I Miss It All; From the Love to The Lightning
Summary: Ten Years ago, Beau thought he had everything figured out as he rode off into the sunset with his wife Edythe. Now, he's divorced, in therapy, and ready to finally get some closure. But the girl he left behind isn't waiting in the wings. She moved on. Now he's the one stuck in the friendzone…and it sucks.
Chapter One: I Remember It Now, It Takes Me Back to When It All First Started
"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on.
I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you."
― Jonathan Safran Foer
August, 2022
Beau finished putting the last of his things in his truck, trying hard not to meet the sad, gold eyes, watching him from the porch. He knew that if he looked at her, he would crumble in his resolve.
After 7 months of dating, 4 miserable months apart, 4 months engaged, and 5 years of marriage, it was all over. Beau had filed for divorce and was moving out. He couldn't say that he regretted any of it. 5 years ago, when he stood before a crowd of people and proudly said "I Do," to the woman of his dream, he'd meant it.
But he'd grown beyond who he was then, but Edythe had never been able to leave high school behind. And after a while, you had to accept that things weren't going to change.
Beau got in his truck, refusing to look at back at the life he was leaving behind. He for a long time, eventually stopping at a motel, where he stayed for a few days. He moved from city to city and visited libraries, ate in diners that reminded him of Sunday mornings with his father, and tried to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. There were some days he slept in his truck on the side of the road, there were a few tears, and moments where he regretted leaving.
He didn't miss Edythe. Not really. He missed who they used to be.
He missed Charlie. They had drifted apart in the early years of his marriage, and now the only time they talked was on holidays and birthdays. He missed his mom. He hadn't talked to her in 3 years. Last, he knew, she was still living in Phoenix with Phil and his little sister. He missed his high school friends, who he hadn't really appreciated at the time. He missed his room, and the First beach. He missed Forks, and the simplicity that he'd always taken for granted.
He frequently found himself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how he could've let his life become so…isolated. So lonely.
He started going to the gym, working his body until he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open, just so he wouldn't have to face the bleakness of his days.
He preferred to not think. Not to remember. But that didn't always work, often, he found himself lying in bed too tired to move, watching his life play before his eyes life a sad movie. It was on those nights, that his thoughts would wonder to Julie.
Julie had been his best friend since he was 8 years old, and the last time he'd seen her had been at his wedding. They shared a dance and she wished him happiness.
He could still remember the tears that slid down her cheek, as she whispered those words in his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He felt that same pain in his chest that he always felt when he thought of her; as if a vital part him was missing.
August, 2017
"Having a good time, Beautiful?" a familiar voice called, and Beau turned around, surprised.
His best friend stood there slanted, dark brown eyes sparkling with mischief, dressed in a strapless black and white cocktail dress, that looked gorgeous on her.
He doesn't think she ever looked more beautiful.
"Julie," Beau breathed her name.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to dance, but…" Julie started, and Beau couldn't believe how much he missed her voice.
"Yes!" Beau blurted, hastily, standing up and grasping one of her hands in his, before blushing at the stunned look on her face, "I mean…it would be nice to catch up. It feels like forever since I saw you,"
Julie smiles, letting him lead her to the edge of the dance floor, away from the other dancers. The warmth of Julie skin felt like home as he pulled her close. They made no effort to dance; he just hugged her while she buried her face in his chest.
"I guess it's safe to say you missed me?" Julie joked, pulling back to look at him.
"I more than missed you, Jules," Beau smiled, "Everything is perfect now,"
"Yeah, now the party can start," Julie snorted, glanced around him at the other people dancing, and celebrating.
"It might not seem like anyone cares, but it means everything to me," Beau beamed, "Now everyone I love is here,"
"We should probably be dancing," Julie smiled, her eyes softening.
"Y-yeah," Beau agreed, pulling back a little bit more, and straightening up.
He out his left hand on small of her back and grabbed her right hand with the other. He began pulling her around in a slow circle, to All I Ask (the John Saga cover)
"I guess it's too late to say I object, huh?" Julie joked and Beau chuckled, spinning her around.
"A little bit," Beau replied, dryly, "Where have you been?"
"I was on a journey of self-discovery," Julie shrugged, "Our last conversation…didn't turn out the way I planned,"
Beau went quiet, not sure how to respond.
The last conversation Beau and Julie had, Julie told Beau she loved him and asked him not to marry Edythe. And he…said that he loved her…but not in that way.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, and Julie giggled, slapping him on the shoulder.
"Don't worry about it," Julie ordered, "I was just being stupid,"
"You're not stupid," Beau said, and Julie sighed.
"Is it alright for you to be dancing in the corner with me like this," Julie waggled her eyebrows, "Might make some guests get the wrong idea,"
Beau snorted.
Beau has always been completely head over hills in love with Edythe. Everyone knows that.
"You cut your hair," Beau noted, touching the black as midnight strands that stopped just below her ear.
"Just seemed easier to maintain," Julie touched her hair, looking a little subconscious, "Do you like it?"
Beau remembered her hair as that spiraled into curls at her shoulders.
"It looks good," he said, and Julie grinned widely.
"Thanks," she chirped, then her smile faded, "Are you happy, Beau?"
"I am," Beau said, looking at Edythe, who was dancing with her brother.
"Then I guess everything worked for the best," Julie said, but there was a sadness in her voice and a sense of finality in her words.
"Are you okay?" Beau asked, and Julie nodded.
"I'm fine, Beau. Really. You don't need to worry about me anymore," Julie stated, looping her arms around his neck, "I'm a big girl now. I can take care of myself,"
"As I remember it, you were always looking out for me," Beau reminded her, and Julie laughed.
"Remember that time, Paul stole your glasses—" Julie started
"And he shoved me in the mud—" Beau rolled his eyes, remembering how much of a bully Paul used to be.
"And then you tried to fight back, but he was all blurry so you kept missing him—" Julie giggled
"Then you showed up—"
"And I sucker punched him—"
"Right in the nose—"
"I can't believe he cried—"
"And told his mom," they both said at the same time, before laughing.
"God, I was such a dork back then," Beau shook his head.
"Back then?" Julie raised an eyebrow.
"Ha, ha, ha," Beau replied, sarcastically.
There was a moment of quiet between them, where they just listened to the music.
"Beau…you know, I'm kidding right," Julie said, suddenly.
"Yeah, I know," Beau smiled.
"Edythe's very lucky to have you," Julie said, gently, laying her head on his chest.
"Thanks…" Beau mumbled, "You're... happy too, right?"
"Close enough," Julie said, dryly, "But enough about me. I'm just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time. You're the star today."
"What do you mean one last time?" Beau questioned, and Julie shook her head.
"Like I said, tonight's not about me," Julie stated, firmly, "It's about you. What do you and Edythe have planned?"
"I don't know," Beau answered, honestly, "Edythe picked where we're going. I'm just—"
"Going along for the ride," Julie finished, "Well, you'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now,"
Her eyes shined with unshed tears, and Beau realized that this wasn't as happy an occasion for her as it was for him.
"Don't cry, Julie," Beau begged, wiping his finger across her cheek, catching a single teardrop.
"Everyone cries at weddings," Julie said, thickly, and all Beau wanted to do was hold her and tell her it' would be okay.
But…
"You know, I always thought that you and I…" she trailed off, with a shake of head, "But I guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?"
"Julie, I—" Beau started, but was cut off by someone tapping him on her shoulder.
He turned around to see Edythe standing there, a strained smile on her face.
"Mind if I cut in?" Edythe asked, and Beau opened his mouth to ask if she could give them a minute.
"No!" Julie said, wiping her face with her fist, "Please. You're married now and this is your wedding. Of course, you can have him,"
And she started walking away, and Beau grabbed her arm.
"Julie, wait," Bea said, and Julie shook her head, pulling her arm away from him.
Julie gave him a watery smile, before lifting onto her tiptoes and pressing her lips to his cheek.
"Congratulations, Beautiful," Julie whispered in his ear, "I hope you'll be happy."
She pulled away, tears streaming down her cheeks, and Beau froze in place, at a loss of what to do.
"I'll see you around," Julie stated, turning away from him and he felt a little empty.
Edythe placed her hand on his arm, staring after Julie with sympathy, and Beau placed his hand over hers, watching Julie disappear in the crowd.
That was the last time he saw her.
Beau sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get any more sleep. He rubbed grainy eyes and then rolled out of bed, deciding to pack his stuff.
It was time to move on.
His old life was gone, and while Beau could spend the rest of his life, drowning in regrets, that wasn't what he wanted.
He hefted his bag and through it in the back of his truck, no idea where he was going. Only knowing that tomorrow would be better than today.
He took a slow, deep breath and drove off into the night.