So this is based on one of my favourite German songs (as some of you may know I am German) "Barfuß am Klavier" by the band "AnnenMayKantereit". It has always somehow reminded me of Malec and their breakup so I decided to write something.
I know the translation at some points sucks and I'm sorry but it's been quite hard to translate so I'll hope you'll forgive me. Check the song out it's really good.
Magnus woke up in his bed and groaned. He felt horrible. He couldn't exactly remember why but he knew that something was terribly wrong.
He sat up and listened for the familiar sound of Alec preparing coffee but there was none. The air also lacked the heavy scent of it. The sense of wrongness increased.
Frowning Magnus looked around and found the other side of his bed untouched. Alec hadn't slept here last night that was not unusual he did still live in the Institute but something inside Magnus told him that this was anything else but usual.
His eyes fell on his bedside table where an empty glass of whine stood, surrounded by several tissues. With a pang his memories came back. The message of Camille. His unwillingness to believe it was true. Alec in the tunnel, his shoulders hunched. Their conversation. Alec admitting it was true. Their kiss. I love you. The breakup. Him, Magnus, coming home to an abandoned apartment with only Chairman Meow to keep him company. The whine bottle he had emptied alone. And then he as he cried himself to sleep.
He put his head into his face and was somehow surprised when he realized he was crying again. He had thought that his supply of tears was depleted after last night but apparently not. For a few minutes he listened to his own sobs until he realized how pathetic that was. He had survived other breakups, he was no stranger to heartbreak. Then why did this feel as if his heart had been not just broken but had been crushed into billions of little pieces, all cutting him slowly open?
With a long sigh Magnus stood up and turned on the stereo to drown out his own sobbing and his terrible, lonely, sad thoughts. He remembered too late what song he'd heard yesterday when he'd come home.
Und ich sitz schon wieder, barfuß am Klavier.
Ich träume Liebeslieder und sing dabei von dir.
(And I sit again barefoot at the piano
I dream of love songs while I sing about you)
German was not Magnus's favourite language, probably because he couldn't speak it that well. He had started to learn it when he had lived in the Alps in Austria for a few months after another breakup but had never tried to make it perfect after he'd moved back to New York. But there was something about German music that spoke to him especially when he was sad.
Und du und ich wir waren wunderlich,
nicht für mich,
für die, die es störte,
wenn man uns nachts hörte.
(And you and I, we were whimsical
not for me
for those who were bothered
When they heard us at night)
Magnus wondered what Alec was doing now. Maybe he was with Jace, hunting down some demons. Or he was with Clary, training her for whatever came next. Or, some tiny little part in Magnus hoped it was that way, he was with Isabelle, crying in her arms and talking about last night.
Ich hab mit dir gemeinsam einsam rumgesessen und geschwiegen
ich erinner mich am Besten ans gemeinsam einsam liegen
jeden Morgen danach bei dir
du nackt im Bett und ich barfuß am Klavier
(I sat together with you alone in silence
I remember best laying together alone
every morning afterwards at your place
You naked in bed and me barefoot at the piano)
They weren't meant for each other, Magnus had known during that party where he had first met Alec. He'd known during that first kiss. He'd known on their first date. He'd known during their first night. They weren't meant for each other and he'd known from the beginning that what he did was wrong and without future. He had ignored it but yesterday he'd realized it was time to stop things. Alec deserved better, he deserved a man he could grow old with. A man with whom he could share a family, a lifetime, not someone like Magnus already half-dead without being able to die fully.
Yes, he'd been half-dead before Alec had come along. There was something about living hundreds of years that killed you inside. He had told himself this wouldn't happen to him but you could live like Peter Pan only for so long until even Neverland lost its beauty.
Und ich sitz schon wieder, barfuß am Klavier.
Ich träume Liebeslieder und sing dabei von dir.
Und du und ich
wir waren mal Wir
und sind jetzt nichts
du da, ich hier
(And I sit again barefoot at the piano
I dream of love songs while I sing about you)
And you and I
we've once been us
and now we're nothing
you're there, I'm here)
If Magnus closed his eyes he could hear Alec coming around the corner with the silent footsteps so typical for Shadowhunters. He could see his eyes, blue like the sky on a summer day. Magnus hadn't lied to Alec yesterday, when he said that he loved him. He couldn't lie if he talked in Indonesian but it still didn't change anything. They've been something, a beautiful, yet already broken thing and now they were nothing.
Du wolltest alles wissen
und das hat mich vertrieben
eigentlich dich, du bist nicht länger geblieben
bei mir
also sitz ich um zu lieben lieber Barfuß am Klavier
(You wanted to know everything
and that was what drove me away
in fact it was you, you didn't stay anylonger
with me
so I sit to love rather barefoot at the piano)
Magnus remembered know why he'd chosen to listen to this song yesterday. He remembered now that this song was too fucking accurate.
He didn't know how but suddenly his knees hit the floor and he broke down sobbing.