Big Time Secret:

-Minnesota-

Logan awake alone in the Condo he shares with Carlos, normally he would hear him in the kitchen cooking and giggling about something that only he and God seem to know about. The two of them have be friends since the second grade, along with Kendall and James, but of course Kendall and he have been friends since the first grade. But for some reason unknown to him he grew very close to Carlos, the two of them would get into so much trouble together when they were younger and Carlos was there for him when he had his first heart break which is why Carlos is the only one that knows he is gay. While he and his friends were in LA doing the whole boy band thing, he secretly began to date a guy by the name of Thomas Scotchs at first everything seemed to be going great, the two of them hung out a lot but after a while Thomas became jealous of the bond he shared with his friends and he really didn't like the way Carlos would touch Logan. Logan would consentaly have to tell him that nothing was going on between him and Carlos and that Carlos was straight and that he had nothing to worry about, but it landed on deaf ears. They dated for about seven months but one night Thomas stopped by and he saw Logan and Carlos in the pool dunking each other and he filled up with some much rage that he sent his fist through a glass window before jumping back into his car a driving off. The next night when Logan went to see Thomas they got into a fight, Thomas had told him what he saw him and Carlos and how it made him feel, Logan told him that he and Carlos always played like that and it meant nothing. Thomas didn't believe him and well he did one thing that he would regret he punched Logan in the face. When Logan came back to the palmwoods he rushed into the room he shared with Carlos, lucky he wasn't there, he was out doing only god knows what with James. He buried his face in his pillow and before he knew it he was crying. It must have been three hours he stopped crying he could hear Carlos and James telling their little adventure to Kendall and his little sister Katie after awhile he could hear them laughing, normally he would have gone out there and joined them but he glanced in the mirror and noticed he had a black eye so rather then try to explain it to everyone he just stayed in his room. As he flopped back down on his bed he heard the door open which was followed by a giggle Carlos. And that was the night he came out to Carlos.

Logan walked out of his room hoping to find Carlos but he didn't instead he found Carlos' girlfriend; Michelle Anderson. "Hey Michelle, where's Carlos?" Carlos and Michelle have been dating for two years now, they met while Carlos was at an away game for the Minnesota Crocs and since then they have been together. Michelle is a short Hispanic girl with long black hair and her skin is a light white hue. She has brown eyes. "Oh Morning, Logan. Carlos went to the Ice rink." "Oh." Logan rubbed the back of his head as he yawned the sleep away, "So Logan did you work late at the hospital last night?" Michelle asked. "Yeah, it was like I was the only doctor on duty last night." Logan said. Since the band had broken up, Logan went to school and got his PHD and he is now a doctor, Carlos went on to become a NHL Player, Kendall and James remained singers but as solo artist and well James also Models and Katie as become an actress. Kendall married Jo the girl he met and dated while they were in the band and they have a two year old daughter name; Morgan. James was married to a girl named Sandra Bradly but they divorced leaving him a single father of twin boys named; Jaime and James, Jr. The only one who doesn't have someone in his life right now is Logan, sure he has dated since the whole Thomas thing but nothing serious came of his relationships on the fact that none of the guys could take not knowing when they would get to see him. "Oh by the way he did want me to tell you not to forget that Kendall and James will be arriving soon." Logan blinked his eyes in dumbness for the life of him he couldn't remember why Kendall and James were coming to Minnesota, "Do you remember why they're coming again, cause I kinda forgot." "Oh Logie, they're coming down for your mothers wedding, don't tell me you forgot about your own mother's wedding." Logan smiled, "Sorry I kinda did." "Oh Logie." She then ruffed his hair, "Well, when Carlos gets home tell him that I went with your mom to look at flowers." "Okay!" Logan shouted as she closed the door. He could remember the last time he saw Kendall and James, both he and Carlos had decided that they wanted to quit the band cause unlike Kendall and James it wasn't there dream and besides their hearts weren't into it anymore. So they told Kendall and James along with Gustavo and Kelly about their decision and they played one last concert as Big Time Rush and went their separate ways. He went back towards his room and flopped down on his bed as he slowly drafted back to sleep his mind filled up with images from the last time he spoke with Kendall and James.

-Five Years Ago-

Kendall and James are sitting by the pool at their mansion and Logan and Carlos are nowhere to be found, "Where are Logan and Carlos?" Kendall asked. "I don't know man, I haven't seem them since yesterday." James said. "I hope everything is okay with them." Kendall became worried about his friends lately both Logan and Carlos have been acting strange, they became distanced from both himself and James and at rehearsals they hardly did what they were told which enraged Gustavo and caused him to be extra hard on them and his yelling grew more and more every day. James looked up from the pool side and saw Logan and Carlos walking out of the door, "Well here they come maybe you can ask them." "Hey guys." Logan said. "Hey man where have you two been?" Kendall asked. "Listen we need to talk." Logan said. "Okay." Kendall stated, he and James climbed out of the pool and sat down in the chairs around the pool. "Okay well, me and Carlos are quitting the band." Both Kendall and James were in shock, they couldn't believe that they wanted to quit the band, they're famous and this was their dream, but then it hit Kendall this wasn't their dream, this was his and James' dream but not Logan's and Carlos'. Logan's dream was to become a doctor and Carlos wanted to play Hockey, that's when it all became clear to him that's why they have become distances with them and why they slacked off when it came to the band cause their hearts were no longer in it. "Are you sure about this?" James asked. "Yeah, I mean this was never my dream or Carlos'. I want to be doctor, I have always wanted to be a doctor." "Yeah man I want to be a pro-hockey player." Carlos said. "Well, I suppose there's nothing we can say to change your minds so if you need anything from us just give us a call, I mean hell you helped mine, our dream come true so I will do everything I can to make your dreams come true." James said, he then leaned over and hugged both of his friends. "Thanks James,but I think that my dream is something I need to do alone." Logan said, he glanced back at Kendall who wasn't making eye contact and he knew he was pissed. "Well if you need me I'll be there for you." James said, he released his friends, "Well, I need to go get changed I have to meet mom and Katie for dinner." Kendall said as he stood up and walked towards the house. They all stared at Kendall as he walked away, Logan was the only who knew he was pissed and most of all hurt, Logan and Kendall see each other as more then just friends they see each other as brothers. When Logan was a child his dad was a drunk and abusive towards him and his mother and when his father was in one of his drunken moods Logan would always run to Kendall's house and stayed there for days, he even calls Kendall's mom aunt. "What's with him?" Carlos asked. "Don't know." James stated, "So where are you gonna play hockey?" "I was thinking of going back home and play in Minnesota." Carlos said. "That's cool, so Logan where are you going to study to become a doctor?" "Here then I'm gonna move back to Minnesota and hope to get a job there." "Well, guys I'm happy for the both of you course I'll miss you but hey your following your dream." James said. "Yeah, hey I think I'm gonna go and check on Kendall." Logan stood up and headed towards the house. "Okay, see ya later!" James shouted.

Logan entered Kendall's room to find him just sitting on the end of his bed still in his wet clothes, "Ken is everything okay?" He looked up into Logan's eyes, "No." Logan walked farther into his room, "What's wrong? You left me and the guys outside without even saying anything." "What do you think is wrong, Logan?" Kendall said, "I mean you're leaving me, you're leaving the band what else could be wrong?" "Ken, listen I'm sorry but this isn't my dream, this isn't what I want to be. I never wanted to be a singer and you know that." "I know, but I just thought once you saw where this could take us you would change your mind. I mean I would have never come out here if it wasn't for you nor would I have if you couldn't." Kendall said. "Hell Logan you're the one who talked me into auditioning." "Ken, just because I'm not gonna be in the band doesn't mean this will change our relationships, you will always be my bro nothing will change that and besides dude I'm not leaving right away." Logan said. "What? What are you talking about?" Kendall asked. "I'm gonna go to school here then once I finish I'm gonna head back to Minnesota." Logan said. "Well, that's good, but still you say things won't change but I know that things will change, while you're studying me and James will be either performing or on tour and we won't be hanging out as much." Kendall said. "Ken, things will only change if you let things change, now come on, stop looking at the native and start looking at the positive." Logan gave Kendall his little boyish smile, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry bro it's just I don't want to see you go that's all." "I know Ken, but it's time I follow my dream." Logan said.

-Present Day-

Logan is brought out of his sleep with loud banging on his front door, he lazily climbed out of his bed and moaned out the banging which is still happening, "Alright already I'm coming stop with the banging!" But of course it didn't stop who ever was behind the door was gonna hear it from him, he hated to be brought of his sleep especially when he has only had about three hours of it. He swung open the door, "Enough with the damn banging!" On the other side of the door was Kendall and James with his two sons, "Hey Logan." James said. Logan's vision cleared up, "Oh hey guys, sorry." "It's okay man we should be sorry Carlos said he was gonna pick us up at the airport I guess he forgot." "Yeah I think he did." Logan stepped aside and let his friends in and his two nephews, "Hi uncle Logan." Jaime said. "Hey there." Logan side as he bent down and hugged his nephews. "Boys go put your things in the extra room." James said. "Okay, daddy." Little James said. As the boys rushed towards the room that was set up for them Kendall, James and Logan walked into the living room, "So Logan how has everything been?" Kendall asked. "Great, Carlos' hockey career is taking off. My job at the hospital is great I love what I do." "That's great man but who wouldn't enjoy saving lives everyday when they go to work." James said. "True but I can't save them all." Logan said. Kendall looked at Logan he knew something was wrong ever since childhood they could always tell when something was bothering them, Logan would try his best to hid it but he couldn't Kendall would just let him believe he did. "Logan what's wrong?" Logan smiled, "Nothing." "Logan don't lie to me I know when somethings is bothering you, so what's wrong." Kendall asked. "Seriously nothing is bothering me." Logan stated. "Logan." Kendall gave him the gaze and he knew it meant he wasn't gonna let up till he told him what was bothering him, "Okay, it's just the other day while at work a little boy was brought in and I couldn't do anything to save him." Logan said. "Oh man I'm sorry to hear that what happened?" Kendall asked. "Well, he had fallen from his roof and hit his head on a large rock." Logan said. "How old was he?" James asked. "He was 11, it's just I couldn't save him. Why couldn't I save him?" Logan began to break down in tears. Kendall wrapped his arms around him, "Hey man it's okay it's wasn't your fault." "Yeah man it's like you said you try your best to save everyone and sometimes you just can't." James said. "I know but it's just hurts so much when I can't save a child." Logan said. "And then I have to see the pain in the eyes of the parents and that hurts even more." "I know it does man but all you can do is try your hardest and hope for the best." Kendall said. "I know but it still hurts." Logan said, "Well let me go change and we can talk some more." "Okay." Both Kendall and James said. Logan walked into his room and shut the door behind him, what he had told Kendall and James was a lie, he did lose someone last night but it wasn't a little kid, it was his boyfriend or at least that's what he thought he was. For the past four months Logan was dating a guy named; Miguel Martinez, but last night he caught him cheating on him. That's the reason why Logan hasn't been able to sleep he keeps blaming himself for it cause he always seems to fall for the wrong the guy, almost every boyfriend he has had has either broken up with him or cheated on him. As he sat down on his bed he heard the door open which was then followed by Carlos' loud mouth. He quickly changed then headed out of his room to rejoin his friends, "Hey Car." Logan said. "Hey Logie, say where did Michelle go?" "Oh yeah she went with my mom to look at flowers." Logan sat down next to James while Kendall sat near the kitchen and Carlos on the sofa. " So guys what's been going on in LA and Hollywood?" Carlos asked. "Not much I just got finished with a tour and James is set to start a tour in two months." Kendall said. "Really that's great." Carlos stated. "Say guys listen I need to tell you something." Logan said. "Yeah sure bro what is it?" Kendall asked. "Well, I don't quite know how to say this but it's something that I have been hiding for years now." Logan glanced at Carlos, "I'm gay." It went silent, neither Kendall or James said anything all they did was stare at Logan. Carlos stood up, "Guys is everything okay?" James snapped back into reality, "What? Yeah man everything is cool. I kind of suspected already. I mean Logan never really goggled over girls like we did." "Bro, its cool I love you regardless." Kendall said. Logan was happy he didn't quite know how they would take it, he thought they would hate him for being gay but nope his friends loved him regardless. He glanced at Kendall and once again he saw hurt in his eyes and he knew why it was because of the fact that he hid it from him for so long.

-Later-

All the guys had went to a near by bar leaving James' twins with Michelle who actually volunteered to watch cause she knew the guys would want to celebrated and spend sometime together. "So Logan are you dating anyone?" James asked. "No not at the moment." Logan said, he then took a slip of his beer, "I was dating someone but it didn't work out like I wanted it to." "Aww sorry to hear that man." James said. "It's okay." Logan stated. "Yeah the guy was a major asshole anyways." Carlos snapped. "Car, you promised." Logan hissed at him. Both Kendall and James looked at each other, "Is there something we're missing here?" A no and yes came at them from Carlos and Logan, "Okay then why do I get the feeling there is and you just don't want to tell us Logan?" Kendall asked. "Cause there isn't." Logan said. "Yes there is Logan and you should tell them." Carlos said. "No, Car, now drop it." Logan snapped. "Logan, you can us if you want to we aren't gonna force you." James said. "Well, I think he should tell you and if he doesn't I will." Carlos said. Now Logan was enraged, "You know what Carlos fuck you." He stood up from his chair and walked outside. "Carlos what the hell man, why would you do that?" Kendall asked. "What I'm sick of his crap, I'm sick of seeing him in his depressed moods cause he just found out that his boyfriend is an asshole." Carlos said. "I get that man I wouldn't want to see him like that either but you know how emotional Logan is. You know how he gets sometimes." James said. "But you two don't see what I see, I mean his first boyfriend was back in LA when we were a band and that guy hit him, then his second boyfriend messed up his head, then there was the guy that abused him and know this guy cheated on him. I just wish he could find the right guy that would just simply love him." Carlos said.

Logan sat down on the railing of the porch of the bar, he glanced out at the starry night sky this was one of the many reasons why he was glad he moved back to Minnesota cause in LA you can't see the stars, well, not the ones in the sky anyway. He sighed as a light breeze blow by, the door of the bar slowly cricked open, "Hi." Logan turned to the sight of a guy who looked to be either his age or maybe older, he had short dark hair, he looked to be as tall as himself and he was wearing just a plain shirt and blue jeans. "Hi." "Nice night uhh?" "Yeah I love nights like this." Logan said. The guy held his hand out, "My name is River." "I'm Logan." He placed his hand in his and they shook. "So why are you out here all alone?" River asked. Logan smiled he thought that this guy was cute, "Well, I just got into a little fight with my friends." "Oh what was the fight about if you don't mind me asking." River said. "It was just something stupid I'm not even mad about it I just needed a breath of fresh air." "Ah well, you won't mind if I join you?" River asked. "Nope." Logan stated. River stood next to Logan and they began to talk, Kendall walked outside, "Hey Logan is everything okay?" Logan looked up, "Yeah I'm cool I needed some fresh air that's all." "Well, the guys were wondering if you were coming back in?" "Yeah I'm coming." Logan turned towards his new found friend, "Well it was nice to meet you River." "Yeah same here." River smiled at Logan as he turned and headed back inside with Kendall. "So who was that?" Kendall asked. "Oh just some guy I met his name is River." Logan said. "Logan, Carlos told us about your past relationships what I don't get is why you didn't just tell me, you know I would have protected you bro." "I know but I just couldn't deal with it I thought if I hid it, it would just go away and I wouldn't have it deal with it anymore." Logan said. "Logan things like that would never go away all you can do is hope that you will never have to go through something like that again and lean on your friends for support when you need it." "Thanks, Ken." Logan leaned on his shoulder, Kendall wrapped his arm around him, "Besides now I can help you find the right guy cause if I find out that any guy hits you I'll kick their ass." Logan smiled, "I know bro." They rejoined Carlos and James at the table, "Hey listen I'm sorry Logan, I didn't mean anything I said." "I know Car, it's okay." Just as all four of them downed a shot the owner of the bar stepped onto a small platform and placed a microphone up to his lips, "Good evening, is everyone having a good time." Everyone cheered, "Good well, listen we have a very special person here tonight so would you all give around of applause for the one and only River Deveruax." Everyone cheered as a young man stepped onto the stage Logan looked up and noticed that he was the guy that he had just met outside. River stepped up to the microphone, "Okay well since I don't have my band with me I guess I'll just sing without music, so here goes."