asked.
"He's busy with my momma." Was the little girl's reply.
"Don't you have any siblings to guide you at least?" I recalled saying.
The only thing that I can remember was the words…
"I am the only one."
and…
"But I really wanted one so badly."
She was smiling, but I can see the sadness on her eyes.
At that time, my mind was wishing, hoping that when the time has come where I could grasp the chance to sire a child, I would never let my offspring to be left alone.
I'm always fond of kids. Maybe I would try spawning ten, or at least five.
Heh. I'm just kidding. I think two is enough.
I always dream of having a girl – her, having my impressive hawk eye, and her pigtails bobbing around whenever she runs.
Her, calling me "Papa!"
I bet she would grow up as cute as the girl that I've met inside the hospital.
But that's only my wishful thinking.
07 – 08
I completely forgot Shin-chan's birthday. I reread my first journals. Some of those said that I must dig up a suitable gift for his birthday. It's on July 7.
It's already 8.
Last year, exactly November 21 on my journal, the time when I thought that Shin-chan had forgotten my own birthday, I made a big deal out of it.
Now that it was my turn to forget his birthday, he simply nodded at me — as if he was acknowledging my presence. (Maybe our usual greeting?) and he was telling me that it was all right and he understands.
Sigh.
How can I forget something as important as Shin-chan's birthday?
05 – 16 (Next year)
This day, the nurses allowed me to stroll around the premises of the hospital. It was large, I tell you. It was complete with fountains and outside benches; it almost looked like a park instead of a hospital.
I bet this hospital is high class. It's too luxurious for my taste — my room looked much more like a five star hotel's room instead of a simple hospital room.
There was a garden. It was large too, filled with different flowers and trees. I chose to stroll around there, feeling the warm breeze caressing my face.
Oh, I was accompanied by Shin-chan — I believed his name was. (My journal says so)
He was a good man, and a passionate one at that. He was always there - besides my family – visiting me, even staying with me at the hospital room.
I appreciated that. Since my imagination would sometimes pop out, bothering me with disturbing thoughts such as a woman appearing in front of me out of the sudden.
I'm not afraid of ghosts, though.
Maybe I am. But when I'm with Shin-chan, I felt like I'm safe, even if those entity have decided to come visit me on one of those nights.
I have no idea why I'm staying at the hospital instead of going to classes just like Shin-chan and my sister.
People usually remain inside the hospital because they were sick. Right? It's weird, because I feel absolutely fine, yet I've been spending my time – I can't remember since when - inside this small room.
Anyway, I digress.
I liked it whenever we walked together – just like earlier. Even without conversations between us, it was comforting.
Whenever I look at our legs, I am amazed by how synchronized our steps was. It was as though our body has that invisible string, tying both our legs and connecting our movements.
It felt like my body was accustomed having him next to me, but I'm very certain it was my first time doing that with him — walking around and saying nothing.
I don't know why, but at that moment, I felt like I'm the happiest person alive.
I wanted to walk with him forever.
Just like that.
09-15 (Another year)
I never wanted to forget him. I never wanted to forget something as important as him.
I love you, Shin-chan.
I love you more than anything else in the world.
I love you more than my life. I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for you. I'm willing to do everything, anything with my power, just to prevent this stupid sickness for forcing me to forget you.
I'll do everything just to see the old Shin-chan again.
I just love you.
I want you to know that.
xXx
He closed the journal book and heaved a deep sigh. He removed his glasses and messaged the bridge of his nose, noting the sudden tension building on the corner of his eyes.
How long has he been reading this?
Fifteen?
Eighteen years?
Even with all those years, he still couldn't believe that it was real and happening. In fact, it happened. It was factual, and the only proof of this was the journal resting on his lap.
Their relationship – the sole person who understood him – it was destroyed because of his strange and rare disorder.
Takao's sickness destroyed his own memories, resulting to completely forgetting even his own identity.
Even the people around him.
If it wasn't for Takao's journal, he wouldn't be able to recall him. The doctor suggested it was a good technique to help him remember and advised him to continue it — writing moments he doesn't want to forget.
And he did.
Midorima run his bandaged fingers on the surface of the journal's cover. It was already brownish, almost worn-out. With gentle fingers, he flipped the book open and perused it. Even the pages were already yellow.
Despite that, Takao's writing was still clear.
He turned over a certain page, landing on his most favored part.
The passage was exactly written on his birthday, the exact day where he and his family had found out the reason behind that strange behavior of Takao.
One random morning, Takao had fainted again. When he woke up inside the school's infirmary, he doesn't remember anything — everything.
In fact, even him.
He first thought that it was Takao's way of revenge. After all, he had made him think that he completely forgot his birthday.
Turns out, it was real.
He was in a disoriented state, close of panicking as he continued asking why he was there – again and again. The nurse present on that day was starting to get worried with Takao's strange reactions.
On that very moment, He decided to take actions and brought him to a nearest hospital.
There, with Midorima and Takao's family's presence, they revealed the reason why he was acting strange.
Midorima could still remember the atmosphere around them after hearing the doctor's explanation.
The faces of Takao's parents, it was heartbreaking. The way he massaged the corner of his eyes to prevent the tears from trailing down – the way Takao looked at them with blank and innocent eyes, he remembered it as if it was yesterday.
It was Korsakoff's syndrome — he believed the name was. It was a form of amnesia. And unlike any other kind of that disorder, this one produces acute or sometimes permanent amnesia.
Doctors believed that it was it, considering the symptoms that they had observed with Takao. But as they continue to observe him furthermore, they found out that it was more alarming than the normal syndrome itself.
It all started from forgetting simple and everyday things, until to the part where he would sometimes blackout. He would wake up with a disoriented state, unsure why he was there.
But the worst of all — confabulation.
It was the third year of Takao's treatment. He was now on collage, though he was not sure what he would be taking at that time.
He was the one who forced Takao to undergo treatment as soon as the symptoms have gotten worse. Takao's family declined at first, telling that they do not have enough money to sustain the continuous healing.
He offered his sincere help with that, even if it meant by focusing his money on Takao's treatment instead of his usual lucky items.
After all, Takao was the most important thing for him.
Midorima could still remember the time when Takao roused from his usual blackouts, asking them about his daughter. It made him paralyzed. He was in a momentary shock at that time.
The specialist assigned for Takao had reassured him and his family that it was nothing but a warning sign of his disorder.
"People with Korsakoff's syndrome tend to recall random events, believing that they were true."
Was the doctor's words, he could still recall.
Takao never suffered stroke, never undergone coma. Never the alcoholic-type. Never had encephalitis – he never had the symptoms so he was sure that it was not it. He never had severe injuries on the head, as far as Midorima knows.
He never thought that it was possible for a person to have this disorder, even without damaging the brain, or undergoing extreme trauma to have it triggered.
Turns out, some part of Takao's brain was already damaged. Severe right hippocampal hemorrhaging - as what the doctors told them.
It was then when Midorima realized the real reason of his existence.
To cure Takao.
He dedicated himself studying medicine for years, focusing himself to become a neurologist. And his only goal was to, hopefully, find permanent treatment to Takao's rare disorder.
Though he knew, it was difficult.
Despite that, he tried everything with his power to cure him. He studied neurology for years, determined to take in charge of him once he graduated and mastered what it was needed to master.
Once he gained the title of the youngest neurologist on that year, he focused himself on Takao. He sacrificed and dedicated himself to help him, but whenever he sees Takao looking at him as though he was just a random doctor, he couldn't help but feel the sudden ache on his chest.
Especially when he knew that… the only way for Takao to remember him was the journal.
Midorima traced the words on the journal with gentle hands, feeling the rough texture caressing the tips of his fingers. There were random stains on the said paper — he knew it was Takao's tears.
It brings back nostalgic emotions whenever he sees this certain passage.
Even the pain on his chest.
09 – 15
This sickness. It was like a monster. It is killing me.
I have to remember everything. I have to remember Shin-chan. If it wasn't for the past journals, I wouldn't be able to remember him.
He was the green haired man who was always there, right?
He's too kind, always there whenever I wanted someone to talk to. Always present whenever the others are away.
He was always there. Taking care of me.
Whenever I look at him, he was smiling at me. He was smiling, but the corner of his eyes was sad. He was doing it for me. I just know it.
It's not the Shin-chan that I know — at least my journals say so.
I know how hard it was for him to see his only best friend and lover spending his time inside the hospital, suffering with this sickness, forgetting everything, and remembering him only because of this journal. I don't want to be the reason of his distress. I want to see him happy.
Always.
I never wanted to forget him. I never wanted to forget something as important as him.
I love you, Shin-chan.
I love you more than anything else in the world.
I love you more than my life. I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for you. I'm willing to do everything, anything with my power, just to prevent this stupid sickness for forcing me to forget you.
I'll do everything just to see the old Shin-chan again.
I just love you.
I want you to know that.
He squeezed the corner of his eyes and sighed.
Everything written inside the journal – everything about him and Takao was already ancient. But whenever he looked through it again, the feelings from years ago were flowing back into his system.
Perhaps it never disappeared in the first place.
He sighed before looking up, placing both of his hands flat on the sand. This is the moment when he felt comfortable the most — staring at the reflection of the sun, the seagulls chirping from the distance, the relaxing sound of the wave.
Midorima stood up after a while, dusting the sand on his pants before walking back to the hospital. He needed to focus on his work instead of taking a trip down the sweet memory path of ancient history.
Clutching the journal with his hands, he walked.
xXx
"Midorima-san!"
He stopped, not because of hearing his name being called. He stopped because he completely knew the owner of the voice who was calling him right now.
In fact, hearing the familiar voice made his breath hitched and his body frozen – as if he was paralyzed. With aching heart, he forced himself to turn around and greet the person.
"Takao-san," He bowed in a polite way. The man grinned at him. Seeing that familiar grin stung his eyes. Instead, he ignored the pain and talk as though he was talking to a random patient. "I see you look well today. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"You're as formal as always, Midorima-san," Takao laughed. "I just want to have a little chat, is all."
Hearing Takao's hearty laugh felt like there was a blunt sword cutting his heart into two.
"I'm sorry to say that I cannot stay for a small conversation," He said instead. "My presence is needed at the hospital this instant."
"Eh? Just for a little while?"
He pushed his glasses and lingered for a while. His tears are threatening to fall again. "I have to pass for now. I'll make sure to visit you one of these days."
"Hmm..." Takao paused as if he was thinking, then he smiled. "Alrighty then. Doctors sure are busy bees, aren't they? Well, it can't be helped, but be sure to visit me whenever you have free time okay?"
"Of course," was his gentle reply.
"Living inside the hospital premises sure has some benefits, don't you agree?" He grinned. "Now that I think about it, I am the only non-employee living here. They even allowed me to use the quarters meant for employees and live here as long as I want. Heh. I suddenly feel like I'm special."
At that very moment, Midorima felt the urge to cross the distance between them and encircled his arms around him. If he were to do that, he would caress Takao's hair and never ever let go of him.
Alas, he knew it was impossible to happen.
Instead, with a faint smile touching his face, he answered, "Because you are,"
Then he bowed to inform that he was already leaving. Takao waved and greeted him goodbye.
"Papa!"
Midorima felt his body froze the moment he heard it, his hands tightening around the journal.
"Kazuko-chan!" He heard the cheerful greeting of Takao. He adjusted his glasses with that and sighed. "Wow, you're early today. How's school?"
"It's all fine, Papa!" came a cheerful voice of a girl.
"Glad to hear that," Takao answered. "Ah! Before I completely forgot… Hora, Kazuko-chan, show your respect with our precious doctor here."
Midorima knew Takao was talking about him so he faced them. It's a surprise he could even pull a passive face in front of them, when inside of him was like a whirlwind of painful mess.
Despite his inward trouble, he offered a faint smile to the little girl.
On the other hand, Takao nudged the girl on her shoulders, tugging her gently away from his back.
"Kazuko-chan, don't be shy," Takao called. "See? Midorima-san's waiting."
The girl poked her head instead, hiding the rest of her body on the back of Takao. "A-anou…h-how are you, Midorima-san? Thank you for taking care of Papa always!"
Takao chuckled when she ducked behind him again. "Forgive my daughter, Midorima-san. She's always the shy-type."
Unlike her father. He was tempted to say that.
"It's nothing," He said instead. "I'm sorry to cut it short, but I have to go now."
"Of course!" Takao said before bowing. "Once again. Sorry for disturbing you, Midorima-san. I really appreciated your daily visits despite the busy schedule that you always have. Good luck with your work."
You were never a bother to me, Takao. I am willing to sacrifice everything, just to lend my time for you.
He really wanted to say that, but he stilled himself. He bestowed him a formal bow before turning around without saying anything.
xXx
After many years of dedicating himself to cure Takao's disorder, he was proud to say that his effort has not gone to waste. Treating his sickness is not an easy feat – it requires time and full-time care, patience and tolerance.
Takao had remembered everything — his family, his childhood, his identity, all of the important factors of his life that was too crucial to be buried down and forget.
His memories were now back. Except for one thing.
The moments that he had shared with Midorima – all of the memories of him, it was nothing but a fantasy to Takao's current stature.
The journal, he could still remember Takao's family saying, give him the journal to make him remember.
Midorima knew how much he had wanted to do that. The moment he had laid his hands on the journal, his fingers itched – as though it was begging him to hand it to Takao.
Instead, he did not.
You should have done that when you still had the chance.
One corner of his brain was still chiding him, almost to the point of mockery - scolding him about how foolish his actions were. But whenever he remembered the reason behind his actions, all of his doubts and regret would disappear — like bubbles floating along the wind.
If he had showed the journal to Takao, then he wouldn't be able to achieve his dream. He wouldn't be able to see the Takao now — happy and satisfied.
Laughing and smiling — with his precious little dream existing along with him.
Midorima was aware how much Takao had desired the only thing he could never ever give to him. Years ago, in the middle of his treatment, he could not even count the times where Takao would sometimes ask them about his daughter.
Countless of times, they were forced to just go along with him.
Even the doctor's way of telling him that it was nothing but confabulation. It was stuck inside his head. He could only nod - letting them know that it was all right, that he understood.
Midorima knew, deep down inside, he knew Takao was pertaining this said-daughter with his past events. The journal was the proof, it was written exactly on his birthday.
I'm always fond of kids.
I always dream of having a girl.
I bet she would grow up as cute as the girl that I had seen inside the hospital.
Instead of forcing Takao to remember him through his journal, he chose to let him go. The hospital finally allowed Takao his release, but he requested – even begged for the hospital authorities – to let him stay inside the premises of the hospital.
"It was to make sure of Takao's well fare, so I can watch the progress of his disorder."
Within all those years, he was aware of Takao's life — how he had gotten his first work, the time when he had finally found the person he had wanted to spend his life with, his reaction when he first saw his daughter, how he had cradled her like she was the most precious gemstone existing.
And within all those years, Takao never had the sign that he remembered Midorima. He knew he was wishing for the impossible, but sometimes, he would always find himself thinking, imagining Takao's initial reaction if ever his memories came back.
Takao only considered him as one of the resident doctors there. He was always there – looking at Takao, taking care of him (as a patient) whenever he could, but never too close.
Midorima was aware with all of that.
Even the unbearable pain living inside his heart.
xXx
Midorima looked up to the skies, unblinking, one of his hands protecting the journal from the pitter-patter of the autumn rain.
This is the only time where he could release his tears without worries.
Takao… I'm aware how contradicting our qualities are. But I'm surprised that even though we're exact opposites, in a way, we're both alike.
You and I, we are the same.
Just like you, I'm willing to give up everything. If I were to sacrifice my own happiness just to see your smile again, I would.
Just like you, I will do everything with all of my power…just to see the old Takao again.
This is the proof of our equality, but I never wanted to be equal with you.
I know you have already forgotten how much you love me. I'm not like you, because the memories that we had are still alive within me.
Love – you had taught me that certain emotion I am not aware in the beginning. No matter the situation is, I'm still giving it back to you.
After all, I don't want to be your equal.
Remember that, Takao Kazunari.
At the back of the journal, on the third to the last page, there was a passage scribbled there. Midorima was not yet aware with this.
xXx
I will never forget him – my Shin-chan – for making me the happiest man alive.
I, Takao Kazunari, will treasure the memories I had with him until the end of time.
Even when the time comes where I would be unable to remember this, surely my heart would. Wouldn't it?
I never wanted to forget.
I wanted to keep these memories.
Yes, it's true that even the memories are bound to fade away. Even if it is, the moments, the times that we had shared between us will never disappear.
Because those memories occurred – it was genuine. It was real.
It happened.
And that's what matters the most.
END
Finished: April 10, 2014
A/N: Open for editing. You have no idea how many times I've cried just by writing this. It was supposed to be one-shot and short, but I can't help myself. I…can't…stop…my tears. Do you want a tissue?
Random Trivia:
The story was inspired by Ono Daisuke's song, amaoto. But the disorder, it was inspired by my SD card. (aka memory card) because it's a mess. Whenever I tried restarting my phone, yes, it will work. Several minutes after, my phone wouldn't be able to read it. In a way, Takao's on-off memories reminded me of my SD card. XD
Just like Takao here, I have an experience living inside the hospital too. There was an apartment-like house exclusive for employees only, but they allowed me to live there for the mean time. I remembered it while I'm writing Takao's situation.