A/N: I wrote the first part of this long ago and as I was looking through some old stuff I found it and thought up the second part, which I just decided to write, even though I was originally going to leave it with just the first part, but it was really short..(personally, I like the first part a lot better, but the second makes it fluffy and happy which is nice too..) so anyway, here you are.
There are times when he feels as if things could have worked out. There are times when he lies awake at night next to Lisa, listening to the wind outside their bedroom window and he thinks to himself, What if I had stayed?
What if I hadn't come here?
What if I hadn't left Cas?
What if I'd tried harder to stop Sam…
But then he remembers the promise he made. Cas was there, feigning sleep in the backseat, and he knows that the angel understands why he left. He sometimes feels like Cas is watching him. He reminds himself that Cas is better wherever he is, and that he made a promise to Sam to stay with Lisa and make a new life, and that meant cutting off all ties to the hunter life, including Cas.
There are times when he wishes he could have said no. That he could have lied to his brother or broken his promise. But it's too late for that now, and he knows that.
There are times he misses Bobby. Times he misses Ellen and Jo, sometimes Cas. Times he almost misses that bastard Crowley. At least if Crowley was there he could punch the demon senseless. But most of all, he finds himself missing Sam.
He was a stubborn jackass most of the time, but a damn good hunter and damn good guy. And he misses teasing him about researching too hard or not getting laid enough or being too caught up in all the demon crap they dealt with. He misses using all the hot water at whatever dingy motel they were in and laughing at Sam's protests. He misses turning up the music loud in his car to drown out Sam when he wanted to talk about feelings. He misses sitting under the stars, beer in hand, in a comfortable silence with the kid. He misses having someone to watch his back.
Speaking of which, he misses having an angel at his beck and call sometimes, too. He knows he was selfish a lot of the time with how he treated Cas, but he also knows of the angel's devotion to him and just how many times the guy saved him and his brother. Just thinking of that blue stare of his that he could look at for hours makes his heart skip the tiniest beat.
He sighs as he stares at the ceiling. After a long moment, he turns onto his side, arm wrapping around Lisa's waist as he wishes, not for the first time, that it was Cas beside him.
The sound of fluttering wings fills the otherwise silent room for a moment. Dean's eyes snap open and he visibly tenses, ready to turn and jump out of the bed at any moment. A gentle touch finds his shoulder and he turns his head to find those damned blue eyes glowing slightly with the soft light that filtered in from the streetlamps past the window.
"Cas?" he whispers, sitting up. The angel just looks at him with a sad smile. Lisa makes a noise in her sleep and turns over, making both men glance at her. Dean slowly extricates himself from the blankets and his feet find the cold floor. "Let's talk downstairs," he breathes, eyes once again finding Cas' as he moves silently towards the door.
They make it past Ben's room and down the stairs to the kitchen where Dean pulls out two beers from the fridge and opens them as quietly as he can. Cas accepts it just as Dean asks, "So, what brings you to this side of the neighborhood, Cas?"
"You look well," the angel deflects, taking a moment to survey the room. "How long has it been?"
"Seven months," Dean replies automatically, leaning against the counter while Cas stands nearby. "You didn't answer my question."
Cas looks at him and his gaze is enough to jumpstart Dean's heartbeat. "You were thinking about me, and I had some free time, so I came."
"Free time? From what?"
"There's a war going on, Dean. I have been… trying to set things right."
"How's that working out?"
Cas sighs. "Not well."
Dean decides to drop the subject at the somber and somewhat frustrated expression on the angel's face. "Cas…" he begins, a little nervous all of a sudden.
"Yes, Dean?"
"If you… ah, if you knew I was thinking about you, does that mean you were listening to what exactly I was thinking about?" he asks. Cas tilts his head a little and Dean just takes another sip of his beer, throat feeling a bit dry.
"I was not reading your mind if that is what you're asking."
Dean sighs in relief and his smile is easy as he says, "Oh, good."
"Why? Is there something I should know?"
Cas is suddenly a lot closer to Dean, and his gaze is boring into Dean's very soul it feels like. "Uh, no?" Dean mutters, slightly flustered.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas asks, scrutinizing him with basically no regard for personal space, despite all the times Dean has reminded him of it. His eyes are narrowed in worry and his mouth, his mouth is set in a hard line of soft lips that if he leaned forwards just a few more inches…
"Fine, I'm fine." Dean's hands grip the edge of the counter, his beer now long forgotten next to him. He has no idea why he's having this reaction just because Cas is closer to him. He shouldn't be feeling the way he is, but he could just—
"If you're not well, I could—"
—kiss him.
"—go…" Cas falls silent as Dean grabs him by the tie and tugs him close, pressing their lips together in a crushing kiss. The angel seems shocked for a moment and Dean almost pulls away, but he's glad he doesn't a second later. Cas pushes him into the counter, one hand finding Dean's hip and the other steadying himself on the countertop's edge.
To say that Dean is surprised at Cas' response is a vast understatement, but he sure as hell isn't planning on putting a stop to the hard, raw movement of that mouth on his own. All he can taste is Cas and all he can feel is Cas and everything around him is just Cas and lord did he miss Cas. They continue until Dean is forced to pull away for air and he's sure things will go further unless they separate right now.
"I take it you're more than well," Cas muses softly, hands still holding Dean in place.
"Yeah," Dean pants, a breathless smile on his lips.
They both turn to look, though, when the sound of shuffling feet is heard coming towards the kitchen. "Dean?" they hear as Ben enters, yawning and rubbing at his eyes.
"Hey sport," Dean says to him as Cas moves quickly away.
"Who're you talking to?" Ben asks with a bleary gaze.
"Someone… important." He pauses as Ben tries to look around him. "Go on back to bed, you've got school in the morning," he urges, spinning the boy around by his shoulders and sending him back up the stairs.
When Dean returns to the kitchen, he finds Cas watching him with an amused expression. "I should go," he says, smile fading suddenly.
"You'll come back again, right?" Dean asks, moving closer.
Cas looks at him with unreadable eyes. "I can't promise anything, Dean."
"Try." It's more a command than a suggestion and Cas nods after a moment. Dean leans forward and he feels a little lighter when Cas closes the distance between them in another kiss. Too soon, Cas is gone, flying far away somewhere, and Dean returns to his side of the bed. But instead of staring up and missing everyone, there's a smile on his lips and a gentle feeling in his heart that he hopes will slowly overcome the hurt he still feels after everything he's been through.