"The Wolowitz Enigma…"
Summary: On a honeymoon trip/working seminar at CERN in Geneva, Sheldon and his minions and a somewhat frustrated Amy find themselves trapped in a bit of a mystery…
"Of course it should be "The Sheldon Cooper Enigma'…" "But Howard solved it…" "That's beside the point…" "It is the point, Sheldon…And you could mention that Penny's here and was integral to solving the mystery…" "Why?...You just did…"
Follows a bit the action of "Gran Mag"…And another not yet written…
Disclaimer: What's Chuck's is Chuck's…No infringement intended…
CERN, underground collider facility, December 2012…
"Welcome to the Holy Grail of experimental Physics…Pretty impressive, eh…?" Leonard, grinning…
"Wow…" Penny stared, nodding at the huge structure spread out under the observation windows… "Boys, I gotta say…For once I am not bored with the Science stuff…"
"And I'm lovin' it that it's my boy's toy…" she whispered to a beaming Leonard…
"Beautiful…Simply beautiful…" Raj shook his head… "I feel like I can die now…Unless the Mars program goes manned at last or we invent interstellar drive…"
"Would I like to get into the guts of that baby…" Howard sighed…Hands reaching to the window glass… "Just look at those curves…"
"What?..." he eyed Bernadette's frown… "I am actually looking at the collider, you know…"
"Howard, I can see that technician in the reflection on the glass too…" she replied, grimly…
"What?...Oh, her?..." he looked back… "Can't compare to these beauties…" he leered at the glass…
Now I'm getting creeped out instead of mad…Bernadette hissed to Penny…
"There are no words…Except that even Penny can somewhat appreciate this paean to Science at her usual low level…" Sheldon noted, sighing as he stared… "Though I would claim it primarily as an achievement for theoretical Physics…"
"Oh, really…" Leonard began… "Sheldon…"
"Ok, we've seen it…It's big…Hurrah…Lets go back to our hotel…" Amy, frowning…
"Well…We haven't had the tour yet, Amy…" Leonard noted…
"O f course…Enjoy it…Come on, Sheldon…" she pulled at Sheldon who looked startled…
Welcome to married life, Dr. Sheldon… Fowler-Cooper…Leonard grinned at him…Silently eyeing Penny who grinned…
"But Amy…Dearest…" Sheldon tried… "We're at CERN…The Holy Grail, as Leonard rather aptly put it…Though the Grail of theoretical…"
"I'm on my honeymoon, damnit!..." Amy cried… "See this…?" she waved her hand, wiggling fingers to display her ring… "This means you promised to honor your commitment to me…And you damned well are not going to honor it here!…"
"But…Sweetness…CERN…?"
"It will be here when we've honeymooned by walking on the Alps and sailing on Lake Geneva…Swimming naked if the water's warm enough…Don't argue with me, Sheldon…And don't give me that 'But it's CERN?' look…You promised me a honeymoon and thanks to my generous patron and reasonably good sport…In the end…." she eyed the bemused 'Are you kidding?' looks… (But that's another story…)
"…At losing, Sheik Prince Faisal, you didn't even have to pay for it…"
"I gotta get me a sheik to fund my acting career…And our honeymoon in Paris…" Penny noted to Leonard…
"Couldn't we just do the tour?..." Sheldon tried… "They have a train…"
"The last day…Sheldon, I know you…If I let you start poking around here with Leonard, you'll be designing experiments and spending every day till we go back working here…And I'll get fat eating Swiss chocolate and cheese waiting for you…"
"And drinking the wine…They say it's great…" Penny noted… "But we'd work some of it off shopping…"
"See…No problem…" Sheldon beamed…
"Not helping here, bestie…" Amy, grim frown to Penny… "Sheldon…" pleading look… "I've dreamed of my honeymoon since I was a little girl living a blighted life with my mother…Though I never thought it would happen, it has…Don't rob me of this…"
"Sheldon…" Leonard sighed… "Amy's right...This is her time…And yours, together…And we have an obligation to work here this week while you don't…"
Thank God…Howard breathed to Raj…
"Yeah, Sheldon…Amy deserves a good time…She's gone and foolishly married you…Get out there and honeymoon, mister…" Penny pointed toward the door to the observation chamber…
"What, are you and Bernadette going to stay and work here all week?..." Sheldon frowned…
"Hell no…Soon as this tour's over she and I are hittin' the shops, then the slopes…" Penny chuckled… "And then Stadt…Paradise in the Swiss Alps, as Inspector Clouseau's boss once said…Thanks, bestie…" grin to Amy…
"Thank Sheik Prince Faisal…And accept his apologies for the assassins and near murder thing… " Amy smiled… "And Stadt is next on our list, too, Sheldon…No ifs, ands, or buts…"
"Of course…" he nodded…Noncommittally guarded look…
"Whipped?..." Raj whispered to Howard…
"Like a puppy owed by Michael Vick…" Howard nodded…
"Goodbye Supercollider of my dreams…" forlorn look… "Farewell train ride of the world's desire I shall never enjoy…Auf Wiedersehen, Earth's only stable antimatter I shall never see outside a picture on TV…Ciao, neutrino collect… "
"Oh, all right!..." Amy cried… "We'll take the tour!…"
"If you really want to…Sweetness…" Sheldon…Sincerely innocent look…
"Wipe that phony look of angelic innocence off your scheming little face or it's no deal…."Amy glared…Eyes flashing… "And we leave after said tour…No long session of questions with the director..No inquiries as to times available for a 'little something'…No 'helping' Leonard with any problems…"
"'Helping' is right…" Leonard sighed to Penny…With relief…
" Ok…Thank you, Amy…" Sheldon, abashed tone…Smile… "I promise…"
"On Meemaw's soul…" Amy, grimly…
Damn… "Sheldon!..."
"I mean…Yes…On Meemaw's soul…" sigh…
"Lord, she knows me well…I thought I was a human enigma…" he hissed to Leonard…
"Not really…" Leonard shook his head… "The only enigma with you is that anyone could put up with you enough to love and marry you…"
"True enough…" he nodded… "Lucky you and Howard have girlfriends who care so little they can go off and leave you for three weeks alone on a once-in-a-lifetime all-expenses paid romantic fantasy without a second thought…Whereas Raj might possibly get drunk and lucky during the daily wine break here…"
"And don't think I haven't been eagerly anticipating that…" Raj, grinning…
"Hey…" Penny frowned… "We care…We just aren't on our honeymoons…Believe you me, when I'm on our honeymoon…"
Leonard beaming…Our honeymoon?...
"…Stop it, Hofstadter…" she eyed him… "But, yeah…Our honeymoon…If a certain hobbit physicist ever works up the nerve…And when I'm on it, you bet he's gonna stick with me like glue…Whatever big science thing is around…I don't care if you build an Enterprise, Sheldon…"
"Excuse me…Howard would build it…I would design it…" Sheldon corrected…
"Whatever…I understand this is work for Leonard…And we'll have a couple of days to kick around together…But on the honeymoon…Not a chance…"
You are takin' notes on this?...she hissed to Leonard…
"Oh, yeah…"
"Ditto to what Penny said…" Bernadette nodded… "Howard!..." she shouted in Wolowitz mom voice…He jumped a bit… "You got that?..."
"Just a sec while my arrhythmia decides if it's time to go cardiac nuclear…" Howard gasped… "Ok, not my dying day…Sure, honey…"
Like a Michael Vick puppy…She beamed to Penny…
"Dr. Hofstadter…" a voice called from the access door…
"Oh, Dr. Benton…Guys…You know Dr. Benton, head of the neutrino analysis team…" Leonard stepped forward to greet the middle-aged, slender, graying scientist in dark suit, CERN badge prominent…
"Sheldon Cooper..Vacationing tourist…" Sheldon put out a hand…Eye to Amy who nodded carefully…
"Dr. Cooper…A pleasure…I just read your paper on…"
"My brother Sheldon…Sheldon Lee…I'm Sheldon Mark…" Sheldon interrupted…
"A joke, Dr. Benton…Sheldon's famous for them…" Leonard, hastily… "But he won't be with us these weeks, he's on his honeymoon with Dr. Fowler-Cooper here…" he turned to introduce Amy…
"Hello…Please don't tempt my husband any further with the delights of this temple of Physics…I've been waiting my whole life for him and this damned honeymoon and I'll help terrorists destroy this place before I'll give either up to it…" Amy, desperately…
"Another kidder…Runs in the family…" Leonard, wanly…
"I think I understand…CERN has destroyed a few marriages…We'll try to tone its attractions down as much as possible, Dr. Fowler-Cooper…And, congratulations…" smile… "I think I can safely say this is the last thing we in the Physics world ever expected from Sheldon Cooper…And miracles are rare…Even here at CERN…"
"This is just incredible, Dr. Benton…" Penny noted…Eyeing the open-mouthed group behind her…Bernadette leading Howard…Leonard, Raj behind…Sheldon slowly trailing with Amy…
"Glad you're enjoying it…" Benton smiled…Halting for the rest to catch up…
"And if our boys here could still speak…They'd agree, I'm sure…"
"Happens to all our new physicists, don't worry…"
"Dr. Benton?..." Amy came up, leading a staring Sheldon… "Sheldon wants you to know he appreciates you're doing the train ride twice…"
"Not a problem…I get a kick out of it myself…" he smiled…Penny chuckling…
Hmmn?…Leonard came out of his wonder trace…Eyeing the handsome physicist to whom his girl seemed to be paying a surprising amount of attention….
I mean, to a physicist talking about Physics…
"You realize these hands will soon be in contact with those controls…" Howard sighed to Bernadette…Eyeing his hands, then the nearest monitoring station…
"Yeah…That's enough, Howie…And no more about tenderly caressing them, you're creepin' me out…" she shook her head…
Raj sighing out the window running to his side…Returning smile from a pretty technician visible busy on top of part of the collider structure…
I mean…There's the glory of Science…And that other glorious thing…And when the two can come as a package deal…
Catching frown from Bernadette…
Hmmn?...
Come on, girl…I thought we'd agreed once and for all we were done…You might remember we're in Amy's sister's continent now…And she likes Howard, however reformed she may be….Geesh, who are you, Donalda Draperette?...
"Isn't that the actor…Gregor McEwan?...From "Revenge of the Illuminati: Leonardo Code II"?..." Leonard stared at the lithe young-looking figure in priestly black, complete with collar, engaged in conversation with a dark-haired, attractive young woman in lab coat near a transparent airlock door… "Are they filming a third chapter, here?...I thought he got killed in the movie…"
"Hmmn?...Oh, no…That's the father…I mean, the older brother, the father…James Joyce Mc Ewan, Father James…He's the actor's brother…A priest and friend of mine…Our chaplain, actually…" Dr. Benton smiled…Waving… "James!..." The priest smiling back with return wave…
"Older?...He looks younger than McEwan…" Howard stared…
"A McEwan family trait…" Dr. Benton smiled… "After 25, they all look younger each year until they hit 60 and turn into white-haired Tubby McEwans…"
"On that day I shall mourn…" Penny sighed…Staring after the handsome priest now heading off arm-in-arm with the young woman he'd been talking to…She pausing to offer her badge at the airlock entrance…The chamber door opening, then sealing behind them…
"You got my Trek reference…?" she grinned to Leonard…
"I also got that you're into handsome dark-haired Irish priests…" Leonard frowned…
"So?...Most guys would take that as a good thing…" Penny grinned… "Priest and all…Right, Bernie…?"
"I guess…Unless you've seen 'The Thorn Birds'…" Bernadette noted… "God, I had fantasies about doing that Cardinal for years after I saw that one…"
"She have you dress up in red robes and the hat…?" Leonard eyed Howard with grin…
"In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti…" Howard made the sign…Bernadette frowning…
"Hey, they were mostly Jews at the start, right?..." he smiled…
Amy staring… "He's chaplain here?...CERN has a chaplain?...A Catholic chaplain?..."
"Most of our scientists here if religious are Catholics, Dr. Fowler…This is continental Europe and just north of Italy after all…" Dr. Benton noted…
"And he's the actor's brother?...What a neat coincidence…" Leonard beamed…
"Too much of a coincidence…" Amy hissed to Sheldon…
"What?..." he stared back…
"That the priest chaplain here is the brother of the actor who played the evil priest in that movie…" Amy hissed… "Weren't you listening?..."
"Of course not…" Sheldon shrugged… "This is CERN…I have better things to contemplate than the routine chit-chat of my compadres…"
"Oooh…" Howard, listening… "Maybe the fiendish chaplain is planning to make off with the CERN antimatter and make himself Pope…" grin…
"James gets that a lot since the film…" Dr. Benton chuckled…