The Redemption of Harry 'Pansy' Potter
Harry Potter had been lying in his large Queen sized bed contemplating just what he was going to do with his life. He had decided to pretend, for the time being, that the Dark Lord known as Voldemort (or Tommy boy to Harry), wasn't roaming around wanting his head on a pike.
Harry smiled vaguely at the stars floating across his ceiling, all the while enjoying the flowery scent from the candles he had lit. Ron always mocked him, saying that he was too feminine, and if he was in particularly bad mood, asking Harry whether he was planning on killing Voldemort with his "girly problems".
That had never actually occurred to Harry.
This Harry Potter had never had the best instinct in the world, so it was only when somebody switched off his Sigur Ros that he realized somebody else must be in the room.
"Hey! I was listening to that!" Harry bleated, sitting up in his particularly cushiony bed. He was about to make some remark about the audacity this person must have in order to turn it off halfway through such a good song when he froze. Standing in front of him with an especially menacing expression on his face was Harry Potter.
Harry Potter (the pansy one) gawped at the other Harry Potter, and after studying the impressive physic of the intruder he suddenly felt oddly self-conscious.
"You are," the other Harry spoke, a touch of irritation in his tone, "…possibly the worst excuse for a Harry Potter I have ever seen!"
"And you're… you're me!" Harry replied stupidly, blinking a few times to make sure his contact lenses hadn't fallen out
The other Harry sighed deeply as he watched him do this, and pulled up a squishy chair to sit on. He sank into the chair, frowning miserably as he struggled to pull himself out of it.
"Why the fuck are all your chairs so damn squishy, Potter?" he asked with a murderous glint in his eye.
Pansy Harry scrambled backwards on his bed and shook his head frantically, "Ginny, she bought them for me! Said they would pad my scrawny butt!"
At this point the author was getting confused to which Harry was which, so she decided to rename Pansy Harry 'Pansy', just for the fun of it.
Harry gazed at him for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm sorry Pansy, but you my friend, are a lost cause."
Pansy had pulled his duvet up to his chin, his chin wobbling as he tried desperately not to whimper and burst into tears. This Harry Potter was scary!
"Why – are – you – here?" Pansy finally managed to choke out, genuinely curious, but slightly apprehensive about the answer.
Harry rolled his eyes. "To save your scrawny butt."
Before Pansy could say anything else, although the author seriously doubts that he would have anyway, Harry stood up and pulled a selection of swords and daggers off his belt. Pansy continued to sit, shaking slightly.
Harry dumped the weapons on the ground and sat back down, breathing a sigh of relief, as they no longer dug into his ribs.
"Okay, here's the thing Pansy." Harry begun slowly, wondering whether he should try and dumb down his explanation for this one. "I'm you, but I'm not you."
Harry paused as he watched Pansy try and understand what he was saying.
"I was Harry Potter in an Alternate Universe, okay." Harry explained patiently. Pansy nodded for him to continue, "Anyway, so I managed to kill Voldemort, right?" Pansy jumped a bit at the name but said nothing, "I assume you know you are the only person who can kill Voldemort?" Harry asked, one eyebrow raised.
Pansy nodded again. "Headmaster Dumbledore did mention something like that."
Harry scowled at him. "Right."
Crunching his knuckles Harry continued his story, "Anyway, so I killed Voldemort, but in the process managed to kill myself as well." Harry was pleased as Pansy gasped in shock, he could continue now. "But when I got to the afterlife, or whatever the hell it was, this woman came and talked to me. She told me that I was the only successful Harry Potter so far, and some of the other Harry Potter's in other worlds could use my help to defeat Voldemort."
Pansy nodded again, but his glazed expression suggested that he didn't quite understand. This was confirmed by his next question, "So wait, Alternate Universes exist?"
Harry narrowed his eyes at the boy, "Of course they do! What do they teach you at Hogwarts in this world?"
Harry paused as he noticed a pile of Gilderoy Lockharts books in the corner of his room, he then sighed in understanding.
"Oh." Harry stated shortly.
Pansy glanced from Harry to the books then back at Harry again, shrugging his shoulders.
Harry shook his head. This world was confusing him; hopefully everybody else would be, at the very least, mildly sane.
"My point being I had a choice, I could move on to the afterlife, or I could go around and help all you Harry Potter's defeat Voldemort." Harry concluded.
Pansy looked at him in awe. "And you chose to help us?"
Harry snorted, "Of course! I did so much bloody training that I may as well use it. Besides, I figure it's the right thing to do, if you don't manage to defeat Voldemort then this whole world is doomed."
Pansy, at this point, couldn't take it anymore.
"You mean to tell me I have to defeat Voldemort or this world is doomed?"
Harry laughed. "Oh god no. See, that's why I'm here. There was nothing in the prophecy about which Harry Potter had to defeat Voldemort. So pretty much what's going to happen is that I'm going to be you." He explained, eyes darting around the room to take in his new living quarters.
Pansy grinned. "Excellent."
Harry was slightly taken aback. "You don't mind?"
Pansy shook his head. "Why would I? I don't have to fight anymore!"
Harry was almost 100 percent certain now that this Harry Potter was the worst one he had ever come across.
"What about your friends? Your family? I might be here for years, you know, depending on Voldemorts strength." Harry questioned him, surprised at his lack of reaction. Most Harry's he had come across given him some sort of struggle. A lot claimed that they were perfectly capable of defeating Voldemort without his help, or that they wanted to at least make some sort of contribution to the war effort. The most common response was the Harrys thinking that he was some sort of death eater in disguise – he liked those Harrys the most. He had never come across a Harry who was so eager for him to take his life.
"You realize that you will have to leave this Universe for a while?" Harry explained.
Pansy nodded eagerly, "When can I leave?"
Harry sat in front of Pansy eyeing the boy with a growing amount of disdain.
"Soon, soon, I just need to find out some details from you." He soothed, trying to inject some empathy into his tone.
Pansy sighed dramatically. "Okay, what do you want to know?"
Harry coughed slightly and unrolled a piece of parchment, he had been making a list, based on past experiences, to what historical information was essential when pretending to be a Harry.
"Number One…" he begun, "…Where are you living?"
Pansy rolled his eyes and snorted, "Why here of course!"
Harry banged his head on the table; this was going to be a long night.