Matt POV
What if it had never happened?
What if, at one point, I had said no?
What if there were no more what if's?
What would we be like then?
Would we be just friends?
Or would we be more than that?
If we were more than that, would we be this perfect little couple?
Or would we be the most screwed up couple this world has ever seen?
What if alcohol had never influenced us?
What if, at some point, it had happened on its own?
What if they hadn't encouraged us?
What would life be like?
Would we be having this argument?
Would you really want to ruin me?
Would you want to make sure that I could never be as happy as I was before?
What if it hadn't happened?
Would you still hate me like you do right now, at this very moment?
Mello wrapped his arms around the blonde and held him in a powerful embrace. Matt leaned into the blonde's touch and sighed as he exposed his neck to Mello's lips.
A moan.
A touch.
It all meant something to him
Matt rubbed his eyes as he woke up the next morning. Their stupid, drunken mistake spiralling out of control for each second he lay in the bed.
Sometimes, something happens and you can't change it and you can't make it right, no matter how hard you try.
That's just the way it is.
That's the way it always has been.
Some people would rather regret what they've done than, rather than regret what they haven't.
Others would rather think things through, do things the logical way and avoid getting hurt or hurting someone in the process.
And people like me would rather do something and know that life will probably be better now that you've taken the risk and done it.
It was never going to be right. It was never going to work between them, no matter how hard they tried. People got involved and they had destroyed it for themselves. The what if's hurtled through his mind as he tried to think things through logically. He tried everything, nothing could clear the image of his flawless body from his mind. Nothing could distract him from the memories of the nights that followed.
What if we hadn't done it?
What if our lives were still normal and we were just friends?
Would it still hurt that you hate me now?
Would it still hurt because I had to hurt you?
I'm sorry, the words meat nothing. They had been said too much recently.
I'm sorry that you hate me.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
I'm sorry because no matter what happens this was never right.
I'm sorry that we're not still friends.
I'm sorry I thought we ever were.
I'm sorry because the pain I'm feeling must just be like a scratch compared to what I put you through.
I'm sorry that I thought we could ever be more than what we were.
I'm sorry that we're not even that now.
I'm sorry that we ever tried.
I'm sorry that I left you.
I'm sorry that I loved you.
I'm sorry that you don't believe it.
I'm sorry.
[[A/N If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?]]