Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
OTP Boot Camp Challenge - Lost
Songs Covered by Glee Competition - Misery by Maroon 5
Ten Times Ten Challenge - Draught of the Living Death
Regret
He did not know what was worse, knowing that he had been given the chance and had blown it or knowing that there was no longer any chance for them.
He had messed up. His duties as the leader of the Death Eaters had come between them. He had not noticed the growing distance between them nor how hard Harry had tried to fill in or blatantly ignore the gaps he had left in their relationship while being too busy.
He should have put them first, and not the business that could have been easily pushed off to Lucius or Severus.
He remembered the many dates he had missed and all those nights Harry had been forced to go to sleep alone and wake alone the next day for no reason that truly seemed good enough now that he looked back.
The last time he had seen Harry, Harry had been in tears despite the determined set to his jaw along with the firm look in his eye. Leaving had hurt Harry as much as it had hurt Tom but staying would have hurt Harry even worse than leaving had.
Now it was him that was forced to sleep, eat, wander the passages of his manor alone and it was entirely his fault. There was no Harry now. It was only him just as it had only been Harry before.
He could clearly feel the ache of loss as he climbed into a cold bed, woke in an empty one and was surrounded by a silence that seemed to be impenetrable and weighing heavily on his shoulders like a wet coat, unwanted and never forgotten.
This kind of life was utterly miserable. He could not begin to understand how Harry had managed to live like this for months. No, he could imagine Harry easily hating it but unwilling to disturb him from his work. Harry was selfless like that but he knew that he was not. Had it been him that was ignored, he would have complained and not remained silent until something was done and he was satisfied.
He could barely stand it today as he walked around the manor, lost. He tried to remember all the memories they had shared within the manor. There were only a precious few memories that lingered from the odd occasion when he had bothered to spend any time with Harry.
He had never had a lot of time for Harry before, now he no longer had any time. He had used up all his chances, all the precious moments that held potential memories that had been carelessly tossed aside, all of which he now regretted.
He was lost without Harry, he had lost everything when he lost Harry.
Harry was getting married today, getting married to someone other than him. Harry had found someone who gave him the attention and love he deserved, who gave him every possible minute, someone who gave Harry everything he had not given him.
He crumpled the parchment he had been writing on, it was not perfect, it was not good enough for Harry. He took out a clean piece of parchment and began anew, ignoring the ink stains on his fingers, ignoring the incessant knocking on his office door as he tried to convey all his feelings onto the parchment.
It was his last chance and he wanted to do it right, he wanted to do something right for once in his life. If Harry never replied he would understand, it would not stop his heart from breaking nor would it ever stop him from loving Harry but he would understand.