DISCLAIMER: DO NOT REUPLOAD MY STORIES! I regularly reverse search all my stories and when I find just a single one reuploaded somewhere else, specifically Wattpad, I will file DMCA takedowns and hunt down the original authors of any other work that is reuploaded on the same profile or site, then I notify those other authors who have had their work blatantly stolen. I don't go beyond filing the DMCA takedowns, but other authors may not be as kind. Entire accounts have been shut down this way, so don't steal shit. Write it yourself.
I don't own Detective Conan or any of it's characters. Both belongs to Aoyama Gosho.
– The Gloom of Rain –
Droplets of water clashed against the window. Bold drops of rain collected on the glass and spilled wet tracks down the reflecting surface. The sky was covered by heavy and dark clouds, looming over the city of Beika. It casted a gloomy mood over the town's citizens.
Especially on one of them.
Conan sat on the chair behind Kogoro's desk, turned around, looking out of the window. He watched the trails of rainwater, running down the suave surface. His mind blank, his thoughts fixed on only few thoughts.
Why am I still here?
He could see the bulky tree on the sidewalk, swaying with the wind, it's leaves adorned with raindrops. They heaved under the weight of the water, bending low towards the rich, wet dirt, waiting for the wind to come and free them of their burden.
Why can't can't I be relieved from my suffering?
There were flowers growing under the tree. With their open faces, they breathed in the richness of the rain, sucked in the moisture and stretched gleefully toward the sun that peeked sometimes from behind the receding clouds.
Why is everyone else happy, except for me?
The spectacled boy watched a bird emerging from its stick-built nest. First it peeked out its head, testing the air, then it hopped onto the tree branch, gripping water-soaked wood. It shook its tail feathers, glanced back once toward its safe home, its young, then spread it's wings and dared to fly through the moist morning air.
Why can't I just get away from this?
Suddenly there was a screeching sound.
It shook Conan only half-way out of his train of thoughts.
The next moment a red sports car was skidding over the wet street and with a crash it collided with the sidewalk's tree.
Leaves fell off of it, knocked away by the force of the hit. The flowers, once blithe towards wind and rain, were crushed under the car's tires, torn to pieces. The nest fell from the branches, the young birds crashing onto the unyielding surface of the red car.
Azure eyes widened in disbelief and Conan looked down at the gruesome scene, unmoving. He was captivated by the sheer cruelty of the situation.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a knock sounded through the apartment, followed by the sound of someone opening the door.
Just as the person was stepping in, Ran arrived. "Ah, Hattori-kun! What are you doing here?"
"Was just a little bored because Kazuha is goin' out with some of her friends. I think she's still mad at me for forgettin' our meetin' at Tsutentaku Tower last week."
"Should I grab you a towel?" Ran's worried voice rang out. "You're soaked."
"Nah, it's fine."
"Okay. But do you know what happened outside? I heard a crashing sound and screams."
"Yeah, it seems some guy was drivin' drunk an' crashed against a tree. He survived and it's just a simple accident."
"You seem disappointed, Hattori-kun."
"Well, I haven't had a case in two weeks now." A little sheepishly, Heiji scratched the back of his neck with a grin. "Only some guy bothering my neighbor last week in the morning and this guy."
"Now that you're here… Could I talk to you about something?" Insecurity mingled into Ran's voice.
"Sure, whatta 'bout?"
The next thing she said was whispered, so Conan couldn't understand her words.
After that, the two left, leaving Conan in his place in front of the window.
"So what do you wanna talk to me about, that Ku-Conan-kun shouldn't hear 'bout?" Heiji asked curiously.
Ran's expression openly showed that something was worrying her. "It's about Conan-kun. He seems so… depressed lately. I don't know what happened and he won't talk to anybody, as if he just doesn't care."
Heiji dared to look beyond the almost shut door. He could see Conan just sitting there, slumped in his seat, watching the rain falling. "He seems… sad. When did this start?"
"Hm… Well it started the day before yesterday, the day after we came back from our trip to Kyōto. That day the professor and the kids went camping, but Conan couldn't join them, because he got sick… again. Yesterday he was all better again, but the kids were still on their trip. By now the kids should be back, but he hasn't made any contact yet. He didn't talk to anyone the past few days."
Heiji could only guess what could have happened. "Did anything happen on that day, when the professor and the kids left?"
"Well… nothing really. There was no case and we all stayed at home. Well, I left for about three hours and went out with Sonoko and I also talked to Shinichi over the phone…"
"You talked to Kudo?"
She nodded, but also avoided his gaze.
"Did something happen between you two?" he asked again.
"We… We had a fight."
Heiji was starting to understand what might have caused Conan to act the way he did. He was starting to think of various theories and possibilities, until he was pulled out of his thoughts again.
"Hattori-kun?" Ran asked hesitantly.
"What?"
"Could you… talk to Conan-kun? He doesn't talk me or anyone else, so…"
"'Course I will. Just leave it to me an' I'll find out what's botherin' him so much." He shot Ran a huge grin and encouraged her to leave everything to him.
With a thankful smile, the brunette turned away and left.
The smile slowly fading from his features, Heiji looked back through the slitted door. Conan still sat there, slumped on the chair, looking out of the window. Quietly he opened the door and walked in, but the spectacled boy didn't seem to notice. Glancing back and reassuring himself that Ran was out of earshot, he stepped further into the room, which was littered with empty beer cans. "Oi, Kudo, what'cha doin'?" he asked cheerfully.
The sound of rain falling filled the room for a silent moment.
Conan didn't shift or move, as he kept staring out of the window. "Nothing." His voice was dull and free of any emotion.
Heiji cocked an eyebrow at watching the unmoving form before him. He grabbed another chair and pulled it around the desk, next to Conan. The dark-skinned teen then let himself fall into said chair, peered at his friend from the side for a while and then as well stared out of the window.
The police had finally arrived. About two policeman were there, questioning the slightly injured driver, who was still drunk and barely able to stand straight. A breakdown truck proceeded to pull the crumbled, red car away from the crushed tree, the dead birds having been disposed a while ago.
Glancing to his side, at the shrunken detective, Heiji still didn't see any emotion behind those lustreless, azure eyes. "Ne, Kudo…"
No response, only dull staring.
The dark-skinned teen averted his gaze away again, eyeing the scene outside. "You had a fight with Nee-chan, right?"
Conan still didn't show any change in his expression. "Why am I still here? It's been months now and I've barely made any progress."
The clouds hovering over Beika had gotten darker and seemingly heavier, looming like shadows over the town.
"You knew from the beginning that it would be hard. Somethin' like this doesn't go fast."
"Then why am I suffering so much? Whenever I call Ran, she cries and yells at me. Whenever I think I found a lead, it just ends in nothing. Whenever I'm with the kids, they remind me that someday I have to leave and betray them. Who knows if I ever will be able to take down a whole organization, that not even the FBI can beat?"
"It's what you chose as way to achieve your goal. No one said that way would be easy."
The breakdown truck had the car hooked and started to pull it away from the wavering tree. The loud cracking of wood could be heard, even in the closed office. Slowly the red car was pulled away and the tree collapsed to the side, it's log crushed to bits.
Conan followed the wrecked car, being pulled away, with his hollow gaze. "Everyone lives on with their own lives and everyone expects me to be happy too. They don't see the reason why I'm suffering so much, they don't understand the pain I feel."
"That's because other people aren't nosy, little kids, sneakin' after suspicious man in black. It's your own fault for being so curious."
"I know that… but it still hurts. Watching Ran having to suffer all this time. Having to lie to everyone. Making friends with people I'll have to betray some day. Always having to fear to be discovered. Living a life I have to fear of being ended at any time… Fearing to die as someone with no identity."
"Kudo…" Heiji regarded his friend again, facing those insensate features. "It's what you chose as your way."
Heavy rain fell upon the city. The policeman had left and taken the drunken driver away. The red car was gone, leaving crumbled debris behind. A shattered tree, wrecked flowers and a destroyed nest was all that was left.
"I know that, but it still hurts… having to do all this."