i teleported into my room, tears falling from my eyes, today ichigo had humiliated me for the last time, and this time i would do what she told me
FLASHBACK
"what do you want kish?" ichigo asked coldly
"you" i said simply
"well i dont want you!" she snarled
"oh come on kitten" i chuckled
"im not you kitten!" she screamed "just please stop this and leave me alone" she sighed
"i cant" i sighed
"well then i have a solution" she snarled
"hmmm"
"GO DIE!" she screamed, my eyes widened, she gasped, her eyes filling with regret as tears fell from my eyes
"fine" i snarled before teleporting
END FLASHBACK
with tears still falling from my eyes, i layed on the floor in order to reach under my bed to grab some rope i had hidden, it already had a loop in it, i stood back up, i tested the knot, it was extremely tight, i floated up to my fan that was attached to my roof and tighed the rope tightly to the joint of the fan, i gave it a strong pull, it didnt fall of, i floated back down and grabbed some paper, i grabbed 2 sheets, the first was for ichigo
Dear Ichigo,
well i listened to your advice, so i hope your happy, and i hope your pleased with what you did to me, how much you hurt and destroyed me, and to be honest i now wish i didnt like you as much as i did, but considering you told me to go die, i guess you could say ive had it with you, that and it would seem im not crying over losing you but someone else, that was the last straw, so i would like to tell you this is the last you shall hear from me, as ive decided to listen to you and 'go die' as you put it!
from Kisshu
i folded it up and put it in a envolope and sealed it, my tears soaking it slightly, i put her name on the front and put it to one side before grabbing another sheet, my tears flowed faster as i was about to write my next note, this one would kill me
Dear Pai,
im sorry for doing this, but im a failure, to you and tart, to my planet and people, i was going to betray you all for a worthless human girl, who lead me to this choice, who destroyed my soul and in the end, ended me, just as i realised that...i actually like you, i know its sounds very silly and idiotic, but its true, and i bet youd probably would hate me if i told you but i guess now that i wont have to see your reaction its a bit better, but not much, as i would still like to know, but im a coward and im sorry, and tell tart im sorry to, keep him safe, please, for me and i know its silly but..i love you and im so sorry love Kisshu xxx
i sealed that one, tears soaking this one aswell, i put pais name on it and put it with ichigos, i picked them up and put them on my bed, aswell as my dragon swords, i floated up to my rope, once again i tried to check it was strong enough to handle my weight, i wrapped my hand on the loop and stop floating, i dropped, and dislocated my arm, i bit back my scream of pain, but the rope didnt fall, i smiled and fell to the floor with a thud, clutching my throbbing arm, still holding back my screams of pain, instead my tears flowed quickly and my arm refused to react, i gripped my teeth before popping it back in, i screeched from the pain, but the throbbing stopped, i stayed on the floor for a few minutes, waiting for my arm to respond and eventually it did
"time to go" i sighed, i closed my eyes as i floated back to my rope, i took a deep breath as i slid my head through the loop, i kept my eyes closed, a small smile slid onto my face "see ya world your finally rid of me" i sighed sadly before cutting of my floating and ending me...
...where am i? am i dead? no if i was dead then i wouldnt be able to feel, which i still can, i was sore in my arm and on my head, i couldnt move, it felt like my legs were broken, aswell as the rest of me, i felt like someone had knocked me out, i carfully opened my eyes, my vision blurred, but it cleared up quickly enough, i was still in my room, my vision kept going blurry every now and again, why was i on my bed? and still alive? i turned my head to find my room empty, i also saw that one of the letters was open, my eyes widened as i knew which it would be, i reached over slowly, and gasped when i saw the envolope, it was pais, i returned the letter to the side and returned to my previous postiton, what exactly happened to me? why am i still here?, i turned my head to the wall as more tears escaped me, i couldnt even kill myself properly, i turned my whole body to the wall, and curled into a ball
"kish?" someone said quietly, i quickly wiped my eyes and turned to see tart, eyes puffy and red, he had fresh tear tracks on his face, i rolled back over and sat up
"hey" i said sadly
"why kish?" tart asked, tears falling
"i...i dont know anymore is all" i sighed
"what do you mean?" he asked, sitting beside me
"i feel like a total failure, i cant do anything at all" i explained
"your not a failure kish, your cool and slightly annoying" he said happily
"thanks man but it doesnt change how i feel, that and being told to go die doesnt help" i sighed
"ichigo said that?" he gasped
"yep" i sighed
"oh i see" was all tart said "is that why?" he asked
"a bit" i sighed
"ok ill leave you for a bit to calm ok?" he asked
"thanks dude and sorry for upsetting ya" i said sorrowfully
"its ok" he said before teleporting out, i curled back into ball and faced the wall, i didnt cry i just tried to calm myself slightly, as soon pai will be here, asking questions and telling me of, for being an idiot, as usual, i sighed and rolled onto my back and closed my eyes, helping me to relax slightly, but not completely
"kish?" someone whispered, my eyes snapped opened, to meet a pair of purple/blue eyes, my heart increased and my cheeks heated up
"hey pai" i stuttered, oh shit now im toast, im gonna get such a big gobbing now, he sighed and stood beside my bedside cabinet, where the letters were, and my dragon swords
"would you care to explain what was going through your head?" he asked, but not angry but upset and worried, i avoided his gaze and began to twiddle my thumbs nervously
"im a failure and a coward" i muttered quietly, i heard pai groan, i dared to take a look, he had tilted his head back, trying to calm im guessing
"how are you a failure and a coward?" he asked, well more like demended, i decide to vent my emotions, i stood infront of his, right in his face, eyes burning, hands at my side
"im a failure cos i cant kill the ones im ment to, i cant even kill myself properly, so thats why im a failure" i screamed, into pais face, he opened his mouth but i continued to rant, i was blabbing the first things that came to mind now, but all was true that fell "and im a coward because here i am, screaming at you, to your face when all i want is to kiss you! ok happy now!" i screamed, tears flowing freely from my eyes, hands in fists at my sides, pai looked shocked beyond belief, and slightly deaf, i took a deep shaky breath, trying to calm down, i had worked myself up, i turned on my heels and began to walk away, but pai hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, great hes now going to scream in my face, where are the ear plugs when you need them, he pulled me back and made me face him, i glared up at him, he came closer slightly, my glare stopped and my cheeks heated up, my heart sped and my eyes widened
"if you wanted a kiss all you had to do was ask" he whispered sexily against my lips, my heart rocketed, my cheeks became cherry and i gave in to my desire, i closed my eyes and gently pressed my lips against his, my blood quickened as pai responded, his hand moving to the back of my neck and deepening the kiss, my arms snaked around his neck whilst his other hand was on the small of my back, pulling me closer, i was in a state of bliss, all my anger gone, same as my desire to end everything, pai pulled away, but still kept me closer, almost like i would vanish "see" he whispered smugly, i smirked happily before quickly kissing his lips "but that rant didnt explain what tipped you over the edge" pai asked, i pulled away and grabbed ichigos letter
"read it and you shall understand" i said emotionlessly, whilst sitting on my bed and drawing my legs up, pai sat beside me and opened the letter, i ducked my head to avoid his reaction, i heard him gasp, i turned to stone, ready for any kind of reaction, his hand cupped my cheek and very gently tiled my head up, amber locking with amethyst, his eyes so sad it was almost criminal
"well shes a dead bitch" he sighed, but his eyes held true, my hand went over his
"shes not worth it" i sighed
"im sure she is, that was below the belt big time" pai said unhappily
"i know it was but thats just her" i said/snarled, pai chuckled, bringing my face closer to his
"it should be easier now though" he said happily
"yeah" i agreed before kissing him deeply, and indeed we would still fight for earth, now that im over that cow we may even win, ill fight to the death the next time we meet, ill make sure to make her feel my pain, she will understand, but for the moment im perfectly happy, im still alive, even if i dont know how, with pai, could life get better? only one way to find out...