A/N: Hello! Just a little AU regarding Poe I've written. Nothing belongs to me, it's all Disney's. Title is from a Carole King song. Thanks in advance for reading! Hope you enjoy xx

When Poe is 2 years old, his entire world ends when loses both of his parents in the Battle of Endor. He doesn't remember them. He's heard stories of their lives and of their bravery fighting for the rebellion, but he can't remember a single thing about either ofthem. He doesn't remember any of the chaos that follows their deaths either. He's heard the story dozens of times of course.

He's watched by a member of the rebellion on one of the small medical ships that remains behind near Sullust. It's five days before they're cleared to join the rest of the fleet by Endor and Poe spends most of that time playing with his toys and sleeping. On the sixth day he's in one of the medical exam rooms, sitting on the bed playing with his blocks when the door opens. A man and a woman enter, and watch him for a moment. Poe stops playing with his blocks as the woman comes forward and bends down in front of him.

"Hi Poe," she says softly. "I'm Leia."

"Hi."

"Leia I don't think–" the man begins to say but the woman turns and he stops speaking.

"Yes I know you've made your point heard," she says sharply before turning back to Poe. His unruly hair is falling over his eyes and she brushes it to the side. "But he doesn't have anyone. Not anymore."

"This war isn't over. Is taking responsibility for a small child really the best idea right now?"

"If you don't want to be involved you don't have to be." She pauses. "I won't hold you to anything."

"Hey that's not what I'm saying," the man says calmly as he makes his way over to them and puts his arm around Leia. "I just think we need to really think about this."

"I have thought about it. It's not ideal but no situation for him will be. They would've wanted him to be looked after by people they knew. Who better than us?" She cups the man's cheek. "Han, look at him. He needs us."

The man - Han - turns to Poe and studies him for a long time before nodding. He kisses Leia before moving to sit next to Poe on the bed.

"Hey there pal, I like your blocks."

Poe holds one block out to Han who takes it with a smile. They sit there for a while, stacking the blocks as high as they can. Han pretends he's a monster who knocks over the blocks and Leia swoops to the rescue, helping Poe rebuild. Poe giggles and for the first time in a few days, Han and Leia laugh too.

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When Poe is 3, Han carries him off the Falcon whispering to him quietly to look at the trees. He's just woken up from a nap, so he's not all that interested. He opens his eyes more out of annoyance but when he sees them for himself, his eyes widen. He's spent the past year living on the Falcon or various other ships. He so rarely sees colors this bright and in such quantity, and he's never seen a tree before. He wriggles in Han's arms, trying to get to the ground.

"I want down," he cries.

Han laughs quietly before setting him down. "Knew you'd be excited pal. Stay close though." He places a kiss to the side of Poe's head before releasing him. Poe stands still for a moment, looking up at all of the trees in awe. They're so big. Chewie's the biggest thing he's ever seen and the trees are so much bigger than even Chewie! Leia comes and kneels down next to him, rubbing his back softly.

"Aren't they pretty, Poe?" she asks. He nods excitedly still staring up. She takes his hand and stands, guiding him over to the bottom of one. "Here, you can touch it, see?" She runs her hand over the bark and nods encouragingly at him. He slowly reaches his hand up to mimic her action. He scrunches up his nose and pulls his hand away.

"It's not soft." He thought they'd have been so soft; they looked it from far away.

"No it's not," she agrees. "They're quite rough."

"Can't believe the kid's never seen trees before," Han says as he comes up next to them with their bags.

"Well it's our fault really. We haven't taken him planet side before now."

"That's alright," Han says with a grin, bending down to pick Poe back up. "He's gonna be a spacer anyways, aren't you pal?" Poe isn't entirely sure what that means but he knows he likes space because that's usually where the Falcon is so he nods. Han laughs, handing him over to Leia. "See? He'll be just fine."

They continue on walking through the trees, Leia pointing things out to Poe as they go, whispering soft explanations to him. She shows him birds and bugs and a small creature that goes ducking behind a tree as they pass. She points out markings on some trees and he even gets to touch the leaves on a tree that's a bit smaller. Those are soft, he discovers, so trees are back to being good things. After some time, they come out of the woods into a large clearing with a small building in the center of it.

"Hey Luke!" Han yells. "Come on out kid, I could use a hand!"

The door to the small building opens and a man comes out, carrying something. Both Han and Leia stop moving. Han drops what he's holding and stares. Poe looks up at Leia to find she's staring too, though thankfully she hasn't dropped him. Poe looks back to the man walking toward them and sees that whatever he's carrying is moving.

"Uh hey guys," he says slowly. "I'd like you to meet my son, Ben."

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Poe turns 5 and those still holding ties to the Empire realize that they can get to Leia by getting to him. The New Republic is still, well new and Leia has been at the forefront of bringing about change. Most beings in the galaxy know her face as well as Han's, and therefore know Poe's. His story's been told over and over again across the galaxy; the small boy who lost his parents in the fight for freedom, Han and Leia valiantly stepping up to raise him as their own. The New Republic has been fanning the flame, allowing the story to spread far and wide. It's good press after all and they don't begin to think of the negative repercussions.

Poe is bouncing around the kitchen one morning while Leia prepares his lunch to take to school. Earlier they had been commed by the docking bay, informing them that Chewbacca had landed and was on his way to their apartment. Chewie wasn't due planet side for another two days, and Poe is delighted at the early surprise.

"Chewie's here! Chewie's here! Leia did you hear?" he yells excitedly. Leia smiles at him and pulls him gently off the counter he's halfway climbed.

"Yes honey I heard. That's excellent news," she responds, setting him back down on the floor. "Please don't climb anymore sweetheart, I don't want you falling again."

Han appears in the doorway and drops Leia a kiss before pouring himself a cup of caf. "What's got you so hyper pal?"

"Chewie's planet side! He'll be here any minute!" Poe dodges past Leia and throws himself at Han who catches him while precariously holding his caf. "Can I skip school today and work on the Falcon with you and Chewie? Please Han?"

Han looks to Leia and hesitates. "No?" Poe glances at Leia as well and sees she's turned on her 'senator face' as Han calls it and this time his answer to Poe is firmer. "No, you can't skip school."

Poe sighs heavily and slides out of Han's arms. "You caved again." Han can't help but laugh, and he pats Poe's head, leading him out of the kitchen and over towards the door.

"I know pal, but you'll understand why when you're older. Come on let's get your shoes on." Han kneels next to the boy, setting his caf to the side and helps him get his shoes tied.

"Can Chewie walk me to school at least?" Poe asks, hoping to spend just a little time with the Wookie. Chewie's visits had become few and far between as of late. Han had explained to Poe that Chewie had his own family back on Kashyyyk that he needed to be with and that he'd visit when he could. Poe understood. Sometimes when Han left for a few days at a time, Poe would miss him terribly. He was sure Chewie's family felt the same. Han and Leia had promised Poe they would visit Kashyyyk one day, but they'd just been so busy of late, Poe figured they'd probably forgotten.

"Oh that's how it is, huh?" Han asks with mock indignation. "Chewie comes along and you just throw me to the side that quick? Wanna chuck me down a garbage chute while you're at it? Dispose of me properly?" Han tickles him, and Poe bursts into a fit of giggles, trying to maneuver out of his reach. Leia joins them, lifting Poe out of harm's way and showering him with kisses.

"No one's going down any more garbage chutes. I think we've had enough of that for one lifetime." She's smiling at Han that way she does sometimes before bed and Poe is grateful for the door chime because he's pretty sure they were going to kiss and they've already done that once today, isn't that enough? Han opens the door and Chewie growls a greeting, pulling him in for a hug. Poe jumps out of Leia's arms and races over to the Wookie who scoops him up in a big hug causing him to laugh excitedly.

"He's missed you Chewie," Han says.

"We all have," Leia adds with a smile as she hugs the Wookie as well.

"Chewie will you walk me to school, please?" he drags out the last word for emphasis and the Wookie roars his delight. Poe hollers back and with shoes tied he takes his bag from Leia, hugs both her and Han, and races out the door.

"Keep an eye on him Chewie, he's a troublemaker," Han calls from the doorway. "I'll meet you down at the Falcon in a bit!"

They're weaving their way through the busy streets of Republic City when it happens. Poe is telling Chewie all about how he's going to come and visit him and his family on Kashyyyk, he promises when suddenly a man is making his way towards them, pushing people out of his way. He lifts his arm- Poe can see he's holding something- and Poe is not quite sure what happens next. All he knows is there's a bang, followed by people screaming all around him, Chewie roaring louder than Poe has ever heard him roar, and Poe has somehow ended up on the ground. It takes him a confused second to feel the searing pain shoot up his arm and when he looks he sees blood, lots and lots of blood. Confused and frightened, he calls out for Chewie who's further away now, standing over the man who Poe sees has also fallen down. At Poe's call he comes back, scoops Poe up, and starts running.

Poe isn't quite sure how or when they get there but Chewie takes him to the nearest medical center, growling for someone, anyone to help him. A doctor comes along and gestures for him to put Poe on a nearby stretcher. He's not sure what does it - maybe it's the sudden sight of another human – but something in Poe snaps. He starts sobbing, fighting against the doctor who's trying to help him. He wants Leia, where's Leia? He tries to communicate this but it's hard to get the words out. He's scared and it hurts and when he's hurt Leia makes it better; he doesn't want this man, he wants Leia. Chewie tries to console him but Poe can't be calmed. The doctor assures Chewie it's 'just a flesh wound' and that he'll be okay.

Han arrives a short time later, pushing past people in the same way that man did earlier, skidding to a halt in front of the stretcher Poe is sat on. Poe is still crying though he's nearly worn himself out. He's leaning back against the wall, on the arm that doesn't hurt but when Han's in front of him, he reaches for him. Han pulls him close, taking care to avoid the arm that's now loosely bandaged, the doctor having taken advantage of Poe's tiredness. Han's demanding answers and though he sounds angry, Poe takes comfort in his familiar voice. Chewie growls something about a blaster shot, and Han is asking more questions but Poe's attention is drawn elsewhere. Peering around Han's arm he sees her coming down the hall at a fast pace. He's crying harder again, out of fear and from finally seeing her. He pulls away from Han, reaching a hand out towards her. She's so close and his arm still hurts and he's still so scared.

"Mama!" he calls out through his sobs. It startles Han but Poe doesn't notice; she's in front of him in an instant, scooping him up off the bed and into her arms. "Mama it hurts."

She holds him close and softly wipes his tears away. "It's okay sweetheart, you're okay. I'm here."

Later, when they're finally allowed to take him home, she wraps him up in a blanket and holds him to her. They sit in his favorite spot - the big blue chair by the window in her and Han's bedroom - with views across the city landscape as far as he can see. She whispers soft soothing words to him as they look out over the city, Han hovering in the doorway.

"Did you know, I once got hurt just like you did today?" she asks quietly. He looks up at her, confused. He's never heard this one before, has he?

"Really?"

"Yep. Right in my arm too. It hurt so bad, but I was very lucky to have someone there to help me patch it up and make it all better." Poe watches as she smiles and holds her hand out to Han, who takes a few steps into the room. "Maybe Papa will tell you the story?"

Han finally reaches them and Poe thinks he looks just as scared as Poe felt earlier.

"Sure," he whispers, squatting down next to them in the chair. He reaches out slowly and rubs Poe's back, smiling softly. "I think I can do that."

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At 8 years old, Poe is small for his age. His mother keeps telling him there's no reason to panic, he'll grow when he's ready. But he is ready, he's been ready. He's sick of getting picked on at school for being short. Whenever he tells her this she smiles, kisses his cheek and tells him that there's nothing wrong with being small. 'Sometimes the smallest people can have the biggest fight in them' she tells him over and over again. He's not entirely sure what that means but he knows it doesn't help him feel any better when he's standing next to Papa or worse, Chewie. It also doesn't make him feel any better when he's standing next to his 5 year old cousin Ben who alternatively is big for his age and nearly the same height as Poe.

Uncle Luke and Ben had arrived a few days ago and had been staying with the Solo's. Poe wasn't entirely fond of his cousin to say the least. He whines a lot and he gets so angry at the tiniest things. Currently they're standing in the living area of the Solo's apartment and he's in Poe's face, yelling at him for cheating during their ball game. Poe isn't cheating he's just better. It's not his fault Ben's so awful at it. Besides, it's just a game there's no reason to cry about it. Poe tells his cousin all of this with a roll of his eyes as he bounces the ball. He understands Ben is a lot younger than him but by the stars he gets worked up fast.

Poe is wondering to himself if he was this much of a brat when he was 5 when he feels a pain stab through his neck. His throat feels like it's closing up. He can't breathe. It feels like someone is stepping on his throat or choking the air out of him with their bare hands. His eyes widen and he drops the ball, both hands reaching up to clutch his neck. He glances at Ben for help but the younger boy is just staring at him, a dark look across his face. Poe stumbles backwards into a nearby table, knocking the bowl Papa had brought back for Mama from Naboo. It falls to the ground and shatters and the loud crash makes Ben jump. The pain constricting his throat immediately lifts and Poe collapses to the floor, gasping for air. By the time the adults come through to see what the commotion is about, there are tears in his eyes and he's trying his hardest not to get sick. Leia drops down next to him.

"Poe, sweetheart what's wrong? What happened?"

He can't find the words because he doesn't even know what just happened and because his brain just keeps telling him to breathe; keep breathing, don't stop to speak. He looks up to his father and Uncle Luke standing just beyond her. It's Uncle Luke that catches his attention. He looks worried, shocked. Poe looks away and just keeps breathing.

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Poe is 11 years old when his parents sit him down and tell him they have news. They're sat across from him at the dinner table and they look so nervous. It's his father who speaks first, telling him that nothing is going to change - well everything is going to change - but that they don't love him any less. His mother rolls her eyes at him and leans forward to take Poe's hand.

"Poe, sweetheart we're having a baby."

He's shocked at first. "A baby?" he asks. "You're pregnant?"

She smiles tentatively at him and nods. He can't believe this. Him, a big brother? He'd asked them once when he was younger about having a baby brother or sister and they had awkwardly explained it away. Yet now here they were telling him that it was going to happen. His face splits into a grin. They seem relieved and there's laughter and hugs and Poe cannot contain his excitement, asking dozens of questions.

The next six months are a whirlwind. Mama's stomach grows and it isn't long before Poe can feel his baby brother or sister kicking as he tells him or her all about the adventures they are going to go on together. Mama eventually stops going into work and on some days Poe stays home with her to keep her company. He loves nothing more than lounging around with her, watching holos and drinking tea.

Breha Organa Solo comes into the world two weeks earlier than expected. The Solos are spending their mutual off day as they usually do, on board the Falcon. They've made a home on Hosnian Prime, but all three are still drawn to the ship. It's where their family first began after all. Leia is in the galley making lunch while the boys are in one of the maintenance hatches doing routine fixes. Poe is holding a loose pipe in place while Han attempts to tape it when there's a clatter from the galley.

"Han," she calls.

"Just a second!"

"My water just broke."

"I'll get you a new one," he shouts back up and the two of them continue on with their task.

After a brief moment her words catch up with them and they freeze simultaneously, slowly turning to stare at each other. Poe thinks they must look comical to his mother when one head pops up, immediately followed by the other. She's standing there, one hand on her hip the other on her belly, glaring at them. They scramble out of the hatch as quick as they can, Han muttering curse words as he almost falls back down. They race to the hospital and Poe waits anxiously outside the room they usher her and Han into. It's hours before his father comes out, a broad grin across his face. He puts his arm around Poe's shoulders.

"Wanna come meet your sister, pal?" he whispers, guiding Poe towards the door.

Poe enters the room to find his mother lying in bed, a small bundle in her arms. He's nervous but his father gives him a light nudge, encouraging him to move closer. He comes to a stop next to the bed and Leia smiles up at him moving over so he can take a seat on the bed. Poe thinks it's the most exhausted she's ever looked but the happiness is rolling off of her in waves. Before he knows it, she's handing the bundle over to him. He takes hold of her delicately, and he can't help but stare. She's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She's so small and her face is scrunched up in a little frown and Poe's in love with her already.

"Her name's Breha," Mama tells him.

"Hello Breha," he whispers quietly, tracing her nose. "I'm your big brother Poe."

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He's 14 and tucked into the underbelly of the Falcon, covered from head to toe in grease. He's been down there all day, patching up small fixes and assessing the damage. Han had just returned from a mission to the Outer Rim and while he had returned relatively unharmed the Falcon had not.

"Is it fixed?"

Poe looks up and smiles at little Breha. She's got goggles on covering half her face and she's peering down at him expectantly.

"Not yet, could use a bit of help though if you're offering?"

Breha grins back and makes a move to come down and join him.

"Whoa Brey, careful. Here let me-" He reaches up and grabs her, pulling her safely down before returning to his squatting position with her in his lap. "There we go."

"What's wrong?"

"See the motivator there?" He points to it and she nods. "It's a bit loose. Not too bad, if it were really bad the propulsion tank would've overflowed by now and… Well..." he trails off, unsure just how in depth he can go. She is still quite young after all. "Anyways it needs to be tightened up here." He points again, reaching to the side to pick up a wrench. "Wanna give it a shot?"

She jumps off his lap, grabs the wrench, and immediately sets to work. She thrusts the wrench in towards the spot he was pointing and Poe jolts forward, nervous he may have to worry about poisonous gas after all.

"Hey hey hey you've gotta be careful with it. Softly softly catchy monkey."

"That's silly," she says, scrunching up her nose and giggling at him.

"Means be careful, be patient and it'll work out. Here, look." He takes her small hands in his and guides her with the wrench. "The key is to be delicate, rule number one with any ship - but especially the Falcon - is handle her with care. You be good to her and she'll be good to you." He helps her to finish tightening it and when it's done he lets out a laugh. "Well done Brey! You got it!" She giggles back at him and he kisses her on the side of the head before lifting her up over the opening of the maintenance hatch.

"Papa! Papa! I fixed the Falcon!" she's yelling excitedly, running off towards the cockpit before he's even up out of the hatch. He grabs a rag to wipe his hands off as he makes his way to follow her. Being an older brother has been one of the best things to happen to Poe. He still remembers how small she was when he'd first held her. He was amazed at how much she had grown and yet she was still so small. He loved every second of watching her grow up, watching her learn new things every single day. He loved how she would trail behind him or Papa while they fixed the Falcon, listening as they explained to her how everything worked. He loved walking her to and from school every day, hearing how her day was. He didn't want her to ever grow up; he wanted to keep her just as she was now. He reaches the cockpit to find her sat in the co-pilot's chair, telling their father in detail just how she had helped him. Papa is leaning forward, listening intently with a smile.

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When he's 16, he steps off the Falcon on Yavin 4. He's nervous. It's been years since the altercation with Ben but he hasn't been able shake the fear he felt for his young cousin that night. It creeps down his spine like ice every time he thinks of it, every time he's reminded of the Force and just what can be done with it. When his mother uses it to lift things off high counters it seems harmless, but Poe knows the other side of it. He's seen and felt what can be done when that power is used the wrong way. He doesn't think he'll ever forget that night. How could someone so small be so powerful? If he was that strong in the Force then, what could he do now? He knows there's no use worrying, he'll see his cousin again shortly and for all he knows Ben might not be so bad anymore. Right?

He trails behind his mother and Breha, who is talking animatedly and asking their mother as many questions as she possibly can about everything around them. Poe lets his gaze wander across the Jedi milling about around them. Uncle Luke had certainly expanded the group over the years. He hasn't been here since he was small, but he'd heard Uncle Luke talk about the numbers increasing. They are making their way towards the main temple located in the center of it all when he catches sight of a Jedi cataloging a shipment off to their right. Cute is his first thought. His second is whether or not it's still against the Jedi code to form attachments. It must not be, if Ben is any indication and of course Poe isn't thinking attachment attachment, just a nice time between- a whack across the back of his head breaks him from his thoughts and he realizes he's been caught staring by his father.

"Watch it pal, we're here about your sister not for you." Poe grins.

"Well if I'd known there were Jedi that looked like that I'd have asked you to sign me up ages ago. Is it too late?" Han rolls his eyes and puts his arm around his son.

"Pretty sure you need to be at least a little Force sensitive to even get an invite to the club."

"Then why the hell are the two of us here?" he asks with a laugh and Han gives his shoulder a squeeze in response.

"Because we're Solo men, and we do crazy things to make our girls happy." Poe follows his gaze in the direction of his mother. She is holding Breha's hand, smiling as she patiently answers the questions little Breha is throwing at her. He wonders if she knows just how much they worship her. Han through the loving eyes of a husband and Poe through the eyes of a son who can't fathom what he's done to deserve a mother like her. He sometimes feels guilty thinking that. Everything they've told him about his birth parents points to them being wonderful people, they probably would have been wonderful parents as well. But all he's ever known is these two, and he feels so damn lucky that the galaxy gave him them. He wishes it could have been different of course; wishes that there had been a way Shara and Kes hadn't had to lose their lives to bring him to Han and Leia. But as he looks off at his mother now, remembers her speaking with him the way she is with Breha, her keeping him safe and being his shoulder to cry on, he couldn't imagine his life any other way.

"Besides, he's not your type anyway," his father's voice cuts through his reverie. He glances back over his shoulder at the Jedi to find he's now watching them and Poe wonders if he knows they're talking about him. Poe throws a wink his way before turning back forward.

"I don't have a type."

"Whatever you say pal."

Poe catches sight of Uncle Luke standing at the top of the steps to the temple, and he tenses slightly when he sees Ben standing next to him. Han must feel it because he squeezes Poe's shoulder again.

"You alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Poe answers but he can tell he hasn't convinced his father. "Honestly Pop, I'm okay. Just a little nervous seeing him again."

"I know, but it's been a while. He was young." He sighs, patting Poe on the shoulder before letting go of him. "Look I don't like what he did to you, and I was hesitant for us to come out here. But I've gotta believe Luke when he says he's had proper training and understands his powers now. I'm sure he's better."

He isn't. Poe spends the day with Ben while his parents accompany Breha to her tests and he discovers the kid is just as miserable and angry as he remembers him being 9 years ago. It's beyond awkward and uncomfortable. Ben treats Poe as if he's beneath him as he shows him around the facilities and Poe wishes desperately he could be anywhere else. He can't believe he was actually scared of this brat. He's more annoying than scary - if Poe's being honest - and it's taking everything in his power not to snap on the kid. No amount of power in the force can make up for someone's insufferableness, Poe thinks to himself. He's all too relieved when his parents return with Breha and Uncle Luke. However the relief is short-lived when his mother pulls him away from the group after a short conversation.

"We're leaving tonight, but Breha is staying here," she says when she's got him alone. "Luke says she's got some of the best abilities he's ever seen. She's very strong with the Force."

"So we just leave her here? Just like that?" he asks, glancing back over at his sister. She's bouncing around Papa's legs, trying to get his attention while he converses with Luke. His eyes drift towards Ben, who's glaring down at Breha. He suddenly gets an uneasy feeling in his gut. He turns back to his mother, anxious. "I don't like this Mama, I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Sweetheart, I don't like it either but if she's as strong as Luke says she is then she needs to be trained. She needs to understand how to control it. I've told you about my father-"

"Yes so isn't that exactly why she shouldn't be trained?" Poe knows there isn't a chance in hell Breha grows up to be like Vader but he's grasping at straws. He'd thought maybe Uncle Luke would say they should bring her back for training but he'd never thought they'd leave her here immediately.

"Poe," his mother says, exasperated. "We've made the decision. I'm sorry." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "She'll be okay, she's in good hands."

They rejoin the group and prepare to say their goodbyes. He kneels down in front of Breha and she's smiling up at him. He doesn't think she fully understands what's happening, so he puts a smile on his face so he doesn't scare her.

"You be good, ya hear?" She nods enthusiastically. "Be good and be careful."

"Softly softly catchy monkey!" she shouts back at him with a grin, and it takes everything in him not to cry.

"Exactly. Softly softly catchy monkey." the words catch in his throat. "I love you Brey, I'll come and visit you as soon as I can."

She throws her arms around his neck, and tells him she loves him too. He holds her close, and over her shoulder he catches a glance at his cousin. He's smiling, but there's something sinister about it; like he doesn't just think he's better than Poe, he knows he is. Poe looks away, holding his sister a bit tighter and hoping the uneasy feeling in his gut will go away soon.

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When Poe's 18 his entire world ends for a second time, only this one he remembers. He's near the end of his first year at the Academy, and what a year it has been. Poe always knew he wanted to be a pilot but he hadn't been entirely sure a life in the military was for him. He'd seen his father come back injured from too many missions – and had spent countless other times fearing he may not even come back at all – that he'd written off a similar path for himself years ago. But when he'd toured the Academy he'd suddenly felt the overwhelming sense that he could do some good as a New Republic pilot, that he could help save lives.

"The opportunity to be the hero," his father had said with a clap on the back as he'd enlisted on the spot, "gets you every time."

"Or perhaps the idea of doing the right thing," his mother had countered.

He'd learned so much during his first year, not just about Han and Leia but about his birth parents as well. He'd heard the stories Han and Leia had told them, but to learn of the heroism of Shara and Kes from others was an amazing experience. He had so often seen people stand in awe of Han and Leia that he hadn't realized if his birth parents had lived, he'd probably have dealt with the same thing. They were icons of the rebellion; maybe not as much as Han and Leia were, but those at the Academy had been just as shocked he was a Dameron as they were that he'd been dropped off by the Solos.

Poe is in the flight simulator, practicing for the exam run he'd have in a few weeks time, when a fellow cadet comms him.

"Dameron, Dean Thrax wants to see you in his office. He says it's urgent."

"Copy that."

He powers down the simulator and pauses for a moment. He's hoping the dean wants to see him for a good reason but he can't help feeling a sense of dread that it's not good news. His mother had called a few days ago to let him know Pop had been sent out on a mission and he greatly hopes it has nothing to do with that. He takes a deep breath and begins to make his way to the dean's office.

When he arrives he's ushered in immediately which does nothing to relieve the fear now overtaking him. He's been called to the dean's office on 'urgent' matters before, and even then he'd had to wait. Bypassing those already waiting and being sent right in can only mean terrible news. Dean Thrax smiles solemnly.

"Poe, I'm sorry to have interrupted your studies-"

"Is it my father, sir?"

Dean Thrax sighs heavily. "Maybe you should have a seat."

"Is it my father?" Poe repeats, stressing each word. He doesn't want pleasantries or long winded explanations. If something's happened he just wants to know.

"Your sister."

"My- my sister?" Poe's confused, and suddenly he feels like he may need that seat after all. Please, please he thinks. Not Breha.

"We just received word that there was an attack on the Jedi temple on Yavin. Reports state that there were no survivors." He says the last part tentatively, as if there is a way to soften the blow of telling him that his baby sister is dead. "I'm very sorry for your loss Poe. Now I've received orders to send you back to Republic City as soon as possible..."

Dean Thrax goes on for a while but Poe isn't entirely sure what he says after that. He's too in shock to process anything other than the fact that his sister – little, sweet Breha with the most infectious giggle and the bringer of so much joy to their family – is dead. What is one supposed to do after news like that? He feels like the world's been pulled out from under him; he doesn't feel like he can breathe. He always knew there was a possibility one of his father's missions could go wrong; he'd already lived through at least 4 attempts on his mother's life; but he'd never in a million years imagined something like this. The dean puts his arm around Poe and is leading him out the door.

Before he knows what is happening, he's on a transporter to Republic City. It's on the long ride that Poe has time to reflect. How could something like this happen? He'd seen for himself that there were enough Jedi Masters there to defend it. Wouldn't Uncle Luke have seen an attack coming? Couldn't he have been prepared for it? The sense of dread returns to Poe as the pieces slowly begin to fall into place. Maybe they hadn't been prepared because they'd been fooled into thinking they were safe. Maybe the attack had come from within. It hits Poe like a ton of bricks. Dean Thrax had said the reports stated there were no survivors, but Poe knows better. Ben. This was Ben.

A member of his mother's security escorts him to their apartment and when they arrive, it's to find her sitting in the living area in deep discussion with various military officers. Upon his arrival the officers excuse themselves, nodding in acknowledgment as they pass him out the door. He's left alone with his mother and suddenly he's not sure what to say or do. She's sat on the sofa, looking as defeated and exhausted as he's ever seen her. It breaks him all over again, seeing her this way. He's only ever known his mother as strong and defiant; even at her weakest moments, she has always appeared to him as the pinnacle of strength.

"Mama," he chokes out and he can't remember when he even started crying but he can suddenly feel his wet cheeks. He thinks of the first time he called her that, all those years ago after a man had tried to kill him because of her. He remembers that the word had been itching at the back of his throat for weeks before that. He'd listened to his friends at school talk endlessly about their mothers and he'd felt so envious that he'd had her in his life as a mother but couldn't call her that. He understood later when he was older why they had been hesitant to take those titles, the guilt they were worried they'd feel. He'd finally uttered the word in a moment of fear and pain, the first of many. Now here he is doing it again, only he isn't sure who is meant to comfort whom in this moment. He moves towards her, collapsing to the sofa and pulling her to him. He feels her begin to shake and he holds her tighter. He's not sure how long they stay that way.

"They told your father," she whispers into his shoulder after a time. "They haven't heard from him since."

"Where was he last?"

"Investigating disturbances near Tibrin."

He pulls away. He doesn't want to leave her but he knows what she is asking of him. She's lost so much already in her life; he knows she can't lose his father too. "I'll find him. I promise."

And he does. It takes him two weeks and six different planets but he finally tracks his father down in the Western Reaches on Takodana. The Falcon is nowhere in sight when he touches down outside the castle and he's worried maybe he was given incorrect information but he presses on. The outside of the castle is quiet and peaceful, and Poe is surprised at what he finds inside. It's not loud and rambunctious per se but it's definitely busy. He hesitates just inside the doorway and a large alien being steps in front of him.

"You look lost, boy," it growls at him. "Did you wonder away from your mother's teet?"

"Leave him be, Gamzi," a female voice says sternly. The alien stares at him for another moment before moving away and revealing a small orange being. She beckons him closer and he awkwardly kneels down near her. She leans in towards him until she's so close he can feel her breath on him. Her eyes are massive behind her glasses and Poe feels like she is staring into his soul.

"You must be Han's boy," she says. He swallows nervously and nods. "Ah yes, you look just like him."

"I'm not-"

"I know," she cuts him off. "But it is not just genetics from where we get our looks. You carry yourself the same as him. And your eyes-" she leans even closer which Poe didn't think was possible. "- Your eyes hold your emotions in the same way. Now, it is the same sorrow. You have lost greatly. I am sorry."

"Is he here?" He can't bring himself to acknowledge her sympathy. He's heard it countless times over the past two weeks and he's so exhausted from it he's ready to burst. "I didn't see the Falcon but I was told he is here."

"He is here but he did not arrive on the Falcon. Come, I will show you to him."

She leads him out of the main room and through the winding halls of the castle. He thinks briefly on where the Falcon could possibly be if not with his father. Crashed? Stolen? Or maybe his father had just forgotten where he'd left her in his grief. She stops outside a door and he's nervous what he'll find on the other side. She smiles softly at him before opening the door. He steps in tentatively and the first thing that hits him is the strong smell of whiskey.

"I'll give you some time," she says before closing the door behind him.

He spots Han at the far end of the room, huddled on the ground seemingly asleep with a near empty bottle in his hand. Great, Poe thinks. Just great. He makes his way over and gives him a nudge. Han jolts awake, his eyes drifting up to Poe unfocused. He doesn't say anything - only stares up at him - and the silence stretches on long enough that Poe wonders if he's too drunk to recognize him.

"You shouldn't be here," he eventually slurs.

"Neither should you," he snaps back, squatting down to be eye level. When he'd originally started this search, he'd been worried for his father. Now he's just angry and getting angrier by the second. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Having a drink," he says condescendingly, lifting the bottle. "That a crime?"

"I've been looking for you for two weeks."

"Well no one told you to do that."

"Ma did you stupid son of a bantha." He gives his father a shove. "We were worried about you. We thought-" he breaks off, his emotions are getting the better of him. He takes a deep, steadying breath. "We thought we'd lost you too."

Han's face hardens and he gives Poe a shove back. "Well you've seen me. I'm fine. Now go."

Something in Poe snaps. He's so exhausted and angry from the past two weeks. He wasn't even given time to mourn his sister, immediately sent on this journey to find his father and make sure he was okay. And here he is, drunkenly and selfishly hiding away. Before Poe realizes what he's doing, he's drawn his arm back and swung. His fist collides with his father's cheek and sends him reeling backwards.

"You're so selfish!" he yells as Han collects himself. "You think you're the only one who lost her?" He stands, pacing away from Han. He's breathing heavily, all the emotions from the past two weeks seeping out of him. When he turns to speak again, his voice is lowered. There are tears in his father's eyes and he can feel them in his too. "I haven't even gotten to mourn her. I have been chasing you all over this stupid galaxy because I just lost my baby sister; Ma just lost her daughter and her brother; and I'll be damned if we lose you too."

They're both openly crying now and just as he was unsure with his mother, Poe is again conflicted. He takes a step towards his father. His face is swelling up fast and Poe feels a little guilty.

"She doesn't wanna see me," Han whispers. "I've - I've caused her too much pain already."

Poe bends down, putting a hand on his father's shoulder. "Pop, you're all she wants right now." He pulls his father into a hug, holding the older man while he shakes from sobs. "Come home, Pop. Please."

He nods and Poe sits with him through the night while he sobers up. He tells Poe the Falcon is lost, stolen away from him at some point during his drunken wandering. Poe says nothing, only pats Han on the shoulder as an apology. When he's ready, they leave Takodana. They don't discuss what happened there, and when Leia sees Han's black eye she says nothing. All that matters is that he's brought his father home, and the three of them grieve for Breha together. Poe returns to the Academy after a short time. He keeps the theories of Ben's involvement to himself, too afraid to bring them up to either of his parents and bring them further heartbreak. They're struggling enough as it is, and it had been hard enough leaving them to return to school. He isn't sure what the future holds for the three of them. He knows it'll never be the same again, but he hopes that he's done just enough to keep them from falling apart.

xxxxxxxxxx

Poe graduates from the Academy with honors at 22. He's already been offered a position at Mirrin Prime's base under Major Lonno Deso and the prospect of rising through the ranks quickly looks promising. His years in the Academy have done well to highlight his capabilities, and he finds that he's gained the respect of not only his peers but his superior officers as well. He's no longer seen as Han and Leia's kid only through to the Academy on nepotism; he's seen as a brilliant pilot and soldier in his own right, one that officers were clamoring to have on board with them.

Han and Leia come to his graduation ceremony and smile proudly from the front row. His father is wearing his formal military attire and his mother looks breathtaking in a green gown truly fit for a princess. At the reception after the ceremony, he lifts his mother off of her feet and spins her around. She laughs and it's the sweetest thing he's heard in ages. The past few years had been hard and he'd rarely seen either of his parents truly happy. But today they both appear in good spirits. He knows none of them will ever be over the loss of Breha, but he is hopeful that they can one day find peace again. He sets her down and she cups his cheeks, smiling up at him.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks Ma. You look beautiful." He nods at his father over her shoulder. "So does this mean I need to salute you now?"

"Yes and I expect to be called General or sir." In one hand he holds a package, but the other he holds out to Poe, who takes it with a firm shake. "I'm proud of you son."

"Thank you," Poe says, smiling. "It means the world to me you guys are here."

"Not just here," his father replies. "We come bearing gifts as well." He holds out the package. "Congratulations."

"Now honey, if you don't like it we can always-"

"Ma I'm sure I'm going to love it," he cuts her off with a grin.

He begins pulling away the paper and when he's removed it all, he holds up the gift. It's a flight jacket. A deep, rich brown with red on one shoulder and lining the pocket below the other. And it is wonderful.

"I know you've always wanted one of your own," Han begins. "And we figured now that you're officially a pilot… well, it's time you got one."

It is true. Poe had wanted one for as long as he could remember. When he was younger, he had run around the house wearing his father's, pretending he was on a great adventure to save the galaxy. As he got older, Pop had given him one of his old ones to keep but as much as he had loved it, it hadn't been his. There was just something about it, something that made it feel like an initiation. With this jacket, he is well and truly a pilot.

"I love it," he whispers. "It's brilliant." He hands the packaging to his father and immediately goes about putting it on. When it is on, he runs his hands down the front and flashes them a grin. "Well?"

"It's a bit big," Leia says. "But you look handsome nonetheless."

"He'll grow into it."

"Han, he's 22 I don't think he has much growing left."

"Ma! That's harsh!" he smiles as he says it. He knows he is a bit short; he'd embraced it a long time ago. 'Sometimes the smallest people can have the biggest fight in them' after all.

"Hey Poe!" He turns around to see Muran, a fellow graduate across the hall. "We're going for drinks, you coming?"

He hesitates, turning back to his parents.

"Go," his mother whispers. "Have fun. It may be your last chance before the work starts."

He smiles, hugs them both, and with his new flight jacket on he heads off for his first adventure as a pilot.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Poe is 25 he is the commander of his own squadron stationed at the base on Mirrin Prime. He's quite proud to be a commander and he is grateful to have a squad of great pilots and friends. Not to mention he's got a new and wonderful droid BB-8 who's already proving to be the best of the best. They're out patrolling trade lanes in the sector when Major Deso's voice comes over the comms.

"Commander Dameron, report back to base immediately."

"Yes sir," he replies. "Alright squad you heard the major, let's head back."

"No Commander," the major's voice comes through again. "Just you."

"Sir?"

"I've been given orders to have you returned to Republic City, I can't say anything else beyond that."

"Sir with all due respect, I'd much rather know what I'm being summoned back for now. Rather than wonder the whole way back to Hosnian Prime."

Poe knows he's out of line, but he's been here before. He can't stand the waiting, the not knowing. If something is wrong, if something has happened he feels it's only fair that he's told right away. He doesn't want any of that talking around the issue nonsense. There's a long silence before the major speaks again.

"Look Poe, I'm only telling you this because I like you. You're a good pilot and a good person. Your mother was pushed out of the senate and fled the city. Your father went AWOL shortly after. Neither has been seen for 2 weeks. I've been asked to debrief you by the higher ups."

Well, he wasn't expecting that. His mind starts racing with countless questions. The first being quite simply - what? That didn't sound like anything either of his parents would do, and without contacting him? Was there something Major Deso wasn't telling him? Or did they think he was involved?

"Debrief?" he asked, "or interrogate, sir?"

"Poe," the major says in exasperation. "Just come in. I just have to ask you a few questions, you're not being arrested."

Unfortunately, that's exactly what Poe is worried is going to happen. The last time he had spoken with his mother, she had expressed concerns regarding the First Order, an organization that seemed to be rising from the Empire's ashes. She had told him that there were those in the Senate that refused to listen. She said they had been calling her a warmonger, and were choosing to turn a blind eye to the First Order's crimes. Had someone been listening to their conversations? Did they think he was involved? He knew there was no going back to Republic City. They would likely use him to lure one or both his parents back planet side and he just couldn't allow that. If they had fled, they had done so with good reason. Now, he would have to do the same.

"I'm sorry Major, but I'm going to have to decline." He begins flipping switches on his control panel. BB-8 whirs behind him, sounding concerned. "Muran, I'm leaving you in charge of Rapier Squadron. Guys, it's been great flying with you."

"Poe, don't do this," Muran says back through the comms.

"I have to. I won't be used to lure my parents back."

"You won't get far in that, not without backup. The odds of you-"

"We don't do odds in my family," Poe cuts him off. "May the Force be with you."

He puts the coordinates in for Kashyyyk - if he was to find his parents, he should look there first - and makes the jump into lightspeed. He sits back in his seat and tries to stop his arms from shaking. He's not entirely sure what path he's now set himself on, but he knows he's just made an enemy of the New Republic. Well, technically his parents had done that first. Regardless, it probably wasn't the wisest move to abandon his post like that. If his mother had had a plan, it probably didn't involve that. Some time later, BB-8 beeps a warning. They're passing through the Japrael system but something is wrong with the hyperdrive. The ship jolts under him.

"What are you saying, buddy?" BB-8 beeps again, this time more frantically. "It's damaged? Ah hell."

The ship jolts again, and Poe realizes with a sense of dread he's not going to make it to Kashyyyk. He drops out of hyperspace and grips the controls. BB-8 informs him that the closest planet is Onderon, thankfully a planet that has no ties to the First Order. Not that they really have a choice. They break through Onderon's atmosphere when the fourth engine dies. They're heading for the ground fast, and Poe has a fleeting thought that Muran was right, the moof-milker. The planet is mostly jungle as far as he can see, but he spots a small lake just below them.

"Hold on BB-8, this is gonna hurt."

He pulls up just in time and the X-wing glides precariously across the surface of the lake before crashing into the water. Poe's head slams against the roof on impact but he thinks nothing of it as he undoes the crash webbing and makes to exit the ship as fast as possible. BB-8 whirs behind him, and he climbs across the aircraft over to him.

"Don't worry buddy, I ain't leaving ya." He pulls at the droid, trying to dislodge it. He finally breaks him out, just before the craft begins to be submerged. He helps BB-8 through the water and onto the small beach nearby. He collapses to the shore, exhausted. Lying there, he realizes he's got a cut across his cheek that's bleeding pretty heavily and he's feeling just a bit lightheaded. "Okay, let's just lay here for a minute. I've just gotta – gotta catch my" BB-8 whirs above him but he can't focus and before he knows it, everything goes black.

He awakes some time later to find that the sun has set. It's dark and freezing and he's struggling to move. He feels like he's just been trampled over by a herd of banthas and his face is still burning where it's cut. He hears a noise behind him and he tenses. Please just let that be BB-8, he thinks to himself. If it's hostiles, he's screwed. He's gotten out of a lot of close calls but he can tell if it comes down to that, this won't be one of them. An older, human male appears in his field of vision, head tilted curiously to the side.

"You're Han Solo's kid, aren't you?" he asks.

Shit. Poe has no idea how to answer that, on a foreign planet no less. There are two types of people in the galaxy - those who hear yes and want to buy him a drink, and those who hear yes and want to kill him. He doesn't feel like finding out which type this guy is but then again does he really have a choice?

"I might be. Who's askin?"

The man grins and squats down next to Poe. "Name's Lando Calrissian." Thank the stars, Poe thinks. He doesn't think he's ever been happier to recognize a name. "Your father and I go way back. He's looking for you."

Lando helps Poe to his nearby speeder, BB-8 following closely behind. Lando explains that he's planet side on a job, transporting produce.

"You're smuggling fruit?"

"You'd be amazed at how much people are willing to pay for it."

Reports of his desertion had reached most systems quickly, the New Republic hoping to make an example of him. Shortly after, Lando had received a coded message from his father, who was reaching out to all his contacts for help finding Poe. Lando says it's luck he was on Onderon and had seen his X-Wing go down. Luck, fate, coincidence, the Force; Poe doesn't really care anymore. He just wants to find his parents and find out what the hell is going on.

It takes two days before Lando can secure him safe passage. He hides out on Lando's ship and does his best to recover from the crash. Lando's medical supplies were good but lacking and Poe can still feel an ache in his side as he steps on board the ship Lando's acquired to take him. The pilot rounds the corner and Poe lets out a holler. It's been a long while since he's seen Chewbacca, too long. Poe had still been fearful that Lando may double cross him - he doesn't know the man after all and he has heard about Bespin - but upon seeing the Wookie he feels he can finally relax.

It's another three days before they finally touch down on D'Qar. He's never been itching to get planet side so badly in his life. He can see his parents waiting for them while a dozen or so people mill about around them. He leaves Chewie to power down the ship, his crash webbing off before the ship's even touched down. He all but collapses into his mother's arms when he sees her. They hold on to each other tight, and his father puts a comforting hand on his back.

"Well, I've officially joined the family tradition of being a wanted criminal," he mumbles into her shoulder. She pulls away slightly, a grim look on her face.

"We have so much to discuss." She looks at his father and hesitates before he nods encouragingly. She turns back to Poe. "Luke is alive." She pauses, taking a deep breath and Poe can see the fear in her eyes. "And so is Ben."