DIRTY BUSINESS!
Rating: M for (im)Mature. Also language, violence, sexiness and other adult themes.
Plot: When Orochimaru defected from Konoha about fifteen years ago, he took Tenzou with him. Now Orochimaru's favourite creation is sent back to his hometown, on a mission that becomes exponentially less routine upon the introduction of the Leaf's famed Copy Ninja.
Characters: Tenzou, Kabuto, one OC (Azami), Kakashi, Izumo and Kotetsu, amongst others.
1. Sorry Bunch
"Do people actually read this crap?" Tenzou said, taking a book from the shelf. On its cover, two lovers were wrapped together like a pair of wet noodles, partly eclipsed by a title in a florid font: Leather and Cuffs. He already didn't understand. This wasn't his kind of… thing.
"Tenzou! It's not crap, it's sophisticated -"
Tenzou flipped to a random page.
"His monstrous organ rose like a beast that slavered for a taste of her delicate oyster," he read, and then looked at her earnestly. "You're right, Azami. I'm in awe."
Now Azami had snatched the book out of his hands; she thwacked him on the top of the head with it, and then stuffed it back onto the shelf, ignoring his ouch.
"Some of us are very lonely, Tenzou," she snapped at him, and, rubbing his head ruefully, he let her drag him off to another part of the store. Tenzou had learned from an early age that it was better to not mess with Azami - she was six months younger than him, shorter than him and skinnier than him, and yet somehow she kicked his ass every single time they disagreed.
"How can you be lonely? You have me and Kabuto," Tenzou said, confused, and Azami huffed and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, but you're not… men," she said, sliding another book out of the shelf.
"That… that was rude," Tenzou murmured.
Utterly disinterested, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around the little shop that they were in. Azami loved this place (The Kinky Korner) because the clerk always gave her a discount - she liked to say it was because she'd charmed him, but it was more likely because he was afraid of her, if his current position was any indication: he was hunkered down behind the cash register, quaking. He and Tenzou always shared a long-suffering and understanding look every time Azami dragged him in here.
As the bell at the front of the store tinged, Azami said, "Oh, this one looks interesting, it's about self-bondage -"
"Azami, with all due respect, I'd really rather not know about your kinks," Tenzou said quickly, and then tiptoed to peer over the top of a magazine display, doggedly ignoring the array of scantily clad women on the covers in front of him. He'd heard a little commotion at the entrance.
"No, you don't understand, my friends are in here -" said a familiar voice. Surely not…
"I bet they are, kid, I bet they are," the clerk was saying, "Kids these days… what would your mother think?"
"What are you looking at, Tenzou?" Azami said, and then Tenzou urgently pulled her closer. The pair of them peeked over the top of the display.
Scarlet-faced, glasses hanging off his nose, Kabuto had been backed against the shop door by the enraged clerk, who was frothing at the mouth in a furious tirade: you pervert, you're a disgrace, you're too young for this stuff anyway - then, Kabuto spotted them.
"Look! They're right there!" he insisted, jabbing his finger towards the display that Tenzou and Azami were behind. In the time it took the clerk to turn around, they had both ducked down again.
"Don't try and distract me, you little brat!"
"This - is - cruel," Azami managed, through quiet pants of laughter.
"What is he doing here?" Tenzou hissed, voice cracking. Kabuto was fifteen, three years younger than them - three years too young to be here. There was a scuffle and a yelp as Kabuto was thrown bodily out of the store; the door closed with a bang and a little bell tinkle.
"I'm gonna pay for this… you go see what he wants," Azami said, and Tenzou nodded. He ducked out from behind the magazine rack, cut through an aisle of man-on-man erotica, and then stepped into the brilliant sunlight outside. Kabuto was sat in the gutter leaning against a lamppost, looking downhearted.
"What are you doing here?" Tenzou said, staring down at him. Kabuto lifted his head, glasses catching the light and making Tenzou squint.
"Master Orochimaru wants us," Kabuto replied. "Top-secret mission. He said I would be perfect for it, naturally, but wisely he suggested that you two come as well -"
"Well I'm sure Tenzou and I could go on our own, and you could stay with Orochimaru," Azami interrupted him, emerging from the store with a brown paper bag clutched to her chest. "After all, you might miss kissing his ass."
Kabuto pushed his glasses up his nose with a deep frown. Tenzou felt a little sorry for him, sometimes; he was still too young and starstruck to realise that to Orochimaru, they were just tools. That didn't, of course, stop him from mercilessly mocking Kabuto's reverence of their master.
"You know, I caught him making out with a photo of him the other day," Tenzou said, lip curling as he jerked his thumb in Kabuto's direction. Then Kabuto leapt to his feet and backhanded him around the ear, and for the second time in about ten minutes, Tenzou said ouch and nobody cared.
"You deserved that," Azami said, smirking at him. "Anyway, Kabuto, what's this mission?"
"Like I said: top secret. He wants to deliver it to us in person," Kabuto said, flexing the hand he'd just whacked Tenzou with. Tenzou clutched his stinging ear, pouting at them.
"That probably means it's something awful," he lamented. "Remember the last top secret mission he sent us on?"
Azami grimaced. "How could I forget? I spent three days trying to get the smell of dead bird off me -"
"May I remind you that if we hadn't gone on that mission, Manda would have starved to death," Kabuto chimed in, now cleaning his glasses on the front of his dusty shirt.
"Yeah, like the world wouldn't be a better place with one less giant snake," Tenzou grumbled, quietly enough to avoid another clip around the ear from Kabuto.
"Anyway, we are wasting time, and Master Orochimaru will be getting impatient," Kabuto said briskly, and the three of them set off down the dusty road, in the direction of the Hidden Sound.
"Ah… you brought them… thank you, Kabuto."
"Of course, master," Kabuto said, a little too quickly. Tenzou caught Azami's eye. Don't laugh.
They were now in a cool, dimly lit subterranean room, secreted away somewhere in the forests of the Rice Field Country. This, the Hidden Sound Village, was Orochimaru's painstakingly crafted underground hideout, home of his experiments and underlings, including the three of them. Now, he sat on an elegant, raised throne in front of them, staring down at the trio much like a snake lovingly eyeing its prey. Tenzou shifted his weight uncomfortably, flicking his eyes around the room to avoid looking back at him.
"As I am sure Kabuto has told you, I have an important mission for you," Orochimaru said, and then Tenzou lifted his head and looked up at his master, on his throne. Through the lowlight, Tenzou could see that he looked more excited than usual… his face, usually bored and listless, was alive with a sort of frenzied energy, and his hair was slightly mussed. Strange.
"It's an honour, master," Kabuto said, and Orochimaru rewarded him with a light smile. Kabuto's sycophantic behaviour always made Tenzou feel slightly ill.
"Over these years, I have had a great deal of fun watching you three develop into the powerful tools you now are. Kabuto… your skill with medicine is truly remarkable. Azami, of all my students, you are the most proficient at genjutsu. And Tenzou - still I regard you as my finest creation," Orochimaru said, gazing at each of them fondly in turn. "So it fills me with sadness to tell you that your usefulness to me is coming to its end."
What?
Tenzou cast a bewildered glance at Azami, who was staring up at Orochimaru with a furrowed brow. Orochimaru had been all they had ever known, and they'd all assumed it would be forever - what was happening?
"I understand that this may come as a shock to you, little ones," Orochimaru said, apparently relishing the devastated look on Kabuto's face. "But you are all getting older now… and living within this very compound are children who will, in no short time, outshine each of you. So this will be your final mission under me. Succeed, and you may have your freedom."
"Freedom?" Tenzou repeated dumbly, and Orochimaru smirked.
"I have stolen your youth from you, you precious little things. Please me one final time, and you need never answer to me again."
Tenzou turned his head briefly to Kabuto, who was staring at the floor. His glasses caught the dim light in such a way that made it impossible for Tenzou to tell what his eyes were doing, but it wouldn't have surprised him if he was crying.
"Now, the mission detail," Orochimaru said, and the three of them were looking up at him again, intently. "Kabuto and Tenzou, this should be fun for you… I need you to infiltrate the Hidden Leaf and recover any and all information you can find - its military composition, detailed maps of the locale, profiles of important citizens… every last detail, little ones."
Tenzou tried to ask fifteen questions at the same time. All that came out was, "What - but - I - what?"
"Fascinating insight as usual, Tenzou," Orochimaru said curtly, and Tenzou frowned. "You have known for a while that I have been planning to return to Konoha. Before I can properly launch an attack against that place, I must know how much has changed in the fifteen long years since my last visit. I of course cannot go, but I can send my three protégés in my stead."
"So… it's an espionage mission?" Azami said.
"Precisely. Your cover is that you are travelling merchant siblings," Orochimaru said, and then Tenzou looked at his teammates on either side of him.
Kabuto, a short, waif-like kid, with his tied-back silvery hair and enormous glasses, looked almost nothing like he did; their only similarity was that their eyes were equally dark. However, Kabuto and Azami had a slightly stronger resemblance - Azami had a similar build to Kabuto, short and slim, and she had shoulder-length, shockingly white hair. In the middle of them, Tenzou was the odd one out, with his scrub of nondescript brown hair and profoundly average build. He supposed they could just pass as siblings, if Tenzou were adopted. Or a freak genetic throwback.
"I have already arranged an apartment for you. The rental agreement is in Tenzou's name. When you arrive, your first priority should be to pass the citizenship test, and then find work. The rest after that is up to you… and I trust you," Orochimaru said. "Kabuto, if you three need to communicate with me, send me a snake, and I will do the same to you."
"Understood," Kabuto said, the tiny quake in his voice indicative that he hadn't quite gotten over the shock yet.
"Excellent. That is all I have to say to you for now… you will leave for Konoha tomorrow."
Tenzou was woken that night by somebody flicking on a lamp.
"Whasgoinon?" he drooled. He could hear Kabuto sniffling above him, and on the opposite side of their tiny bedroom, Azami had sat up in bed. Her beside lantern was glowing. Tenzou squinted irritably, then pressed his face against his pillow.
"Kabuto, what's the matter?" Azami said gently, staring up at his bunk. Kabuto did not reply, but he gave a slightly indignant sniff, probably embarrassed to have been caught in this moment of weakness.
"He's depressed because Orochimaru wants to get rid of us, of course," Tenzou said bitterly, slightly muffled by his pillow. Now Kabuto whimpered, and Tenzou wanted to tell him to get a grip, but somehow couldn't find the necessary contempt. He rolled over, staring up at the bottom of Kabuto's bunk.
"Is that right?" Azami said, now hopping out of bed and crossing the room to sit on Tenzou's bunk. Tenzou gave an angry squawk: she'd sat directly on his stomach. "Shut up, Tenzou."
There was a moment of silence, and then Kabuto murmured, "I just thought… we were important to him."
"We are important to him, silly," Azami said. "Why don't you come down here?"
By this point, Tenzou was struggling to breathe. With a grunt, he wriggled beneath Azami, who rolled her eyes and shuffled backwards a little so that she was sat against the wall, legs draped over Tenzou. He gave a relieved sigh, but then Kabuto picked his way down the ladder and perched on the bed, crushing Tenzou's legs.
"I am not a piece of furniture," Tenzou grumbled, and was ignored.
"There, there, it's alright," Azami said, patting Kabuto's shoulder. "He wouldn't have asked us to do this mission if we didn't mean something to him, right?"
Kabuto shrugged. Looking at him, Tenzou realised how much more childlike he looked without his glasses and with his eyes red from crying. It was easy to forget that he was just a kid… Tenzou caught himself just before he developed too much pity for Kabuto.
"We're in this together, buddy," Tenzou said gruffly. This didn't appear to comfort Kabuto very much.
"Exactly. We're like family, right? We've been together for all this time… we'll work it out. It might even be fun, all this undercover stuff," Azami said. "Now come on. We have a big day tomorrow. Let's go to sleep."
"In Tenzou's bed?" Kabuto said, wiping away a couple of tears with a sad smile.
"Sure. It's cosy. You don't mind, do you, Tenzou?"
Like he had a choice. Tenzou gave a non-committal grunt as Azami and Kabuto settled down on either side of him.
Azami was right. It was cosy.