There is an endless moment within the regeneration. It is a moment similar some used to say to when a person's life flashes before their eyes when they die. A moment when they see all their mistakes, loves, triumphs, and everything in between.
"I don't want to go."
I feel the regeneration energy spilling through my veins, consuming my hearts first. It's liquid fire spreading over my skin, burning everything in its wake. Yet as the fire reaches its peak and begins to burn everything away into nothingness – to replace all that is left of me – time stretches to my eyes only and I feel the familiar euphoria of this moment.
Before me I see Rose, my beautiful pink and yellow human who traveled across dimensions to get to me. I remember her tongue-in-cheek smile that used to fill the Tardis with life. Her flowing blonde hair used to tickle whenever I held her close. I remember trying to show her how to write in Gallifreyan when she wondered what my millions of notes around the Tardis were.
I see our tearful goodbye, twice. The second time, I left her with a piece of me and unsaid words. The part of me I will always envy will always be with her and be able to give her the happiness and life she deserves.
I remember Martha - The bright and wonderful girl who I never truly appreciated. Her dark eyes that bored into me, seeking me to open up after I had lost everything I had cared about in this form. Martha had this habit of staring when she thought I wasn't paying attention. I remember when I caught her doing it the first time and she became all flustered and embarrassed.
Donna…my dearest friend Donna. The brilliant, underestimated Donna. She healed me in an entirely new way from Rose. My loud, rude, ginger friend who wasn't afraid to question me. Who had been changed by my actions and cost her everything. I remember her terrified and panicked look as I erased her memory. Holding her close, knowing I most-likely never would again. Missing her and wishing I could've talked to her about everything going on.
Wilf, as spirited as Donna and every bit as kind. The man I had given my life for. The closest thing to a father I had had in centuries. The last and only person I could trust when the world was ending.
This moment stretched as I mourned the loss of my friends, knowing I would never see them again. That when the burning had resumed and changed me I would think of them entirely differently. I wouldn't miss Rose and ache for her soothing touch. I wouldn't mourn Donna's lost memories for her. I would hardly ever see them again, only for fleeting glimpses.
The euphoria and pleasure faded resumed by the burning. The golden light poured from my eyes and changed my cells. Rewriting every trace of me.
Goodbye my friends. We were all brilliant.