"Health, safety and other household hazards"
Summary: A quiet morning at the Avengers Mansion in which Thor can be a disruptive influence even in his absence, Clint and Tony can't resist a challenge, Jarvis plays favourites, Steve can be very surprising and Bruce and Natasha watch in amazement. Takes place a couple of months or so after the movie.
A/N This is my first fanfic or indeed creative writing endeavour of any kind for some considerable time so please be gentle – reviews/constructive criticism most welcome.
Also, I am English and so is my spelling – apologies in advance for any American phraseology that doesn't ring true.
Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, much as I wish I did. No money being made, I'm just borrowing Marvel's wonderful toys.
Chapter One
For once, the main living area of the mansion was quiet…ish.
Mid-morning usually saw those Avengers currently in residence busying themselves with personal interests. Despite initial reservations from most of them about the idea of all being based in once place, the simple commonsense of being able to mobilise from one location (coupled with the luxurious appointment and sheer size of the mansion) had won out in the end.
Since then, a curious unofficial routine had been adopted particularly with regards to the early part of the day.
Apparently, though it had never been formalised, the most essential part of this routine was the morning communal breakfast, which ran between whatever ungodly hour Steve decided to start cooking (following a jog that would make most marathon runners faint) and whatever time Tony finally made an appearance (often Clint/Bruce assisted if everyone else wanted to actually DO something with their day).
Overtly, the breakfast was justified as a means of making sure everyone was awake and appropriately nourished whilst providing a chance to check on each other's immediate plans so no-one missed out on anything: This was of course assuming there were no aliens/supervillains/other unidentified bad guys running a superhero job-creation scheme that day.
More covertly, and none of them would have admitted it even under pain of torture, it was the one regular daily opportunity for each of them to check on the others and make sure they were all at least coping, if not exactly thriving – they were a pretty mixed-up bunch after all.
Breakfast having finished a short while ago, Cling sauntered into the open living area preoccupied with an unfamiliar sensation of what might just be feeling at ease and found himself momentarily enjoying the almost-silence that pervaded the area – "almost" because the still air was regularly punctuated by the sound of Steve, on part several of his morning workout, annihilating yet another punch bag in the gym along the hall…
…and THAT was when he found it…or more precisely, fell over it!
Sitting on the floor, ruefully rubbing his rather painfully stubbed big toe, Clint employed a few of the more colourful epithets he'd learnt on his travels to address Thor's hammer, which had been casually left bang in the middle of the floor, before turning his ire (or, more exactly, feigned ire to cover his embarrassment) towards Jarvis.
"Hey, Jarvis…all-seeing eye of Casa-Stark. Why didn't you warn me?"
"My apologies sir," intoned Jarvis "but I assumed that someone who has so richly deserved a name that hints at possession of excellent eyesight would have no problem with noticing a large mythological object sited directly in his path."
"A sore toe and a sarcastic AI, great!" muttered Clint.
"To clarify sir.." said AI interjected, "…I am programmed to respond in a tone that corresponds directly to the way in which I am addressed. This feature was created to ensure that all my interactions are conducted at an appropriate level of verbal comfort for the human participant."
"So that's why you're so damn sweet on Steve….you never seem to tire of helping him figure out the latest "enhancements" to the toaster or explaining what the little red light on the TV is if it's CAPTAIN Rogers needing help. Were you programmed to be a sucker for a man in uniform too Jarvis?"
"With respect sir, Captain Rogers is a most polite gentleman and already significantly ill-at-ease with technology. I would not wish my tone to infer a sense of frustration that may hinder his progress in any way."
Clint was almost sure there was now genuine irritation in the AI's voice simulation so he carried on being the irritant (it took his mind off his toe). "Yeah, like I said, sweet on him – are you programmed to play favourites?"
Jarvis obviously decided enough was enough at this point. "If you'll excuse me sir, you do not appear to be severely injured and I DO have a household to run. I will therefore leave you with the general warning that it is wise to remove all appendages from the area of the door frame before attempting to close the door and that stairs have the propensity to go down as well as up. Other hazards within the domestic environment ARE available. DO have a safe day."
Clint giggled softly and then turned to consider the architect of his predicament.
He remembered the breakfast conversation had mainly been concerned with Jane's planned day out and her very specific instructions to Thor as to his appearance and demeanour, which included dressing like an ordinary human and no (ABSOLUTELY NO!) lightning. Her viewpoint was understandable, it was hard to have a peaceful day out if you were constantly being followed by small children beseeching her boyfriend to whip up a storm, so Thor, with no desire whatsoever to upset her, had meekly agreed.
However, presumably, Asgardian Princes didn't generally need to worry about where they left their personal possessions hence the hammer's current location in the middle of the large living area and en route to the smaller, cosier den where most of the team would tend to head at points during the day.
With Jarvis' health and safety warnings as his justification, Clint considered it his duty with regards to the general well-being of his team-mates that he should be the one to move the hammer. "After all, it's not like anyone's watching…" he mused.
Unfortunately, for Clint, that wasn't exactly true.
~~~~~~~~~TBC~~~~~~~~~