A/N: Hello, everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful day and if you're not, keep in mind that you're strong and nothing horrible lasts forever.
I wanted to take the time to write this one-shot because I genuinely believe that everyone is so caught up in the idea of being "perfect." Society tells us that we need to be "perfect," despite how everyone has a different idea as to what "perfect" means. I've been harassed for not being "perfect" before and now, I figured that it was about time to show that truly nobody is perfect. There's always going to be somebody who you think looks better, behaves better, does something better, and the list can go on forever. With that, I've decided to write this one-shot.
Summary: Everyone believes that Rachel Amber is "perfect." However, she has a dark secret that nobody knows about.
Warning: This one-shot graphically describes Anorexia and Bulimia. If either of these disorders trigger you, please proceed with caution.
Also, feel free to share your thoughts in the reviews because I love feedback and I look forward to it all the time. Don't forget to express your honest thoughts! I would really love to hear what you all think!
Enjoy the one-shot, everyone.
Rachel Amber sat by the toilet, feeling the hotness of tears already beginning to form in the corners of her eyes as she rested her head back against the wall of the graffiti-covered stall and exhaled heavily. She was already wearing her costume for "The Tempest" and every last detail, from her bare feet to the black and white paint that decorated her face and neck, looked remarkable.
The red and black outfit hugged her body, accenting her breasts and showing off her narrow waist that later expanded into the faint arch-like shape that was her hips. Random parts of the costume were purposely ripped, showing off narrow slits of Rachel's ribs, knees, and arms. They looked as fragile as lace with the bones nearly visible to the naked eye with every breath that Rachel drew in. Then, there was her legs: long and skinny like they belonged to a ballerina that refused to stop practicing for weeks.
This was the costume that Rachel had begged her mom to alter for weeks, despite how her parents declared that they didn't see any issues with it. However, Rachel wouldn't stop making her request until she felt that the costume was loose on her enough to hide all of her fat. At first, months before the play, Rachel had been thrilled to hear that "The Tempest" was going to be playing at Blackwell ... but after she heard Victoria Chase laughing among some of her friends about how it took plenty of courage to audition while still possessing plenty of baby fat, the popular girl felt like everything in her life had come to a sharp stop.
Rachel had always thought that she had a fast metabolism. She jogged three times a week and frequently watched what she ate ... but after hearing Victoria's comment and the insulting laughter from her minions, Rachel was almost surprised by how much she was bothered by the thought of still having her baby fat. After all, as Blackwell Academy's star student and the DA's daughter, Rachel was used to receiving a variety of reactions from people ... but this time was different. Her entire mindset had changed almost immediately.
A couple of tears escaped from Rachel's eyes. They were almost lifeless, staring up at a flickering light that was directly above the stall. Those weren't the eyes that would be recognized by any of her classmates or teachers ... and not even her newest, closest friend, Chloe Price. Everyone else saw joy in Rachel's eyes—genuine enthusiasm, determination, adventure, and playful sarcasm. However, what everybody was failing to realize—even Chloe and Rachel's own parents—was that she was turning the world into her stage in the most devastating way possible.
Rachel always found the time to hang out with Chloe. The two of them constantly talked about leaving Arcadia Bay together, especially since Rachel had the strong desire the explore the world and become famous. However, despite this behavior ... Rachel basked in a whole different lifestyle whenever Chloe wasn't around. She had cut out millions of models from an endless stack of magazines and stuck them to the mirror in her bathroom. All of the models wore skintight dresses and bikinis that showed off their flawless figures. Not only that, but Rachel's laptop was completely cluttered with "Pro-Ana" websites and tips that she had saved in a bunch of hidden files. Her screensaver had even been changed to a picture that said: Hungry to Bed, Hungry to Rise, Makes a Girl a Smaller Size.
At first, back when Rachel first dragged Chloe along with her to the Drama Room, Mr. Keaten had declared that she looked just as "exquisite as always." Even Dana, Blackwell's most beloved cheerleader, and Hayden, a member of the Vortex Club, bought up that she was "looking good." Unfortunately, regardless of the smile that was on Rachel's face, she couldn't stop listening to the voice that was inside of her head. It was hissing at her and laughing harshly, saying a bunch of degrading things.
"They're only saying this stuff because they feel sorry for you!"
"They truly can't stop staring at all of your fat!"
"You ass makes it look like you swallowed a bouncy house!"
"You cause an earthquake with every step that you take!"
"Don't you dare listen to them! You look like you're pregnant with an elephant!"
"You're disgusting! You'll never be 'beautiful' or 'perfect' unless you become skinny!"
Rachel jogged seven miles every night, no matter what the weather conditions were and no matter what her parents thought. She also started decreasing her amount of food, chewing everything that she put into her mouth at least twenty times in order to savor the flavor and only allowing herself to eat half of her meals. She would always throw the rest away, even if it was food that she brought home from going out to a restaurant. Not only that, but Rachel weighed herself whenever she got the chance. She would stand in front of the mirror of her bathroom, stripped down to only her underwear as she stepped on and off the scale on an endless loop. There were even nights where Rachel wouldn't be able to get herself to sleep, due to how she wanted to commit herself to yoga, jump roping, or other forms of basic exercise instead.
Typically, after running seven miles, Rachel would stop by the twenty-four hour gym and continue her workout on the treadmills, weights, and the list could go on for miles. The whole time, she would be memorizing her lines for "The Tempest" and listening to a playlist of songs that was recommended on almost all of the "Pro Ana" social pages.
Eventually, after the first two months, the DA's daughter decided to take the next step in truly becoming "perfect." She stopped eating completely and drank at least two liters of water everyday. Then, she started running right after school for at least two hours. She also continued to find the time for Chloe, casually turning down a variety of offers to go to the Two Whales Diner whenever Joyce was working. The excuses were endless: "I ate before I came," "I'm going out later with the rest of the theater members for a bite," "I feel like doing something else right now," ... and the most common one, "I'm not hungry."
Rachel almost shivered, recalling what she had made herself do a couple of nights previously. Around two in the morning, she hurried down the stairs and found herself being drawn to the kitchen. As if she were under a spell, she threw the door to the fridge open and found herself falling to her knees. Her eyes practically bulged out of their sockets as they moved over the tempting poison ... and she found her hands reaching out for it in a trembling mess like a nightmare. Then, it happened. Rachel started shoving food into her mouth, not even bothering to taste any of it as she chewed and swallowed so fast to the point where her jaws started to hurt. Cold fries, leftover brownies, half of a hamburger, a few slices of bacon pizza, a couple of apples, some pasta, and the list kept going.
When it was over, Rachel found herself rocking back and forth in the fetal position. She sat in front of the open fridge, sobbing to herself with all of the emptied boxes, bowls, and bags surrounding her. Meanwhile, her stomach preformed somersaults, begging her for even more, and the voice in her head was screaming at her.
"You fat cow! You're supposed to be a perfect goddess! But look at you now, you pathetic slob! You must be punished!"
With that, the DA's daughter picked herself up from the floor and hurried as fast as she could all the way back to her bathroom. She grabbed her toothbrush, feeling the eyes of all of those magazine models watching her as she dropped herself down to her knees and practically threw the bristles down her throat. She moved it back and forth, twisting it and gagging violently as it tickled her in the most uncomfortable manner possible. Her body twitched in a mixture of grief, disappointment, embarrassment, fear, and misery ... but after what felt like a century, Rachel felt her stomach sink as the hotness of bile rose in her throat. At last, she barfed into the toilet, spitting out thick strings of saliva and continuing to gag from the toxic taste that now coated her tongue.
However, the punishment didn't end there. In order to get rid of any leftover calories that remained inside of her, Rachel filled her bathtub with freezing water and sat in it for forty minutes. Her whole body automatically tingled and goosebumps appeared as she continued to weep, ashamed in herself for giving in. Finally, when the bath was finished, Rachel found herself squeezing in an extra hour of Pilates before going back to bed.
Rachel's whole body felt concave. She was starting to see spots whenever she exercised and her stomach would growl at even the tiniest mention of food ... but she didn't care. In her eyes, her stomach was applauding her for her strength, determination, and self-control.
Now, her hair was brittle to the touch, her skin was a complete mixture of sallow tones, and her fingernails were starting to look awfully rotten along the tips. Nonetheless, once again ... Rachel Amber didn't care. Within minutes, she was expected to walk in front of a whole audience of people to preform "The Tempest" and she still couldn't get over of how horrendously fat she thought she looked. Chubby tights, flabby arms, a protruding stomach, a massive double chin ... all of that, and much more, was what Rachel freaking Amber saw in herself.
"Come on, Rach ... listen to Ana. She knows what she's doing." Rachel murmured to herself, holding her head tiredly in her hand and sniffling in humiliation while referring to the voice that had been speaking to her for the past few months. "You need to be perfect. You need to be beautiful ... and that'll never happen unless you get rid of this overweight body. Once again, you screwed up. As soon as you saw that Mr. Keaten brought doughnuts for the theater members, you just had to be a pig and take two of them. You clearly haven't learned your lesson yet, you damn cow! It was your hand that grabbed those doughnuts, so no excuses ... and before you can go up to preform in front of all of those people, you need to get them out."
Rachel sighed heavily, trying to ignore how congested that she felt as she quickly wiped her nose with the back of her hand. After that, she repositioned herself onto her knees and hovered her head directly above the toilet. Her heart pounded stubbornly and her stomach continued to helplessly moan. At the same time, a sharp pain shot through her head like a bullet and a couple of more tears managed to preform a race down her sunken cheeks. Nonetheless, Rachel readied her fingers, positioning two of them near her mouth like a gun.
"I don't know where I'd be without you, Ana..." Rachel whispered, just barely managing to put on a faint, ill-looking smile. "Thank you for never leaving me and for helping me strive to be perfect like everyone wants me to be..."
After that, Blackwell Academy's star student dropped her jaw and stuck her fingers down her throat. She wiggled them around and almost immediately began to gag, forcing even more tears to appear in her eyes from the burning sensation. Although, after months of practicing, it didn't take long before the vomit spewed out of Rachel's throat like a waterfall and poured into the toilet. However, this time, the murky bile was accompanied by blood.
Even Rachel Amber wasn't as perfect as everyone thought that she was...
A/N: There we go, everybody!
Forgive me if I possibly ruined your views on Rachel Amber, but I felt that she would be the best person to use to describe such an issue. I actually have plenty of similarities to Rachel, especially when it comes to people claiming that I'm "perfect" without really taking the time to see that it's genuinely impossible to be "perfect." I've also struggled with my self-esteem regarding my figure in the past, despite how I've never developed an eating disorder. My point is, I actually have a strong bond with Rachel Amber and I wouldn't ever wish for her character to truly suffer with this.
I want you all to know that you're very beautiful. No matter what the models in the magazines look like and no matter what anybody tells you, you are irreplaceable and you're perfect just the way you are. If you know somebody that is struggling with an eating disorder or you're a victim of one yourself, please don't be ashamed to ask for help. You're very valuable. Never forget that. *Insert heart emoji here*
Anyway, I hope that you were all able to learn something from this one-shot and I hope that you'll be more than happy to share your thoughts with me. Once again, I appreciate feedback and I look forward to it greatly! Don't hold back, please!
With that, I believe that I've said everything that I wanted to say.
You've all been a remarkable audience.
1 Peter 3:3-4: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
Stay strong, everyone. I love you all.
Crystalteen, out. :)