WHOOHOOO! FIRST STORY!OFJHOIGHP;ANdfb1!

Wow, it feels great after years of trying to tell myself that it's alright to jump into the jelly-filled mushiness that is writing!

Disclaimer: Um, well, I thought I owned Hetalia, and was RULEROFSEALAND!, but then my psychiatrist told me I was delusional. Sealand's not a country.

Hello everyone, welcome. Please, find yourself a seat, preferably not on someone else, move down all the way so that we can make room for those snotty brats that just take up more oxygen and make the room feel stuffy.

Remember to realize that you actually did want some popcorn, and try to maneuver through the tangle of people you just allowed to sit. Make sure you trip on that jerk's foot and leave him with some colorful language, all in vain because you are NOT paying $9.50 for a small popcorn.

Are we all slightly annoyed at the people sitting next to us?

Good!

Our story begins with a sad, sad man
Who was NOTHING like you and me.
He enjoyed talking to his polar bear
And had lots and lots of money.

But this man wasn't a man at all
A country that was personified.
His name was Canada, huge and sweet.
Don't believe me? Well you can GO DIE!

Oh! Not you sir! I like you~.

Now Canada was a sweet country
But few even knew he existed.
On his birthday e would be ignored,
While others went and got wasted.

One year Mr. Canada was one week away
From his birthday that no other country celebrates.
Then along came a man who was firing arrows
At apples on a tree, hitting all eight.

Well, Canada was eating an apple himself,
He knew the man wouldn't see him
And stop an arrow flying right at his apple
Hitting the target, but killing him.

To Canada's surprise the man lowered his bow
And shouted, "WAS THAT SKILL OR WHAT?"
Shocked, Canada pinched himself.
He wasn't dreaming? WTF?

"Uh", the country replied, "Can you see me?"
"OF COURSE!" The man laughed back.
He jogged over to the frozen country.
"That's a stupid question!" And Canada cracked.

Please note: the following is not for children whose minds are still slightly pure, and/or, will repeat everything other people say. For theirs (and my) benefit, however, we have bleeped out several bad words.

"A STUPID QUESTION? WHO THE *bleep* DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SMELLED THE STINK OF LONLINESS LIKE I HAVE! YOU HAVEN'T WANTED TO TEAR A *bleep* POLAR BEAR, YOUR ONLY FRIEND, INTO LITTLE POLAR BEAR PIECES, ALL BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE THE *bleep*ING TIME TO LEARN YOUR *bleep*ING NAME! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, KUMAJIRO? I THAT'S RIGHT, I KNEW YOUR NAME SINE DAY *bleep*ING ONE! YOU *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*ING *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* KETCHUP-SMELLING *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*! THAT'S RIGHT, BITCH-

WHOA! Ah, sorry folks, didn't mean for that to come out. Um, yeah, you got the gist of it.

If you would like a copy of the original version, please see the suspicious man on the side of the building on your way out, and he'll gladly tell it to you.

The man was confused (as he should be)
Then took a deep breath in.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about
But I'd like to help my kin."

"See, I'm a Canadian, strong and true
I left home for fame and treasure.
And I can easily *ahem*, persuade a man
Helping you would be my pleasure!"

"My name is Horace, how d'you do?
I myself am fine.
Now, I'll need more help, I'll call them up
You can bet they'll be here on time!"

So the word went out to all Canadians
That they were losing respect.
And they needed to teach other countries a lesson
It'll be one they'll never forget.

So on Canada day, July 1st,
There was a meeting of the UN.
And lo and behold, right before the countries very eyes,
Thousands of Canadians swarmed in.

America shouted "Awesome!", England screamed "BLOODY HELL!"
Russia just, kinda, smiled creepily.
France and the Italies screamed like girls,
And Sealand found a daisy!

"ACKGNOWLEDGE ME!"
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU!

And this is the end of our story
That is good for the kiddies to hear.
But just so you know, for Canada's birthday,
Everyone makes SURE to celebrate each year!

And forget him all the rest THE END!