Penelope sighed as she adjusted the hat on her head. While she had known that this day might someday come, she had never thought that it would happen so soon. Not when they were both so relatively young, and had so much life left to live. It seemed like only yesterday that she was making unknown advances towards her wife, and now she was preparing for her funeral.
Dave slipped into the room and came over to her side, wrapping his hand around her shoulder and squeezing it gently. Turning, she gazed up into his eyes, trying to keep from breaking down into sobs before the service had even began. "Kitten, it's time to head to the church."
"I'm not ready to go yet. I just want to stay here and pretend that the outside world doesn't exist. And before you even say it, I know that I can't stop time, that it marches ever onwards, but I don't want to admit that our love game has come to a close."
He bent and pressed his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss. "It should never have ended like this, I know. I tried so hard to save her, but I was too late. Hotch was too late."
"The unsub was just ten steps ahead of me the entire time. I refuse to say him name. I refuse to give him that kind of recognition. I refuse, Dave. Refuse!"
Penelope's voice cracked on the last word, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as she started to sob loudly. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, her heaving lungs desperate to get in enough air so that she could continue to keep breathing, to keep moving forward. Vaguely, she heard Dave murmur gently in her ear as he rubbed her back, obviously trying to comfort her. There was no comforting her, though. Not on a day like today.
"Let me text the driver and let him know that we'll be a few minutes," he finally said as he guided her over to the bed and pulled her down next to him on the mattress. Instinctively, she curled against him, her ear pressed to his chest. The rumble of his breathing soothed her a little as she struggled to regain control of her body. Finally, finally, she seemed able to stop crying, and Penelope sat up, wrapping her arms around her waist as she stared dully at the floor. "All right, Penelope. This is going to be the hardest day of your life. I'm not going to lie to you."
"I know you wouldn't. You've been through this."
"And to some extent, I'm going through it with you. She was my lover, too, once upon a time."
She stifled a little giggle as she nodded. "How do you think I found out some of the stories I know now? She loved to regale me of your exploits."
"I'm glad that she told you. She was a great storyteller." Penelope nodded as she fell back against his chest once more. "I think that I'll miss her laugh most of all. It was full and rich."
"I wish that I could hear it one more time. I think there's a snippet of it, somewhere on JJ and Will's wedding video, but I can't be certain. And it's not like I have access to that."
"You could make a copy of it."
She shrugged. "Maybe one day, when the pain isn't quite so raw. Does this pain ever go away? I mean, I know that when you lost Carolyn, you hadn't been together for quite some time, but you loved her, right?"
He sighed a little as he nodded, pressing another kiss to her head as he started to rub her arm lightly. "I never stopped loving her, either of them. And the pain changes with each passing day. There are days when I almost forget that Carolyn has passed, and it's only when I go to text her or call, that I remember she's gone. And the pain washes over me all at once."
"Does it make me a bad person for being glad that we're in the same boat?"
"It's a club I never wish you had to join, Kitten. Aaron probably knows the best what you're going through, though, due to the way he lost Hailey."
She nodded a little as she once more sat up, brushing away the tears from her cheeks. "I look awful, Dave. I couldn't put on any makeup today, not even waterproof. She liked to see my face plain when we were home, and since we're kinda sending her to her final home, I wanted to honor her one last time. But now, everyone will see how red and puffy my eyes are. But this is my sorrow, Dave. And I don't think that I want to hide it from the world."
"You shouldn't have to," he replied before lightly chucking her chin. "The world needs to learn to be okay with sorrow."
She gave him a wobbly smile as she nodded before taking a deep breath and standing up. "I think that I'm ready to head out to the church now. Her children are meeting us there, right?"
"Yes, except for Tabitha. She's actually in the car, waiting for us."
She drew in a sharp breath, narrowing her eyes a little as she shook her head. "Why didn't you tell me that sooner? I would have left right away, had I known that."
"You weren't ready to leave yet, Kitten. I knew that you had to work through a little of this sadness before you went to the church." He stroked her hair lightly, clearly trying not to mess it up, and she was grateful for the care. "Now, let's go down and continue to the church."
"Okay." She reached out for his hand, clasping it tightly as they went downstairs together. The house, which had seemed so full of life and joy just a few days ago, now seemed cavernously empty, and she wondered when that would ever change, if it ever would. "Dave?"
"Hmm?" he asked as he opened the front door, leading her over to the car.
"I don't know. I just miss my Erin."
"I miss her, too," he whispered as he opened the car door for her, allowing her to slide in next to Tabitha. Erin's youngest daughter was looking at her expectantly, and Penelope reached out for her hand, clasping it tightly.
"I almost came in and got you, Penny. You know that Mama didn't like tardiness."
"I know, Tabby-cat. I just couldn't seem to find the motivation to leave our, my, the bedroom. I can still smell her perfume on the pillow." Penelope knew that she was turning maudlin once more, and Tabitha let out a strangled breath as she cuddled into Penelope's side, slinging her arm around Penelope's waist. "I will love her until the day I die. I never thought I would settle down with anyone, and then, life brought me your mother."
"She was intrigued by you from the moment you submitted your resume. I asked her, once, what her first impression of you was, and she said that silly pink stationary. That was when she knew that even though you were a formidable hacker, you still had a sweetness about you that the world didn't extinguish. Please, don't let that man's evil extinguish your sweetness."
"I'll try, Tabby. For you, and for Erin."
And as the car drove on, she thought back to the day she started with the FBI, and Erin Strauss had came into her life.