From the Inside Out
Part I: Infirmary
Squall:
"Squall."
Pain. My forehead is splitting in two. At least it feels that way at the moment. I know that I am sitting in Quistis' class but I can't seem to see the desk in front of me. It's like a blinding curtain of white has been draped over my vision and the longer I try to stare past the opaque fabric, the more intense the pain becomes.
"Squall?"
I groan. Every time I hear someone calling my name it forces me think, which also causes another stab of misery inside my head. If this person would just leave me alone, then the pain would eventually fade; just like all the other times before. I just need to be alone.
"Squall!"
"What!?" I erupt while standing from my seat in a sudden burst of anger. The leather of my glove presses against my forehead in a vain attempt to soothe the ache and relieve my frustration.
"Squall, are you alright?" It's Quistis' voice. I can hear the sound of her boots clicking noisily off the tile floor as she makes her way towards me.
Do I look all right? Does the prominent scowl on my face not communicate my state of discomfort?
"Squall, is something wrong?" Quistis asks with a noticeable tone of concern and reaches out to warily touch my arm.
Someone snorts amusedly off to my right, "Of course something is wrong, how dense are you?"
"Seifer, I really don't have the patience for your antics today," Quistis calmly states to the seated blond.
"I'll be sure to double my 'antics' tomorrow to make up for today," Seifer retorts with the casual ease that only he could accomplish.
The white curtain of pain begins to part and little pieces of reality start to come into focus. I can make out Quistis, who is standing at my side, holding my arm and scowling darkly at Seifer.
"Squall," She turns her bright blue eyes to me. They were too bright at the moment, much like the previous intangible white curtain that was obscuring my vision moments before. "I want you to go to the infirmary and tell Doctor Kadowaki what is wrong."
I can feel her tugging on my arm, trying to escort me towards the door. I pull away, determined to walk on my own. It's not like I am helpless. I just had a little headache, that's all. That hardly deserved a trip to the infirmary—but Quistis is the instructor, and I am not about to disobey a teacher's orders.
Unfortunately, I only make it a few steps before I have to pause and lean my shoulder against the wall. My forehead is throbbing again, threatening to white wash my world like before. The fore warning signs are enough to sink me to my knees, but I resists. I'll be damned before I let myself look like a fool in the middle of class.
"Squall do you—"
"I'll take him," Seifer rises from his seat and approaches me. I swipe my arm out to prevent him from coming any close. The last person I need help from was my archrival. Suddenly I feel his finger intertwining with mine as he takes my outstretched hand with his own. "Don't worry, I'll hold your hand all the way there."
Even better, I could be seen walking hand-in-hand with Seifer Almasy.
I jerk my hand out of his grasp once I hear the muffled laughs of the rest of the class. Yeah, funny, ha ha. This is not what I need first thing in the morning. My head is already splitting in two and having to deal with Seifer's teasing is not going to help my recovery.
I push back the sensation of pain along with the wall I had been using as support, I then stride unaided towards the doorway.
"Seifer, stop being such a jerk," Quistis mutters.
"Why Instructor, I didn't know you are allowed to belittle your students," Seifer begins to stalk after me, but turns to throw one last sarcastic remake through the doorway. "Don't worry yourself, I'll make sure he gets there in one piece."
He catches up to me in the hallway leading to the elevator. It's finally quiet now, with nothing but our footsteps to mar the tranquility. Seifer knew I didn't want his help, in fact he had never truly offered to help me. He had just used me as an excuse to get out of class. I didn't mind, or care. I was his excuse for everything.
We made it to the elevator in silence. I lean against the wall and tilt my head back against the cold metal. The cool touch to my skin relieves some of the pain at once. It's just a headache, and nothing to fret about. Though, this did seem to be about fifty times more intense than the term 'headache' defined. I've had it for a couple of days now. It wasn't bad at first. I could ignore it yesterday, but today it is unbearable.
Seifer presses the first floor button and leans against the wall next to me. "Squall. Squall. Squall." He shakes his head side to side while tsking my name. "Is that girlfriend of yours not taking good care of you?"
My what? I eye Seifer suspiciously while a familiar grin creeps over his face.
"Rinoa, Squall. Are you too out of it to remember her?" He tilts his head with a look in his emerald eyes that I mistake for concern.
I remember Rinoa just fine. She is living in garden with us and she is also working as Doctor Kadowaki's assistant. She is really enthusiastic about all of it, which is a good thing, I guess. Almost every night she would come into my room and take my vitals or treat imaginary wounds. I'm happy for her, really. But there is just so many times that Rinoa can take my blood pressure before it begins to feel like my arm is going to fall.
"Yeah, of course you remember her," Seifer answers himself as the elevator comes to a smooth stop and the doors slide open. "Actually, I'm surprised that your little nurse didn't notice something wrong three days ago."
I walk out of the elevator and pause on the steps to look over my shoulder at the tall blond following at my heels. He meets my gaze and immediately rolls his eyes at my blank expression.
"Yes Squall, I noticed something was wrong," He brushes past me to lead the way to the infirmary. When I don't follow he turns to meet my gaze a second time. "It's kind of obvious when you walk around with your hand pressed against your head."
Seifer smiles while planting the palm of his ungloved hand against the scar between his eyes. He scowls then walks away, mocking the way he sees me. I scowl in return and follow after him. Sometimes I hate how Seifer just knows what I want to ask him, but never do. The answers I get are very distressing at times.
..I didn't really walk around like that, did I?
Come to think of it, that's strange. I hardly see Seifer during the day, where as I spend a lot of time with Rinoa. Yet, it is Seifer that had known I'm not feeling well, not Rinoa. I guess it brought meaning to the phrase: know your enemy.
Though, I didn't really know anything about Seifer. I never did consider him an enemy. A rival, yes, but that doesn't mean I hate him or am at odds with him. There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. He is someone who I could compare myself to, and if he wasn't such an ass all the time we might even be friends by now. But we aren't. We're just silent comrades that were always pitied against each other in everyone else's eyes.
At least that is what I thought. I have no idea what Seifer thinks. But sometimes, when we are alone, we do get along. It is only be a rare chance that we are together alone, like how we are now. Usually there is always someone watching and making us fall into the rolls of villain and hero.
"Squall."
My head snaps upright to see Seifer standing a few feet ahead. He gestures towards the walkway with a slight raise of his arm. I frown and rub my palm over my eyes. I hate to be jerked out my thoughts—or "Squall's world" as some of the others had labeled it—but I comply to his motion by following the purple strip that leads to the infirmary. Seifer doesn't come with me. As I said before, I am just an excuse for him to get out of class.
I walk into the small room and immediately notice that Kadowaki's portly figure is not present. I check the side room to make sure she is not around, instead I find my dear Rinoa napping soundly on the sick bed. A faint smile tugs at the corner of my lips at the sight of her appearing so angelic in her sleep.
Quietly I enter the room and sit down on the stool next to the bed while ignoring the surfacing ache behind my scar. I lightly brush away the raven strands of hair that obscure my girlfriend's beautiful face. Her eyelids flutter and open fully so she can look up into my cobalt eyes with her honey-brown ones.
"Squall, what are—" She pauses to yawn and stretch on the narrow bed. She then sits up against the headboard and smiles lazily at me. "What are you doing here? I thought you have class right now."
I nod with her last statement then look around the small room, "I need to see Doctor Kadowaki."
"She had to go out on an emergency call. Maybe I can help you out. What do you need, Squall?" Rinoa turns towards me and drops her legs off the edge of the bed.
I take a moment to look seriously at the woman seated before me. As her boyfriend, I should have faith in her skills, but after being her guinea pig for so long I begin to question my safety. Rinoa can be a bit clumsy at times. Like that one time she was trying to treat my ankle for a pretend break. I ended up getting a sprained ankle---but hey, I just have a headache this time, I'm sure she could just give me a few aspirin and I'll be fine.
"I have a headache," I blandly explain. Suddenly I feel like a moron for coming all the way here just for a measly head pain.
"Well you just lay down right here," Rinoa scoots off to the edge and pats the middle of the bed.
Mentally frowning, I rise from my seat then lay myself out on the bed. My head brushes against Rinoa's thigh. She smiles down at me and runs her slender fingers though my long brown bangs. I fold my hands over my chest and let out a slow breath, to keep myself calm. I am not in the mood to pretend to be intimate; I just want some damn aspirin.
Yes, 'pretend'. Rinoa is beautiful, sweet and I do love her. She makes me happy, and causes me to smile from time to time. I just am not interested in the other part of the relationship, such as the physical contact. I know I am suppose to be like any other guy, dying to date and be near someone like her, but I'm not..
I guess I'm not quite normal. Maybe I suppress my emotions so much that some of them simply disappear. Maybe I am just a freak of sorts. I am some kind of—
"Squall, I just want you to relax," Rinoa's voice calls me away from the self-destructive thoughts. She uses both hands to press her index and middle fingers to my temples. Slowly she massages the sensitive spot in a circular motion.
I force myself to relax. As I release the hold on my mind the throbbing sensation starts. I let the pain pound behind my forehead and merely let my brows draw together in the only gesture that would show my internal discomfort. Rinoa whispers again for me to relax.
"Could you get me some aspirin?" I mumble the words. I don't believe in home, or natural herbal remedies. Give me medicine anytime. Just one more medicated peaceful moment is all that I need.
"No. I'm going to try something else, but I need you to relax your mind," Rinoa quietly answers. "I'm going to use an old sorceress' trick."
I suppress a groan in order to not hurt my girlfriend's feelings. Instead I close my eyes with a mental pout. As if I could really relax. Just because Rinoa was a free spirit didn't meant I could be the same. Relax. Right. Whatever.
I exhale deeply and 'relax' in the only way I know. I imagine a white room. Its completely blank, no doors, no windows; just straight blank walls. Some people think black is the color that represents 'nothing', but I disagree. I think white is truly nothing at all. Black makes me think of the darkness, of night, of evil.
But this is what I imagine, a white room. After a few moments I begin to feel a strange wind-like presence in my mind, like someone had opened a window in my otherwise windowless room. Now my blank walls are switching hues. The morph into twisting shades of blue; they brush against one another like small ripples of a calm lake. The image is very relaxing, and soon I feel my body resting fully against the bed.
It feels like I am drifting away from myself, except in the back of my mind I can makes out the sound of footsteps that seem to echo inside my once white room. I can barely register the touch of Rinoa's fingers to my temples now, but I am pretty sure that I hear some kind of distant knocking coming from the walls. I curiously gaze around my new world of shifting blues. Suddenly the wall splits apart as a door opens..
"H..o..wh.. ng .. th .. all?"
Everything goes black.
End Part IRead? Curious? Review! /gg