It's funny how your life can pass from the most beautiful happiness to the most deep misery by just remember, by seeing things that you enjoyed and now they make you suffer, in my case is in my face at this time; I'm looking it nailed on the wall; a portrait cursed and full of life, full of my life, of my old life, that happiness that being honest I do not think I ever deserved, it eats my mind and soul to know that I lost my happiness on a whim, I lost my heart by mere mental pleasure, the punishment, knowing that I deserve it but she does not.

I promised to take care of her, teach her the light, give her my love, that I didn't care to get hurt for helping her and that her and only her was enough reason to live, I fell in love as you never imagine, it came by a mere surprise and I was happy because she was the best person I ever met, and that she just loved me the same as I was amazing, that we could remove all our thoughts from our minds because we were everything in our world, I was what she loved and she was the reason my soul stayed in the light for so long time

But now that picture, represents everything I had left of her, we are supposed to be Friends now but I know deep in the bottom of my heart that I will never stop loving her, when we talk in the outside she looks fine and recover but in the inside I know when we talk it hurts her, because she knows I still love her and I think she does to, I tried to move on, to forget about her but no matter every time I laugh or seem happy in the inside I missed her I was in pain for not having her , I wanted die, all the days it was the same I gave everyone a happy face but in the end when everyone where sleep I wanted to cry for everything I had done to us , to her…

And it doesn't matter that I didn't shear a single tear, because inside there was that constant suffering, quiet but powerful, hidden like a ghost at the sight of the living.

I haven't seen her in months now, yet there are times that I only think of her, how is she now? What is she doing? Other times I think, what would have happened if that time I just swallow my pride and curiosity? Would she still with me now?

Then I remember that it doesn't matter, my reality is that I let it happened and by doing that I damage our relationship, but most important I damaged her, and that I deserve to feel miserable for it, so I will continue to give the world a happy face while deep inside I'm dead

I will continue having memories of her, making me suffer, killing me every day, destroying my beating but dead heart

Those happy memories

Those hellish memories

Those dead memories in my heart

-I'M SO SORRY FP… I'M SO SORRY