Neal blinked as he woke up, trying to take in his surroundings, but that was the problem; there didn't seem to be any. He sat up, his mind reeling. Those last moments...
The last moment of his life.
His breathing quickened and he wasn't sure if he was going to cry or scream or pass out. Or possibly all three. He was dead. He'd thought that he had come to terms with it, but now that it was here it seemed so much more final and unknown. Where even was he? What was going on?
"Hey, Neal," someone said, and Neal turned to see a man in a leather jacket with a tie and vest underneath. His hair was brown and slightly curly and he had a beard. Neal had never seen him, yet somehow this man knew his name.
"Who are you?" he asked
"My name's Graham," the man said, his voice thickly accented. "I've come to help you adjust to" he paused and shrugged, "the afterlife." He reached down a hand and helped Neal up onto his feet.
Neal nodded, not sure what to say to that. "Any specific reason why it's you?" he asked. It was a weird question, but it was the first thing that came to his mind and he wanted to find reasons for something.
"Well," Graham began as he led Neal through the whiteness, which seemed to swirl and shift in a way not understandable to the human mind. "We're from the same world; The Enchanted Forest. I also spent my own time in Storybrooke, although, I didn't make it out of the curse."
"Oh," Neal said, not quite sure what to say to that. What do you say to a person talking about their own death? "Sorry man," he decided to say, it seemed as good as anything. "Wait," Neal paused, "I thought nothing changed until the curse was broken."
"Not until Emma came," Graham said.
Neal cast him a sidelong glance. There was something in the way that he said her name. It was something familiar in this strange man. Neal said her name the same way.
"Emma," Neal said, with a small shake of his head. "She changes everyone's lives, doesn't she?"
"Yes, she does." Graham agreed. "some more than others."
They walked in silence for a bit. Then Neal asked the question that had been bugging him, "so, what happened? How did you - you know?" It was awkward, it felt like asking what someone did to end up in prison or something.
"Regina," Graham said, "Before the curse she got a hold on my heart, " he said, and Neal knew he didn't mean it in the figurative way that most people used it. "I was basically her servant, tied to her every will. When Emma came... Well, I started thinking for myself, remembering things. And Regina didn't like it very much. So, she crushed my heart." He said it casually, like something that didn't really matter, but Neal thought he heard an underlying bitterness.
"Wow," Neal said, "she really was heartless. It must be weird for you, watching Emma and the rest working alongside her now." Frankly, Neal didn't understand that. These people, Snow especially, knew what a terrible person Regina had been, everything she had done. How could they work with her? Trust her?
Then again, his father had done his share of terrible things, possibly even more than Regina, and he'd eventually found a way to forgive him. Maybe that was how it worked. Even when people did unforgivable things, they could change, they could become better people. Why had it taken him so long to see that?
"Not really," Graham said, "I was really angry at first, but... I knew Regina, more than almost anyone I think, I hated her for everything she'd done to me, but in a way I understood her too. And now... I've watched her transformation, everything she's been through, everything she's done." He shook his head, "There's no way she can make up for all the souls she's killed, but I think she's doing her best to help the ones that she still can."
Neal nodded silently. "So, you've been watching Regina?"
Graham looked down, "Emma, mostly," he admitted.
"Where? How?" Neal asked. He needed to see how she was, what was happening.
Graham smiled sadly. "I'll show you." He grabbed Neal's arm and suddenly their surroundings started changing. Colors swirled around them. Once everything had settled into place Neal looked around. They were next to a pond in Storybrooke, in front of a bench.
On that bench sat the two people Neal loved most in the world.
"Emma!" he called, taking a step toward her.
Graham put a hand on his shoulder. "we're just here to watch," he reminded him. "It's all we can do now."
So they watched, and listened, as Emma explained the situation as best she could to Henry without telling him the truth that would break his world. Emma's voice broke as she said "He's gone Henry."
"No, no, no wait! I'm right here!" Neal said, rushing to them, Graham didn't bother to hold him back this time. He knelt in front of them and laid a hand on each of their shoulders. Or he tired to, but his hands just went through.
"He was a good man," Emma said. She was going to cry. "And he would've been a great father."
"Oh, Emma," Neal said, "I wish I could've been."
"There's one thing I need you to know from him; He was a hero" she said to Henry. She was crying now. Neal wanted to wipe away those tears, to hold her close and tell her everything would be OK. But he couldn't. Not anymore. That was going to have to be someone else's job from now on.
"I wish I would've known him," Henry said.
"But you did," Neal said, "Oh, Henry why can't you remember me?"
"You did," whispered Emma.
"Mom, you're not making any sense right now," Henry said.
"Oh no kid, she's making perfect sense," Neal said sadly, "You just don't know" He shook his head. "You don't know your own father."
He felt Graham's hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to go now?" he asked softly and Neal nodded. He wasn't sure if he could take this any longer, being there but not really being there. He closed his eyes and when he opened them they were again surrounded by whiteness.
"How do you stand it?" He asked Graham. "Just watching, unable to do anything? It would drive me insane!"
Graham shrugged sadly, "You get used to it after a while. Almost like watching a TV show, except it's happening all around you." Again with that casual tone tinted by bitterness.
"I don't know if I want to get used to it," Neal muttered.
They continued walking and Neal began to wonder where it was they were walking to, as there didn't seem a way to judge direction or distance in the whiteness.
"I had a hand in raising Henry you know," Graham said after a moment.
"Really?" Neal said
"Yeah, I... was around Regina's house very often." Neal detected a hinted subtext that neither of them wanted to discuss. "I vistied a lot, ate dinner with them and such. And I got to know Henry. Maybe not as much as I should've, but I knew him. He knew me, trusted me. He was the only person who would believe me when I started getting my real memories back. Now he doesn't remember any of that. I know that it can't at all compare to what you're feeling, but ... I just wanted you to know I can relate."
Neal swallowed, "Thanks." There was another moment of silence. "So, what was between you and Emma?" He asked. He hadn't really wanted to bring it up but.. he had to!
Graham gave a small smile. "I knew you would ask eventually" he said. "I was sheriff, and I made her my deputy. Honestly I liked her ever since she came into town. Maybe it was just the way she set Regina on edge. In all my years in Storybrooke I'd never seen anyone do that. " He smiled. "She was clever and stubborn and ... I loved her. She was the only person I'd ever met that made me feel like I was worth something, not just a tool to be toyed with. I could carve my own future." He paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know if she ever really felt the same way about me. She never really knew me, because I never really knew myself." He swallowed. "I died in her arms."
"There's something we have in common," Neal said, not sure if he was trying to make a joke or be sympathetic or what. Graham smiled sadly at him.
It was odd. Neal didn't feel any jealousy toward this man. What he'd said to Emma in the forest was true. All he wanted was for her to be happy, he didn't care who with. Graham was just another person who felt similarly. He'd tried to bring her happiness. Now they'd both failed at that, but they'd continue watching over her. Together.