Gregory is perfect. He is the perfect man. Why did I ever, ever doubt that?
He is the perfect business man: fierce, determined, the way he barks orders even trough the phone makes everything shiver inside my body, the core of my being vibrating to his voice. I can't help wanting him. Badly. The way he usually slams the phone down when finishing a call after things obviously didn't go his way, makes me wish I was the object in his hands he would slam to the ground, making me his, furiously. And he just did. I couldn't stop wondering what the call he made was all about, was he in trouble? Was I in trouble? It's terrible to have to live fearing that he will find out about my darkest secret. Fear on a daily basis. I'm not going to survive this pregnancy. I'm not...but...
...even tough I fear his outbursts, his violence at times...I can't stay away from him. I need him. The way he slammed me against the door and made me give in to his hungry kisses, the way he took me right there, on the sofa, knowing that anyone could have walked in on us at any time...it was the most exciting thing I felt in years. How many times did we do it in the past few days? The last time we acted like this, he had put a ring on my finger and we were in Hawaii in a honeymoon suite. And in Florence. Oh Florence...I can't even think of that city without blushing at the thought of having had too much...
Okay...what has gotten into me? Must be the hormones. Great, now I giggle to my own thoughts like a teenage girl...gosh I need to get this under control, Gregory can't find out I'm pregnant, not yet...but...
...Gregory is the perfect husband - Well, lately. He seems to love me so much again. The days in Carmel...God I can't remember the last time I enjoyed being with him so much that I didn't want it to end. The last time I felt that if I had to be separated from him for a second, I would die inside. The last time we laughed so much, the last time he actually listened to me, to my wishes, my deepest desires, fears, the last time I felt respected, cared for, loved. He took every word I said so seriously, he tried so hard to make my every wish come true. I wanted to walk on the beach, we walked on the beach. I wanted to eat ice cream at 9 pm, we ate ice cream at 9 pm. I never asked where he even got it from... I wanted him to hug me, irrationally clinging to him, he hugged me. I wanted him to love me, he loved me until I had to beg him to stop. He loves me. I feel it, he loves me and our children...but...
...Gregory is far from being a perfect father tough. The scene with Sean and that..Tiffany when we returned home this early afternoon, that was just...it horrified me to see Gregory so mad. He was mad thinking the girl is manipulating Sean, that she is taking advantage of him and of us. But in fact, she just wanted to wear something as pretty as all the nightgowns Gregory gifted me throughout the years. He always knew what he wanted to unwrap me of. I have to grin at my own sexual appetite every time I think of him...this pregnancy is going to kill me. Literally...but...
...there is nothing more I wish for than for this child to be his. I had the chance to tell him on this trip but I couldn't. I can't take the chance to mess this up. Not now, not when everything is so perfect. When Gregory is so perfect.
He is really trying hard to make this family work. He is protective of me and of our children, even tough they aren't quite children anymore. Especially not Caitlin...still, things are perfect...but...
...there is one intruder in this family. One piece of dirty laundry I can't get clean, a thorn in my eyes. And he is orbiting around my life, my house, my perfection. Everything is perfect. Gregory is perfect. And then there's Cole. The threat to my perfection. How could I have been so, so stupid? Why did I have to run into his arms? Why did i have to sleep with him? I could be happy. I could be the perfect wife for Gregory...but...
...I'm not. I'm a hypocrite. I'm a liar. A heartbreaker. A black widow. And my next victims are going to be my husband and my daughter. God if they ever find out! I can't let that happen. I can't! How am I going to get rid of him? Gregory can get rid of him. He can ...but...
...it still won't change the fact that this baby might not be his.
This hurts so much.
Every time I get so worked up - it doesn't even matter what about - I have an indescribable wish to see Gregory. To be with him. His presence always comforts my worried mind. I let my foot steps take me to his study where I was just an half an hour ago. I can't stay away. I need him now more than ever.
I knock softly and enter, he sits with his back at me, reading a file and frowning. I cant help reaching out for his shoulders and touch him.
He is hurting as I rub his shoulders.
"Oh darling, we've just go back and you're already full of nods." He sighs a hurtful yes and I go on. "You've lost your business, isn't it?" I ask him, to get myself distracted from the sickening thoughts that haunt my mind.
"Yes. I think I should stop working and become a bum." I wonder if he's joking or if he actually means it. I can't keep from laughing amused at his statement.
"Well, you'll be the best dressed bum in Sunset Beach." That was not even exaggerated. He would be a perfect bum.
"And you, would be the beautiful woman who invites me to her home and soothes me with these soothing hands." God there he goes again, making me shiver at his words. He stands up to kiss the back of my hands. That look in his eyes before he reaches out for my lips makes me weak. I give in, again, I let him kiss me and my worries away. And I can't help falling for him with every little kiss he places on my lips. I sigh with relief tilting my head. He did it again, chased my worries away.
"If was a perfect vacation, Liv." He is honest and fully smitten with me.
"Mhm, yes it was. It's a pity that it's over." I'm honest too, I wish I could go back to Carmel with him and stay there forever.
"Oh it doesn't have to be." He says as if he can feel my urge to go back. "I've got a wonderful idea. Let's you and I, have a jacuzzi. You and me under stars." His grin makes me melt away. How could I ever turn down a proposal like this? I lean in to kiss him and reply without giving it a second thought.
"Sounds wonderful."
"Good." I hear him say. "I think this vacation did you very well dear, put on a little weight, you look absolutely glowing."
WAIT! What did he just say? Oh my God no, no no no this can't be! He is starting to notice. Okay, act as though you wouldn't care. Come on, you can do it just smile and hope for the best.
"Right! Out in the jacuzzi. Let's hurry up before the thief and the panhandler call this place home. Take it over." He must have noticed his comment made me uncomfortable. I can't possibly show up in a bathing suit when I'm obviously getting fat. I'm starting to show. I just pray Gregory doesn't notice the panic in my eyes.
"I'll be right there, I'm just going to call Bette. I said I'll call her when we get back." I have to get out of this somehow.
"Alright. Don't be too long."
I assure him I won't, even tough I feel like running away from him right now. He feels something is changing, he can see I'm changing.
He leans in again to kiss me and it's hard not to give in.
"And don't bother wearing a bathing suit." He leaves me wanting. Wanting him. How can you want someone and want to run away from them at the same time? Am I even making any sense? Damned hormones. I'm a wreck.
I need to find out who the father of this baby is. NOW!
It's no use, I have to get out there and into the bubbly water. Preferably naked. I can't. I can't let him see me naked now.
Pacing up and down in front of the door to the terrace isn't helping! Olivia! Think!
Too late.
Gregory pulls my hand determined to have me into that jacuzzi.
"You were gone too long, Liv." Gosh the way he whispers in my ear makes me explode. "The candles are waiting. The drinks are waiting. I am waiting..." He is playing with me.
Before I know it, he pulls me out of the room and jumps in the jacuzzi. I watch him move around and then throw his shorts in front of my feet. What an invitation. I smile and try to play along as if nothing was wrong... But ...
...I turn my head and look at our house, I don't want anyone to see us. Our children don't have to witness this. And certainly not the thief and the panhandler. Especially not the thief! He was in our house day and night. Caitlin's dream and my nightmare.
"Liv...? The bathrobe." he orders and I know I have to take it off. I have to act natural. I manage to take my robe off and see Gregory's disappointed look on his face when he sees me in a bathing suit. He explicitly told me not to. I take a few unsure steps towards him and lower myself in the hot, steamy water. He grabs me immediately, tearing the straps of my bathing suit down. He hates it. He wants me. He is furious again and I can't help wondering why? What is going on with him? At least I have an excuse, I'm pregnant. My hormones are like explosive. What's his excuse?
He frees me from the material he didn't want on me in the first place and touches me everywhere. I pull away and try to avoid having his hands on my body. This is obnoxious. There's no escape.
He thinks this is a game. The more he thinks I play the shy one, the more he is hunting me down, determined to have his way with me for the fourth time today. Good lord, this is insane. We are married for 23 years, we know each other inside and out, I should know him by heart and yet he surprises me every time. The fourth time today. I doubted he could ever want me again so much. Not after our marriage was so broken not too long ago. But here we are, in a hot jacuzzi, on a hot night, both naked, performing the foreplay to another demonstration of our love.
I'm lost in too many thoughts. He'll notice I'm somewhere far away. Before I know it, he grabs my hips and pulls me out of the water, sitting me on the rim of the jacuzzi. He comes closer, installing himself between my legs and kisses me until I feel I can hardly breathe anymore. I can feel him, waiting for me to open up for him. I tilt my head back and let him devour my neck. I can't deny him this. I want it too much myself. He doesn't seem to notice anything. This is good.
Before I manage to raise my head again, he pushes my legs apart and pulls my hips towards him. I open my eyes, anticipating the lust of the feeling I know I'll have seconds from now.
I'll have him.
I open up to let him in.
I look up.
I let a cry out as he dives into me, a mix of surprise and pleasure.
I can't believe it!
I just can't believe it!
My breathing is fast and nearly causing me to hyperventilate. Shock and pleasure at once.
Cole. The thief. He is on the balcony of Caitlin's bedroom and he's watching us.
I'm so in shock that I don't even know if I should make Gregory stop or let him go on. I only imagine the fiasco if I was to tell him Cole is watching us. And truth be told, I don't want him to stop. I hang myself on Gregory's neck and dig my nails into his back, giving him the approval he needs to go on even deeper, faster. This is wrong.
I can see Cole frowning my way, his face illuminated by the moonlight. Is he embarrassed? Is he enjoying the sight? Where even is Caitlin?
I push Gregory back into the water. If Caitlin was to come outside unexpected, I don't want her to see us like this. Good Lord I would die with shame.
Gregory swirls me around and kisses my shock opened mouth. When I open my eyes again and look up, Cole is gone. He is gone but he has seen enough. I let him see enough. Why the hell did I let him watch? So that there is no doubt in his mind that the child I'm carrying is Gregory's? I suddenly feel sick with the stunts I got used to pulling, digging my own grave deeper and deeper. This is crazy.
My life is crazy and I'm the only one to blame.
I laugh thinking this is going to be my future from now on. My sins tailing me on any given occasion. My biggest sin of all living in my house, being a part of my most intimate moments.
There will be no escaping Cole.
The thief. He stole everything from me, including the sacred bond I have with my husband.
The will be no peace around here. Not ever again. I am doomed with having to fear the truth coming out every single second of the day. I am doomed to be reminded of my sins every second and hate myself...but...
...I love Gregory. And I think I start loving this child. In spite of what happened I think there might still be a chance for me. For us.
I let myself drawn again into Gregory's hungry kisses. I love him.
He must feel that something is wrong with me since he slows down and looks into my eyes, cupping my face. He is obviously worried, looking to make eye contact with me. I look away. He pushes a lock from my face behind my ear and whispers something. I didn't pay attention, what did he say?
I can feel his embrace, he is soft and gentle, the complete opposite to his actions just a few minutes ago. He pushes me to the rim of the jacuzzi, in a dark corner where the moonlight doesn't get a chance to drop on our bodies. This feels good. Safe from intruding eyes. I pull him close. Why are you so perfect? I wish I could ask him...but...
..."I love you.." I tell him and close my eyes, surrendering to his perfection.
The end.