Title: From a Distance
Disclaimer: The characters in this story don't belong to me, yada, yada, yada. You know the drill.
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Pairing: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Rating: PG to NC-17 depending on the chapter
Summary: Agent Hammond delivers both an expected package and unexpected news to Alex at the end of Alex's second year in the Witness Protection Program.
Authors Note: This is unbeta'ed so any errors are mine. If anyone wants to volunteer as a beta, feel free. This is the first fic I have written not to mention posting. As my first woman told me the morning after well you know, "If you talk about this in the future, be kind." Feedback is very much appreciated
From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.
Chapter one
Even though I am expecting it, the sharp knock on my front door startles me, and my breath catching in my throat forces me to pause briefly before I move to open it. When I do, I step aside to allow the man on the other side to enter. To my own ears, my words "Agent Hammond," sound timid and uncertain.
"Ms. Cabot," the man in front of me replies. It is somehow strange that even through the last two years our relationship has been never become anything but formal. He is the only person who addresses me by my real name, and even though the words are stiff, I savor the sounds, not knowing when anyone else will know me by my name, Alexandra Elaine Cabot. He is not an unkind man; rather I get the impression he is anything but that. Even when he was essentially forcing me into the Witness Protection Program and his manner became impatient at my hesitancy, he never became cruel; only determined in his resolve that was the only way to not only preserve my own life, but the life of my mother. Proof of his innate nature, was his acquiescence to the only two demands I ultimately made of him before agreeing to his plan.
The first demand was satisfied when two nights after I was shot, Agent Hammond brought Olivia and Elliot to the dark road to allow me to see Olivia and to tell her good-bye. I couldn't have left her forever without letting her know I was alive. I knew Olivia too well, and with her over developed sense of responsibility she would never have been able to forgive herself for what she perceived as her failure to protect me.
After taking his coat, and inviting him to sit, I go into the kitchen to get the coffee we inevitable drink during these visits. It is to fulfill the second demand I had made that the FBI agent was here. When I return, there are two manila envelopes that have appeared on my coffee table. After giving him his cup, I pick up the two envelopes, and sit down in the corner of the couch. I was not expecting the second one, and when I look at Hammond, his gaze back at me seems to be just a bit unsure.
"Has something changed?" I hear the question from my lips, although I'm not even sure why I asked it. As a result of the madness my life has become, I have been forced to develop an exaggerated sense of attention to both the people around me and to my environment. Perhaps that has led me unconsciously to ask my question. That, and the fact there is one more package than there should be.
Even before he answers, I have opened the first package, and two unlabeled DVD's slide out into my hand, along with a sheath of papers in a report holder, and a smaller envelope that I know contains photographs. Seeing the contents, I forget for the moment about both the other envelope and the answer to my question. Instead, I focus on the items I now hold in my hands. Labels aren't necessary; I'm only too aware of what I hold. It is the second such package Agent Hammond has delivered. It is the fulfillment of the second promise I had extracted from him before I left. On the DVD's are recordings of a short-term surveillance, taken entirely without the subject being aware of being watched. The papers that accompany them are the written report. The photographs are self-explanatory.
Suddenly dizzy, I close my eyes to the onslaught of emotions that suddenly grip me. I was prepared for this, at least as much as I could be. But the power of what I hold is overwhelming, and tears fall from unbidden from the corners of my eyes. Quickly I get up, and walk to the window to gaze out at the darkness, not wanting the FBI agent to view this sign of vulnerability. I don't know when I will be able to watch the DVD's. Last year, it took me a full month to work up to watching what Agent Hammond had brought to me. When I finally had, the combination of grief and relief, had laid me out, leaving me drained and on the very verge of despair. The memory of that overwhelming reaction had caused me to seriously consider notifying Agent Hammond that he need not bring another such envelope. In the end though, I couldn't do that. No matter the cost, I had to see for myself. I had to see the one who held my heart with such tenderness and love. My Olivia of the dark eyes, intense nature, and all consuming passion for everything she did. Not watching this, not seeing her, wasn't an option. I had to. I had to feel the comfort that only her presence could bring me, even if it was only… from a distance.