Title: Walkies
Rating: PG
Summary: James' gag gift to Sirius doesn't produce the intended results.
Author's notes: Written for the Bonus Fic Round of the 2010 RS Small Gifts on LJ. This is for epithalamium's prompt #2: fic for art she's drawn. I chose Out for a Walk. I think it's the cutest thing ever. :)
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James was brassed off. It had been a brilliant joke. It should have been a brilliant joke, anyway, if the two stupid canines had reacted like they were supposed to have done. And Lily wasn't helping, cooing over them like it was the most adorable thing she'd seen since that litter of boar hound pups Hagrid had nursed one winter back at Hogwarts. In retrospect, he really should've known better.
After all, Sirius had been pretty much whipped even before he and Remus had come out to James and Peter. Looking back, James could see that it had been in the cards once Sirius' animagus form had turned out to be a dog. The more time he'd spent as Padfoot, the more he'd begun prancing after Remus like, well, a daft dog begging for his Master's attention, regardless of the form he was wearing. After the incident with Snape in Sixth Year, it had only gotten worse. And now look where they were.
No sense of decorum, either of them. He'd thought Remus, at least, would have the decency to blush tomato red and say, James, in that scandalized tone of his. But no, when Sirius had unwrapped the package and turned the large collar over in his hands, and then stroked down the thin chain to wiggle his fingers through the cuff it was attached to, Remus' eyes had gleamed. Sirius had glanced up and met his gaze, and Remus had given him a look that made James blush instead.
Sirius had held the collar out to Remus, and then pulled his hair off his neck as he scooted forward to allow Remus better access. Remus, the pervert-think you'd know a person better after so many years living together in close quarters-wasted no time in fastening it around Sirius' throat.
James had watched in horrified disbelief as Sirius' cheekbones turned a delicate shade of pink and his eyelashes fluttered down demurely as Remus fastened the cuff around his own wrist. Sirius opened the rest of his birthday presents after that, snuggled up against Remus' side, but James could only focus on the chain leading from Remus' wrist to Sirius' throat. They kept exchanging those excruciatingly embarrassing looks, too.
Lily had gone quite giggly, and even Peter was making stupid jokes about Remus finally bringing Sirius to heel, and maybe he should enroll him in obedience training classes, as well. James was about to say something scathing when he saw Remus arch his eyebrow at Peter's suggestion and tug slightly at the chain.
Sirius' eyes had gone wide, and his mouth had fallen open a bit, making him look like a right git in James' opinion. He was shifting around uncomfortably, and James felt a surge of vindictive pleasure. Finally, he would tell Moony enough was enough. But no, he was just reaching to grab a throw pillow off the sofa and pull it in his lap.
Oh. Sodding perverts, the both of them.
"Fancy a walk, Lily?" James asked with a desperate-sounding enthusiasm.
"I'll go," Peter said before Lily could answer. "Need to work off all that cake."
"Yes, me too," Lily agreed.
"Brilliant!" James jumped up, anxious to get away from the inexplicable and sickening display in his sitting room.
"We'll all go," Remus said brightly. He was already standing up, and Sirius followed suit, an expression of complete contentment on his face.
"What?" James asked, dumbfounded. They couldn't possibly be considering going out like that.
"Hurry up, James." Lily prodded him as Peter followed Remus and Sirius out the door.
"I can't believe them," he whispered furiously to Lily as they trailed behind the exhibitionist couple. "It's indecent."
Lily shushed him as Remus and Sirius stopped up ahead to speak to old Bathilda Bagshot.
"They're probably going to cause old Batty to have a seizure."
"James, really. Don't call her that. She's very lovely."
Peter came up behind them. "She is a bit daft, though. Always going on about how Grindlewald and Dumbledore were-"
"Queer as plaid rabbits, those two were," Bathilda's wavering voice rang clearly in the lane.
James and Lily and Peter quickly turned the opposite direction and tried to stifle their laughter.
"Oi, you lot!" Sirius shouted. "Keep up won't you?"
Bathilda had tottered up the path to her house, and Remus and Sirius were waiting for them, the arc of the chain glinting in the sunlight. James sighed.
"You could at least change to Padfoot if you want Remus to take you for walkies," he muttered as he fell in step beside them. He was beside Sirius, anyway, Remus was a few steps ahead leading his whipped little pup and wearing an expression of smug contentment. "Next you'll be wagging your tail and begging and rolling over on his say so."
Sirius' mouth curved up in a private smile as he pushed his hands deep into his trouser pockets and traipsed after Remus without sparing even a glance for James.
"Oh, I already do, Prongs, I already do."