Nothing comes from nothing.
A prequel to `How deep is your love`
Inspired by the song: `Something Good` from the Sound of Music
Kalinda`s POV
You watch her when she is sleeping, like you can`t believe she`s there. You have since the first time, or maybe even before, in your dreams. Sometimes you stretch out your hand and almost touch her. Feeling the heat, in magnetic waves, radiate from her skin.
Amazed, mesmerized and unbelieving, that you are allowed to do so, if you`d wish, but scared to death that she will disappear as soon as you do, just like in those dreams.
Amazed, mesmerized and unbelieving, that she is really there.
You watch her, the way her hair falls around her face, the way her face relaxes, and just as you think you have taken in every detail, you find that she has a way to surprise you. To make you feel all these FEELINGS just by means of a moan, or a way she bites her lip.
You feel things you have never allowed yourself to feel, and part of you wants to not allow you now, not here, not with THIS woman, of all people, because you know she can hurt you. But you think in a circle because the only reason she can hurt you, is because you have no defense against her. Because she makes you feel, and you can`t stop it.
You think a lot, when you watch her, that seems to be another thing you can`t stop when you are around her. The thoughts. The plans… Something you never did, you are Kalinda, you live by every breath you take. You don`t think about tomorrow, next week or even less next month. But she changed that… She changed everything.
The scariest times are when you think of what you did to deserve this, or, more accurate, to deserve her. Because you can`t come up with anything, you can't think, for the likes of you, of something that you could have to offer.
You think and you think, and you think so much and so fast, that sometimes your mind stutters. But only in the night, only when you know the rhythmic sound of her breathing is there to guide you. To comfort you.
Because there always is a time, in the silence of the night, when you think of him.
Where you can hear his voice, resounding in your head, telling you that you are nothing, that nothing can ever come of you. But his voice, more and more, is being drowned out by something, and it takes you a shameful long time to figure out it`s hers. Nothing comes from nothing, and yet she… she is here… And THAT is something…
Those are the times, when, occasionally, you give in and touch her, the softness of her hand, the curve of her hip and get surprised by the way she curls into you, the trust she puts in you.
So many sleepless nights and yet, you are not tired, quite the contrary, you feel more rested, more calm, than you can ever remember feeling.
She wakes, and stretches, witnessing the languid movements does something strange to your body. You kind of melt when you look into her sleepy eyes.
`What?`
She tries to make it sound annoyed, but the smile that lingers in her eyes and the corners of her lips betrays her.
`Alicia?`
`Yes?`
Her voice is almost as kind as her eyes, the eyes that tell you all she doesn't dare to and you are afraid to say.
But you chicken out, as you always do, afraid your dream will resolve right before your eyes, afraid she will see in the end, what HE once saw…
'Nothing…'
And you have the slightest hope, when you see the way she looks at you, that she knows what your `Nothing` means.
The End
Something Good
lyrics from The Sound Of Music:
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth
Or childhood
I must have done something . . .
Something good