A/N: I'm glad I could finish a drabble for my son! This one was written for the Pandora Hearts Love Month. Have a nice reading...
the first time you hate someone is between frills, dolls and stuffed toys. she's a little girl with a white dress who daydreams about knights and princes. she spends her days drawing with her color crayons and pencils, and you spend yours cutting her beautiful baby dolls apart. she mocks you, she makes your brother angry and your protector sad, but never changes that patronizing look she gives you. child of misfortune, she never stops calling you. and sometimes those eyes are accusing, more than you can stand (and they remind you of the people on the streets: cursed child, they called you. you will bring misfortune, they told you).
the first time you hate someone might not be the first time after all.
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the first time you lie to someone you're just a little boy trying to be a big man. it is soon followed by the second time, the third time and many other times. whenever someone asks what's wrong you swallow the tears and say it's nothing, it's none of their business (when gil asks you though, you shrug quietly and say he doesn't have to worry about it). you don't want to lie, but this is your responsibility, and if you want things things to work out, then no one must know, or else you won't be able to stop the ceremony and you'll lose him forever.
the first time you lie to someone is also the first time you protect a loved one.
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the first time you lose someone is an accident. you most likely did something wrong, but you don't understand it. at least not everything, not yet. but it is not your fault, you tell yourself, you were just doing what the lady told you. you see him, though - blood covering his entire body, fallen to the floor, probably to weak to get up without help. and every step you take away from him tugs a little deeper into your heart (will at least him survive? he was always so good to you, he can't just die yet) everyone else is dead, and you can't stop yourself from wondering why wouldn't he be (he'll probably be, soon enough). you shut your mind to the noise and the death all around you, but it seems like those corpses know that the cause of it all is your cursed right eye (he once said that your red eye was beautiful).
the first time you lose someone is also the same time you start to lose yourself.
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the first time you're in love with someone isn't planned, isn't expected. on the other way around, it isn't supposed to happen. that woman shouldn't have slowly and heavily get you attached to her. she's annoying, then why would you care about her? (no. you don't. you don't care about her. not at all.). you fight it, you try to avoid it, but when you notice, she already has you cornered and down on the floor. (she has this kind of effect on you). she has made her way into your heart and she's not going to leave it, and despite her being so annoying you can never hate her, so you have to lie to her in order to protect her. you have to lose her. (you savor her name on your lips, then you let her go.)
the first time you're in love with someone marks you, changes you, and keeps following you until the end.