These are basically just a collection of scenes I would have loved to put in my story, Of Astronomers and Astronauts, but couldn't because they messed with the flow of the plot. They occur in no particular order, and updates will be sporadic as I am only planning on writing them when I am a hostage of the dreaded realm of Writer's Block. Like I am now. Reviews are the ransom. I beg you to pay it. It's scary in this realm; I imagine this is what the Underworld looks like.
Of Astronomers and Astronauts: Outtakes
Scene One: Why it's a Horrible, Terrible, Really, Very Bad Idea to Piss Off Cassandra Lopez, M.D.
On the wall of a small animal rescue there was a Sign - and yes, the capital letter was very necessary. The Sign had to be specially made for the shelter, as it contained a rather uncommon message: This is an animal shelter. If you're not here about an animal, get out. We reserve the right to remove you from the premises with force, if it is so necessary.
Not many people paid much attention to the Sign.
The reason for the Sign was not because of the shelter itself, but because of a frequent volunteer to the establishment. You see, Eric Kirby, much to his chagrin, was famous. He loved the shelter and would never give it up; in fact, it was the only place he could be relied on to go to on a regular basis. However, this escape had been discovered. Several months ago, a reporter had managed to track him to this hideaway, and for several weeks afterwards the shelter was plagued with the dreaded pestilence…. Tabloid newshounds.
Then, the Sign was put up.
At first, nobody paid any attention. Then, they met the person who was reserving the right to use force.
Dr. Cassandra Lopez. The head of the shelter. The resident vet. La Jefa. The pseudo older sister to Eric Kirby. One hundred and twenty-three pounds of pure Latina fire.
She was also a registered taser owner.
People learned very quickly to pay attention to the Sign.
However, every now and then a poor, ignorant soul stumbled into the shelter with less than honorable intentions. It was such a case on one bright, February day when Eric Kirby turned the corner to the shelter, only to be greeted by the bright flash of a camera.
Eric gritted his teeth as he pushed open the door to the building and entered, followed by a trio of reporters. One would think they would learn sooner or later, but apparently not. He said nothing as he walked into the lobby; he had learned the hard way that it was better not to respond to them. Calmly, he went towards the doors to the kennels, only for one of the men to move in his path. Annoyed, Eric stopped.
"Come on, Kirby; just one interview," the reporter crowed. The man had impossibly straight, blindingly white teeth, slick black hair, a hard jaw line, and an arrogant facade that suggested he believed himself to be better looking than he actually was.
Eric just pointed to the Sign with an expectant look on his face. The man glanced disinterestedly at it once, and continued to snap pictures.
This was a mistake.
The kennel doors swung open to reveal a distinctly unimpressed Dr. Cassandra Lopez. She glanced around the group and fixed the Colgate Whitening Stripes Spokesperson with a glare. "This is a shelter is run by a private organization; you have no right to be here. Get out before I call the cops."
The leader of the gang just waved her off. "We just want a few words with the kid and we'll be off."
Cass marched over to the front desk and picked up the phone receiver. She punched in three numbers and was about to press send when the man grabbed her arm and yanked it back, hard.
"Back off, lady! I'm trying to do my job; you don't have to go calling the cops on me! We'll get our story and be out of here when we're done, no sooner."
Cass yanked her arm out of his grasp, spun around, and reached her hand into her deep, lab coat pocket. She pinned the man with one last enraged glare before she pulled out her weapon and pointed it… south. Eric winced as she gave the man a cheery smile and pulled the trigger of the taser, watching as the man collapsed to the ground, harmed in a place a man should never be harmed. Calmly, she turned towards the man's companions, ignoring his convulsing on the ground. "Drag your buddy out of here and don't come back."
Fearfully they complied, each grabbing a leg and pulling him out of the front door, their legs squeezed together protectively. In their haste, they accidently rammed their less fortunate colleague into several pieces of furniture, causing the man to groan and Eric to wince in sympathy.
Cass: 9
Press: 0
Really, you'd think they'd send out a newsletter or something about this place.
Then, Cass turned on Eric, lifting an imperious eyebrow and saying, "Don't you have work to do?"
Eric may be a little bit in love with Cass.
This chapter is dedicated to all of those people that wanted Cass to have actually tasered the reporter in the last chapter of Of Astronomers and Astronauts. You know who you are.