|: Beyond Her Love :|
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A/N: Shreya's feelings and decisions are AU. DO NOT give me a hard time about this!
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One of the forms of solace she had was the window. At times when every other thing failed to lift her spirits, she turned to the window of her room and simply stared out.
And then slowly she felt all the woes floating around her being pulled out by the serene breeze… inducing in her a newfound conviction to keep believing in herself, every time she let the wind from the window caress her face.
Reminiscence. Past memories. Painful recollections.
She wondered if these words held a meaning deeper than one could imagine. Whether they carried a message, a lesson hidden beneath their perceived notions of merely holding a remembrance and walking on in life.
A thought occurred to her how these gone moments should serve as a source of making convictions, a resolve to take a learning from them and making them a base for emerging a better person... a new soul having born from the teachings of these same memories, and promising one's own self to not falling prey to those of their kind ever again.
As she stood by the window that evening, holding a cup of strong ginger tea, she let her thoughts wander to how the past two years changed everything for her – her life, her perspective, her opinions about certain people and most importantly, her own self.
She remembered the moment she realised she was in love. She always used to find him intriguing, fascinating in more ways than she could imagine. But before she could stop the fascination from giving way to actual love, it was too late. And then came a moment so suddenly in her life – a feeling crashing down upon her with such a startling force – when she knew from every bit of her that she was madly in love with him.
There had been, suddenly, may things she failed to understand ever since she had started loving him. Many incidents when she was rendered speechless by her own actions.
She could never fathom why her range of emotions donned a drastic transformation whenever she thought of him, compared to how she felt otherwise. She wondered why she could not stop her heart from beating fast against her chest whenever he came near her, why she could not cease the blood from rushing to her cheeks whenever he looked at her with those intriguing eyes.
She failed to grasp why her feet automatically made their way to his direction every time and she could not halt them… or why her lips could not stop from giving that sheepish smile when he was nearby.
Hell, she could not even stop his thoughts from taking control of all her senses… and worse, she could not even perceive if she should hate this queer, uncanny feeling of letting her soul losing itself to him.
She was never the type who believed in publicising her feelings to the world – or even to him in particular. All she wished was for him to look into her eyes and let them talk.
For her eyes were where all the emotions she harboured lay accumulated. Her eyes spoke volumes of that irrevocable love she garnered for him – from the deepest corners of her heart, from every nerve within her.
There had been, however, very wrecking and painful turn of events in her life which forced her to distance herself from him. All with a heavy heart, she endured – her association with Siddharth, the pressure of unwillingly getting engaged to him and silently letting her heart crumble for sake of her parents.
That, however, did not leave such a grave impact on her as some other incidents that occurred simultaneously while she was still engaged to Siddharth. Events happening around her which questioned her love, her dignity, and most precisely, her significance in certain people's live. Her significance in his life.
She recalled the numerous moments when she was forced to confront some piercing questions, very appalling allegations and presumptions of being a person unfit to stay in someone's life, in spite of having loved him so enormously, of having deceived him so callously.
However, what made her blood curdle the most was the absolutely baseless accusation stating she was the reason for the rift caused between two best friends! Yes, she loved him deeply and wanted to be an important part of his life. But, never ever, in her wildest of dreams had she imagined breaking him up with his best friend. Not when she had seen their friendship, their deep affection for each other so closely over the past four years.
This notion and the scathing abhorrence she received from people because of it was absolutely baseless, she vehemently agreed.
Yes, it was true that his best friend got dragged into it and endured the blame for no reason of keeping Daya away from conquering his love, but it wasn't, in any sense, Abhijeet's fault in all of this, she thought. She never blamed him for whatever unfortunate incidents that followed, causing a dispute between the two friends who had always shared a brotherly bond. And she never lost a tinge of respect and admiration she had for him in these turn of events. They were a part of the same team after all, and Abhijeet had always gone out of the way to help her when the need arose.
But whatever happened between them, she was not the cause of it, as how some people made unnecessary claims shouting it at the top of their lungs. Who were they anyway, to be paid attention to? When Abhijeet and Daya had no qualms against her. And when she herself believed in herself, in her own worth.
Yes, she was indeed deeply shattered when she had learned of Abhijeet's decision of taking a transfer, and for a few seconds, she felt guilty that he had to suffer the unimaginable wrath of Daya for no mistake of his. But, she, in no way, was responsible for Daya behaving so cold toward Abhijeet.
The remarks and hatred she received was outrageous and hysterical at the same time, and most of them smelled of pure envy.
"Shreya is just a stupid girl with no brains. Daya definitely deserves someone better."
"She is just an evil and selfish girl who is just using Daya for own benefit."
"Shreya is the reason Abhijeet and Daya fought. Daya should not go back to her. She never understood Abhijeet and Daya's friendship."
'She never understood Abhijeet and Daya's friendship.' She chuckled as she recollected this particular claim. She was amazed how people always made assumptions as per their convenience. Not even one soul remembered the efforts she took in convincing Daya to stop Abhijeet from going, in making him realize there can never be anyone dearer to Daya than Abhijeet.
Because somewhere deep down, she felt Abhijeet and Daya do not deserve to drift apart no matter whatever happens in her life, or how far she herself drifts apart from Daya in the future.
But again, her heart was always rigid enough to let her know such negative criticism should leave no impact on her.
The love she had for him, that raging fire of unprecedented compassion her heart burned for him would never enfeeble, even through the darkest of circumstances, no matter the accusations the world threw at her.
However, the moment he offered to listen to people desperate in proving her wrong, she decided to change the game. Yes, he had always stood by her and trusted her with all his life when she needed the most. But, somewhere he had paid heed to what other people had to say about them. And that had been the last straw! The moment she had been forced to give answers to people who didn't matter, the moment she had been forced to prove her love, she decided it was enough.
Her love and her priorities for him had always been, and would forever be, much more than all that she had endured. It needed an assurance of none – not even him.
He may be a hero glorified by the world. He may be the knight in shining armour for many girls who go weak in the knees just by the mere mention of his name. He may be emerging as a victorious warrior with every battle he fought. But she did not love him for all of this.
Her love for him had always been more fierce and deeper than all his idiosyncrasies combined together, something his admirers would never understand and something the world can never register.
She may receive hatred from the people who claimed to love him, from all those countless girls who worshipped him every minute without even knowing him inside out, but the love she had for him blazed inside her with an intensity much stronger than all these people can ever fathom.
In the end, in spite of all this, her own identity, her own ideologies would always be her foremost priority. The moment he doubted her worth in his life, was the moment she chose to walk out without a tiny bit of hesitation. The emotions I garner require an approval of nobody except her, and she didn't need a hero idolized by the world, when she could be her own hero.
And then, for the first time ever since she had loved him, inspector Shreya, in spite of having her engagement called off, found herself contemplating on whether or not she wanted to have Daya – her colleague, the senior she admired the most, the ultimate hero reckoned by the world and the man she was still so desperately in love with – back in her life, whether or not she really felt like spending her entire life with him.
Yes, she loved him alright. She would always do, till her last breath. But, some experiences had left such an impact on her soul that she found herself giving importance to things beyond her love.
People constantly tried to abject her, but little did they know she had esteemed herself with valour so impregnable, it surpassed all the conjectures and the ungracious notions of those who hardly even mattered to her. In the end, she herself was responsible for her own tranquillity, her own peace.
And in that moment, she felt liberated. Like a bird freed from its cage, spreading its wings to embrace the open skies. In that moment, she experienced freedom in its true sense. Freedom from the judgements, the false allegations and the detestation from people harbouring plain scathing envy. Because she had recognized her own worth. Her own strength which stood alone against the whole world.
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~~ The End ~~