So my husband said there should be a superhero character that had cats for a mustache, and apparently, I just can't let that go…
X-Force Interview 125: CATSTACHE
"That's…impressive," Wade Wilson admitted slowly, "in a very disturbing and arousing way."
Deadpool stared at the giant, Viking-like physique of Roger Forrester. The otherwise average-looking seven-foot-tall behemoth stood stooped inside their recruitment trailer for X-Force, the orange-and-white half of his mustache drooping down to clean its paws.
"So do you cough up the hairballs, or…? Because I want to be accurate on the insurance form."
The tabby half growled ominously.
"I like her," Dopinder said, smiling, "it reminds me of my aunt Rani. She hates everyone."
"Bless your tiny brown heart. Your whole life is tragic, Dopinder." Deadpool turned back to Roger. "Nevertheless, my friend has a point. Are you a man of two—or three—minds with one being a sweetheart and one murderous, well, cat?"
Roger's own grumble was nearly indistinguishable from the tabby on his left lip. "We are all vicious killing machines," the man replied.
"Well that's terrifying…"
"Mr. Pool, sir, could we ask for a…a demonstration," Dopinder suggested.
"If you'd like to clean up my shit, too," Wade blurted, then leaned slightly towards his assistant, "because I've already peed myself." He snapped back up in his chair at the continuing growl. "I prefer dogs."
In a horrifying lunge forward, each side of Roger's face pealed away to show fangs, razor sharp whiskers, and black eyes surrounded by thin slits of gold and green. Deadpool jumped backwards, falling over in his chair, then reclaiming some balance with a katana at the ready between them. "Holy fuck-sticks, Batman."
Dopinder clapped excitedly. "Wonderful. Do they have names?"
"Thelma and Louise," the giant grumbled.
"I'm really more a dog person," Wade politely hissed. "Get the mop, Dopinder."
"Their claws and whiskers are lethal, and their tails have strangled men in a pinch." Roger gave each half-stacie a long, stroking pet and spun a finger through two curling tails.
"As fascinating as that is—"
"Magical," Dopinder breathed.
"—I'm just not seeing enough experience on this resume. Do you speak any other languages?"