When he looks at Finn, he feels hot, and his heart beats too fast, and words don't come out right, and he just feels uncomfortable. In a good sort of way that is. Or at least he thinks it's the good way. This is what young love feels like. It's awkward and hot and selfish and sometimes unfulfilled and unrequited. That's how Kurt is supposed to feel when he looks at Finn.
But when he looks at Mercedes, the warmth is all over and his heart is calm, and while he doesn't always say the right thing, he doesn't often have to wonder if she'll ever forgive him. This is the most comfortable relationship he's ever had, easier then his short, childhood relationship with his mother, or his ever-improving relationship between his dad and who he really is, or any of the friendships he used to have with the kids he'd gone to elementary school with, before they got cool and he got weird.
He likes being comfortable in this relationship. It makes him feel good about himself and about other people. But that's how best friends are supposed to make you feel. Warm and safe and always mutual and loving. This is what being a teenager and having a best friend is about.
Kurt's confused as to why he prefers his relationship with Mercedes over his feelings for Finn. He's in love with Finn, after all, and while he loves Mercedes, it's just as a friend. A best friend, but just a friend. Right?
But sometimes, when he and Mercedes are doing homework, or working on music together, he'll look up from the math problem he's struggling with or the sheet music that his fingers know by heart now, and realize that he hasn't thought of Finn in hours. That his world has completely revolved around just the two of them for this entire time, from the moment she walked into the room 'til just now when their eyes meet and she quirks her eyebrows and looks at him questioningly, but with a smile that's not at all nervous.
He just shrugs and smiles back. Kurt tries not to think that when he's with Finn, everything that Finn does reminds him of something to do with Mercedes, her smell or her laugh or some story that he remembers every detail of because it's a story about her.
And he tries to fight it, but Kurt is starting to think that maybe he thinks he's in love with the wrong person. That maybe he's not in love with the dashing, All-American, quarterback male lead. That maybe he's in love with his best friend instead.
Maybe Kurt Hummel is in love with Mercedes Jones. He doesn't think he'd mind that.
So, I have no idea where this drabble came from. The only explanation I have is that I was making Kurtcedes icons, and this drabble just kind of started writing itself in my head cause my brain is obsessed with this pairing. Enjoy!
I think I'll actually have another drabble out this week sometime, and I should actually finish the songfic that I've been working on for months soon.