released emotions
Chapter 1
"You do have your moments…not many of them, but you do have them."
Han knew that her little, short kiss on his cheek would linger there for years, probably forever. Not physically. She just sat down back behind him, while he started their way to Bespin. But in his mind, it would stay. Cause it meant something. In a way, it meant even more to him than their first real kiss in the circuit bay, because this time she initiated it. After their kiss, which he really pushed her into, he felt insecure. Not that he had forced himself on her, he knew she wanted it and needed it, just like he did, but he knew he had to let her take the next steps. If that blasted droid hadn't shown up, the kiss would have gone on, probably forever, or perhaps even would have lead towards something more. He was almost sure of it, until she sneaked away from him, when he was busy with the droid, and avoided him for most of the day after that. And now, now she decided to kiss him, only on the cheek, but an intimate kiss nevertheless and it meant their kiss in the circuit bay meant something for her as well.
Busy with his thoughts he felt her eyes on him. What does this mean? His mind suddenly screamed.
"Han!?" Her voice interrupted his thought. Putting on the most confident smirk he could master, her turned around with his chair, facing her. "Yes, your highness?" He tried to play it cool. "Well, captain, I hate to tell you how to do your job but isn't it time to set the coordinates to Bespin?" She asked, pointing to the navigator. Clearing his throat, he tried to think of something smooth to say.
"It will take us a long time to get there." Was all that came out of him.
"About 40 days, if my calculations are correct." She responded deadpan. He looked at her for a moment, trying to read her expression. She seemed unaffected, calm even.
"You're sure you can handle yourself with a gorgeous guy like me that long?" He tried a different approach. "Can you Han?" She countered right back, without hesitating.
Her using his real name during their teasing, instead of some of her nicknames for him, was something new and it shot shivers, good, nice shivers down his whole body.
"It's our only chance and I think we need it…Han." She said, before he could come up with an answer. She was right, it was their only chance but they both knew she also meant for them.
"Leia, I…" He tried. "We need time, Han…I need it." She confessed, looking down to her hands, nodding to herself. Watching her for a moment, he leaned forward, took both of her hands, which were laying on her lap, into his and leaned down to kiss them, before sitting up, giving her an understanding smile and leaning forward to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and with that, he let go of her and turned to set the coordinates to Bespin.
Chewie came in shortly after that and Leia got up from her chair. "Do you…hmmm…do you have anything else to wear for me? I can't run around in this snowsuit for that long and I…"
She tried to come up with some more reasons to convince him. "Sure princess…" He interrupted her, getting up himself. "…follow me." He mumbled almost nervously, gesturing to the main hold. Leading her to his cabin, he stepped inside, opened a drawer, trying to decide what would be appropriate for her to wear, without her thinking he chose the outfit for a purpose. "Ahm…I'm…I'm not…well chose for yourself. I will check the rations." He stammered and pushed past her, trying to get the idea of her in his clothes out of his head, before it went overload. Smirking to herself, she looked after him for a moment, going over to the drawer and looking through it. Now it was time to make a decision. She could choose this white shirt made of wool with a big v-neck that would probably show most of her cleavage, or she could take this white, buttoned-up shirt, which would cover her up nicely but didn't look as comfy.
Going through the drawer, she found nothing better than the buttoned shirt so she took it out. Getting out of her snowsuit, she turned around to face the cabin and her eyes spotted an old looking, worn out white shirt, with a slightly smaller v-neck and a few holes in the hem, lying next to the Han's pillow on his bunk. Probably thrown there carelessly before a shower or a changing to a snow outfit on Hoth. Taking one more glance down to the buttoned shirt, she hopped to the bunk and took hold of the old shirt, bringing it up to her face and taking a deep breath. It smelled uniquely of Han and it warmed her heart and the decision was made. Pulling off her undershirt, she put Han's shirt on and felt kind of…safe. That was what she liked so much about Han, if not loving it, she felt safe around him, with him and because of him. Putting on a pair of blood stripes she found on the floor next to the bunk, she left the cabin, curios how Han would react seeing her in this clothes.
She found him in the galley, looking through the freezer. Standing in the doorway for a moment, she watched him, rather admire him and everything about him really.
"Like what you see, princess?" He asked, not turning around, still searching the freezer.
"How are the rations?" She asked, taking a step inside.
"Don't worry, we have plenty, they are…" Turning around and closing the freezer door, he was lost for words a moment. "…cute."
"Cute?" She asked a smile crossing her face. "Yeah…" He shrugged, fiddling with his hands to the sides of his blood stripes. "The rations are cute?" She asked, suppressing a laugh.
"The rations?" He asked, almost confused. "You were saying the rations are cute!?" She giggled. Han looked at her for a moment. "Well they are!" He said, straitening up and walking past her to the main hold. Following him, she smiled. "So what are we doing now?"
Stopping in his tracks, he turned around to face her, trying to remain cool, but seeing her in his clothes, which looked way too big for her, but just perfect. Just perfect… His mind whispered to him, he got lost once again. "I'm checking the navigates." He mumbled, turning to go to the cockpit. "What will you do after that?" She followed him to the cockpit and sat down in Chewie's chair, watching him checking the navi-computer.
"Probably work on some wires."
"Need any help?"
"Nah, I'm fine." He answered, getting up to leave again. "Han?" She stopped him in his track.
"What…are you trying to avoid me?" Looking at his back, she waited for him to turn around.
"What gives you that idea princess?" Trying to play it cool, he turned back around and lounged back down into his chair. "You can hardly look at me." Looking at his profile, she could tell, he was trying to come up with something to say.
"Didn't know you liked it that much sweetheart!?" He teased, a smirk on his face as he turned to look at her.
"40 days…" She whispered, not buying his composure.
"I know it's not going to be easy, but…"
"You bet it's not going to be easy, Leia! I mean, 40 days…trapped here with you and you…you looking like that…" Stumbling over his words, she could see he was nervous.
"What's wrong with my looks?"
"Everything…I mean…" He stopped talking for a moment, locking eyes with her.
"I…I need to take a shower." And with that he got up and left her alone sitting in the cockpit.
Sitting in the cockpit by herself for a while, she thought about the kiss they shared in the circuit bay. The kiss was not just a joyful peck, filled with relief. It was not a gentle Thank you that lead to nothing. The kiss was real. It was filled with emotions, emotions they both seemed to avoid for the last two years. Especially after the past few days, it was a relief to just let go off all the doubt and just focus on the moment. And the moment was theirs. It belonged to them until that blasted droid had to ruin it.
She was nervous, gods she was nervous, but she needed this. After days of him ignoring and avoiding her, she needed to be close to him. And yet she had trouble to stay calm. Being locked with him for weeks was not what she had in mind. It seemed it was not what he had in mind either and he seemed just as nervous as her.
She was relieved to notice that behind all his jokes and his bravado there was a man, with just the same insecurities and doubts she had. They could work on that. They had 40 days to do that… 40 days…She thought, getting up in a rush with a purpose.
Coming to a stop outside his cabin, she hesitated first, taking a deep breath and walking in.
She heard water running in the fresher and sat down on his bunk, waiting and thinking of words she could say to him but when the fresher door opened all the words were lost.
Looking up they locked eyes. "Ahm…do you want to take a shower?"
Drying his hair, he took a step inside the cabin.
"No…" She answered. "Okay…" Shrugging, he threw his towel back into the fresher, he turned to his drawer, to pull out a shirt. "Need anything?" He asked, scratching the back of his head still going through the drawer. Watching him, she noticed the bruises on his back and got up slowly, walking over to him. "I was thinking…I could use your help with the…"
"What happened to your back?" She asked, raising her hand to gently run it over the bruises.
Tensing at her touch, he looked over his shoulder, shrugging.
"No big deal…"
Remembering the ice crack and him taking hold of her and covering her from the cave in, she ran her fingertips over his back. "Does it hurt?"
"Nah…don't worry." Pulling out a shirt, he closed the drawer and turned around to face her and put the shirt on.
Their eyes locked once more, neither sure what to say. Fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, he kept his eyes on her. "You're sure you don't need anything?" He asked, trying to close some buttons, but failing at it. Reaching up she took over for him.
"Thank you for saving me." She whispered, looking up at him.
"Any time…" Taking a step back, he bumped into the drawer behind him.
Closing the last button of his shirt, but leaving three open at the top, because she liked how his chest hair sneaked out of it, she took a step closer, running her hands over his chest, up to his shoulder. "Han, I know you're nervous…I'm nervous too…and forty days locked on board of this ship was not what I had in mind, when you said you were leaving. …You still plan to leave after you brought me back to base, don't you?"
"Leia I…" He started.
"Why does it have to be so complicated with us?" She whispered, taking hold of the collar of his shirt. "You were right, I didn't want you to leave. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you." She admitted, looking up at him.
"I knew you had your reasons for running after me, princess" He smirked nervously.
"And what will you do with that knowledge, hotshot?" She teased right back, running her hands up to the hair on the back of his neck and taking hold of it.
"Leia…I…I'm running after you for quite some time now and you kept pushing me away…and I came back for you anyway. Now I need you to take the next step, cause I don't have a damn clue what you want from me."
"I pushed you away? Who was avoiding me for days? Who was hiding in the cockpit all night, watching me wait for him? You could have come out and talk to me, but you just sat there! Days of avoiding me, running away from me …Next thing I hear is you wanting to leave for good." Her eyes filled up with tears, she kept his gaze, almost forcing him to look at her. "And you didn't have the guts telling me personally. I had to hear it while you were talking to Carlist." Blinking away some tears, she took hold of his hair.
"You ask me what I want from you. What I want from you is to stay or tell me that you want to leave, really want to leave!" Giving him a gentle kiss on the lips, she let go off him and left the cabin.
Walking to the cockpit, she found Chewie sitting in his chair and curled up in Han's chair, silently considering Chewie for a moment. "Chewie?" He looked at her silently, waiting for her to continue. "Do you think Han will leave?" She asked quietly, not feeling comfortable to pull in Chewie into their emotional confusion. Chewie kept his gentle eyes on her for what seemed like a long while, before giving her the warmest, most amused Wookiee snicker she has ever seen. He wasn't making fun of her, that much she could tell but she still felt irritated, because just like Carlist did many times before, the Wookiee gave her a knowing look, which made her feel childish. It was as if everyone knew what was going on in her and Han's mind, but themselves and it annoyed her beyond believe. Well you are not in my shoes, are you? Did Han ever threatened to leave you, like he did with me so many times? Too many times… She thought, locking away her emotions once again.
Chewie stopped his snickering and leaned forward, gently taking hold of her face with his massive paws to catch her eyes. He looked at her warmly for a long moment, before standing up to give the top of her head a gentle kiss and before she could respond or comprehend what was going on, he was gone, rumbling something about dinner.
Staring at the closed cockpit door for a moment, memories of her father came up. Memories of him telling her everything was going to be alright in the end. That's what Chewie's gentle eyes and kiss reminded her of. Images of her father and mother came into mind. Her mom picking her up to lie with them in bed, while a scary thunderstorm was raging outside the palaces walls; her father picking her back up after she fell of her bike, holding her tide, encouraging her to get back up on the bike and to keep trying; her mom quietly teaching her a lullaby to sing to her sick father later and his proud smile when she sat next to him in bed and sang it to him, while her mom was down in the kitchen to prepare a tea for her husband. She remembered how they used to pick her up on their birthdays to dance with them and the proud look of her mother when little Leia danced one of her silly dances for her in the living room.
She didn't realize she was crying at first, but when she felt the tears run down her cheeks, she almost burst out laughing, overwhelmed with emotions and not knowing how to handle them.
But she let herself be for a while. For the first time in years she let herself feel, really feel, not caring if someone thought her weak or not strong enough to hold her own in the battle against the empire. She just cried for what seemed like hours, remembering her parents, remembering Alderaan, even memories of the last two years came into mind. Han winking at her at the medal ceremony, Luke hugging her, laughing after a force-trick he wanted to show her, that finally worked; Chewie picking her back up on her feet, after she fell scare on her bud on Hoth as she was just on her way storming after Han, to yell at him. Too her luck, Han didn't notice and Chewie never told him, after she just dusted off the snow from her suit and kept storming after the Corellian to tell him, he could shove the gloves he got for her up his ass, if he thought she would forget what he did to her data pad the other day. She avoided high command for days, too embarrassed of the sultry words that echoed out of it during a strategy meeting. She was really going to murder Han after that, but when she caught up to him and saw the sheepish look on his face, she melted immediately, choosing not to kill him but ordering him to fix her data pad back to the way it was, instead. That was one of those things she found out rather quick about him. He was loud and proud when he was around the others, a show-off even, but when they were alone, he was…well it reminded her of the way he was acting now.
Well, maybe Chewie was right, she was just being silly thinking that Han was still playing tricks on her, after all that happened. Wiping of her face, she sighed to herself and got up to look for Chewie, deciding she wanted to spent some time with him, while Han figured things out for himself.
Hours later, Han was still laying on his bunk in his cabin, thinking about her words.
Hearing her voice coming from the main hold, he sat up a bit, staring at the cabin door.
"Chewie, I've told you I'm not hungry." He heard her chuckle, which made him even more curious. Seeing or even just hearing her happy, made his heart skip beats.
"Why did you make that much food? I can't eat that much, even if I'm starved." Chewie gave her a persistent growl. "Well if you make me eat that much, you have to help me...Come and sit down!"
He heard his friend grumble something, which he didn't understand, but it made Leia laugh.
Deciding this was the perfect moment to join them, he got out of bed and went to the main hold. "What's going on with you two?" He asked, smiling while walking up to the two most important beings in his life. When Leia saw him approach, she shared a look with Chewie. "Look who's coming out of hiding?" She teased while Chewie left to get a plate for Han.
Han stepped in front of her and giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"I've heard something about food…" He grinned against her forehead, kissing her once more, before walking around the dejarik table, to sit next to her on the bunk and pulled her against his shoulder, kissing her temple. "We figure this out, alright?" He mumbled, while Chewie came back with his plate. "Thanks Pal." Chewie grinned and pointed at Han's hair. "Take it easy fuzzball, it's just hair." Running his hand through his hair, he winked at Leia, who smiled up at him from his shoulder. "I like it…" She mumbled into his shoulder, kissing it and running her hand over his chest. Chewie was about to sit down to eat, but seeing his friend and the princess like this, left him standing. He tilted his head, curious.
"Well I hope you're happy now Chewie, looks like I've got the girl." Han smirked up at his friend, taking Leia's hand in his, kissing her knuckles. But Leia just pulled her hand away and pinched him instead. "Ahhh…what was that for?" Han cried out affronted.
"You've got the girl?" She kicked his shin and got up, taking her plate with her and leaving to his cabin. "If you think you get me that easy flyboy, you must be delusional!" She called behind her and shutting the cabin door.
Chewie chuckled at that and Han got up. "Don't even think about it…!" He warned his friend walking after Leia.
After knocking at his cabin door, he went in and found Leia sitting on is bunk, looking down to her hands on her lap. "Leia?" He tried, taking a curious step towards her.
"I'm sorry I burst out like that…" She apologized, looking up at him. Han just shrugged and took a seat next to her.
"You know how many barriers I've just crossed to do this? I'm taking a huge risk listening to my heart for a change and I can't let you hurt me, Han."
"I don't want to hurt you Leia." He turned to face her.
"I know you don't but…well I had a very hard time admitting my feelings for you and you just pushed me away…and now just came out to tell your best friend: you've got the girl. Like it means nothing…almost like I'm some kind of achievement you just want to get off your list."
"You're damn right, you're an achievement!" Getting up, he started pacing the cabin.
"You're the best damn thing I ever achieved in my rotten life!" Turning his back to her, he kicked his food against his desk. "Damnú air!" Pausing, he turned back to her.
"You know I could be the one getting hurt here? Ever thought about that?" He asked, his eyes focused on her and was surprised to see her smile and suppressing a laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" He asked, confused, not really affronted, just curious.
"I've never told you this, but you're cursing sounds exactly like something from Alderaan, which means something completely different by the way."
"Yeah? What does it mean?"
"I'm not going to tell you…" She smiled at him. "Why not?" He asked, taking a step closer.
"Because it makes me happy."
Shrugging, she looked back down to her hands. "That's not fair you know?" He tried, taking one more step closer, but not ready to really get too close to her.
"Han I don't want to hurt you either…" Sighing to herself, she looked up.
"But I don't think it will work that way…I'm pretty sure we will both find some way to hurt each other, but that's just part of the deal I guess."
Han stepped up to her the rest of the way and kneeled in front of her.
"If we do this…if we do this, leaving will be harder…it will…" He started.
"If we do this there is no way of you leaving me!" Taking hold of his face, she forced him to lock eyes with her. "You hear me, flyboy? If we do this, we do this together! That includes all the bounties on our heads. It includes fighting the empire and every damn bounty hunter that comes our way." She insisted. "Leia I can't put you in danger…kriff I know you too have people coming after you, but I can't let Jabba get to me through you."
"So what? You want to leave me alone and run after Jabba, while I fight the empire?"
"No way your worship! I'm not going to leave you alone…I know you, you will fight yourself to death, if I'm not around!" He burst out, she smiled at him, while he frowned at himself.
"Well I guess that's our answer, isn't it?" She smiled, kissing him before pulling his face down to her chest, to hold him there. "I will not leave you out of my sight either, hotshot. Every bounty hunter coming after you, will have to get through me first. Your bounty is mine now." She mumbled into his hair, holding him like life depended on it and kissing the top of his head. Pulling back, he looked at her. "So that's the deal, ha? You and me? Just like that?"
"Took us long enough." She laughed, pulling him closer and kissing him passionately.
Pulling apart, Han gave her one more kiss. "Can we eat now? All that mushy talking got me hungry. I'm starved!" Laughing out loud, she kissed him once more, before getting up to get her plate off his desk. Sitting down next to him on the bunk. "It's cold now I'm afraid." She sighed.
"Oh I will make it hot alright." He smirked, leaning closer for another kiss. "Han!"
She squealed, pulling away. "Let me eat, will you?"
"Well give me some." He tried to take some food of her plate, but she pulled away.
"Your plate is waiting for you outside, scoundrel!" She winked at him.
"You're mean, you know that?" He grinned, getting up to get his plate.
"I have a reputation to hold up." She shrugged, taking a bite of her food.
"That reputation never worked on me, princess." He smiled, kissing her forehead and leaving the cabin.
While Han was getting ready for bed in the fresher, Leia as usual lay waiting in his bunk. She slept in it every time she stayed on the Falcon, since the first day and Han never questioned it. He never even made fun of her, he just let her be, while he slept in the cockpit or on long flights in the second bunk. Sure, they often woke up together in his bunk, after a long night of talking or a night of him soothing her after a nightmare. The thing was, they never formally agreed on it. It just happened. So, what now? Leia thought. Would he sleep in the extra bunk, would she, should she invite him to share his bunk? Would it be too soon? What if he interpreted too much in it? What if they started kissing and it would lead to more?
That wouldn't be so bad, would it, Leia? She asked herself. Just on time, Han walked out, shirtless. Feeling embarrassed about her desires, she hid her face under the blanket, peeking out of it and staring at him. Oh, he defiantly will sleep in this bunk, Leia! If not, you must be insane! Her thoughts went into overload, thinking about something to say.
"Sorry, I didn't want to flash you with my magnificent body, princess, but someone took my sleeping-shirt." He teased, a big grin on his face. Trying to read her thoughts and find out what she wanted, he just looked at her for a moment, before turning around to the drawer and deciding to put on a different shirt. Don't ruin this, you idiot! He cursed himself. When he turned back to face her, he smiled at her nervously. Running his hand through his hair, he slowly turned to the other bunk and laying down on it, before it got awkward and made himself more comfortable.
"Good night Leia." He mumbled, feeling her eyes on him. Closing his eyes, he tried to force himself to sleep, trying not to think too hard about how he longed to share a bunk with her.
Just when he thought, that was it for the night, he heard her move out of his bunk. Trying not to get too excited, he kept his eyes closed, but when he felt her pull at his blanket, he opened his eyes and before he could react, she lay down next to him, snuggling close to his side.
"Night Han." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, her hand running possessively over his chest, holding him tide. A big grin on his face, he took hold of her hand and lay his cheek on top of head and closing his eyes. But something didn't feel right, so after a while he sighed. "Leia?" He quietly asked. "Hm?" She looked up at him from his shoulder.
"This doesn't feel right…" He stated and with that he sat up, took hold of her, picked her up and walked her to his bunk, laying her down on it. Grinning, he looked satisfied with himself, as he kept standing and looked down to her. "Yeah, that's more like it!" He smirked and crawled next to her on the bunk, pulling her back into his arms, spooning her, his nose nuzzling her neck. Smirking to herself, she took hold of his hand and interlaced their fingers.
"You wanna switch sides?" He asked after a moment of silence and made her laugh.
"You like driving me insane, don't you?" She laughed, turning around to face him. Lifting her hand to his face, she gently traced his facial lines and pulled him in for a kiss.
"You like kissing me, do you?" He teased, pulling away. "Only to shut you up." She teased kissing him again, her hand running down his chest to the hem of his shirt and running it up his chest under it. "You didn't have to put on a shirt, you know." She smiled snuggling herself into his chest, her hands running up his back under the shirt.
"You're killing me princess." He sighed, kissing the top of her head and putting his arms around her and pulling her even closer.
The next morning Han woke up alone. Sighing to himself he thought about what happened the day before. That Leia wasn't lying next to him, made him nervous. Did she regret opening up to him? Lying back down for a moment, he stared at the ceiling. He was about to freak out, when he heard her laugh. Sitting up abruptly, he groaned lying back down. His head was killing him and so was his back. He heard her laugh again and slowly got up again, shuffling into the bathroom to take a shower, hoping the hot water would ease some of his pain.
"Kriff…" He cursed, deciding to take some painkiller. He would not make it harder on Leia. If she found out he hurt his back, protecting her from the cave-in, she would feel guilty and guilt was not something they needed right now. They had other emotions to deal with.
He took some time shaving, but when he heard Leia and Chewie talking, curiosity got the best of him and he hurried to see what his friend and his princess were doing. Standing in the doorway for a moment he watched them. They didn't see him; being focused on a game of dejarik and to his surprise Chewie let Leia win.
"Chewie I got you there." Leia grinned at the big Wookiee sitting in front of her. With every other person, he would have been worried, but he knew his friend wouldn't hurt the little princess. Not even he dared to brag in front of the big Wook, after winning. It usually ended in huge arguments, causing them both to ignore each other for days. But here he was, watching his furry friend's reaction and a huge smile appeared on his face. Chewie was smiling; he almost seemed amused about the little princess, delighted even.
Oh, she got you good buddy. Han grinned and kept hidden in the dark.
"Don't just stand there hotshot. Come and join us." Leia called over to him without taking her eyes off the board. "And watch me win." She laughed in triumph, doing the final move and winning the game.
Climbing up the bench, he sneaked behind her, kissing the top of her head, before sitting down in between them. "Looks like she got you good buddy." He smiled at Leia, leaning back. "You think you can do better, hotshot?" Leia dared him.
"Sure…" Han shrugged. "Well you're on." She grinned at him. "So what's the price?"
Now it was his time to dare. "Whatever you want." She dared right back, focusing her eyes on him. "You're on." He grinned right back at her, sitting up straight to make the first move.
Chewie went to work on something in the cockpit and let them be to themselves.
They were in the middle of the game and Leia was busy thinking about her next move. Han was eager to win this game, but she defiantly wouldn't go without a fight. But when she next looked up from the board, she almost burst out laughing.
Han fell asleep over the board. Getting up, she turned off the game and walked over to him trying to wake him up. But when he didn't move she got nervous and felt for his pulse. He was still alive. "Chewie!" She called, knowing she couldn't get him to the bunk by herself. "Han, come on wake up." She nudged him, but he still didn't stir. Chewie came into the main hold, some loose wires hanging from his paws.
"Han fell asleep, but he won't wake up. That's not like him. It's the middle of the day and he usually is an easy sleeper, right?!"
Chewie stepped next to her and took a closer look at his sleeping friend.
"Could you carry him over to the bunk, so I can run the med scanner over him, please?" Leia asked, already running to the Falcon's med station to get the scanner.
Chewie already had Han put down on his bunk, when Leia came back with the scanner.
Running it over Han's body, she waited for the diagnosis. The scanner beeped two times and Leia read the results. "Painkiller? Why would Han take painkiller?" Leia asked Chewie, hoping he had an explanation. Chewie didn't know better than she did. "Well I guess this explains his current state. I guess we should let him sleep and wait till he wakes up." Leia sighed. Chewie gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaving her and Han alone.
Leia sat down next to the sleeping Han, brushing hair off his forehead.
"You know I was looking forward to give you your price after letting you win."
She smiled, leaning down to give him a kiss on his forehead.
Han turned to his side, mumbling something that she didn't understand, before he snuggled into her side, holding his arms tide around her waist. She decided to lay down with him and try to get some sleep herself, knowing she had to wait for his explanation till he woke up any way. When she lay down next to him, he once again mumbled something in Corellian, burying his face into her chest, taking a deep breath and with that he rested half his weight on her, and his head on her chest, still holding tide onto her. Smiling to herself, she ran her hands through his hair and down the back of his neck, before resting one on his back and one in his hair, giving him a gentle kiss on his temple.
A few hours later Han woke up confused, finding himself laying in Leia's arms. He smiled to himself, watching her sleep for a moment. Her hands were still in his hair, holding onto him as to make sure he wouldn't get lost. Or leave. He thought, nuzzling her chest. It caused her to wake up but she didn't open her eyes. "You want to see something gorgeous?" Han smiled, leaning closer to her face. "Than open your eyes princess." Seeing the smirk on her face, he smirked right back. "Nice try hotshot." She teased keeping her eyes closed.
"You want me to kiss you awake?" He tried, touching her nose with his.
"You could give it a try." She smiled, waiting. "Gods you're a tease, princess."
He grinned, only giving her a tiny, short kiss. "Awake yet?" Han smiled.
"I'm pretty sure you can do better than that." She smiled back, her eyes still closed.
"I'm pretty sure you can too?" he tried, giving her another small, gentle kiss.
When he pulled back, she ran her hands down his cheeks, holding him close, finally opening her eyes. "So why did you take painkiller?" She whispered, locking eyes with him.
He considered her a moment. "Headaches."
"Headaches?"
"Have been a little tense lately." Shrugging, he pulled back, rolling over to lay on his back. "Tense? Why?" She asked worried.
"Oh just some princess, I don't know what to do with. I've tried to avoid her, but couldn't. I've tried to alienate her, didn't work. I've tried to forget her, never will. I've tried to leave, but had to save her pretty ass, once again."
She just looked at him, before leaning over him, kissing him deeply.
"There is no need for being tense anymore Captain Solo." She kissed him again, her hands running through his hair. "I want this to happen Leia. You and me…I just…" He once again was lost for words.
"Nervous?" She asked, knowing exactly how he felt. He just nodded and then started laughing. "I should be the one asking this, right? I was the one chasing after you and now I'm the one being nervous, that doesn't come right."
Leaning back to lay on her back next to him, she started to laugh as well.
When they quieted down, she turned her head to look at his profile.
"I'm nervous too, you know…I've never been…I mean I never…"
Han looked at her a moment and took hold of her hand. "I don't want to mess this up, Leia."
They both looked at each other for what seemed like eternity, before he turned to his side and leaned over her. "We take this slowly alright?" She just nodded and pulled him down for another kiss. "And now get on your stomach, so I can take care of your back, scoundrel." She ordered, getting up to get some bacta for him. Groaning he turned on his stomach, waiting for her to come back. "You've said it wouldn't hurt." She said, sitting down next to him, pulling up his shirt. "Leia if you want to see me naked, you just have to ask." He joked, turning his head to smirk at her. "Shut up and let me look at that." She protested. "Alright, alright, no reason to get feisty." He mumbled into the pillow. Leaning over him, she pulled his hair.
"Well if you didn't lie to me about this, I wouldn't have to be." She growled, pushing his face back into the pillow. "The bruises are getting better. Does it still hurt?" She asked, gently running her fingers over the bruises. "Not really…" He lied, trying not enjoy her touch too much. "This is what we have in common, isn't it? We both act like nothing can hurt us." She sighed, applying some bacta to his back. "Gods Leia…" He groaned, hiding his face in the pillow. "What? You've said it didn't hurt?" She asked confused.
"Well I didn't say it hurt, did I?" He almost whined, trying to ignore how good her touch felt.
"Stop whining then!" She protested. "Well than stop touching me!" He groaned, trying to turn away from her. "What's gotten into you?"
"Leia I…" He didn't know what to say, without pushing her too far, so he took hold of the blanket and pulled it over his groin, to hide his arousal. "Han, what…" Looking down to the blanket, she frowned confused. "Oh…"
"Gods Leia I'm sorry. I must look like a horny teenager." He groaned, holding his hand over himself. "So much for taking it slowly…" He gave her a sheepish look.
"Well…" She started, thinking about what to say or even what to do. Did he want her to do something? "Han, what do you want me to do?" She asked nervously.
"Feel flattered." He winked at her, before closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself down. "This hadn't happened to me in a long, long time." He smiled, peaking at her, before turning to his side, to just look at her. He would calm down eventually.
"Han I'm sorry…I…" She started to apologize.
"Don't apologize!" He interrupted her immediately. "I've told you, we take this slowly and we will." He promised her. "I may look like a horny teenager right now, but that doesn't mean I have to act like one." He grinned, laying back down on his back, getting more comfortable.
"So what does this mean for now? You need me to leave the room or…?" She asked.
"Yes, please leave." He joked. "Nah, let us check if Chewie got some dinner brewing."
Giving her a warm smile, he sat up to give her a gentle kiss, before getting out of bed.
It wasn't his, he knew, but seeing Leia with this little bundle of joy, peacefully sleeping in her arms, he couldn't take his eyes of them. They were standing in the middle of a street, surrounded by blown up houses and sidewalks. The sun was going down after a long day of fighting, running around, him trying everything to protect her from any harm. And that he did. There she stood, face and hair dusty, shirt torn by the sleeve, a big torn out part of her pants, showing off her bruised knee and yet she was the most beautiful creature he ever lay eyes on.
Taking a step closer to take a look over her shoulder, he forgot their surroundings. It was just her, the baby and him. Resisting the urge to pull her closer, so she could lean into him, he just smiled at the side of her face and the little one. "His name is Moreale…" She whispered as Han held out a finger for the little guy to hold on to. "They were living in that house at the corner. The beautiful one…" He not only remembered the house, he already fantasized about one day living with her in a house like that. Maybe have a little garden in front of it, where he could play with their kids. Yes, he knew he wanted them…with her, if the image in front of him, of her holding a baby warmed his heart this bad, it almost hurt, he just had to know how it would feel if she was holding their own child.
Getting him out of his daydreams, the baby started crying and Leia seemed to freeze. Seeing her eyes fill up with tears, Han knew he had to do something.
"Hey little guy, no reason to cry…" He soothed the baby, taking it from her. "You know it's not nice to cry at a princess like that, kid. Just look at her! She is pretty, isn't she?" The baby stopped crying and giving her one of his proud smirks Han turned just in time to see her blush. Laughing, he pulled her into his side with one arm, while holding the baby in the other. To both their surprise she leaned into him, resting her head on his chest, the exhaustion evident in her face, she gave a sad smile to the baby.
Staying like that for a while, they both enjoyed the quiet in the battle-torn street.
"Your highness, it's time." Pulling away from him, Leia turned to face the intruder.
"What's going to happen with him?" She asked, trying to keep her voice strong.
"We will take him to an orphanage. They will find him a new family and home."
"I want you to keep me updated. Every decision will have to come to me first."
"Yes your highness." The pilot came forward to take the little boy from Han's arm.
"Will you give us a moment. Please…" Han asked, but really ordered. "Of course."
The pilot stepped to the side, leaving them some space.
Leia stepped next to him again, looking down at the baby. She got up on her toes to kiss his little forehead and without a word, she stepped away not able to look at the baby anymore, probably hiding her emotions. "Alright kiddo, you stay safe, alright?! When you ever need a ride, you know where to find me. Got the fasted ship in the galaxy, ya know? Just give us a call and I will be there. Promise."
Listening to Han saying goodbye to the baby, a small, sad smile formed on Leia's face. Looking over her shoulder, she couldn't help to think: I don't want to lose you Han. I can't…
Waking up, Han found Leia watching him. "What were you dreaming about?" She asked smiling, tracing his brow with her finger.
"What do you think happened to that little guy we found on Berhu?"
Surprised by his question, she ran her fingers down his jaw.
"Last time I've heard about him, they were arranging an adoption for him." She whispered, leaning closer to him.
"That's good, isn't it?" Han asked, a sad edge in his voice. "I think it is…"
"I fell in love with you there, Leia." Seeing the look on her face, he continued.
"I mean I fell in love with you the moment you ordered me into the garbage compactor but seeing you with him…it was the most beautiful sight I ever lay eyes on. There we stood in the middle of a blown-up street and I had only eyes for you."
"If I recall correctly, I was covered in dirt and blood that day." She smiled.
"Still beautiful though…" He shrugged, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.
Laughing she pushed him down to the mattress, hovering over him. "Mushy…" She teased, kissing him passionately and then pulling back to really look at him.
She seemed nervous, her hand gently brushing away some hair from his forehead.
"What's the matter, Sweetheart?" He asked, his hands now in her hair.
"Nothing is wrong I just…I've been wondering…"
"About what?" He asked, his fingers combing through her hair. "You…"
"Me?" He smirked, waiting for her to continue.
"Han I want to know more about you." She answered, taking her hands off his face, feeling him tense. "Like what?" He asked, trying not to sound too irritated.
Sitting up straight, she tried not to crowd him, feeling insecure once more. Sighing, she decided to give it a try.
"Han I know…I know you don't like talking about your past…"
She paused for a moment to see his reaction, but his expression stayed unreadable.
"I…you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to…but I like to know some things about you."
"Like what?" Usually he shot himself closed, when any other person, wanted to know about his past, but this was Leia and…well she was Leia.
"Well I don't know…Thinks like: Did you always want to be pilot?"
„How come you don't know that already?" He asked, smiling at her.
"Yeah like you know everything about me…" She laughed, sensing he was trying to avoid this conversation.
"You bet I do, princess." The smirk on his face was far too big for her taste. She wanted this to be a serious but light conversation, a conversation in which she got to know him better.
"Alright Captain Solo, shoot!" She dared him.
"You're from Alderaan, you're their princess…" She liked that he used the present tense instead of the past tense, even though it hurt. She still felt responsible for her people and planet, even, no especially at a time like this. "…your father is…"
"Was…" She interrupted sadly. "Leia he is still your dad, doesn't matter if dead or alive…he always will be your father." He sighed, running his fingers down her cheek.
"That's a lovely way to look at it." She gave him a small smile, leaning into his palm.
"Well what can I do? I'm a lovely guy." He winked at her, happy to see her face light up. "You liked to spent most of your time outside in the palace gardens, drove your three aunts insane. You can be one of the most stubborn people I know, but you are also the most admirable woman I have ever known…"
He had such a smug expression, that she just had to kiss it of his face.
"Have you been stalking me?" She asked, pulling back.
"I'm just a good observer that's all." He shrugged his hands running down her back.
"That's kind of creepy, don't you think?" She teased.
"Oh come on princess; don't act like you haven't noticed!" He smirked.
"I most certainly did not!" She burst out.
"Sure you did…throwing in some swagger with those beautiful hips of yours now and then, secretly smirking to yourself…thinking I wouldn't notice…blushing as soon as you thought I was out of sight. Admit it princess, you were just as crazy about me, as I was about you."
"I admit nothing…you're just trying to change the subject." She accused him stubbornly.
"Come on Leia, there has to be a few things you already know about me…"
He smiled at her.
"You don't even want to answer a simple question such as: Do you always wanted to be a pilot?" She asked, getting slightly irritated.
"I'm Corellian. That's a no-brainer, don't you think?" Now it was his turn to get irritated.
He was running, he was running fast. He had no idea where he was running, but he knew he had to keep going. Fight for his life. Those guys wouldn't get him. Not him!
He didn't even was able to say good bye…he came home and found her laying on the kitchen's floor. Lying in her own blood, the look on her face one of fright and a strong will at the same time. She must have fought for him. Must have tried to keep him safe. Probably urging her own death on, so they would be gone before he got home from their neighbor's apartment where he was helping out some old lady to make some extra credits.
Merciless, that what they were. Absolutely merciless. They didn't even use their blasters. Instead they stabbed her in the abdomen, after beating her almost to death. All he did was ask for some more days, he told them they would pay the rent at the end of the week and they laughed in his face. Didn't even listen to him, just shoved him, threw him out of the office. He still had the cuts on his hands and as he was running, he swore to himself, he would never let them live. As soon as he got hold of a blaster he would hunt them down. No mercy from him there.
It was his first kill. At the age of 16, he found an old blaster in an old office of some guy who gave him trouble and took it. He found those bastards stepping out of their houses, kissing their kid's good bye on their way to work. He waited for their kids to go back inside and as soon as the men were out of earshot and sight from their families, he went after them and without any mercy shot them down. After that he ran down to the next hanger, hiding on an old freighter and left Corellia to start a new life, to join the Imperial Academy, hoping to become a pilot, like his mom wanted him to.
"Fine, don't tell me anything! Just live in secrecy your whole life. But let me tell you, this is not how this…" She pointed between them, sitting up angrily. "…is going to work."
Before he could even come up with an answer, she was out of bed, locking herself in the fresher.
He jumped out of bed, knocking on the door. "Come on Leia, open up."
"No!" She replied stubbornly. "You can't be really mad because of that."
He tried not to laugh, knocking again. "I'm not mad!" She called through the door.
"Well what are you then?" He asked his tone way too amused for soothing.
"I don't know. Go away!" At this he had to laugh, but he decided to bite his tongue and to unlock the door instead. When the door opened, he found her sitting on the toilet seat, looking down at her hands. "I locked the door!" She accused, looking up.
"Well you're lucky, cause I know this trick…"
"Get out!"
Being still amused, but hearing the hurt in her voice, he sighed, stepping in, letting the door close behind him and leaning against it.
"Leia come on you know I don't like talking about my past."
"Neither do I and yet you always make me do it." She replied sadly, looking at her hands again.
"I know you don't, but seeing your face light up every time you talk about your happy memories, makes me happy." He shrugged, taking a step forward.
"You must have some happy memories as well. Why can't you tell me about them at least?" She tried, locking eyes with him.
"Cause most of my happy memories are from moments with you."
He gave her a small, almost shy smile. "Yeah right." She sighed, shrugging, looking at her hands again, which turned his smile into an irritated frown.
"Great, just great! Here I am; opening up to you, trying to say something romantic and you act like that!? Why I'm even trying? You know, I should be the one locked in here and you should be outside the door, begging me to open it."
She was so startled by his outburst, that she didn't even understand what had happened for a moment and when she did, he was already gone.
Knowing she had gone too far, she got up to walk after him. She found him sitting in the cockpit, sitting in his seat. "Can I come in?" She asked, stopping in the door way. When he didn't answer, she just stepped in and sat down in Chewie's chair, thinking about what to say for a moment.
"What about meeting Chewie? That must have been a happy memory!?" She tried, looking at him, while he kept staring at the controls. "Sure… Chewie gettn' beaten up by some punks, and getting kicked out of the academy sure was one of the happiest experiences of my life." He remarked sarcastically.
„So how did you rescue him?" She asked quietly, but with enough wonder in her voice, that he held back a sarcastic chuckle. Instead he didn't answer and took a look at his boot, trying to rub of a spot with his thumb.
He was just coming out of flight class, changing back from his flight suit to his uniform. He didn't like many of his co-students. Most of them were from wealthy imperial supporting families and spoilt brats at that. Getting rid of his flight suit he stepped into the shower, hurrying up to get to the mass hall to study coordinates and grab a bite to eat, before the next drill. His flight went well, except this one maneuver in which his backup pilot got the stupid idea to take over control and mess everything up in doing so. While his fellow students were busy bragging to some female cadets, he hurried to get to the shower, so he wouldn't have to listen to the usual locker room talk, but he had no such luck.
"Have you seen her? I defiantly gonna fill her up tonight." One guy bragged, followed by some loud laughter and a snapping towel.
"Hey guys, have you heard about our new arrival? I think they took him straight from his family. Beniton said, his mate's wail almost burst their ears. Took her out before it got worst. That furry guy completely lost his footing when they were done with him." The guy laughed.
"He ripped some arms out, though. Tough one, I have to say." Another guy said.
"Not anymore…" Some new voice joined in. "Doesn't like his bald spots, I guess."
Han shut off the water, trying to calm down, before stepping into the locker room.
Right now, he had the urge to kill those guys right on the spot but knew it would get him nowhere. Stepping out of the shower, he went straight to his locker, trying to ignore the others. "Hey Solo, what got you in such a mood?" One of the guys asked, sitting down next to his locker. He didn't answer, just put on his uniform. "You can't be mad at me, Solo! I was just showing off, come on!" His backup pilot laughed. "Leave me out of it the next time, alright?" Han drawled, putting on his jacket and setting his blaster. "Well, Stevenson seemed impressed." The pilot laughed. "I'm gonna get myself some of her later, that's for sure."
Han just tightened his boots, ignoring the others.
"Who is up for some Wookiee fun later? That big lump could sure use some extra bald spots." Another pilot laughed, shoving one of his friends. Han suppressed another urge to kill those guys right there and then, instead slammed his locker shut, threw his bag over his shoulder and left the locker room.
When his drill was over he went straight to his bunk, but lay there awake for what seemed like hours, but really were only a couple of minutes, before he got up and stormed out of the bunk room. He found the Wookiee in one of the cell rooms. Looking around, he stepped closer to the bars, trying not to spook the guy. "Hey…" He tried, not knowing what else to say. When the Wookiee didn't respond, he once again checked their surroundings.
"Hey fuzzball, there are guys on their way to rib you some, so you better listen to me, pal!"
Without any warning, the Wookiee let go of a roar, stepped closer to the bars, took hold of Han's collar and pulled him closer to the medal bars. "Hey take it easy, alright? I'm trying to get you out of here!" Han protested, trying to shrug the Wookiee off.
"Keep this up and I can't help you anymore and you will be dead by midnight."
The Wookiee tilted his head and considered the Corellian. "What's your name?" Han tried to calm him down. The Wookiee rumbled carefully. "Well nice to meet you Chewbacca, I'm your way out of here." Chewbacca kept looking at him a moment longer, before dropping him down to the floor. "Alright, thanks! So now…any idea how to hotwire this thing?" Han asked, taking a closer look at the cells controls. Chewbacca stepped closer and considered the controls as well, rumbling something. "Well look at that…you sure can be helpful. I'm actually trying to get out of here as well, you know. Just have to get myself a ship and I'm gone." Han whispered, fiddling with the controls. It took him a moment to get the cell door to open. Chewbacca was about to step out of the cell, but before he took his first step the door slid shut again, drawing a frown on Han's face. "Sorry, pal. I'll give it another try."
Han said, continuing setting the controls. Chewbacca rumbled something and Han stepped away for a moment, to get a better look at the wires. Chewbacca used his opportunity to grab the wires and pulled them out of the controls, which set an alarm off.
"Well I could've done that…" Han sighed as the door slid open. Chewbacca gave him a proud Wookiee grin and stepped out, but that's when they heard footsteps echoing through the hallway. "Chewie, grab me!" Chewie looked at the Corellian confused. "Grab me!" Han mumbled, stepping closer to Chewie's side. "I will get you out, I promise, but grab me."
Just when the other soldiers stepped in sight, Chewie grabbed Han and pulled him back into the cell. "Help…" Han mumbled half heartening. "Solo!" One of his co-students called out in excitement. "I've told you to come with us…look what happens if you don't listen to me."
"Well, can we discuss this later?" Han chuckled, drawing his blaster and taking out two soldiers in one go. "Maybe in hell?" He drawled, as Chewie let him go. "Alright, they should be out for a while, but I don't want to risk it, so follow me."
They got as far as the hanger, but there they got captured by some Stormtroopers, who threw them back into a cell. While Han paste the room, Chewie grumbled something.
"It's not my fault!" Han burst out. "At least I've tried…you just stood there. Could've at least ribbed some limbs out. That's what Wookiees do, isn't it?" Chewie started to chuckle. "Well make fun of me all you want, but that's not gonna get us out of here. You wanna see your family again? Than help me out of here?" He asked, looking around the cell. They heard the commander before they could see him. "Solo!" The commander called for attention. Han rolled his eyes and stood straight. "Play along." He mumbled sideways to the Wookiee, before the Commander stepped into sight.
He came in and looked Han and Chewie up and down. Stepping in front of Han, he just considered him for a moment, before punching him in the stomach without any warning.
"You think you can just get away with something like this, Solo?" The Commander asked, snapping a finger and two other guys stepped in and beat him to the ground, while some others held Chewie back by holding a blaster to his back, forcing him to watch his new friend getting almost beaten to death. Han had hardly a chance to fight those guys back, but when he had the opportunity to grab his blaster, he fired it first at the guy who held the blaster to Chewie. The next thing he knew, Chewie grabbed the guys who were busy beating up Han and tore them apart at their core. Han heaved himself back to his feet. "What a mess…" Han sighed, looking around for a moment, catching his breath. "I like it." He grinned at Chewie, who gave him a big toothy Wookiee grin in respond. "Come on we have a ship to hotwire."
Griping onto Chewie's shoulder, he stumbled to the entrance, hardly able to hold himself up. Chewie put his arm around his shoulders, to keep him stable and together they fought their way down to the hanger.
Biting the inside of his cheek, as he used to as a kid, Han tried to keep his emotions in check.
Leia considered him for a moment, before getting up to stand next to him and before he could react, she pulled his head into her side, so it was resting near her breast.
Running her hands through his hair, down his neck and over his back, she kissed his temple. "I'm sorry…" She whispered pressing his head even closer into her side and she held him there as she never wanted to let him out of her arms again.
"I love you Leia…" He sighed into her side, breathing her in, not seeing the silent tears running down her cheeks. As a response, she just kissed the back of his neck.
"Come back to bed, Han." She whispered in his ear, kissing him once again. She let go off him and left the cockpit, trying to calm herself down before he would follow.
Leia went straight to the cabin and curled into the bunk, keeping her eyes closed tidily, afraid his words would just fade away. "I love you too nerfherder." She mumbled into his pillow, a big smile forming on her face as she breathed in his scent.
Rest in Peace, Peter Mayhew…