He can remember everything clearly. 5 years had passed but the memory is still as clear as though it just happened a mere moment ago. And every morning he wakes up since that day to find himself alone in bed, he begins to relive the 5 longest minutes of his life.
It has started this way - the day that Arthur found out about Merlin's magic was the day he handed the sorcerer's death sentence.
He wasn't furious when he found out. No, he wasn't the least angry or even surprised. When Merlin's magic was revealed, Arthur just let his jaw drop for a second before he closed it and mentally say to himself - "I knew it."
So when he saw Merlin chanting under his breath and a sudden bolt of lightning struck down one of his opponents, he knew that his worst suspicions had come to pass. As soon as he dispatched the last of the brigands, he whirled back on Merlin with a pleading look in his eyes.
"Never do that again. Even at the cost of my life, you are not to perform any more of that that magic."
"But..."
"This is not up for debate Merlin. Do you understand?" He asked again with urgency. Merlin, knowing that Arthur wouldn't let up on this issue - just sighed, hung his head and said,
"Okay"
A week had passed, a month and Arthur knew Merlin had kept his word. Even if he has no way of knowing, he just knew that Merlin wasn't practicing any more magic. Maybe it was the way his shoulder hunched ever so slightly, or maybe the way that his smile won't reach his eyes anymore. It's as if the essence of Merlin was gone.
It was at a party on month two of no magic when it happened. It was like deja vu really. He was seated next to Uther at a banquet table with a popular songstress singing for the court when an arrow came whistling past. Arthur slightly inebriated and fully engrossed in the song did not register the danger. It was only when he crashed to the ground, heard gasps and shouts that he realized what happened.
Another assassination attempt at his life. And once again Merlin saved him. And with no magic to help him and as clumsy as he is - he was lucky to have put Arthur out of harm. He on the other hand was another matter.
It was a nightmare for Arthur as he saw the red feathered end of the arrow poking a hole through Merlin s heart. Arthur s eyes were wild and his hands were shaking at he caressed the side of Merlin s face.
"You idiot..."
"I kept my promise, didn't I?" Merlin wheezed as he smiled thinly at Arthur. His eyes were getting heavy and he heard the lullaby of eternal sleep ringing in his ears.
"I m sorry." Whispered Arthur. Merlin gathered the last of his strength to squeeze one of Arthur's hand.
"Don t be. Because I certainly am not sorry that you will live and be the future great king of all of Albion."
And then he was gone.
Years, months, days... It doesn't matter how long the time had passed. The memory still as vivid as the blue sky and the hurt still as sharp as his blade.
Arthur blew his bangs as he swung his legs to the side of the bed readying himself for another day filled with regret.
"Every day I live with the knowledge that my foolishness had caused your death. I thought I was protecting you from the fires of execution by ridding you of your magic. I was wrong. I realized now that if you were caught doing magic, I'd do the exact same thing you did for me. I'd protect you with my life."